the uncommercial traveller- 第53部分

commit　to　the　flames　as　soon　as　you　have　become　aware　to　what　a

towering　height　his　mad　ambition　soars。'　　At　other　times　…　periods

of　profound　mental　depression；　when　She　had　gone　out　to　balls　where

I　was　not　…　the　draft　took　the　affecting　form　of　a　paper　to　be　left

on　my　table　after　my　departure　to　the　confines　of　the　globe。　　As

thus：　　'For　Mrs。　Onowenever；　these　lines　when　the　hand　that　traces

them　shall　be　far　away。　　I　could　not　bear　the　daily　torture　of

hopelessly　loving　the　dear　one　whom　I　will　not　name。　　Broiling　on

the　coast　of　Africa；　or　congealing　on　the　shores　of　Greenland；　I　am

far　far　better　there　than　here。'　　（In　this　sentiment　my　cooler

judgment　perceives　that　the　family　of　the　beloved　object　would　have

most　completely　concurred。）　　'If　I　ever　emerge　from　obscurity；　and

my　name　is　ever　heralded　by　Fame；　it　will　be　for　her　dear　sake。　　If

I　ever　amass　Gold；　it　will　be　to　pour　it　at　her　feet。　　Should　I　on

the　other　hand　become　the　prey　of　Ravens　…　'　　I　doubt　if　I　ever

quite　made　up　my　mind　what　was　to　be　done　in　that　affecting　case；　I

tried　'then　it　is　better　so；'　but　not　feeling　convinced　that　it

would　be　better　so；　I　vacillated　between　leaving　all　else　blank；

which　looked　expressive　and　bleak；　or　winding　up　with　'Farewell！'



