I have ringing in my ears； which is a bad sign。 And I feel a vibrating in my chest and abdomen。 The baby is spitting up； not really vomiting。 I am feeling dizzy。 I hope I don't lose consciousness。 The kids need me； especially the little one。 They're frightened。 I don't blame them。
I am； too。
Sitting here in the dark； it's hard to believe that a week ago my biggest problem was finding a job。 It seems almost laughable now。
But then； things never turn out the way you think they will。
HOME
DAY 1
10：04 A。M。
Things never turn out the way you think they will。
I never intended to bee a househusband。 Stay…at…home husband。 Full…time dad； whatever you want to call it…there is no good term for it。 But that's what I had bee in the last six months。 Now I was in Crate & Barrel in downtown San Jose； picking up some extra glasses； and while I was there I noticed they had a good selection of placemats。 We needed more placemats； the woven oval ones that Julia had bought a year ago were getting pretty worn； and the weave was crusted with baby food。 The trouble was； they were woven； so you couldn't wash them。 So I stopped at the display to see if they had any placemats that might be good； and I found some pale blue ones that were nice； and I got some white napkins。 And then some yellow placemats caught my eye； because they looked really bright and appealing； so I got those； too。 They didn't have six on the shelf； and I thought we'd better have six； so I asked the salesgirl to look in the back and see if they had more。 While she was gone I put the placemat on the table； and put a white dish on it； and then I put a yellow napkin next to it。 The setting looked very cheerful； and I began to think maybe I should get eight instead of six。 That was when my cell phone rang。
It was Julia。 〃Hi； hon。〃
〃Hi； Julia。 How's it going？〃 I said。 I could hear machinery in the background； a steady chugging。 Probably the vacuum pump for the electron microscope。 They had several scanning electron microscopes at her laboratory。
She said； 〃What're you doing？〃
〃Buying placemats； actually。〃
〃Where？〃
〃Crate and Barrel。〃
She laughed。 〃You the only guy there？〃
〃No 。。。〃
〃Oh； well； that's good；〃 she said。 I could tell Julia was pletely uninterested in this conversation。 Something else was on her mind。 〃Listen； I wanted to tell you； Jack； I'm really sorry； but it's going to be a late night again。〃
〃Uh…huh 。。。〃 The salesgirl came back； carrying more yellow mats。 Still holding the phone to my ear； I beckoned her over。 I held up three fingers； and she put down three more mats。 To Julia； I said； 〃Is everything all right？〃
〃Yeah； it's just crazy like normal。 We're broadcasting a demo by satellite today to the VCs in Asia and Europe； and we're having trouble with the satellite hookup at this end because the video truck they sent…oh； you don't want to know 。。。 anyway； we're going to be delayed two hours； hon。 Maybe more。 I won't get back until eight at the earliest。 Can you feed the kids and put them to bed？〃
〃No problem；〃 I said。 And it wasn't。 I was used to it。 Lately； Julia had been working very long hours。 Most nights she didn't get home until the children were asleep。 Xymos Technology； the pany she worked for； was trying to raise another round of venture capital…twenty million dollars…and there was a lot of pressure。 Especially since Xymos was developing technology in what the pany called 〃molecular manufacturing；〃 but which most people called nanotechnology。 Nano wasn't popular with the VCs…the venture capitalists…these days。 Too many VCs had been burned in the last ten years with products that were supposedly just around the corner； but then never made it out of the lab。 The VCs considered nano to be all promise； no products。
Not that Julia needed to be told that； she'd worked for two VC firms herself。 Originally trained as a child psychologist； she ended up as someone who specialized in 〃technology incubation；〃 helping fledgling technology panies get started。 （She used to joke she was still doing child psychology。） Eventually； she'd stopped advising firms and joined one of them full…time。 She was now a vice president at Xymos。
Julia said Xymos had made several breakthroughs； and was far ahead of others in the field。 She said they were just days away from a prototype mercial product。 But I took what she said with a grain of salt。
〃Listen； Jack； I want to warn you；〃 she said； in a guilty voice； 〃that Eric is going to be upset。〃
〃Why？〃
〃Well 。。。 I told him I would e to the game。〃
〃Julia； why？ We talked about making promises like this。 There's no way you can make that game。 It's at three o'clock。 Why'd you tell him you would？〃
