northanger abbey- 第51部分

to　destroy　the　pleasure　of　a　meeting　with　those　she



loved　best；　even　after　an　absence　such　as　hersan



eleven　weeks'　absence。　　What　had　she　to　say　that　would



not　humble　herself　and　pain　her　family；　that　would　not



increase　her　own　grief　by　the　confession　of　it；　extend　an



useless　resentment；　and　perhaps　involve　the　innocent



with　the　guilty　in　undistinguishing　ill　will？　She　could



never　do　justice　to　Henry　and　Eleanor's　merit；　she　felt　it



too　strongly　for　expression；　and　should　a　dislike　be　taken



against　them；　should　they　be　thought　of　unfavourably；



on　their　father's　account；　it　would　cut　her　to　the　heart。　







　　　　　With　these　feelings；　she　rather　dreaded　than　sought



for　the　first　view　of　that　well…known　spire　which　would



announce　her　within　twenty　miles　of　home。　　Salisbury　she



had　known　to　be　her　point　on　leaving　Northanger；　but　after



the　first　stage　she　had　been　indebted　to　the　post…masters



for　the　names　of　the　places　which　were　then　to　conduct



her　to　it；　so　great　had　been　her　ignorance　of　her　route。　



She　met　with　nothing；　however；　to　distress　or　frighten　her。　



Her　youth；　civil　manners；　and　liberal　pay　procured　her　all



the　attention　that　a　traveller　like　herself　could　require；



and　stopping　only　to　change　horses；　she　travelled



on　for　about　eleven　hours　without　accident　or　alarm；



and　between　six　and　seven　o'clock　in　the　evening　found



herself　entering　Fullerton。　







　　　　　A　heroine　returning；　at　the　close　of　her　career；



to　her　native　village；　in　all　the　triumph　of　recovered



reputation；　and　all　the　dignity　of　a　countess；　with　a　long



train　of　noble　relations　in　their　several　phaetons；



and　three　waiting…maids　in　a　travelling　chaise　and　four；



behind　her；　is　an　event　on　which　the　pen　of　the　contriver



may　well　delight　to　dwell；　it　gives　credit　to　every



conclusion；　and　the　author　must　share　in　the　glory　she



so　liberally　bestows。　　But　my　affair　is　widely　different；



I　bring　back　my　heroine　to　her　home　in　solitude　and　disgrace；



and　no　sweet　elation　of　spirits　can　lead　me　into　minuteness。　



A　heroine　in　a　hack　post…chaise　is　such　a　blow　upon　sentiment；



as　no　attempt　at　grandeur　or　pathos　can　withstand。　



Swiftly　therefore　shall　her　post…boy　drive　through



the　village；　amid　the　gaze　of　Sunday　groups；　and　speedy



shall　be　her　descent　from　it。　







　　　　　But；　whatever　might　be　the　distress　of　Catherine's　mind；



as　she　thus　advanced　towards　the　parsonage；　and　whatever



the　humiliation　of　her　biographer　in　relating　it；



she　was　preparing　enjoyment　of　no　everyday　nature



for　those　to　whom　she　went；　first；　in　the　appearance



of　her　carriageand　secondly；　in　herself。　　The　chaise



of　a　traveller　being　a　rare　sight　in　Fullerton；　the　whole



family　were　immediately　at　the　window；　and　to　have　it



stop　at　the　sweep…gate　was　a　pleasure　to　brighten　every



eye　and　occupy　every　fancya　pleasure　quite　unlooked



for　by　all　but　the　two　youngest　children；　a　boy　and　girl



of　six　and　four　years　old；　who　expected　a　brother　or



sister　in　every　carriage。　　Happy　the　glance　that　first



distinguished　Catherine！　Happy　the　voice　that　proclaimed



the　discovery！　But　whether　such　happiness　were　the　lawful



property　of　George　or　Harriet　could　never　be　exactly　understood。　







　　　　　Her　father；　mother；　Sarah；　George；　and　Harriet；



all　assembled　at　the　door　to　welcome　her　with　affectionate



eagerness；　was　a　sight　to　awaken　the　best　feelings



of　Catherine's　heart；　and　in　the　embrace　of　each；　as　she



stepped　from　the　carriage；　she　found　herself　soothed　beyond



anything　that　she　had　believed　possible。　　So　surrounded；



so　caressed；　she　was　even　happy！　In　the　joyfulness



of　family　love　everything　for　a　short　time　was　subdued；



and　the　pleasure　of　seeing　her；　leaving　them　at　first



little　leisure　for　calm　curiosity；　they　were　all　seated



round　the　tea…table；　which　Mrs。　Morland　had　hurried



for　the　comfort　of　the　poor　traveller；　whose　pale　and



jaded　looks　soon　caught　her　notice；　before　any　inquiry



so　direct　as　to　demand　a　positive　answer　was　addressed　to　her。　







　　　　　Reluctantly；　and　with　much　hesitation；　did　she　then



begin　what　might　perhaps；　at　the　end　of　half　an　hour；



be　termed；　by　the　courtesy　of　her　hearers；　an　explanation；



but　scarcely；　within　that　time；　could　they　at　all　discover



the　cause；　or　collect　the　particulars；　of　her　sudden　return。　



They　were　far　from　being　an　irritable　race；　far　from



any　quickness　in　catching；　or　bitterness　in　resenting；



affronts：　but　here；　when　the　whole　was　unfolded；



was　an　insult　not　to　be　overlooked；　nor；　for　the　first



half　hour；　to　be　easily　pardoned。　　Without　suffering　any



romantic　alarm；　in　the　consideration　of　their　daughter's



long　and　lonely　journey；　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Morland　could



