always do when an irrational moment of panic passes； what I had been so afraid of in the first place。 He was just an elderly carbon…based life…form in an elderly Dodge's pee…smelling ecosystem； looking disappointed that his offer had been refused。 Just an old man who couldn't get fortable in his truss。 What in God's name had I been afraid of？
'I thank you for the ride and even more for the offer；' I said。 'But I can go out that way'…I pointed at Pleasant Street…'and I'll have a ride in no time。'
He was quiet for a moment； then sighed and nodded。 'Ayuh； that's the best way to go；' he said。 'Stay right out of town； nobody wants to give a fella a ride in town； no one wants to slow down and get honked at。'
He was right about that； hitchhiking in town； even a small one like Gates Falls； was futile。 I guess he had spent some time riding his thumb。
'But son； are you sure？ You know what they say about a bird in the hand。'
I hesitated again。 He was right about a bird in the hand； too。 Pleasant Street became Ridge Road a mile or so west of the blinker； and Ridge Road ran through fifteen miles of woods before arriving at Route 196 on the outskirts of Lewiston。 It was almost dark； and it's always harder to get a ride at night…when headlights pick you out on a country road； you look like an escapee from Wyndham Boys' Correctional even with your hair bed and your shirt tucked in。 But I didn't want to ride with the old man anymore。 Even now； when I was safely out of his car； I thought there was something creepy about him…maybe it was just the way his voice seemed full of exclamation points。 Besides； I've always been lucky getting rides。
'I'm sure；' I said。 'And thanks again。 Really。'
'Anytime； son。 Anytime。 My wife 。 。 。' He stopped； and I saw there were tears leaking from the corners of his eyes。 I thanked him again； then slammed the door shut before he could say anything else。
I hurried across the street； my shadow appearing and disappearing in the light of the blinker。 On the far side I turned and looked back。 The Dodge was still there； parked beside Frank's Fountain & Fruits。 By the light of the blinker and the streetlight twenty feet or so beyond the car； I could see him sitting slumped over the wheel。 The thought came to me that he was dead； that I had killed him with my refusal to let him help。
Then a car came around the corner and the driver flashed his high beams at the Dodge。 This time the old man dipped his own lights； and that was how I knew he was still alive。 A moment later he pulled back into the street and piloted the Dodge slowly around the corner。 I watched until he was gone； then looked up at the moon。 It was starting to lose its orange bloat； but there was still something sinister about it。 It occurred to me that I had never heard of wishing on the moon before…the evening star； yes； but not the moon。 I wished again I could take my own wish back； as the dark drew down and I stood there at the crossroads； it was too easy to think of that story about the monkey's paw。
I walked out Pleasant Street； waving my thumb at cars that went by without even slowing。 At first there were shops and houses on both sides of the road； then the sidewalk ended and the trees closed in again； silently retaking the land。 Each time the road flooded with light； pushing my shadow out ahead of me； I'd turn around； stick out my thumb； and put what I hoped was a reassuring smile on my face。 And each time the oning car would swoosh by without slowing。 Once someone shouted out； 'Get a job； monkeymeat！' and there was laughter。
I'm not afraid of the dark…or wasn't then…but I began to be afraid I'd made a mistake by not taking the old man up on his offer to drive me straight to the hospital。 I could have made a sign reading NEED A RIDE； MOTHER SICK before starting out； but I doubted if it would have helped。 Any psycho can make a sign； after all。
I walked along； sneakers scuffing the gravelly dirt of the soft shoulder； listening to the sounds of the gathering night： a dog； far away； an owl； much closer； the sigh of a rising wind。 The sky was bright with moonlight； but I couldn't see the moon itself just now…the trees were tall here； and had blotted it out for the time being。
As I left Gates Falls farther behind； fewer cars passed me。 My decision not to take the old man up on his offer seemed more foolish with each passing minute。 I began to imagine my mother in her hospital bed； mouth turned down in a frozen sneer； losing her grip on life but trying to hold onto that increasingly slippery bark for me； not knowing I wasn't going to make it simply because I hadn't liked an old man's shrill voice； or the pissy smell of his car。
