the man who was afraid- 第43部分

And　both　were　silent　for　a　long　time；　without　looking　at　each　other。

〃You　have　a　disagreeable　character；〃　said　Sasha；　〃a　wearisome　character。〃

〃But　nevertheless　I　won't　get　drunk　any　more！〃　said　Foma；　firmly　and　confidently。

〃You　are　lying！〃　retorted　Sasha；　calmly。

〃You'll　see！　What　do　you　thinkis　it　good　to　lead　such　a　life　as　this？〃

〃I'll　see。〃

〃No；　just　tell　meis　it　good？〃

〃But　what　is　better？〃

Foma　looked　at　her　askance　and；　irritated；　said：

〃What　repulsive　words　you　speak。〃

〃Well；　here　again　I　haven't　pleased　him！〃　said　Sasha；　laughing。

〃What　a　fine　crowd！〃　said　Foma；　painfully　wrinkling　his　face。　〃They're　like　trees。　They　also　live；　but　how？　No　one　understands。　They　are　crawling　somewhere。　And　can　give　no　account　either　to　themselves　or　to　others。　When　the　cockroach　crawls；　he　knows　whither　and　wherefore　he　wants　to　go？　And　you？　Whither　are　you　going？〃

〃Hold　on！〃　Sasha　interrupted　him；　and　asked　him　calmly：　〃What　have　you　to　do　with　me？　You　may　take　from　me　all　that　you　want；　but　don't　you　creep　into　my　soul！〃

〃Into　your　so…o…ul！〃　Foma　drawled　out；　with　contempt。　〃Into　what　soul？　He；　he！〃

She　began　to　pace　the　room；　gathering　together　the　clothes　that　were　scattered　everywhere。　Foma　watched　her　and　was　displeased　because　she　did　not　get　angry　at　him　for　his　words　about　her　soul。　Her　face　looked　calm　and　indifferent；　as　usual；　but　he　wished　to　see　her　angry　or　offended；　he　wished　for　something　human　from　the　woman。

〃The　soul！〃　he　exclaimed；　persisting　in　his　aim。　〃Can　one　who　has　a　soul　live　as　you　live？　A　soul　has　fire　burning　in　it；　there　is　a　sense　of　shame　in　it。〃

By　this　time　she　was　sitting　on　a　bench；　putting　on　her　stockings；　but　at　his　words　she　raised　her　head　and　sternly　fixed　her　eyes　upon　his　face。

〃What　are　you　staring　at？〃　asked　Foma。

〃Why　do　you　speak　that　way？〃　said　she；　without　lifting　her　eyes　from　him。

〃Because　I　must。〃

〃Look　outmust　you　really？〃

There　was　something　threatening　in　her　question。　Foma　felt　intimidated　and　said；　this　time　without　provocation　in　his　voice：

〃How　could　I　help　speaking？〃

〃Oh；　you！〃　sighed　Sasha　and　resumed　dressing　herself

〃And　what　about　me？〃

〃Merely　so。　You　seem　as　though　you　were　born　of　two　fathers。　Do　you　know　what　I　have　observed　among　people？〃

〃Well？〃

〃If　a　man　cannot　answer　for　himself；　it　means　that　he　is　afraid　of　himself；　that　his　price　is　a　grosh！〃

〃Do　you　refer　to　me？〃　asked　Foma；　after　a　pause。

〃To　you；　too。〃

She　threw　a　pink　morning　gown　over　her　shoulders　and；　standing　in　the　centre　of　the　room；　stretched　out　her　hand　toward　Foma；　who　lay　at　her　feet；　and　said　to　him　in　a　low；　dull　voice：

〃You　have　no　right　to　speak　about　my　soul。　You　have　nothing　to　do　with　it！　And　therefore　hold　your　tongue！　I　may　speak！　If　I　please；　I　could　tell　something　to　all　of　you。　Eh；　how　I　could　tell　it！　Only；who　will　dare　to　listen　to　me；　if　I　should　speak　at　the　top　of　my　voice？　And　I　have　some　words　about　you；they're　like　hammers！　And　I　could　knock　you　all　on　your　heads　so　that　you　would　lose　your　wits。　And　although　you　are　all　rascalsyou　cannot　be　cured　by　words。　You　should　be　burned　in　the　firejust　as　frying…pans　are　burned　out　on　the　first　Monday　of　Lent。〃