not　but　feel　that　it　might　have　been　productive　of　much



unpleasantness　to　her；　that　it　was　what　they　could　never



have　voluntarily　suffered；　and　that；　in　forcing　her　on　such



a　measure；　General　Tilney　had　acted　neither　honourably



nor　feelinglyneither　as　a　gentleman　nor　as　a　parent。　



Why　he　had　done　it；　what　could　have　provoked　him　to　such



a　breach　of　hospitality；　and　so　suddenly　turned　all　his



partial　regard　for　their　daughter　into　actual　ill　will；



was　a　matter　which　they　were　at　least　as　far　from



divining　as　Catherine　herself；　but　it　did　not　oppress



them　by　any　means　so　long；　and；　after　a　due　course



of　useless　conjecture；　that　〃it　was　a　strange　business；



and　that　he　must　be　a　very　strange　man；〃　grew　enough



for　all　their　indignation　and　wonder；　though　Sarah　indeed



still　indulged　in　the　sweets　of　incomprehensibility；



exclaiming　and　conjecturing　with　youthful　ardour。　　〃My　dear；



you　give　yourself　a　great　deal　of　needless　trouble；〃



said　her　mother　at　last；　〃depend　upon　it；　it　is　something



not　at　all　worth　understanding。〃







　　　　　〃I　can　allow　for　his　wishing　Catherine　away；



when　he　recollected　this　engagement；〃　said　Sarah；



〃but　why　not　do　it　civilly？〃







　　　　　〃I　am　sorry　for　the　young　people；〃　returned　Mrs。　Morland；



〃they　must　have　a　sad　time　of　it；　but　as　for　anything　else；



it　is　no　matter　now；　Catherine　is　safe　at　home；



and　our　comfort　does　not　depend　upon　General　Tilney。〃



Catherine　sighed。　　〃Well；〃　continued　her　philosophic　mother；



〃I　am　glad　I　did　not　know　of　your　journey　at　the　time；



but　now　it　is　an　over；　perhaps　there　is　no　great　harm　done。　



It　is　always　good　for　young　people　to　be　put　upon



exerting　themselves；　and　you　know；　my　dear　Catherine；



you　always　were　a　sad　little　shatter…brained　creature；



but　now　you　must　have　been　forced　to　have　your　wits　about　you；



with　so　much　changing　of　chaises　and　so　forth；　and　I　hope



it　will　appear　that　you　have　not　left　anything　behind　you



in　any　of　the　pockets。〃







　　　　　Catherine　hoped　so　too；　and　tried　to　feel　an　interest



in　her　own　amendment；　but　her　spirits　were　quite　worn　down；



and；　to　be　silent　and　alone　becoming　soon　her　only　wish；



she　readily　agreed　to　her　mother's　next　counsel　of　going　early



to　bed。　　Her　parents；　seeing　nothing　in　her　ill　looks　and



agitation　but　the　natural　consequence　of　mortified　feelings；



and　of　the　unusual　exertion　and　fatigue　of　such　a　journey；



parted　from　her　without　any　doubt　of　their　being　soon



slept　away；　and　though；　when　they　all　met　the　next　morning；



her　recovery　was　not　equal　to　their　hopes；　they　were　still



perfectly　unsuspicious　of　there　being　any　deeper　evil。　



They　never　once　thought　of　her　heart；　which；　for　the



parents　of　a　young　lady　of　seventeen；　just　returned



from　her　first　excursion　from　home；　was　odd　enough！







　　　　　As　soon　as　breakfast　was　over；　she　sat　down　to　fulfil



her　promise　to　Miss　Tilney；　whose　trust　in　the　effect



of　time　and　distance　on　her　friend's　disposition　was



already　justified；　for　already　did　Catherine　reproach



herself　with　having　parted　from　Eleanor　coldly；　with　having



never　enough　valued　her　merits　or　kindness；　and　never



enough　commiserated　her　for　what　she　had　been　yesterday



left　to　endure。　　The　strength　of　these　feelings；　however；



was　far　from　assisting　her　pen；　and　never　had　it　been



harder　for　her　to　write　than　in　addressing　Eleanor　Tilney。　



To　compose　a　letter　which　might　at　once　do　justice



to　her　sentiments　and　her　situation；　convey　gratitude



without　servile　regret；　be　guarded　without　coldness；



and　honest　without　resentmenta　letter　which　Eleanor



might　not　be　pained　by　the　perusal　ofand；　above　all；



which　she　might　not　blush　herself；　if　Henry　should　chance