anted to have sex with me； to hold me in his arms。
I'd always treated Jason as lesser than a friend； young and amusing； not serious。 Jean…Claude's ardeur let me see into his heart； and I found it the most pure of any that I'd looked into in a long time。
I stared down at Nathaniel where he lay clinging to me。 I knew his heart； too。 He wanted me physically； but more； he wanted me to want him。 He wanted to belong to me in every way。 He longed for safety； a home； someone to take care of him； and to take care of。 He saw in me all the things that he'd lost over the years。 But he didn't really see me； he saw an ideal of me that he wanted。
I ran my hand down his arm； and he snuggled against me。 I looked back at Jason and let my other hand drop away from him； but it was like I pulled something out of him as it moved； his heart still beat inside my body。 We didn't have to touch for that。
The fact that Jason wanted me just for me with no ulterior motives made me want to reward him。 Made me love him just a little。 It overrode the hunger； stilled my beast； helped me think。
〃Get out； both of you； get out。〃
〃Anita； is that you？〃
〃Go； Jason； take him with you； and go。〃
〃I don't want to go；〃 Nathaniel said。
I grabbed a handful of that thick hair and raised him to his knees with it。 I expected to see fear in his eyes； or betrayal； but what I saw was eagerness。 I used his hair as a handle and drew him to me until our faces almost touched。 I felt his heart thudding； the thrill through his body as I drew him into me。 Nathaniel would never tell me no。
If someone can't tell you no； it's rape； or something like it。 The ardeur poured through me； taking my breath in a long shuddering line。 I wanted to kiss Nathaniel； to fill his mouth with my tongue。 And I knew if I did； it would be too late。
My voice came out strangled。 〃You will go when I tell you to go； now get out！〃 I released my hold on him so suddenly that he fell back against the bed。
Jason was on the other side of the bed； pulling Nathaniel away from me； pushing him towards the door。 Watching them go made me want to cry； or scream。 They were perfect for feeding。 The room was thick with mutual desire； and I was sending them away。 I could still feel their heartbeats like candy in my mouth； like a double echo of my own heart。
I covered my eyes with my hands and screamed； wordless； pain…filled。 It was as if the hunger finally realized that I was truly going to let them go。 It raged through me； tearing one ragged scream from my mouth after another； as fast as I could draw breath。 I lay on the bed in the silk sheets； writhing； screaming。 I had a sudden memory； and it wasn't mine； of this need denied； locked away in the dark where no hand could touch you； where no skin could melt into yours。 I felt the faintest edge of Jean…Claude's madness after that particular punishment。 He'd healed； but the memory was still raw。
Hands on me； holding me down。 I opened my eyes to find Nathaniel and Jason holding me down。 They each had a hand on one wrist and one leg。 They could bench press small elephants； but as my body writhed against the bed； I raised them up； made them struggle to hold me。
〃Anita； you're hurting yourself；〃 Jason said。
I looked down my body and found bloody scratches on my arms and legs。 I had to have done it； but I didn't remember doing it。 The sight of those bloody scratches calmed me； made me lie still under their hands。
〃I'm going to get something to tie you down with just until Jean…Claude rises；〃 Jason said。
I nodded； afraid to speak； afraid of what I'd say。
He told Nathaniel to hold me； but the only way one person could do that was to hold my wrists while pressing against me with his lower body。 It wasn't perfect control； but it kept me from hurting myself。
Nathaniel's hair fell around our bodies with a dry rushing sound； until I saw the world through a curtain of his hair。 The scent of him was like some warm pressure between his upraised chest and mine。 I could smell the fresh scent of blood； too。 And my beast wanted to lick the wounds； wanted to feed on my own skin； or better yet； open wounds on Nathaniel and feed off of him。 Just the thought tightened my body； made me writhe underneath him； until I'd freed my legs and he slid against me； only our clothing separating us。 He made a small sound； half…protest； half…something else。