Raising　her　hands　she　abruptly　loosened　her　hair；　and　when　it　fell　over　her　shoulders　in　heavy；　black　locksthe　woman　shook　her　head　haughtily　and　said；　with　contempt：

〃Never　mind　that　I　am　leading　a　loose　life！　It　often　happens；　that　the　man　who　lives　in　filth　is　purer　than　he　who　goes　about　in　silks。　If　you　only　knew　what　I　think　of　you；　you　dogs；　what　wrath　I　bear　against　you！　And　because　of　this　wrathI　am　silent！　For　I　fear　that　if　I　should　sing　it　to　youmy　soul　would　become　empty。　I　would　have　nothing　to　live　on。〃　Foma　looked　at　her；　and　now　he　was　pleased　with　her。　In　her　words　there　was　something　akin　to　his　frame　of　mind。　Laughing；　he　said　to　her；　with　satisfaction　on　his　face　and　in　his　voice：

〃And　I　also　feel　that　something　is　growing　within　my　soul。　Eh；　I　too　shall　have　my　say；　when　the　time　comes。〃

〃Against　whom？〃　asked　Sasha；　carelessly。

〃Iagainst　everybody！〃　exclaimed　Foma；　jumping　to　his　feet。　〃Against　falsehood。　I　shall　ask〃

〃Ask　whether　the　samovar　is　ready；〃　Sasha　ordered　indifferently。

Foma　glanced　at　her　and　cried；　enraged：

〃Go　to　the　devil！　Ask　yourself。〃

〃Well；　all　right；　I　shall。　What　are　you　snarling　about？〃

And　she　stepped　out　of　the　hut。

In　piercing　gusts　the　wind　blew　across　the　river；　striking　against　its　bosom；　and　covered　with　troubled　dark　waves；　the　river　was　spasmodically　rushing　toward　the　wind　with　a　noisy　splash；　and　all　in　the　froth　of　wrath。　The　willow　bushes　on　the　shore　bent　low　to　the　groundtrembling；　they　now　were　about　to　lie　down　on　the　ground；　now；　frightened；　they　thrust　themselves　away　from　it；　driven　by　the　blows　of　the　wind。　In　the　air　rang　a　whistling；　a　howling；　and　a　deep　groaning　sound；　that　burst　from　dozens　of　human　breasts：

〃It　goesit　goesit　goes！〃

This　exclamation；　abrupt　as　a　blow；　and　heavy　as　the　breath　from　an　enormous　breast；　which　is　suffocating　from　exertion；　was　soaring　over　the　river；　falling　upon　the　waves；　as　if　encouraging　their　mad　play　with　the　wind；　and　they　struck　the　shores　with　might。

Two　empty　barges　lay　anchored　by　the　mountainous　shore；　and　their　tall　masts；　rising　skyward；　rocked　in　commotion　from　side　to　side；　as　though　describing　some　invisible　pattern　in　the　air。　The　decks　of　both　barges　were　encumbered　with　scaffolds；　built　of　thick　brown　beams；　huge　sheaves　were　hanging　everywhere；　chains　and　ropes　were　fastened　to　them；　and　rocking　in　the　air；　the　links　of　the　chains　were　faintly　clanging。　A　throng　of　peasants　in　blue　and　in　red　blouses　pulled　a　large　beam　across　the　dock　and；　heavily　stamping　their　feet；　groaned　with　full　chest：

