〃And？〃 I said。
〃And I have to go help her。〃
〃I don't like secrets； Micah。〃
He sighed； running his fingers through his hair。 He ripped the ponytail holder out； threw it on the floor； ran his hands through the shoulder…length curls； over and over； as if he'd been wanting to do it all night。 The movement was harsh； frantic with tension。
He looked down at me； dark brown hair in disarray around his face； eyes gleaming。 In an instant he went from being this nice； attractive man to something feral and alien。 It wasn't just the hair or the kitty…cat eyes。 His beast bubbled against my skin like boiling water。 I'd felt his power； but not like this； almost hot enough to scald。 Then I realized that I could see that heat； see it。 It flowed over him； invisible； but almost not； like something half…seen out of the corner of your eye。 I could almost see the shape of something monstrous looming around him； like heat rising off of summer pavement； a rippling thing。 I'd been around shapeshifters for years and never seen anything like it。
Merle appeared in the doorway。 〃Nimir…Raj； is anything wrong？〃
Micah turned； and I got a swimming afterimage； as if something large and almost invisible moved around and just above his body。 His voice came out low and growling。 〃Wrong； what could possibly be wrong？〃
Gina pushed past Merle。 〃We've got to go； Micah。〃
Micah put his hands up； and the afterimage moved with him。 I couldn't actually see claws and fur； just hints of it； swimming around him。 He covered his eyes with his hands； and I saw those ghostly claws go through； into； past his face。 Watching it made me dizzy； and I looked down at the tabletop to steady myself and reality。
I'd heard Marianne say she could see auras of power around people and lycanthropes； but I'd never been able to see one before。
I felt his power folding away； the heat； the skin…ruffling sensation pulling away； like the ocean going back from the shore。 I raised my face to see； and that seen…not…seen shape was gone； swallowed back into his body。
He stared down at me。 〃You look like you've seen a ghost。〃
〃You're closer than you think；〃 I said。
〃She's afraid of your power；〃 Gina said； and there was scorn in her voice。
I looked up at her。 〃I saw his aura； saw it like a white phantom around his body。〃
〃You say that like you've never seen it before；〃 Micah said。
〃I haven't； not a visual。〃
Gina took his arm； gently but firmly； and tried pulling him towards the door。 He just looked at her； and I felt his presence； his personality； for lack of a better word； like something almost touchable。 She dropped to the floor； gripping his hand； rubbing her cheek against it。 〃I meant no offense； Micah。〃
The look on his face was cold。 His power； his force began to trickle through the room again。
〃Nimir…Raj；〃 Merle said； 〃if you are going； then you must go。 If you are not going 。。。 〃 His voice was careful； almost gentle； a pitying tone of voice； and I didn't understand why。
Micah growled at Merle； I think。 Then his voice came out normal； human。 〃I know my duty as Nimir…Raj； Merle。〃
〃I would never presume to tell you the duties of a Nimir…Raj； Micah；〃 he said。
Micah suddenly looked tired again； all that energy draining away。 He helped Gina to her feet； though it looked awkward since she was more than a head taller。 〃Let's go。〃
They all turned towards the door。 〃I hope your leopard is alright；〃 I said。
Micah glanced back。 〃Would Nathaniel be； if he'd called for help？〃
I shook my head。 〃No。〃
He nodded and turned back for the door。 〃Mine either。〃 He hesitated and said without turning around； 〃I'll take Noah and Gina with me； but if it's alright I'll leave Merle and Caleb here？〃
〃Won't you need them with you？〃
He looked back； smiling。 〃I just need to pick up Violet。 I don't need muscle for that； and you might want some extra muscle。〃
〃You mean in case Jacob's people get pesky？〃
His smile widened。 〃Pesky； yeah； in case they get pesky。〃
Then they were gone into the other room； and I was left alone at the table。 Lillian came back in； her eyes narrowed。
〃What？〃 I asked。
She just shook her head。 〃None of my business。〃
〃That's right；〃 I said。
〃But if it were 。。。 〃
〃But it's not；〃 I said。
She smiled。 〃But if it were； I'd say two things。〃
〃You're going to say them anyway； aren't you？〃
〃Yes；〃 she said。
I waved her to go ahead。
〃First； it's nice to see you letting yourself follow your heart with someone new。 Second； you don't know this man very well。 Be careful who you give your heart to； Anita。〃
〃I haven't given anyone my heart； yet。〃
〃Not yet；〃 she said。