I raised my wrists off the bed； pushing against his grip on me。 I felt his arms strain against me； forcing me back against the bed。 It shouldn't have been a struggle for him to hold me here like this。 I was gaining other things besides hunger through the marks； or the beast。 Nathaniel was still stronger than I was； I could feel that。 But there are things besides strength that count when you're struggling。 I raised my arms from the bed again； only a few inches； and he forced me down again。 But when I had enough room； I rotated my right wrist against his thumb； and my hand was free。
I raised up enough to kiss his chest； and he went very still above me。 I knew in that instant that he wouldn't try and regain control of my arm。 I bit him gently； and his breath went out in a soft； sharp sound。 I licked my way up his chest； with him still holding my left arm； his lower body still pinning mine。 I ran my tongue over his nipple and felt his breathing quicken。 I locked my mouth around his nipple and bit into the skin； the flesh underneath。 He shuddered above me； his body jerking enough that I had to be careful not to break the skin。 But I held on as he moaned above me； and when I drew back； I saw that I had left a near perfect imprint of my teeth behind。
I lay back against the bed and stared at the bite mark on his chest； with his nipple in the center of it； and a thrill went through me； a wave of pleasure at the sight of it； and a feeling of 。。。 possession。 I'd marked him。
I drew my left wrist out of his hand； and he didn't fight me。 He stayed propped above me on his arms； his hips pressed against me； his hair in a cascade around us。 He stared down at me； and his face was raw with need。 I didn't need anything else to tell me how much he wanted me to finish what I'd begun。
I raised up enough to kiss him； and his lips trembled against mine。 The kiss was long and full； and a sound came low in his throat； and he suddenly collapsed against me； his full body weight pinning me to the bed； our mouths； our arms； our bodies locked together in a warm； vanilla…scented nest of his hair； like being rolled in warm satin。 Nathaniel kissed me as if he would climb inside me through my mouth； and I opened for him； let him explore me； taste me； touch me。 It wasn't his hand underneath my top； kneading my breast； that brought me to my senses。 It was my hands down the back of his shorts； cupping the smooth curve of his buttocks。 It helped me swim back into control； to fight down the desire； the hunger。 Where the hell was Jason？ I stopped kissing Nathaniel； stopped touching him； while his hands； his mouth； explored my body。 His need was so strong； so strong。 I could not leave the bed。 I could not walk away。 I was not that strong。
〃Nathaniel； stop。〃
His mouth was on my breast through the satin of the top。 He didn't seem to hear me。
〃Nathaniel； stop！〃 I grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him away from me。 The front of the top was wet where his mouth had been。 His eyes didn't seem to focus on me。 It was as if he didn't see me at all。
〃Nathaniel； can you hear me？〃
He finally nodded。 〃Yes。〃 Anyone else would have protested being stopped； but he simply looked at me； eyes beginning to focus。 There was no resentment on his face； no anger。 He simply did what I told him to do and waited for me to say more。 I didn't understand Nathaniel； even knowing his heart's desires gave me no real understanding of him。 We were too different； but today that difference might help us。
I would not； could not have sex with Nathaniel。 But I couldn't stop pletely either。 I had to feed。 I had to sink my teeth into his flesh； had to bathe in his lust； had to。 〃Get off me。〃
He rolled onto his back； gazing up at me； lying in a pool of his hair； like a shining auburn frame around his body。 I wanted to see all of him framed against his hair； and all I had to do was drag his shorts down the curve of his hips。 The image was so strong I had to close my eyes； take deep breaths。 The need to touch him lashed through me； almost painful； as if the ardeur could force me to do it。 And maybe it could。 But I would control how I touched him。 I would control at least that much。
I opened my eyes and found him gazing up at me with those impossible lilac eyes。 〃Roll over onto your stomach；〃 I said； my voice hoarse。
He rolled over without a single question； and I was reminded how absolutely helpless he was with a dominant。 He would do what he was told； whatever he was told。 It helped steady me； to know that I had to be in charge。 I had to have some control； because he would have none。
I picked up handfuls of that thick hair and pushed it to one side like a piled beast。 I bared his back； in a clean smooth line。 He turned his head to the side and gazed at me through the film of his hair。 There was no fear in him； only a vast patience； an eagerness； and ne