grace abounding to the chief of sinners- 第24部分

317。　　Now　as　Satan　laboured　by　reproaches　and　slanders；　to　make　me　　vile　among　my　countrymen；　that；　if　possible；　my　preaching　might　be　　made　of　none　effect；　so　there　was　added　hereto；　a　long　and　tedious　　imprisonment；　that　thereby　I　might　be　frightened　from　my　service　　for　Christ；　and　the　world　terrified；　and　made　afraid　to　hear　me　　preach；　of　which　I　shall　in　the　next　place　give　you　a　brief　　account。


A　BRIEF　ACCOUNT　OF　THE　AUTHOR'S　IMPRISONMENT


318。　　Having　made　profession　of　the　glorious　gospel　of　Christ　a　　long　time；　and　preached　the　same　about　five　years；　I　was　　apprehended　at　a　meeting　of　good　people　in　the　country　（among　whom；　　had　they　let　me　alone；　I　should　have　preached　that　day；　but　they　　took　me　away　from　amongst　them）；　and　had　me　before　a　justice；　who；　　after　I　had　offered　security　for　my　appearing　at　the　next　sessions；　　yet　committed　me；　because　my　sureties　would　not　consent　to　be　bound　　that　I　should　preach　no　more　to　the　people。

319。　　At　the　sessions　after　I　was　indicted　for　an　upholder　and　　maintainer　of　unlawful　assemblies　and　conventicles；　and　for　not　　conforming　to　the　national　worship　of　the　church　of　ENGLAND；　and　　after　some　conference　there　with　the　justices；　they　taking　my　plain　　dealing　with　them　for　a　confession；　as　they　termed　it；　OF　THE　　INDICTMENT；　DID　SENTENCE　ME　TO　A　PERPETUAL　BANISHMENT；　BECAUSE　I　　REFUSED　TO　CONFORM。　　So　being　again　delivered　up　to　the　jailer's　　hands；　I　was　had　home　to　prison；　and　there　have　lain　now　complete　　twelve　years；　waiting　to　see　what　God　would　suffer　these　men　to　do　　with　me。

320。　　In　which　condition　I　have　continued　with　much　content；　　through　grace；　but　have　met　with　many　turnings　and　goings　upon　my　　heart；　both　from　the　Lord；　Satan；　and　my　own　corruptions；　by　all　　which　（glory　be　to　Jesus　Christ）　I　have　also　received　among　many　　things；　much　conviction；　instruction；　and　understanding；　of　which　　at　large　I　shall　not　here　discourse；　only　give　you　a　hint　or　two；　a　　word　that　may　stir　up　the　godly　to　bless　God；　and　to　pray　for　me；　　and　also　to　take　encouragement；　should　the　case　be　their　own　…　NOT　　TO　FEAR　WHAT　MAN　CAN　DO　UNTO　THEM。

321。　　I　never　had　in　all　my　life　so　great　an　inlet　into　the　word　of　　God　as　now：　　those　scriptures　that　I　saw　nothing　in　before；　are　　made　in　this　place　and　state　to　shine　upon　me；　Jesus　Christ　also　　was　never　more　real　and　apparent　than　now；　here　I　have　seen　and　　felt　Him　indeed：　　Oh！　that　word；　WE　HAVE　NOT　PREACHED　UNTO　YOU　　CUNNINGLY　DEVISED　FABLES；　2　Pet。　i。　16；　and　that；　GOD　RAISED　CHRIST　　FROM　THE　DEAD；　AND　GAVE　HIM　GLORY；　THAT　OUR　FAITH　AND　HOPE　MIGHT　BE　　IN　GOD　1　Pet。　i。　21；　were　blessed　words　unto　me　in　this　my　　imprisoned　condition。

322。　　These　three　or　four　scriptures　also　have　been　great　　refreshments　in　this　condition　to　me：　　John　xiv。　1…4；　John　xvi。　33；　　Col。　iii。　3；　4；　Heb。　xii。　22…24。　　So　that　sometimes　when　I　have　　been　in　the　savour　of　them；　I　have　been　able　to　laugh　at　　destruction；　AND　TO　FEAR　NEITHER　THE　HORSE　NOR　HIS　RIDER。　　I　have　　had　sweet　sights　of　the　forgiveness　of　my　sins　in　this　place；　and　　of　my　being　with　Jesus　in　another　world：　　OH！　THE　MOUNT　SION；　THE　　HEAVENLY　JERUSALEM；　THE　INNUMERABLE　COMPANY　OF　ANGELS；　AND　GOD　THE　　JUDGE　OF　ALL；　AND　THE　SPIRITS　OF　JUST　MEN　MADE　PERFECT；　AND　JESUS；　　have　been　sweet　unto　me　in　this　place：　　I　have　seen　that　here；　that　　I　am　persuaded　I　shall　never；　while　in　this　world；　be　able　to　　express：　　I　have　seen　a　truth　in　this　scripture；　WHOM　HAVING　NOT　　SEEN；　YE　LOVE；　IN　WHOM；　THOUGH　NOW　YOU　SEE　HIM　NOT；　YET　BELIEVING；　　YE　REJOICE　WITH　JOY　UNSPEAKABLE；　AND　FULL　OF　GLORY。　　1　Pet。　i。　8。

