《the man who was afraid》

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the man who was afraid- 第36部分


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ovna?〃

〃It is; by God!〃 avowed Foma。

〃So; the devil knows what the result may be!〃 He stopped short; shrugged his shoulders perplexedly; waved his hand; and again began to pace the sidewalk; looking at Foma askance。 〃You'll pay for this; Foma Ignatyevich。〃

〃Will he take me to court?〃

〃Would to God he does。 He is the Vice…Governor's son…in…law;〃

〃Is that so?〃 said Foma; slowly; and made a long face。

〃Yes。 To tell the truth; he is a scoundrel and a rascal。 According to this fact I must admit; that he deserves a drubbing。 But taking into consideration the fact that the lady you defended is also〃

〃Sir!〃 said Foma; firmly; placing his hand on Ookhtishchev's shoulder; 〃I have always liked you; and you are now walking with me。 I understand it and can appreciate it。 But do not speak ill of her in my presence。 Whatever she may be in your opinion; in my opinion; she is dear to me。 To me she is the best woman。 So I am telling you frankly。 Since you are going with me; do not touch her。 I consider her good; therefore she is good。〃

There was great emotion in Foma's voice。 Ookhtishchev looked at him and said thoughtfully:

〃You are a queer man; I must confess。〃

〃I am a simple mana savage。 I have given him a thrashing and now I feel jolly; and as to the result; let come what will。'

〃I am afraid that it will result in something bad。 Do you knowto be frank; in return for your franknessI also like you; although Mm! It is rather dangerous to be with you。 Such a knightly temper may come over you and one may get a thrashing at your hands。〃

〃How so? This was but the first time。 I am not going to beat people every day; am I?〃 said Foma; confused。 His companion began to laugh。

〃What a monster you are! Listen to meit is savage to fightyou must excuse me; but it is abominable。 Yet; I must tell you; in this case you made a happy selection。 You have thrashed a rake; a cynic; a parasitea man who robbed his nephews with impunity。〃

〃Well; thank God for that!〃 said Foma with satisfaction。 〃Now I have punished him a little。〃

〃A little? Very well; let us suppose it was a little。 But listen to me; my child; permit me to give you advice。 I am a man of the law。 He; that Kayazev; is a rascal! True! But you must not thrash even a rascal; for he is a social being; under the paternal custody of the law。 You cannot touch him until he transgresses the limits of the penal code。 But even then; not you; but we; the judges; will give him his due。 While you must have patience。〃

〃And will he soon fall into your hands?〃 inquired Foma; naively。

〃It is hard to tell。 Being far from stupid; he will probably never be caught; and to the end of his days he will live with you and me in the same degree of equality before the law。 0h God; what I am telling you!〃 said Ookhtishchev; with a comical sigh。

〃Betraying secrets?〃 grinned Foma。

〃It isn't secrets; but I ought not to be frivolous。 De…e…evil! But then; this affair enlivened me。 Indeed; Nemesis is even then true to herself when she simply kicks like a horse。〃

Foma stopped suddenly; as though he had met an obstacle on his way。

〃Nemesisthe goddess of Justice;〃 babbled Ookhtishchev。 〃What's the matter with you?〃

〃And it all came about;〃 said Foma; slowly; in a dull voice; 〃because you said that she was going away。〃

〃Who?

〃Sophya Pavlovna。〃

〃Yes; she is going away。 Well?〃

He stood opposite Foma and stared at him; with a smile in his eyes。 Gordyeeff was silent; with lowered head; tapping the stone of the sidewalk with his cane。

〃Come;〃 said Ookhtishchev。

Foma started; saying indifferently:

〃Well; let her go。 And I am alone。〃 Ookhtishchev; waving his cane; began to whistle; looking at his companion。

〃Sha'n't I be able to get along without her?〃 asked Foma; looking somewhere in front of him and then; after a pause; he answered himself softly and irresolutely:

〃Of course; I shall。〃

〃Listen to me!〃 exclaimed Ookhtishchev。 〃I'll give you some good advice。 A man must be himself。 While you; you are an epic man; so to say; and the lyrical is not becoming to you。 It isn't your genre。〃

〃Speak to me more simply; sir;〃 said Foma; having listened attentively to his words。

〃More simply? Very well。 I want to say; give up thinking of this little lady。 She is poisonous food for you。〃