This　fictitious　correspondence　of　mine　is　to　blame　for　the

foregoing　digression。　　I　was　about　to　pursue　the　statement　that　on

my　twenty…first　birthday　I　gave　a　party；　and　She　was　there。　　It　was

a　beautiful　party。　　There　was　not　a　single　animate　or　inanimate

object　connected　with　it　（except　the　company　and　myself）　that　I　had

ever　seen　before。　　Everything　was　hired；　and　the　mercenaries　in

attendance　were　profound　strangers　to　me。　　Behind　a　door；　in　the

crumby　part　of　the　night　when　wine…glasses　were　to　be　found　in

unexpected　spots；　I　spoke　to　Her　…　spoke　out　to　Her。　　What　passed；

I　cannot　as　a　man　of　honour　reveal。　　She　was　all　angelical

gentleness；　but　a　word　was　mentioned　…　a　short　and　dreadful　word　of

three　letters；　beginning　with　a　B…　which；　as　I　remarked　at　the

moment；　'scorched　my　brain。'　　She　went　away　soon　afterwards；　and

when　the　hollow　throng　（though　to　be　sure　it　was　no　fault　of

theirs）　dispersed；　I　issued　forth；　with　a　dissipated　scorner；　and；

as　I　mentioned　expressly　to　him；　'sought　oblivion。'　　It　was　found；

with　a　dreadful　headache　in　it；　but　it　didn't　last；　for；　in　the

shaming　light　of　next　day's　noon；　I　raised　my　heavy　head　in　bed；

looking　back　to　the　birthdays　behind　me；　and　tracking　the　circle　by

which　I　had　got　round；　after　all；　to　the　bitter　powder　and　the

wretchedness　again。



This　reactionary　powder　（taken　so　largely　by　the　human　race　I　am

inclined　to　regard　it　as　the　Universal　Medicine　once　sought　for　in

Laboratories）　is　capable　of　being　made　up　in　another　form　for

birthday　use。　　Anybody's　long…lost　brother　will　do　ill　to　turn　up

on　a　birthday。　　If　I　had　a　long…lost　brother　I　should　know

beforehand　that　he　would　prove　a　tremendous　fraternal　failure　if　he

appointed　to　rush　into　my　arms　on　my　birthday。　　The　first　Magic

Lantern　I　ever　saw；　was　secretly　and　elaborately　planned　to　be　the

great　effect　of　a　very　juvenile　birthday；　but　it　wouldn't　act；　and

its　images　were　dim。　　My　experience　of　adult　birthday　Magic

Lanterns　may　possibly　have　been　unfortunate；　but　has　certainly　been

similar。　　I　have　an　illustrative　birthday　in　my　eye：　　a　birthday　of

my　friend　Flipfield；　whose　birthdays　had　long　been　remarkable　as

social　successes。　　There　had　been　nothing　set　or　formal　about　them；

Flipfield　having　been　accustomed　merely　to　say；　two　or　three　days

before；　'Don't　forget　to　come　and　dine；　old　boy；　according　to

custom；'　…　I　don't　know　what　he　said　to　the　ladies　he　invited；　but

I　may　safely　assume　it　NOT　to　have　been　'old　girl。'　　Those　were

delightful　gatherings；　and　were　enjoyed　by　all　participators。　　In

an　evil　hour；　a　long…lost　brother　of　Flipfield's　came　to　light　in

foreign　parts。　　Where　he　had　been　hidden；　or　what　he　had　been

doing；　I　don't　know；　for　Flipfield　vaguely　informed　me　that　he　had

turned　up　'on　the　banks　of　the　Ganges'　…　speaking　of　him　as　if　he

had　been　washed　ashore。　　The　Long…lost　was　coming　home；　and

Flipfield　made　an　unfortunate　calculation；　based　on　the　well…known

regularity　of　the　P。　and　O。　Steamers；　that　matters　might　be　so

contrived　as　that　the　Long…lost　should　appear　in　the　nick　of　time

on　his　（Flipfield's）　birthday。　　Delicacy　commanded　that　I　should

repress　the　gloomy　anticipations　with　which　my　soul　became　fraught

when　I　heard　of　this　plan。　　The　fatal　day　arrived；　and　we　assembled

in　force。　　Mrs。　Flipfield　senior　formed　an　interesting　feature　in

the　group；　with　a　blue…veined　miniature　of　the　late　Mr。　Flipfield

round　her　neck；　in　an　oval；　resembling　a　tart　from　the

pastrycook's：　　his　hair　powdered；　and　the　bright　buttons　on　his

coat；　evidently　very　like。　　She　was　accompanied　by　Miss　Flipfield；

the　eldest　of　her　numerous　family；　who　held　her　pocket…handkerchief

to　her　bosom　in　a　majestic　manner；　and　spoke　to　all　of　us　（none　of

us　had　ever　seen　her　before）；　in　pious　and　condoning　tones；　of　all

the　quarrels　that　had　taken　place　in　the　family；　from　her　infancy　…

which　must　have　been　a　long　time　ago　…　down　to　that　hour。　　The

Long…lost　did　not　appear。　　Dinner；　half　an　hour　later　than　usual；

was　announced；　and　still　no　Long…lost。　　We　sat　down　to　table。　　The

knife　and　fork　of　the　Long…lost　made　a　vacuum　in　Nature；　and　when

the　champagne　came　round　for　the　first　time；　Flipfield　gave　him　up

for　the　day；　and　had　them　removed。　　It　was　then　that　the　Long…lost

gained　the　height　of　his　popularity　with　the　company；　for　my　own

part；　I　felt　convinced　that　I　loved　him　dearly。　　Flipfield's

dinners　are　perfect；　and　he　is　the　easiest　and　best　of

entertainers。　　Dinner　went　on　brilliantly；　and　the　more　the　Long…

lost　didn't　come；　the　more　comfortable　we　grew；　and　the　more　highly

we　thought　of　him。　　Flipfield's　own　man　（who　has　a　regard　for　me）

was　in　the　act　of　struggling　with　an　ignorant　stipendiary；　to　wrest

from　him　the　wooden　leg　of　a　Guinea…fowl　which　he　was　pressing　on

my　acceptance；　and　to　substitute　a　slice　of　the　breast；　when　a

ringing　at　the　door…bell　suspended　the　strife。　　I　looked　round　me；

and　perceived　the　sudden　pallor　which　I　knew　my　own　visage

revealed；　reflected　in　the　faces　of　the　company。　　Flipfield

hurriedly　excused　himself；　went　out；　was　absent　for　about　a　minute

or　two；　and　then　re…entered　with　the　Long…lost。



I　beg　to　say　distinctly　that　if　the　stranger　had　brought　Mont　Blanc

with　him；　or　had　come　attended　by　a　retinue　of　eternal　snows；　he

could　not　have　chilled　the　circle　to　the　marrow　in　a　more　efficient

manner。　　Embodied　Failure　sat　enthroned　upon　the　Long…lost's　brow；

and　pervaded　him　to　his　Long…lost　boots。　　In　vain　Mrs。　Flipfield

senior；　opening　her　arms；　exclaimed；　'My　Tom！'　and　pressed　his　nose

against　the　counterfeit　presentment　of　his　other　parent。　　In　vain

Miss　Flipfield；　in　the　first　transports　of　this　re…union；　showed

him　a　dint　upon　her　maidenly　cheek；　and　asked　him　if　he　remembered

when　he　did　that　with　the　bellows？　　We；　the　bystanders；　were

overcome；　but　overcome　by　the　palpable；　undisguisable；　utter；　and

total　break…down　of　the　Long…lost。　　Nothing　he　could　have　done

would　have　set　him　right　with　us　but　his　instant　return　to　the

Ganges。　　In　the　very　same　moments　it　became　established　that　the

feeling　was　reciprocal；　and　that　the　Long…lost　detested　us。　　When　a

friend　of　the　family　（not　myself；　upon　my　honour）；　wishing　to　set

things　going　again；　asked　him；　while　he　partook　of　soup　…　asked　him

with　an　amiability　of　intention　beyond　all　praise；　but　with　a

weakness　of　execution　open　to　defeat　…　what　kind　of　river　he

considered　the　Ganges；　the　Long…lost；　scowling　at　the　friend　of　the

family　over　his　spoon；　as　one　of　an　abhorrent　race；　replied；　'Why；

a　river　of　water；　I　suppose；'　and　spooned　his　soup　into　himself

with　a　malignancy　of　hand　and　eye　that　blighted　the　amiable

questioner。　　Not　an　opinion　could　be　elicited　from　the　Long…lost；

in　unison　with　the　sentiments　of　any　individual　present。　　He

contradicted　Flipfield　dead；　before　he　had　eaten　his　salmon。　　He

had　no　idea　…　or　affected　to　have　no　idea　…　that　it　was　his

brother's　birthday；　and　on　the　communication　of　that　interesting

fact　to　him；　merely　wanted　to　make　him　out　four　years　older　than　he

was。　　He　was　an　antipathetical　being；　with　a　peculiar　power　and

gift　of　treading　on　everybody's　tenderest　place。　　They　talk　in

America　of　a　man's　'Platform。'　　I　should　describe　the　Platform　of

the　Long…lost　as　a　Platform　composed　of　other　people's　corns；　on

which　he　had　stumped　his　way；　with　all　his　might　and　main；　to　his

present　position。　　It　is　needless　to　add　that　Flipfield's　great

birthday　went　by　the　board；　and　that　he　was　a　wreck　when　I

pretended　at　parting　to　wish　him　many　happy　returns　of　it。



There　is　another　class　of　birthdays　at　which　I　have　so　frequently

assisted；　that　I　may　assume　such　birthd