323。　　I　never　knew　what　it　was　for　God　to　stand　by　me　at　all　turns；　　and　at　every　offer　of　Satan　to　afflict　me；　etc。；　as　I　have　found　　Him　since　I　came　in　hither：　　for　look　how　fears　have　presented　　themselves；　so　have　supports　and　encouragements；　yea；　when　I　have　　started；　even　as　it　were；　at　nothing　else　but　my　shadow；　yet　God；　　as　being　very　tender　of　me；　hath　not　suffered　me　to　be　molested；　　but　would　with　one　scripture　or　another；　strengthen　me　against　all；　　insomuch　that　I　have　often　said；　WERE　IT　LAWFUL；　I　COULD　PRAY　FOR　　GREATER　TROUBLE；　FOR　THE　GREATER　COMFORT'S　SAKE。　　Eccl。　vii。　14；　2　　Cor。　i。　5。

324。　　Before　I　came　to　prison；　I　saw　what　was　coming；　and　had　　especially　two　considerations　warm　upon　my　heart；　the　first　was；　　how　to　be　able　to　encounter　death；　should　that　be　here　my　portion。　　　For　the　first　of　these；　that　scripture；　Col。　i。　11；　was　great　　information　to　me；　namely；　to　pray　to　God　TO　BE　STRENGTHENED　WITH　　ALL　MIGHT；　ACCORDING　TO　HIS　GLORIOUS　POWER；　UNTO　ALL　PATIENCE　AND　　LONG…SUFFERING　WITH　JOYFULNESS。　　I　could　seldom　go　to　prayer　before　　I　was　imprisoned；　but　for　not　so　little　as　a　year　together；　this　　sentence；　or　sweet　petition　would；　as　it　were；　thrust　itself　into　　my　mind；　and　persuade　me；　that　if　ever　I　would　go　through　long…　suffering；　I　must　have　all　patience；　especially　if　I　would　endure　　it　joyfully。

325。　　As　to　the　second　consideration；　that　saying　　（2　Cor。　i。　9）　　was　of　great　use　to　me；　BUT　WE　HAD　THE　SENTENCE　OF　DEATH　IN　　OURSELVES；　THAT　WE　SHOULD　NOT　TRUST　IN　OURSELVES；　BUT　IN　GOD；　WHICH　　RAISETH　THE　DEAD。　　By　this　scripture　I　was　made　to　see；　That　if　　ever　I　would　suffer　rightly；　I　must　first　pass　a　sentence　of　death　　upon　every　thing　that　can　properly　be　called　a　thing　of　this　life；　　even　to　reckon　myself；　my　wife；　my　children；　my　health；　my　　enjoyments；　and　all　as　dead　to　me；　and　myself　as　dead　to　them。

326。　　The　second　was　to　live　upon　God　that　is　invisible；　as　Paul　　said　in　another　place；　the　way　not　to　faint　is；　TO　LOOK　NOT　ON　THE　　THINGS　THAT　ARE　SEEN；　BUT　AT　THE　THINGS　THAT　ARE　NOT　SEEN；　FOR　THE　　THINGS　THAT　ARE　SEEN　ARE　TEMPORAL；　BUT　THE　THINGS　THAT　ARE　NOT　SEEN　　ARE　ETERNAL。　　And　thus　I　reasoned　with　myself；　if　I　provide　only　　for　a　prison；　then　the　whip　comes　at　unawares；　and　so　doth　also　the　　pillory：　　Again；　if　I　only　provide　for　these；　then　I　am　not　fit　for　　banishment。　　Further；　if　I　conclude　that　banishment　is　the　worst；　　then　if　death　comes；　I　am　surprised：　　so　that　I　see；　the　best　way　　to　go　through　sufferings；　is　to　trust　in　God　through　Christ；　as　　touching　the　world　to　come；　and　as　touching　this　world；　TO　COUNT　　THE　GRAVE　MY　HOUSE；　TO　MAKE　MY　BED　IN　DARKNESS；　TO　SAY　TO　　CORRUPTION；　THOU　ART　MY　FATHER；　AND　TO　THE　WORM；　THOU　ART　MY　MOTHER　　AND　SISTER：　　that　is；　to　familiarize　these　things　to　me。