〃She told me the same;〃 put in Foma; gloomily。

〃She told you?〃 Ookhtishchev asked and became thoughtful。 〃Now; I'll tell you; shouldn't we perhaps go and have supper?〃

〃Let's go;〃 Foma assented。 And he suddenly roared obdurately; clinching his fists and waving them in the air: 〃Well; let us go; and I'll get wound up; I'll break loose; after all this; so you can't hold me back!〃

〃What for? We'll do it modestly。〃

〃No! wait!〃 said Foma; anxiously; seizing him by the shoulder。 〃What's that? Am I worse than other people? Everybody lives; whirls; hustles about; has his own point。 While I am weary。 Everybody is satisfied with himself。 And as to their complaining; they lie; the rascals! They are simply pretending for beauty's sake。 I have no reason to pretend。 I am a fool。 I don't understand anything; my dear fellow。 I simply wish to live! I am unable to think。 I feel disgusted; one says this; another that! Pshaw! But she; eh! If you knew。 My hope was in her。 I expected of herjust what I expected; I cannot tell; but she is the best of women! And I had so much faith in herwhen sometimes she spoke such peculiar words; all her own。 Her eyes; my dear boy; are so beautiful! 0h Lord! I was ashamed to look upon them; and as I am telling you; she would say a few words; and everything would become clear to me。 For I did not come to her with love aloneI came to her with all my soul! I soughtI thought that since she was so beautiful; consequently; I might become a man by her side!〃

Ookhtishchev listened to the painful; unconnected words that burst from his companion's lips。 He saw how the muscles of his face contracted with the effort to express his thoughts; and he felt that behind this bombast there was a great; serious grief。 There was something intensely pathetic in the powerlessness of this strong and savage youth; who suddenly started to pace the sidewalk with big; uneven steps。 Skipping along after him with his short legs; Ookhtishchev felt it his duty somehow to calm Foma。 Everything Foma had said and done that evening awakened in the jolly secretary a feeling of lively curiosity toward Foma; and then he felt flattered by the frankness of the young millionaire。 This frankness confused him with its dark power; he was disconcerted by its pressure; and though; in spite of his youth; he had a stock of words ready for all occasions in life; it took him quite awhile to recall them。

〃I feel that everything is dark and narrow about me;〃 said Gordyeeff。 〃I feel that a burden is falling on my shoulders; but what it is I cannot understand! It puts a restraint on me; and it checks the freedom of my movements along the road of life。 Listening to people; you hear that each says a different thing。 But she could have said〃

〃Eh; my dear boy!〃 Ookhtishchev interrupted Foma; gently taking his arm。 〃That isn't right! You have just started to live and already you are philosophizing! No; that is not right! Life is given us to live! Which meanslive and let others live。 That's the philosophy! And that woman。 Bah! Is she then the only one in the world? The world is large enough。 If you wish; I'll introduce you to such a virile woman; that even the slightest trace of your philosophy would at once vanish from your soul! Oh; a remarkable woman! And how well she knows how to avail herself of life! Do you know; there's also something epic about her? She is beautiful; a Phryne; I may say; and what a match she would be to you! Ah; devil! It is really a splendid idea。 I'll make you acquainted with her! We must drive one nail out with another。〃

〃My conscience does not allow it;〃 said Foma; sadly and sternly。 〃So long as she is alive; I cannot even look at women。〃

〃Such a robust and healthy young man。 Ho; ho!〃 exclaimed Ookhtishchev; and in the tone of a teacher began to argue with Foma that it was essential for him to give his passion an outlet in a good spree; in the company of women。

〃This will be magnificent; and it is indispensable to you。 You may believe me。 And as to conscience; you must excuse me。 You don't define it quite properly。 It is not conscience that interferes with you; but timidity; I believe。 You live outside of society。 You are bashful; and awkward。 Youare dimly conscious of all this; and it is this consciousness that you mistake for conscience。 In this case there can be no question about conscience。 What has conscience to do here; since it is natural for man to enjoy himself; since it is his necessity and his right?〃

Foma walked on; regulating his steps to those of his companion; and staring along the road; which lay between two rows of buildings; resembled an enormous ditch; and was filled with darkness。 It seemed that there was no end to the road and that something dark; inexhaustible and suffocating was slowly flowing along it in the distance。 Ookhtishchev's kind; suasive voice rang monotonously in Foma's ears; and though he was not listening to his words; he felt that they
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