dream days- 第4部分

suggesting　we　should　lie　in　ambush　by　the　edge　of　the　pond　and

cut　off　the　ducks　as　they　waddled　down　in　simple；　unsuspecting

single　file；　then　hunt　them　as　bisons　flying　scattered　over　the

vast　prairie。　　A　fascinating　pursuit　this；　and　strictly　illicit。　

But　Harold　would　none　of　my　overtures；　and　retreated　to　the　house

wailing　with　full　lungs。



Things　were　getting　simply　infernal。　　I　struck　out　blindly　for

the　open　country；　and　even　as　I　made　for　the　gate　a　shrill　voice

from　a　window　bade　me　keep　off　the　flower…beds。　　When　the　gate

had　swung　to　behind　me　with　a　vicious　click　I　felt　better；　and

after　ten　minutes　along　the　road　it　began　to　grow　on　me　that　some

radical　change　was　needed；　that　I　was　in　a　blind　alley；　and　that

this　intolerable　state　of　things　must　somehow　cease。　　All　that　I

could　do　I　had　already　done。　　As　well…meaning　a　fellow　as　ever

stepped　was　pounding　along　the　road　that　day；　with　an　exceeding

sore　heart；　one　who　only　wished　to　live　and　let　live；　in　touch

with　his　fellows；　and　appreciating　what　joys　life　had　to　offer。　

What　was　wanted　now　was　a　complete　change　of　environment。　　Some

where　in　the　world；　I　felt　sure；　justice　and　sympathy　still

resided。　　There　were　places　called　pampas；　for　instance；　that

sounded　well。　　League　upon　league　of　grass；　with　just　an

occasional　wild　horse；　and　not　a　relation　within　the　horizon！　　To

a　bruised　spirit　this　seemed　a　sane　and　a　healing　sort　of

existence。　　There　were　other　pleasant　corners；　again；　where　you

dived　for　pearls　and　stabbed　sharks　in　the　stomach　with　your　big

knife。　　No　relations　would　be　likely　to　come　interfering　with　you

when　thus　blissfully　occupied。　　And　yet　I　did　not　wishjust

yetto　have　done　with　relations　entirely。　　They　should　be　made

to　feel　their　position　first；　to　see　themselves　as　they　really

were；　and　to　wishwhen　it　was　too　latethat　they　had　behaved

more　properly。



Of　all　professions；　the　army　seemed　to　lend　itself　the　most

thoroughly　to　the　scheme。　　You　enlisted；　you　followed　the　drum；

you　marched；　fought；　and　ported　arms；　under　strange　skies；

through　unrecorded　years。　　At　last；　at　long　last；

your　opportunity　would　come；　when　the　horrors　of　war　were

flickering　through　the　quiet　country…side　where　you　were　cradled

and　bred；　but　where　the　memory　of　you　had　long　been　dim。　　Folk

would　run　together；　clamorous；　palsied　with　fear；　and　among　the

terror…stricken　groups　would　figure　certain　aunts。　　〃What　hope　is

left　us？〃　they　would　ask　themselves；　〃save　in　the　clemency　of　the

General；　the　mysterious；　invincible　General；　of　whom　men　tell

such　romantic　tales？〃　　And　the　army　would　march　in；　and　the　guns

would　rattle　and　leap　along　the　village　street；　and；　last　of　all；

youyou；　the　General；　the　fabled　heroyou　would　enter；　on　your

coal…black　charger；　your　pale　set　face　seamed　by　an　interesting

sabre…cut。　　And　thenbut　every　boy　has　rehearsed　this　familiar

piece　a　score　of　times。　　You　are　magnanimous；　in　finethat　goes

without　saying；　you　have　a　coal…black　horse；　and　a　sabre…cut；

and　you　can　afford　to　be　very　magnanimous。　　But　all　the　same

you　give　them　a　good　talking…to。



This　pleasant　conceit　simply　ravished　my　soul　for　some　twenty

minutes；　and　then　the　old　sense　of　injury　began　to　well　up

afresh；　and　to　call　for　new　plasters　and　soothing　syrups。　　This

time　I　took　refuge　in　happy　thoughts　of　the　sea。　　The　sea　was　my

real　sphere；　after　all。　　On　the　sea；　in　especial；　you　could

combine　distinction　with　lawlessness；　whereas　the　army　seemed　to

be　always　weighted　by　a　certain　plodding　submission　to

discipline。　　To　be　sure；　by　all　accounts；　the　life　was　at　first　a

rough　one。　　But　just　then　I　wanted　to　suffer　keenly；　I　wanted　to

be　a　poor　devil　of　a　cabin　boy；　kicked；　beaten；　and　sworn　atfor

a　time。　　Perhaps　some　hint；　some　inkling　of　my　sufferings　might

reach　their　ears。　　In　due　course　the　sloop　or　felucca　would　turn

upit　always　didthe　rakish…looking　craft；　black　of　hull；

low　in　the　water；　and　bristling　with　guns；　the　jolly　Roger

flapping　overhead；　and　myself　for　sole　commander。　　By　and　by；　as

usually　happened；　an　East　Indiaman　would　come　sailing　along　full

of　relationsnot　a　necessary　relation　would　be　missing。　　And　the

crew　should　walk　the　plank；　and　the　captain　should　dance　from　his

own　yardarm；　and　then　I　would　take　the　passengers　in　handthat

miserable　group　of　well…known　figures　cowering　on　the　quarter…

deck！and　thenand　then　the　same　old　performance：　the　air　thick

