concerning the return from the Island of Elba。 I； therefore； now
continue my remarks on the first of these heads； and the second will be
the subject of the next chapter。
The Emperor had then already started； and as for myself； shut up alone；
my country house became henceforth a sad residence to me。 I held no
communication with any one whatever； read no news； and sought to learn
none。 At the end of a short time I received a visit from one of my
friends from Paris； who said to me that the journals spoke of my conduct
without understanding it； and that they condemned it severely。 He added
that it was M。 de Turenne who had sent to the editors the note in which
I had been so heavily censured。 I must say that I did not believe this；
I knew M。 de Turenne too well to think him capable of a proceeding so
dishonorable； inasmuch as I had frankly explained everything to him； when
he made the answer I gave above。 But however the evil came； it was
nevertheless done； and by the incredible complications of my position I
found myself compelled to keep silence。 Nothing certainly would have
been easier than to repel the calumny by an exact rehearsal of the facts；
but should I justify myself in this manner by； so to speak； accusing the
Emperor at a moment especially when the Emperor's enemies manifested much
bitterness？ When I saw such a great man made a mark for the shafts of
calumny； I； who was so contemptible and insignificant among the crowd；
could surely allow a few of these envenomed shafts to fall on me。 To…day
the time has come to tell the truth； and I have done so without
restriction； not to excuse myself； for on the contrary I blame myself for
not having completely sacrificed myself； and for not having accompanied
the Emperor to the Island of Elba regardless of what might have been
said。 Nevertheless； I may be allowed to say in my own defense； that in
this combination of physical and mental sufferings which overwhelmed me
all at once； a person must be very sure of infallibility himself to
condemn completely this sensitiveness so natural in a man of honor when
accused of a fraudulent transaction。 This； then； I said to myself； is
the recompense for all my care； for the endurance of so much suffering；
for unbounded devotion； and a refinement of feeling for which the Emperor
had often praised me； and for which he rendered me justice later； as will
be seen when I shall have occasion to speak of certain circumstances
occurring about the 20th of March of the following year。
But gratuitously； and even malevolently； interested motives have been
attributed to me for the decision I made to leave the Emperor。 The
simplest common…sense； on the contrary； would suffice to see that； had I
allowed myself to be guided by my interests； everything would have
influenced me to accompany his Majesty。 In fact； the chagrin which the
incident I have mentioned caused me； and the manner in which I was
completely overwhelmed by it； have injured my fortune more than any
determination to follow the Emperor could possibly have done。 What could
I hope for in France； where I had no right to anything？ Is it not；
besides； very evident to whoever would recall my position； which was one
of confidence near the Emperor； that； if I had been actuated by a love of
money； this position would have given me an opportunity to reap an
abundant harvest without injuring my reputation； but my disinterestedness
was so well known that； whatever may be said to the contrary； I can
assert that during the whole time my favor with the Emperor continued； I
on no occasion used it to render any other but unselfish services； and
often I refused to support a demand for the sole reason that the petition
had been accompanied by offers of money； which were often of very
considerable amount。 Allow me to cite one example among many others of
the same nature。 I received one day an offer of the sum of four hundred
thousand francs； which was made me by a lady of a very noble family； if I
would influence the Emperor to consider favorably a petition in which she
claimed indemnity for a piece of property belonging to her； on which the
port of Bayonne had been constructed。 I had succeeded in obtaining
favorable answers to applications more difficult than this； but I refused
to agree to support her petition solely on account of the offer which had
been made to me； I would have been glad to oblige this lady； but only for
the pleasure of being obliging； and it was for this reason alone I
allowed myself to solicit of the Emperor the pardons which he nearly
always granted。 Neither can it be said that I ever demanded of the
Emperor licenses for lottery drawings； or anything else of this kind； in
which； as is well known； a scandalous commerce is often made； and which；
no doubt； if I had demanded them of the Emperor he would have readily
granted。
The confidence in me which the Emperor had always shown was such that
even at Fontainebleau； when it had been decided that none of the ordinary
valets de chambre were to accompany him to the Island of Elba； the
Emperor left to my choice the selection of a young man to assist me in my
duties。 I selected a boy of the apartments； whose upright character was
well known to me； and who was； moreover； the son of Madame Marchand； the
head nurse of the King of Rome。 I spoke of him to the Emperor； who
accepted him； and I went immediately to inform M。 Marchand； who received
the position most gratefully； and proved to me； by his thanks； how
delighted he would be to accompany us。 I say us； for at this moment I
was very far from foreseeing the succession of fatal events which I have
faithfully narrated； and it may be seen afterwards； from the manner in
which M。 Marchand expressed himself concerning me at the Tuileries during
the Hundred Days； that I had not bestowed my confidence unworthily。
CHAPTER XXIX。
I became a stranger to all the world after the departure of the Emperor
for the Island of Elba； and； filled with a deep sense of gratitude for
the kindness with which his Majesty had overwhelmed me during the
fourteen years I had passed in his service； thought incessantly of this
great man； and took pleasure in renewing in memory all the events； even
the most trivial； of my life with him。 I thought it best suited my
former position to live in retirement； and passed my time most tranquilly
in the bosom of my family in the country…house belonging to me。 At the
same time a fatal idea preoccupied my mind involuntarily； for I feared
that persons who were jealous of my former favor might succeed in
deceiving the Emperor as to my unalterable devotion to his person； and
strengthen in his mind the false opinion that they had for a time
succeeded in giving him of me。 This opinion； although my conscience told
me that it was unjust； was not the less painful to me； but； as will soon
be seen； I was fortunate enough to obtain the certainty that my fears in
this respect were without foundation。
Although an entire stranger to politics； I had read with deep interest
the newspapers I received in my retreat； since the great political change
to which the name of the Restoration was given； and it seemed to me to
need only the simplest common…sense to see the marked difference which
existed between the government which had been overthrown and the new。 In
all departments I saw a succession of titled men take the places of the
long list of distinguished men who had given under the Empire so many
proofs of merit and courage； but I was far from thinking； notwithstanding
the large number of discontented； that the fortunes of the Emperor and
the wishes of the army would ever restore him to that throne which he had
voluntarily abdicated in order that he might not be the cause of a civil
war in Dance。 Therefore； it would be impossible to describe my
astonishment； and the multiplicity of varied feelings which agitated me；
when I received the first news of the landing of the Emperor on the coast
of Provence。 I read with enthusiasm the admirable proclamation in which
he announced that his eagles would fly from steeple to steeple； and that
he himself would follow so closely in his triumphal march from the Bay of
Juan to Paris。
Here I must make a confession； which is； that only since I had left the
Emperor； had I fully comprehended the immensity of his greatness。
Attached to his service almost from the beginning of the Consulate； at a
time when I was still very young； he had grown； so to speak； without my
having perceived it； and I had above all seen in him； from the nature of
my duties； the excellent master rather than the great man； consequently；
in this instance the effects of distance were very different from what it
usually produces。 It was with difficulty I could realize； and I am often
astonished to…day in recalling the frank candor with which I had dared to
defend to the Emperor what I knew to be the truth； his kindness； however；
seemed to encourage me in this； for often； instead of becoming irritated
by my vehemence； he said to me gently； with a benevolent smile； 〃Come；
come！ M。 Constant； don't excite yourself。〃 Adorable kindness in a man
of such