〃It　goesit　goesit　goes！〃

Here　and　there　human　figures　clung　to　the　scaffoldings；　like　big　lumps　of　blue　and　red；　the　wind；　blowing　their　blouses　and　their　trousers；　gave　the　men　odd　forms；　making　them　appear　now　hump…　backed；　now　round　and　puffed　up　like　bladders。　The　people　on　the　scaffolds　and　on　the　decks　of　the　barges　were　making　fast；　hewing；　sawing；　driving　in　nails；　and　big　arms；　with　shirt　sleeves　rolled　up　to　the　elbows　were　seen　everywhere。　The　wind　scattered　splinters　of　wood；　and　a　varied；　lively；　brisk　noise　in　the　air；　the　saw　gnawed　the　wood；　choking　with　wicked　joy；　the　beams；　wounded　by　the　axes；　moaned　and　groaned　drily；　the　boards　cracked　sickly　as　they　split　from　the　blows　they　received；　the　jointer　squeaked　maliciously。　The　iron　clinking　of　the　chains　and　the　groaning　creaking　of　the　sheaves　joined　the　wrathful　roaring　of　the　waves；　and　the　wind　howled　loudly；　scattering　over　the　river　the　noise　of　toil　and　drove　the　clouds　across　the　sky。

〃Mishka…a！　The　deuce　take　you！〃　cried　someone　from　the　top　of　the　scaffolding。　And　from　the　deck；　a　large…formed　peasant；　with　his　head　thrown　upward；　answered：

〃Wh…a…at？〃　And　the　wind；　playing　with　his　long；　flaxen　beard；　flung　it　into　his　face。

〃Hand　us　the　end。〃

A　resounding　basso　shouted　as　through　a　speaking…trumpet：

〃See　how　you've　fastened　this　board；　you　blind　devil？　Can't　you　see？　I'll　rub　your　eyes　for　you！〃

〃Pull；　my　boys；　come　on！〃

〃Once　morebraveboys！〃　cried　out　some　one　in　a　loud；　beseeching　voice。

Handsome　and　stately；　in　a　short　cloth　jacket　and　high　boots；　Foma　stood；　leaning　his　back　against　a　mast；　and　stroking　his　beard　with　his　trembling　hand；　admired　the　daring　work　of　the　peasants。　The　noise　about　him　called　forth　in　him　a　persistent　desire　to　shout；　to　work　together　with　the　peasants；　to　hew　wood；　to　carry　burdens；　to　commandto　compel　everybody　to　pay　attention　to　him；　and　to　show　them　his　strength；　his　skill；　and　the　live　soul　within　him。　But　he　restrained　himself。　And　standing　speechless；　motionless；　he　felt　ashamed　and　afraid　of　something。　He　was　embarrassed　by　the　fact　that　he　was　master　over　everybody　there；　and　that　if　he　were　to　start　to　work　himself；　no　one　would　believe　that　he　was　working　merely　to　satisfy　his　desire；　and　not　to　spur　them　on　in　their　work；　to　set　them　an　example。　And　then；　the　peasants　might　laugh　at　him；　in　all　probability。

A　fair　and　curly…headed　fellow；　with　his　shirt　collar　unbuttoned；　was　now　and　again　running　past　him；　now　carrying　a　log　on　his　shoulder；　now　an　axe　in　his　hands；　he　was　skipping　along；　like　a　frolicsome　goat；　scattering　about　him　cheerful；　ringing　laughter；　jests；　violent　oaths；　and　working　unceasingly；　now　assisting　one；　now　another；　as　he　was　cleverly　and　quickly　running　across　the　deck；　which　was　obstructed　with　timber　and　shavings。　Foma　watched　him　closely；　and　envied　this　merry　fellow；　who　was　radiant　with　something　healthy　and　inspiring。

〃Evidently　he　is　happy；〃　thought　Foma；　and　this　thought　provoked　in　him　a　keen；　piercing　desire　to　insult　him　somehow；　to　embarrass　him。　All　those　about　him　were　seized　with　the　zest　of　pressing　work；　all　were　unanimously　and　hastily　fastening　the　scaffoldings；　arranging　the　pulleys；　preparing　to　raise　the　sunken　barge　from　the　bottom　of　the　river；　all　were　sound　and　merrythey　all　lived。　While　he　stood　alone；　aside　from　them；　not　knowing　what　to　do；　not　knowing　how　to　do　anything；　feeling　hims