Nathaniel set the dustpan and the bucket on the table； propped the broom against a chair； and walked slowly to me。 He peered into my face； lilac eyes concerned。 〃Are you alright？〃
I started to open my mouth and lie； but a small sound came out when my lips parted； almost a whimper。 I closed my mouth tight to hold the sounds in； but the shaking got worse。 If you're too damn stubborn to let yourself cry； then your body finds other ways to let it out。
Nathaniel touched my shoulder； tentatively； as if not sure he was wele。 For some reason that made my eyes burn； my chest tighten。 I clutched my arms tight around myself； as if by holding tight I could keep the tears squeezed inside。 He started to move in； started to hug me。 I pulled away； because I knew that if he held me I'd cry。 I'd already cried once today； that was all I was allowed。 Hell； if I cried every time someone tried to kill me； I'd have drowned in my tears by now。
Nathaniel sighed。 〃If you found me like this； you'd hold me； make me feel better。 Let me do the same for you。〃
My voice came out squeezed tight。 〃I fell apart once today。 Once is enough。〃
He grabbed my arm。 Almost anyone else I'd have been watching for it； but not Nathaniel。 I thought of him as safe。 His fingers squeezed my arm； not hard enough to hurt； but hard enough to let me know he was serious。 I stopped shaking； like a switch had been thrown。 I was focused； not even close to tears。
He shook me by the arm； hard enough to have me glare at him。 〃You wouldn't take a hug。 I knew that this；〃 he squeezed the arm a little harder； 〃would help。〃
〃Let go of me； Nathaniel； now。〃 My voice was low and careful； purring with anger。 Nathaniel had never laid hands on me before in any way that was close to violent。 Underneath the anger was sadness。 He was supposed to be safe； and now he wasn't。 He was being a person； not just a submissive mess； and it hadn't occurred to me until just this moment that I might not like everything that Nathaniel would grow into。
I felt movement； as if the very air had changed current； just before Micah stepped through the doorway of the kitchen。 His hair was still wet from the shower； slicked back from his face； giving me the first real glimpse I'd ever had of that face without the curls to distract the eyes。
His face was as delicate as the rest of him。 I'd assumed the long curls only made him seem more delicate； but it was bone structure； just him。 If you could ignore the broadening of his shoulders； going down into that slender waist； the straight line of his hips； you might almost say； girl。 He wasn't really anymore feminine looking than Jean…Claude； but he was more delicately boned； slighter。 It was just easier to pull off being masculine when you were an inch away from six feet than when you were an inch away from five…feet…five。 Only one thing ruined the delicacy of his face。 His nose wasn't quite perfectly straight； it had been badly broken once upon a time and not healed quite right。 It should have ruined the near…perfection of his face； but it didn't。 It； like his eyes； seemed to add to Micah； make him more interesting； not less attractive。 Maybe I'd just had my fill of perfect men。
He'd added an oversized T…shirt to the sweatpants。 The shirt hit him at mid…thigh； which hid more of his body than it showed； but even covered； I was aware of him。 Aware of him in a way that I was aware of Richard and Jean…Claude。 I'd always assumed it was love mixed with lust； but I didn't know Micah well enough to love him。 Either pure lust felt pretty much like love； or there was more than one kind of love。 It was too confusing for me。
〃What's wrong？〃 he asked。
Nathaniel went back to his broom； bucket； and dustpan。 He picked them up and began to sweep the glass up； ignoring us。
〃Nothing； what's up？〃
He frowned at me。 〃You're both upset。〃
I shrugged。 〃We'll get over it。〃
He closed the distance between us； but the movement was too sudden after Nathaniel's grab； and I backed up。
Micah stopped； looked at me； clearly puzzled。 〃What happened？ You didn't look this spooked when the guns were out。〃
I glanced at Nathaniel； who was kneeling； sweeping glass into the dustpan。 He was studiously avoiding looking at me； at us。 〃We had a disagreement。〃
Nathaniel stiffened then； his whole body reacting to what I'd said。 He turned slowly around until he looked up at me with those flower…colored eyes。 〃That wasn't fair； Anita。 I've never disagreed with you in anything。〃