I frowned at her。 〃You do realize that you've told me to follow my heart and not to follow my heart。〃
She nodded。
〃Those are contradictory bits of advice；〃 I said。
〃I'm aware of that。〃
〃Then which piece of advice do you want me to follow？〃
〃Both； of course。〃
I shook my head。 〃Let's go save Gregory and worry about my ever…sordid love life later。〃
〃I can't promise that we'll save Gregory； Anita。〃
I held up a hand。 〃I remember the odds； doc。〃 I followed her out and into the darkened living room and tried to believe； really believe； in miracles。
29
WE DECIDED TO do it on the deck out back。 My deck backed to a couple of acres of mature woodland。 No neighbors。 No one to see us。 The deck was also twice the size of the kitchen； which was the only part of the house without carpeting。 Once a shapeshifter changed on a carpet it was either steam clean it yourself； or hire it done。 I was not the one who suggested that Gregory would ruin the carpet； it was actually Nathaniel。 He was； after all； the person most likely to be vacuuming between housekeeper visits。 I wasn't even sure I knew where the vacuum was。
Gregory was curled in the center of the deck； his head in his brother's lap； his arms wrapped around the other man's naked waist。 Only the curling yellow hair； paled by moonlight； covered Stephen's upper body。 He'd stripped to the waist in preparation for the change。 He was going to go out into the woods with his brother。 This presupposed that Gregory would survive the change。 We had a fifty…fifty chance； not bad odds； if all you were about to lose was money； but when it was someone's life； fifty…fifty just didn't sound that good。
Stephen looked up at me。 His cornflower blue eyes were silvered with moonlight。 He looked pale and ethereal。 His face was raw with emotion； his eyes held an intelligence and a demand that Stephen didn't often show。 He was submissive； fragile in every walk of his life； but in that moment he laid a demand on me with his eyes； his face； the pain that showed in the set of his shoulders； the fierce way he touched his brother； who was still huddled in his lap； just a fall of long pale curls and paler skin。 Gregory was naked in the hot summer night； and until that moment I hadn't noticed。 The nudity didn't make me think of sex； it made me think how terribly vulnerable he was。
Stephen looked up at me and asked with every line of his body； the desperation in his eyes； what he was too submissive to say out loud。 I didn't need to be telepathic to know what he wanted。 Save him； save my brother； he screamed at me from his eyes。 To say it out loud would have been redundant。
Vivian； who was as fragile as Stephen； as submissive； said it out loud anyway。 〃Please； try and call his beast； at least try before they use the drugs。〃
I looked at her； and there must have been something in my face that frightened her； because she dropped to her knees and crawled towards me。 It wasn't that graceful stalk that the leopards could do。 It was like a human crawling； awkward； slow； head down； eyes rolled up。 She was displaying the leopard version of submissive behavior； and I hated it。 Hated her feeling the need； like I was some ogre that needed placating； but I let her do it。 Richard had shown me what happened in a were…group when the dominant refused to be dominant。
She leaned against my legs； pushing her body against me； head down。 Normally； leopards would roll around my legs like huge cats； but tonight Vivian just pressed against my legs more like a frightened dog than a luxuriating cat。 I leaned over to touch her hair and heard her murmuring under her breath； so soft； 〃Please； please； please。〃 You would have had to be colder than even I was to ignore that soft pleading。
〃It's okay； Vivian； I'll try。〃
Rubbing her cheek along my jeans as she raised her head； her eyes rolled up to me； again like a frightened dog。 Vivian had always been timid around me； but I'd never seen this level of fear before。 I didn't think it was Gregory's torture that had made the difference。 I think it was the fact that I'd shot Elizabeth full of holes。 Yeah； that probably did it。 And I couldn't undermine the lesson by reassuring Vivian now that I wouldn't shoot her。 Merle and Caleb were listening； and if we were really going to bine our pards； being feared was not a bad way for me to start。
I looked across the deck and found Merle watching me。 He was still fully dressed； jeans； boots； jean jacket over bare chest； the scar showing like a flash of moonlit lightning across his stomach。 We stared at each other； and the force i