menaced Mrs。 Reed： the same ridge； black and blasted after the
flames are dead； would have represented as meetly my subsequent
condition； when half an hour's silence and reflection had shown me the
madness of my conduct； and the dreariness of my hated and hating
position。
Something of vengeance I had tasted for the first time； as aromatic
wine it seemed； on swallowing； warm and racy： its after…flavour；
metallic and corroding； gave me a sensation as if I had been poisoned。
Willingly would I now have gone and asked Mrs。 Reed's pardon； but I
knew； partly from experience and partly from instinct； that was the
way to make her repulse me with double scorn； thereby re…exciting
every turbulent impulse of my nature。
I would fain exercise some better faculty than that of fierce
speaking； fain find nourishment for some less fiendish feeling than
that of sombre indignation。 I took a book… some Arabian tales； I sat
down and endeavoured to read。 I could make no sense of the subject； my
own thoughts swam always between me and the page I had usually found
fascinating。 I opened the glass…door in the breakfast…room： the
shrubbery was quite still： the black frost reigned； unbroken by sun or
breeze； through the grounds。 I covered my head and arms with the skirt
of my frock； and went out to walk in a part of the plantation which
was quite sequestered； but I found no pleasure in the silent trees；
the falling fir…cones； the congealed relics of autumn； russet
leaves； swept by past winds in heaps； and now stiffened together。 I
leaned against a gate； and looked into an empty field where no sheep
were feeding； where the short grass was nipped and blanched。 It was
a very grey day； a most opaque sky； 'onding on snaw；' canopied all；
thence flakes fell at intervals； which settled on the hard path and on
the hoary lea without melting。 I stood； a wretched child enough；
whispering to myself over and over again； 'What shall I do？… what
shall I do？'
All at once I heard a clear voice call； 'Miss Jane！ where are
you？ Come to lunch！'
It was Bessie； I knew well enough； but I did not stir； her light
step came tripping down the path。
'You naughty little thing！' she said。 'Why don't you come when
you are called？'
Bessie's presence； compared with the thoughts over which I had been
brooding； seemed cheerful； even though； as usual； she was somewhat
cross。 The fact is； after my conflict with and victory over Mrs。 Reed；
I was not disposed to care much for the nursemaid's transitory
anger； and I was disposed to bask in her youthful lightness of
heart。 I just put my two arms round her and said； 'Come； Bessie！ don't
scold。'
The action was more frank and fearless than any I was habituated to
indulge in： somehow it pleased her。
'You are a strange child； Miss Jane；' she said； as she looked
down at me； 'a little roving； solitary thing： and you are going to
school； I suppose？'
I nodded。
'And won't you be sorry to leave poor Bessie？'
'What does Bessie care for me？ She is always scolding me。'
'Because you're such a queer； frightened； shy little thing。 You
should be bolder。'
'What！ to get more knocks？'
'Nonsense！ But you are rather put upon； that's certain。 My mother
said； when she came to see me last week； that she would not like a
little one of her own to be in your place。… Now； come in； and I've
some good news for you。'
'I don't think you have； Bessie。'
'Child！ what do you mean？ What sorrowful eyes you fix on me！
Well； but Missis and the young ladies and Master John are going out to
tea this afternoon； and you shall have tea with me。 I'll ask cook to
bake you a little cake； and then you shall help me to look over your
drawers； for I am soon to pack your trunk。 Missis intends you to leave
Gateshead in a day or two； and you shall choose what toys you like
to take with you。'
'Bessie； you must promise not to scold me any more till I go。'
'Well； I will； but mind you are a very good girl； and don't be
afraid of me。 Don't start when I chance to speak rather sharply；
it's so provoking。'
'I don't think I shall ever be afraid of you again； Bessie； because
I have got used to you； and I shall soon have another set of people to
dread。'
'If you dread them they'll dislike you。'
'As you do； Bessie？'
'I don't dislike you； Miss： I believe I am fonder of you than of
all the others。'
'You don't show it。'
'You little sharp thing！ you've got quite a new way of talking。
What makes you so venturesome and hardy？'