I sighed； not because he was right； but because of the hurt in his eyes。 I went to him； balanced on my heels； because I didn't dare try to kneel in the glass。 I touched his bare shoulder； the side of his face。 〃I'm sorry； Nathaniel you just caught me off guard。〃
〃Why won't you let me in； Anita； why？ I know you want to。〃
I touched his back where the bite marks had almost healed； dim reddish circles。 〃I don't let anyone in without a fight； Nathaniel。 You should know that by now。〃
〃Not everything has to be a fight；〃 he said。 His eyes were very wide； glittering。
〃For me it does。〃
He shook his head； closing his eyes； and tears trailed down his cheeks。 I helped him stand； because I was still worried about the glass。 When we were standing； I eased my arms around him until my face touched his bare skin； my mouth pressed into the hollow of his shoulder where the collarbone spoons inward。 His arms wrapped around me； held me close。 His skin was so soft； so warm。 I took a deep shaking breath。 He smelled of vanilla； like always。 I was never sure whether it was soap； shampoo； cologne； or just him。 But underneath was a ranker scent one that no perfume…maker in the world would bottle。 Something feral and far too real； the scent of leopard； of pard。
I felt Micah at my back。 I knew the feel of his body； like a line of heat before he pressed himself against me。 But his arms didn't encircle me； they touched Nathaniel。 Micah's body spooned against mine as we stood； but his hands； his arms traced mine； holding Nathaniel to us； embracing him。
Nathaniel let out a trembling breath。 A deep； rumbling sound came out of Micah's throat； and it took me a second to realize he was purring； a deep rhythm of contentment。 The purr vibrated against my back。 Nathaniel started to cry； and I heard myself say； 〃We're here； Nathaniel； we're here。〃 We're here。 Pressed into the rich vanilla of Nathaniel's skin； Micah's purr thrumming against my body； the feel of both their bodies so solid； so real； and I did cry。 I held Nathaniel； Micah held both of us； we cried； and it was okay。
43
SOMEONE CLEARED THEIR throat loudly from the doorway。 I blinked through the soft tears and found Zane standing there。 〃Sorry to interrupt； but we've got a crowd out here。〃
〃What do you mean？〃 Micah asked。
〃The swan king； his swanmanes； and pretty much at least one representative from every other wereanimal in the city； as far as I can tell。〃
Nathaniel and Micah pulled away from me。 We all rubbed at our faces； even Micah had been crying。 I wasn't sure why； maybe he was just an emotional kind of guy。 〃What do they want？〃 I asked。
〃To see you； Anita。〃
〃Why？〃
Zane shrugged。 〃The swan king won't talk to us flunkies。 He insists that he talk to Anita； and her Nimir…Raj； if she pleases。〃
Micah and I exchanged glances。 We both looked as puzzled as I felt。 〃Tell Reece that I need a bit more info before I grant an interview。 I'm a little preoccupied。〃
Zane grinned wide enough to flash his upper and lower cat fangs。 〃We deny him entrance to the house until he tells us peons what he wants。 I like it； but he won't。〃
I sighed。 〃I don't want to start a fight just because he shows up without calling。 Shit。〃 I started to walk out； but Micah caught my hand as I went by。 I turned back to look at him。
〃May your Nimir…Raj acpany you？〃
I smiled； partly because he'd asked； rather than assumed； and partly because looking at him made me smile。 I squeezed his hand； and his hand closed around mine； pressing back。 What I wanted to say was； 〃I'd love the pany；〃 what came out was； 〃Sure。〃
He smiled； and for the first time it wasn't mixed； it was just a smile。 He raised my hand to his lips and pressed his mouth against my knuckles。 The gesture reminded me of Jean…Claude。 How was it going to be to have Micah and Jean…Claude in the same room at the same time with me？
Micah frowned。 〃You don't look happy now。 Did I do something wrong？〃
I shook my head； squeezed his hand； and led him towards the living room。 He pulled me back towards him。 〃No； you thought of something that bothered you。 What was it？〃
I sighed。 〃Truth？〃
He nodded。 〃Truth。〃
〃Just wondering how awkward it's going to be when you and I are in the same room with Jean…Claude。〃
He pulled on my hand； drawing me against him。 I put a hand up to keep our bodies from touching pletely； and found his heartbeat under the palm of my hand。 Even through the cotton shirt； I could feel the thud of his body； as if his heart were naked in my hand。 I had to raise my head just a little to meet the green gold depths of his eyes。
His voice came out a little breathy。 〃I told you； I want to be your Nimir…Raj； whatever that means； whatever it takes。〃
My own voice wasn't doing