with　magnanimity。　　In　all　the　repertory　of　heroes；　none　is　more

truly　magnanimous　than　your　pirate　chief。



When　at　last　I　brought　myself　back　from　the　future　to　the　actual

present；　I　found　that　these　delectable　visions　had　helped　me　over

a　longer　stretch　of　road　than　I　had　imagined；　and　I　looked

around　and　took　my　bearings。　　To　the　right　of　me　was　a　long　low

building　of　grey　stone；　new；　and　yet　not　smugly　so；　new；　and　yet

possessing　distinction；　marked　with　a　character　that　did　not

depend　on　lichen　or　on　crumbling　semi…effacement　of　moulding　and

mullion。　　Strangers　might　have　been　puzzled　to　classify　it；　to

me；　an　explorer　from　earliest　years；　the　place　was　familiar

enough。　　Most　folk　called　it　〃The　Settlement〃；　others；　with　quite

sufficient　conciseness　for　our　neighbourhood；　spoke　of　〃them

there　fellows　up　by　Halliday's〃；　others　again；　with　a　hint　of

derision；　named　them　the　〃monks。〃　　This　last　title　I　supposed　to

be　intended　for　satire；　and　knew　to　be　fatuously　wrong。　　I　was

thoroughly　acquainted　with　monksin　booksand　well　knew　the　cut

of　their　long　frocks；　their　shaven　polls；　and　their　fascinating

big　dogs；　with　brandy…bottles　round　their　necks；　incessantly

hauling　happy　travellers　out　of　the　snow。　　The　only　dog　at　the

settlement　was　an　Irish　terrier；　and　the　good　fellows　who　owned

him；　and　were　owned　by　him；　in　common；　wore　clothes　of　the　most

nondescript　order；　and　mostly　cultivated　side…whiskers。　　I　had

wandered　up　there　one　day；　searching　（as　usual）　for　something　I

never　found；　and　had　been　taken　in　by　them　and　treated　as　friend

and　comrade。　　They　had　made　me　free　of　their　ideal　little　rooms；

full　of　books　and　pictures；　and　clean　of　the　antimacassar　taint；

they　had　shown　me　their　chapel；　high；　hushed；　and　faintly

scented；　beautiful　with　a　strange　new　beauty　born　both　of　what　it

had　and　what　it　had　notthat　too　familiar　dowdiness　of　common

places　of　worship。　　They　had　also　fed　me　in　their　dining…hall；

where　a　long　table　stood　on　trestles　plain　to　view；　and　all　the

woodwork　was　natural；　unpainted；　healthily　scrubbed；　and

redolent　of　the　forest　it　came　from。　　I　brought　away　from　that

visit；　and　kept　by　me　for　many　days；　a　sense　of　cleanness；　of　the

freshness　that　pricks　the　sensesthe　freshness　of　cool　spring

water；　and　the　large　swept　spaces　of　the　rooms；　the　red　tiles；

and　the　oaken　settles；　suggested　a　comfort　that　had　no　connexion

with　padded　upholstery。



On　this　particular　morning　I　was　in　much　too　unsociable　a　mind

for　paying　friendly　calls。　　Still；　something　in　the　aspect　of　the

place　harmonised　with　my　humour；　and　I　worked　my　way　round　to　the

back；　where　the　ground；　after　affording　level　enough　for　a

kitchen…garden；　broke　steeply　away。　　Both　the　word　Gothic　and　the

thing　itself　were　still　unknown　to　me；　yet　doubtless　the

architecture　of　the　place；　consistent　throughout；　accounted　for

its　sense　of　comradeship　in　my　hour　of　disheartenment。　　As　I

mused　there；　with　the　low；　grey；　purposeful…looking　building

before　me；　and　thought　of　my　pleasant　friends　within；　and　what

good　times　they　always　seemed　to　be　having；　and　how　they　larked

with　the　Irish　terrier；　whose　footing　was　one　of　a　perfect

equality；　I　thought　of　a　certain　look　in　their　faces；　as　if　they

had　a　common　purpose　and　a　business；　and　were　acting　under　orders

thoroughly　recognised　and　understood。　　I　remembered；　too；

something　that　Martha　had　told　me；　about　these　same　fellows　doing

〃a　power　o'　good；〃　and　other　hints　I　had　collected　vaguely；　of

renouncements；　rules；　self…denials；　and　the　like。　　Thereupon；　out

of　the　depths　of　my　morbid　soul　swam　up　a　new　and　fascinating

idea；　and　at　once　the　career　of　arms　seemed　over…acted　and　stale；

and　piracy；　as　a　profession；　flat　and　unprofitable。　　This；　then；

or　something　like　it；　should　be　my　vocation　and　my　revenge。　

A　severer　line　of　business；　perhaps；　such　as　I　had　read　of；

something　that　included　black　bread　and　a　hair…shirt。　　There

should　be　vows；　tooirrevocable；　blood　curdling　vows；　and　an

iron　grating。　　This　iron　grating　was　the　most　necessary　feature

of　all；　for　I　intended　that　on　the　other　side　of　it　my　relations

should　range　themselvesI　mentally　ran　over　the　catalogue；　and

saw　that　the　whole　gang　was　present；　all　in　their　proper　places

a　sad…eyed　row；　combined　in　tristful　appeal。　　〃We　see　our　error

now；〃　they　would　say；　〃we　were　always　dull　dogs；　slow　to　catch

especially　in　those　akin　to　usthe　finer　qualities　of　soul！　　We

misunderstood　you；　misappreciated　you；　and　we　ow