〃Losing her；〃 Jacob said； 〃this is the first time I've ever seen her。 I've been with this pack for five months and this is the first time I've set eyes on your precious lupa。 We can't lose something we never had。〃
There was a lot of support for that； a lot of howls； cries of yeah； applause even。 I couldn't blame them on this one。 I stepped forward； moving until I stood alone between my allies and the throne。 Silence fell around the clearing； until you could hear the torches sizzling。
Richard stared down at me。 I could meet his eyes now。 I made sure my voice carried when I said； 〃Jacob's right。〃
Sylvie looked startled。 So did Jacob。 And there was movement behind me as people startled。 〃I haven't been much of a lupa to the Thronnos Rokke Clan； but I didn't know I was supposed to be。 I was just the Ulfric's girlfriend。 I had my hands full with the wereleopards； and I trusted Richard to take care of the wolves。 The leopards had no one but me。〃 I turned and faced the crowd。 〃I was human； not fit to be lupa； or Nimir…Ra。〃 The crowd's murmur was louder this time。
〃I don't know if you've all heard； but there was an accident in the fight that saved the swanmanes。 I may be Nimir…Ra for real in a few weeks。 We won't know for sure； but it seems likely。〃
They were quiet now； watching me； human eyes； wolf eyes； rats； leopards； but every face held intelligence； a burning concentration。 〃There's nothing I can do about that。 We'll just have to wait and see； but my leopard did not injure me on purpose。 I will stake my word of honor on that。 I'm told that Gregory stands accused of killing your lupa。〃 I raised my hands out from my body。 〃Here I stand； alive and well。 If you lose me as your lupa； it won't be because Gregory took me from you； it will be because you choose to let me go。 If that's what you want； fine。 I don't blame you。 Until tonight； until just a few minutes ago； I didn't think I was doing a very good job as Nimir…Ra； let alone trying to be human lupa。 Now； I think maybe I was wrong。 Maybe if I'd stayed around more； things would be better。 I did what I thought was right at the time。 If you don't want me as lupa； that's your right； but don't punish a fellow shapeshifter for an accident that happened during a fight where he saved me from getting my heart dug out of my chest。〃
〃A pretty speech；〃 Jacob said； 〃but we've already voted； and your leopard has to pay the price； unless you're shapeshifter enough to win him back。〃
I looked back； not at Jacob； but at Richard。 〃Richard； please。〃
He shook his head。 〃I can't undo the vote； Anita。 I would if I could。〃 He sounded tired。
I sighed。 〃Fine； how do I win Gregory back？〃
〃She needs to stop being lupa； before she can be Nimir…Ra。〃 This from Paris； who though back in the crowd； still managed to make her voice ring over the clearing。
〃I thought you voted me out as lupa；〃 I said。
〃They have；〃 Richard said； 〃but to make it official by our laws； there's a ceremony that will sever your ties to us。〃
〃Is it a long ceremony？〃 I asked。
〃It can be；〃 he said。
〃Let me get Gregory out first； then I'll do whatever lukoi ceremony you want me to do。〃
〃You have the right to refuse to step down；〃 Sylvie said。
I looked at Richard。
〃You have that right。〃 His face； his voice； were neutral as he said it。 I couldn't tell if he was happy or sad about the idea。
〃What happens if I refuse？〃
〃You'd have to defend your right to be lupa； either by one…on…one bat with any dominant that wants the job 。。。 〃 And he stopped there。
Sylvie looked at him； but it was Jacob who finished。 〃Or you can prove that you're lupa enough to keep the job by annointing the throne。〃
I just looked at him and shrugged。 〃Annointing the throne what does that mean？〃
〃You fuck the Ulfric on the throne in front of all of us。〃
I was already shaking my head。 〃Somehow I don't think either Richard or I are up to public sex。〃
〃It's a little more plicated than that；〃 Richard said。 He looked at me and there was so much in his eyes anger； pain that it hurt to hold his gaze。
〃Sex alone isn't enough。 We'd have to have a mystical connection between our beasts。〃 He was quiet； and I thought he'd finished； but he hadn't。 〃Like you have with your Nimir…Raj。〃
We stared at each other。 I couldn't think of anything good to say； but I had to say something。 〃I'm sorry。〃 My voice came out soft； almost sad。
〃Don't apologize；〃 he said。
〃Why not？〃
〃It's not your fault； it's mine。〃
That made me widen my eyes at him。 〃How so？〃
〃I should have known you'd have that kind of bond with your mate。 You're more powerful as a human than most true lupas。〃