I breasted a steep hill and stepped back into moonlight again at the top。 The trees were gone on my right； replaced by a small country graveyard。 The stones gleamed in the pale light。 Something small and black was crouched beside one of them； watching me。 I took a step closer； curious。 The black thing moved and became a woodchuck。 It spared me a single reproachful red…eyed glance and was gone into the high grass。 All at once I became aware that I was very tired； in fact close to exhausted。 I had been running on pure adrenaline since Mrs。 McCurdy called five hours before； but now that was gone。 That was the bad part。 The good part was that useless sense of frantic urgency left me； at least for the time being。 I had made my choice； decided on Ridge Road instead of Route 68； and there was no sense beating myself up over it…fun is fun and done is done； my mother sometimes said。 She was full of stuff like that； little Zen aphorisms that almost made sense。 Sense or nonsense； this one forted me now。 If she was dead when I got to the hospital； that was that。 Probably she wouldn't be。 Doctor said it wasn't too bad； according to Mrs。 McCurdy； Mrs。 McCurdy had also said she was still a young woman。 A bit on the heavy side； true； and a heavy smoker in the bargain； but still young。
Meantime； I was out here in the williwags and I was suddenly tired out…my feet felt as if they had been dipped in cement。
There was a stone wall running along the road side of the cemetery； with a break in it where two ruts ran through。 I sat on the wall with my feet planted in one of these ruts。 From this position I could see a good length of Ridge Road in both directions。 When I saw headlights ing west； in the direction of Lewiston； I could walk back to the edge of the road and put my thumb out。 In the meantime I'd just sit here with my backpack in my lap and wait for some strength to e back into my legs。
A groundmist； fine and glowing； was rising out of the grass。 The trees surrounding the cemetery on three sides rustled in the rising breeze。 From beyond the graveyard came the sound of running water and the occasional plunk…plunk of a frog。 The place was beautiful and oddly soothing； like a picture in a book of romantic poems。
I looked both ways along the road。 Nothing ing； not so much as a glow on the horizon。 Putting my pack down in the wheelrut where I'd been dangling my feet； I got up and walked into the cemetery。 A lock of hair had fallen onto my brow； the wind blew it off。 The mist roiled lazily around my shoes。 The stones at the back were old； more than a few had fallen over。 The ones at the front were much newer。 I bent； hands planted on knees； to look at one which was surrounded by almost…fresh flowers。 By moonlight the name was easy to read： GEORGE STAUB。 Below it were the dates marking the brief span of George Staub's life： January 19； 1977； at one end； October 12； 1998； at the other。 That explained the flowers which had only begun to wilt； October 12th was two days ago and 1998 was just two years ago。 George's friends and relatives had stopped by to pay their respects。 Below the name and dates was something else； a brief inscription。 I leaned down further to read it …
… and stumbled back； terrified and all too aware that I was by myself； visiting a graveyard by moonlight。
Fun Is Fun and Done Is Done
was the inscription。
My mother was dead； had died perhaps at that very minute； and something had sent me a message。 Something with a thoroughly unpleasant sense of humor。
I began to back slowly toward the road； listening to the wind in the trees； listening to the stream； listening to the frog； suddenly afraid I might hear another sound； the sound of rubbing earth and tearing roots as something not quite dead reached up； groping for one of my sneakers …
My feet tangled together and I fell down； thumping my elbow on a gravestone； barely missing another with the back of my head。 I landed with a grassy thud； looking up at the moon which had just barely cleared the trees。 It was white instead of orange now； and as bright as a polished bone。
Instead of panicking me further； the fall cleared my head。 I didn't know what I'd seen； but it couldn't have been what I thought I'd seen； that kind of stuff might work in John Carpenter and Wes Craven movies； but it wasn't the stuff of real life。
Yes； okay； good； a voice whispered in my head。 And if you just walk out of here now； you can go on believing that。 You can go on believing it for the re