'Why； I shall soon be away from you； and besides'… I was going to
say something about what had passed between me and Mrs。 Reed； but on
second thoughts I considered it better to remain silent on that head。
'And so you're glad to leave me？'
'Not at all； Bessie； indeed； just now I'm rather sorry。'
'Just now！ and rather！ How coolly my little lady says it！ I daresay
now if I were to ask you for a kiss you wouldn't give it me： you'd say
you'd rather not。'
'I'll kiss you and welcome： bend your head down。' Bessie stooped；
we mutually embraced； and I followed her into the house quite
comforted。 That afternoon lapsed in peace and harmony； and in the
evening Bessie told me some of her most enchaining stories； and sang
me some of her sweetest songs。 Even for me life had its gleams of
sunshine。
CHAPTER V
FIVE o'clock had hardly struck on the morning of the 19th of
January； when Bessie brought a candle into my closet and found me
already up and nearly dressed。 I had risen half an hour before her
entrance； and had washed my face； and put on my clothes by the light
of a half…moon just setting； whose rays streamed through the narrow
window near my crib。 I was to leave Gateshead that day by a coach
which passed the lodge gates at six A。M。 Bessie was the only person
yet risen； she had lit a fire in the nursery； where she now
proceeded to make my breakfast。 Few children can eat when excited with
the thoughts of a journey； nor could I。 Bessie； having pressed me in
vain to take a few spoonfuls of the boiled milk and bread she had
prepared for me； wrapped up some biscuits in a paper and put them into
my bag； then she helped me on with my pelisse and bonnet； and wrapping
herself in a shawl； she and I left the nursery。 As we passed Mrs。
Reed's bedroom； she said； 'Will you go in and bid Missis good…bye？'
'No； Bessie： she came to my crib last night when you were gone down
to supper； and said I need not disturb her in the morning； or my
cousins either； and she told me to remember that she had always been
my best friend； and to speak of her and be grateful to her
accordingly。'
'What did you say； Miss？'
'Nothing： I covered my face with the bedclothes； and turned from
her to the wall。'
'That was wrong； Miss Jane。'
'It was quite right； Bessie。 Your Missis has not been my friend：
she has been my foe。'
'O Miss Jane！ don't say so！'
'Good…bye to Gateshead！' cried I； as we passed through the hall and
went out at the front door。
The moon was set； and it was very dark； Bessie carried a lantern；
whose light glanced on wet steps and gravel road sodden by a recent
thaw。 Raw and chill was the winter morning： my teeth chattered as I
hastened down the drive。 There was a light in the porter's lodge： when
we reached it； we found the porter's wife just kindling her fire： my
trunk； which had been carried down the evening before； stood corded at
the door。 It wanted but a few minutes of six； and shortly after that
hour had struck； the distant roll of wheels announced the coming
coach； I went to the door and watched its lamps approach rapidly
through the gloom。
'Is she going by herself？' asked the porter's wife。
'Yes。'
'And how far is it？'
'Fifty miles。'
'What a long way！ I wonder Mrs。 Reed is not afraid to trust her
so far alone。'
The coach drew up； there it was at the gates with its four horses
and its top laden with passengers： the guard and coachman loudly urged
haste； my trunk was hoisted up； I was taken from Bessie's neck； to
which I clung with kisses。
'Be sure and take good care of her；' cried she to the guard； as
he lifted me into the inside。
'Ay； ay！' was the answer： the door was slapped to； a voice
exclaimed 'All right；' and on we drove。 Thus was I severed from Bessie
and Gateshead； thus whirled away to unknown； and； as I then deemed；
remote and mysterious regions。
I remember but little of the journey； I only know that the day
seemed to me of a preternatural length； and that we appeared to travel
over hundreds of miles of road。 We passed through several towns； and
in one； a very large one； the coach stopped； the horses were taken
out； and the passengers alighted to dine。 I was carried into an inn；
where the guard wanted me to have some dinner； but； as I had no
appetite； he left me in an immense room with a fireplace at each
end； a chandelier pendent from the ceiling； and a little red gallery
high up against the wall filled with musical instruments。 Here I
walked ab