327。　　But　notwithstanding　these　helps；　I　found　myself　a　man　and　　compassed　with　infirmities；　the　parting　with　my　wife　and　poor　　children；　hath　often　been　to　me　in　this　place；　as　the　pulling　the　　flesh　from　the　bones；　and　that　not　only　because　I　am　somewhat　too　　fond　of　these　great　mercies；　but　also　because　I　should　have　often　　brought　to　my　mind　the　many　hardships；　miseries；　and　wants　that　my　　poor　family　was　like　to　meet　with；　should　I　be　taken　from　them；　　especially　my　poor　blind　child；　who　lay　nearer　my　heart　than　all　　besides：　　Oh！　the　thoughts　of　the　hardship　I　thought　my　poor　blind　　one　might　go　under；　would　break　my　heart　to　pieces。

328。　　Poor　child！　thought　I；　what　sorrow　art　thou　like　to　have　for　　thy　portion　in　this　world！　　Thou　must　be　beaten；　must　beg；　suffer　　hunger；　cold；　nakedness；　and　a　thousand　calamities；　though　I　cannot　　now　endure　the　wind　should　blow　upon　thee。　　But　yet　recalling　　myself；　thought　I；　I　must　venture　you　all　with　God；　though　it　goeth　　to　the　quick　to　leave　you：　　Oh！　I　saw　in　this　condition　I　was　as　a　　man　who　was　pulling　down　his　house　upon　the　head　of　his　wife　and　　children；　yet；　thought　I；　I　must　do　it；　I　must　do　it：　　and　now　I　　thought　on　those　TWO　MILCH　KINE　THAT　WERE　TO　CARRY　THE　ARK　OF　GOD　　INTO　ANOTHER　COUNTRY；　AND　TO　LEAVE　THEIR　CALVES　BEHIND　THEM。　　1　　Sam。　vi。　10…12。

329。　　But　that　which　helped　me　in　this　temptation；　was　divers　　considerations；　of　which；　three　in　special　here　I　will　name；　the　　first　was　the　consideration　of　these　two　scriptures；　LEAVE　THY　　FATHERLESS　CHILDREN；　I　WILL　PRESERVE　THEM　ALIVE；　AND　LET　THY　WIDOWS　　TRUST　IN　ME：　　and　again；　THE　LORD　SAID；　VERILY　IT　SHALL　BE　WELL　　WITH　THY　REMNANT；　VERILY；　I　WILL　CAUSE　THE　ENEMY　TO　ENTREAT　THEE　　WELL　IN　THE　TIME　OF　EVIL；　AND　IN　TIME　OF　AFFLICTION。　　Jer。　xlix。　　11；　xv。　11。

330。　　I　had　also　this　consideration；　that　if　I　should　not　venture　　all　for　God；　I　engaged　God　to　take　care　of　my　concernments：　　but　if　　I　forsook　Him　and　His　ways；　for　fear　of　any　trouble　that　should　　come　to　me　or　mine；　then　I　should　not　only　falsify　my　profession；　　but　should　count　also　that　my　concernments　were　not　so　sure；　if　　left　at　God's　feet；　whilst　I　stood　to　and　for　His　name；　as　they　　would　be　if　they　were　under　my　own　care；　though　with　the　denial　of　　the　way　of　God。　　This　was　a　smarting　consideration；　and　as　spurs　　unto　my　flesh。　　That　scripture　also　greatly　helped　it　to　fasten　the　　more　upon　me；　where　Christ　prays　against　Judas；　that　God　would　　disappoint　him　in　his　selfish　thoughts；　which　moved　him　to　sell　his　　Master。　　Pray　read　it　soberly：　　Psalm　cix。　6…8；　etc。

331。　　I　had　also　another　consideration；　and　that　was；　the　dread　of　　the　torments　of　hell；　which　I　was　sure　they　must　partake　of　that　　for　fear　of　the　cross；　do　shrink　from　their　profession　of　Christ；　　His　words　and　laws　before　the　sons　of　men：　　I　thought　also　of　the　　glory　that