〃I thought I could make it。〃
I sighed。 It was； I told myself； a sign of her caring。 〃Okay。 Don't worry； honey。 I'll handle it。〃
〃Thanks。 Oh； and Jack？ The placemats？ Whatever you do； just don't get yellow； okay？〃
And she hung up。
I made spaghetti for dinner because there was never an argument about spaghetti。 By eight o'clock； the two little ones were asleep； and Nicole was finishing her homework。 She was twelve； and had to be in bed by ten o'clock； though she didn't like any of her friends to know that。
The littlest one； Amanda； was just nine months。 She was starting to crawl everywhere； and to stand up holding on to things。 Eric was eight； he was a soccer kid； and liked to play all the time； when he wasn't dressing up as a knight and chasing his older sister around the house with his plastic sword。
Nicole was in a modest phase of her life； Eric liked nothing better than to grab her bra and go running around the house； shouting； 〃Nicky wears a bra…a！ Nicky wears a bra…a！〃 while Nicole； too dignified to pursue him； gritted her teeth and yelled； 〃Dad？ He's doing it again！ Dad！〃 And I would have to go chase Eric and tell him not to touch his sister's things。 This was what my life had bee。 At first； after I lost the job at MediaTronics； it was interesting to deal with sibling rivalry。 And often； it seemed； not that different from what my job had been。
At MediaTronics I had run a program division； riding herd over a group of talented young puter programmers。 At forty； I was too old to work as a programmer myself anymore； writing code is a young person's job。 So I managed the team； and it was a full…time job； like most Silicon Valley programmers； my team seemed to live in a perpetual crisis of crashed Porsches； infidelities； bad love affairs； parental hassles； and drug reactions； all superimposed on a forced…march work schedule with all…night marathons fueled by cases of Diet Coke and Sun chips。
But the work was exciting； in a cutting…edge field。 We wrote what are called distributed parallel processing or agent…based programs。 These programs model biological processes by creating virtual agents inside the puter and then letting the agents interact to solve real…world problems。 It sounds strange； but it works fine。 For example； one of our programs imitated ant foraging…how ants find the shortest path to food…to route traffic through a big telephone network。 Other programs mimicked the behavior of termites； swarming bees； and stalking lions。 It was fun； and I would probably still be there if I hadn't taken on some additional responsibilities。 In my last few months there； I'd been put in charge of security； replacing an outside tech consultant who'd had the job for two years but had failed to detect the theft of pany source code； until it turned up in a program being marketed out of Taiwan。 Actually； it was my division's source code…software for distributed processing。 That was the code that had been stolen。
We knew it was the same code； because the Easter eggs hadn't been touched。 Programmers always insert Easter eggs into their code； little nuggets that don't serve any useful purpose and are just put there for fun。 The Taiwanese pany hadn't changed any of them； they used our code wholesale。 So the keystrokes Alt…Shift…M…9 would open up a window giving the date of one of our programmers' marriage。 Clear theft。
Of course we sued； but Don Gross； the head of the pany； wanted to make sure it didn't happen again。 So he put me in charge of security； and I was angry enough about the theft to take the job。 It was only part…time； I still ran the division。 The first thing I did as security officer was to monitor workstation use。 It was pretty straightforward； these days； eighty percent of panies monitor what their workers do at terminals。 They do it by video； or they do it by recording keystrokes； or by scanning email for certain keywords 。。。 all sorts of procedures out there。
Don Gross was a tough guy； an ex…Marine who had never lost his military manner。 When I told him about the new system； he said； 〃But you're not monitoring my terminal； right？〃 Of course not； I said。 In fact； I'd set up the programs to monitor every puter in the pany； his included。 And that was how I discovered； two weeks later； that Don was having an affair with a girl in accounting； and had authorized her to have a pany car。 I went to him and said that based on emails relating to Jean in accounting； it appeared that someone unknown was having an affair with her； and that she might be getting p