I looked at him。 〃What are you saying； Richard？ That you wish you'd made me one of you while you had the chance？〃
He lowered his eyes as if he couldn't bear for me to see his expression anymore。 I stepped closer； close enough to touch him； close enough so that his vibrating energy spilled like a march of insects across my skin。 It made me shiver。 But I felt something else； something I'd never felt before； not with Richard。
My beast spilled over my skin and reached out like a playful kitten to swat at Richard's power。 The energies sparked against each other； and I could almost see the play of colors in my head； like flint and steel being struck against one another； except in technicolor。
I heard Richard catch his breath； his eyes were very wide。 His voice came hoarse； almost strangled。 〃Did you do that on purpose？〃
I shook my head。 I didn't trust myself to speak。 The sparks had quieted； and it was as if I were leaning against a nearly solid wall of power； his and mine； as if I could have leaned against that energy and it alone would have kept us from touching。 I finally found my voice； but it was a whisper。 〃What's happening？〃
〃The marriage of the marks； I think；〃 he said； voice almost equally soft。
I wanted so badly to reach through that power and touch him； to see if the beasts would roll through each other like they did for Micah and me。 I knew it was silly； he was wolf； and apparently I was leopard； so our beasts wouldn't recognize each other。 But I'd loved Richard for so long； and we were bound to each other by Jean…Claude's marks； and I carried a piece of his beast inside me。 I had to know。 I had to know if I could have with Richard what I had with Micah。
My hand moved through the power； and it was like shoving it into an electric socket。 The energy was so strong； it bit along my skin。 I was reaching for his shoulder； a nice neutral place to touch someone； when he rolled off the side of the throne and was suddenly standing beside it。 He'd moved so fast I couldn't follow with my eyes。 I'd seen the beginning of the movement and the end； but the middle I'd blinked and missed it。
〃No； Anita；〃 he said； 〃no； if we can't ever touch again； I don't want to feel your beast。 We may not be the same animal； but it will be more than anything we've ever had between us。 I couldn't bear it。〃
I let my hand fall to my side and stepped back far enough from the throne for him to regain his seat。 I wasn't apologizing again； but I wanted to。 I wanted to cry for both of us； or scream。 I know the universe has a sense of irony； and sometimes you get reminded just how sadistic that can be。
I would finally have to accept his furry half； because I'd have one of my own。 I could be Richard's nearly perfect lover； at long last； and we could never touch each other again。
24
RICHARD WAS SITTING on his throne again； and I was standing back far enough for him to feel safe。 Rafael； Micah； and Reece had all moved up beside me； a half…circle of kings at my back。 It should have made me feel secure。 It didn't。 I was tired； so terribly tired； so terribly sad。 Even with Micah at my back； I couldn't stop looking at Richard； couldn't stop wondering； what if。 Oh； I knew； I'd never have allowed him to make me a werewolf on purpose； but a small part of me wondered。 But I told that small part to shut up； and I got down to business。
〃I want Gregory back unharmed。 How do I do that； according to lukoi law？〃
Richard said； 〃Jacob。〃 That one word sounded as tired as I felt。
Jacob stepped forward； obviously pleased with himself。 〃Your leopard is here on our land； and we've done nothing to hide his scent trail。 If you can track him； you can take him home。〃
I raised my eyebrows at him。 〃I have to follow a scent trail like a dog？〃
〃If you were a true shapeshifter； you could do it；〃 Jacob said。
〃This isn't a fair test；〃 Rafael said。 〃She hasn't had her first change。 Most of our secondary powers don't appear until after our first full moon。〃
〃It doesn't have to be scenting；〃 Richard said； 〃but it must be something that only a shapeshifter could do。 Something that only a shifter powerful enough to truly be Nimir…Ra； or lupa； could do。〃 He was looking at me when he said it； and there was something in his eyes； something he was trying to tell me。
〃That doesn't sound very fair either；〃 Micah said。
Richard kept looking at me； willing me to understand him。 I didn't know why he didn't just drop his shields and let me see his mind。
Almost as if Richard had read my mind； he said； 〃No werewolf or wererat or wereleopard； no one can aid y