the turn of the screw- 第24部分

〃It　so　justifies　me！〃



〃It　does　that；　miss！〃



I　couldn't　have　desired　more　emphasis；　but　I　just　hesitated。

〃She's　so　horrible？〃



I　saw　my　colleague　scarce　knew　how　to　put　it。　　〃Really　shocking。〃



〃And　about　me？〃



〃About　you；　misssince　you　must　have　it。　　It's　beyond　everything；

for　a　young　lady；　and　I　can't　think　wherever　she　must　have　picked　up〃



〃The　appalling　language　she　applied　to　me？　　I　can；　then！〃

I　broke　in　with　a　laugh　that　was　doubtless　significant　enough。



It　only；　in　truth；　left　my　friend　still　more　grave。

〃Well；　perhaps　I　ought　to　alsosince　I've　heard　some　of　it　before！

Yet　I　can't　bear　it；〃　the　poor　woman　went　on　while；　with　the　same　movement；

she　glanced；　on　my　dressing　table；　at　the　face　of　my　watch。

〃But　I　must　go　back。〃



I　kept　her；　however。　　〃Ah；　if　you　can't　bear　it！〃



〃How　can　I　stop　with　her；　you　mean？　　Why；　just　FOR　that：

to　get　her　away。　　Far　from　this；〃　she　pursued；　〃far　from　THEM…〃



〃She　may　be　different？　　She　may　be　free？〃　　I　seized　her　almost　with　joy。

〃Then；　in　spite　of　yesterday；　you　BELIEVE〃



〃In　such　doings？〃　　Her　simple　description　of　them　required；

in　the　light　of　her　expression；　to　be　carried　no　further；

and　she　gave　me　the　whole　thing　as　she　had　never　done。

〃I　believe。〃



Yes；　it　was　a　joy；　and　we　were　still　shoulder　to　shoulder：　　if　I　might

continue　sure　of　that　I　should　care　but　little　what　else　happened。

My　support　in　the　presence　of　disaster　would　be　the　same　as　it　had

been　in　my　early　need　of　confidence；　and　if　my　friend　would　answer

for　my　honesty；　I　would　answer　for　all　the　rest。　　On　the　point　of

taking　leave　of　her；　nonetheless；　I　was　to　some　extent　embarrassed。

〃There's　one　thing；　of　courseit　occurs　to　meto　remember。

My　letter；　giving　the　alarm；　will　have　reached　town　before　you。〃



I　now　perceived　still　more　how　she　had　been　beating　about　the　bush　and

how　weary　at　last　it　had　made　her。　　〃Your　letter　won't　have　got　there。

Your　letter　never　went。〃



〃What　then　became　of　it？〃



〃Goodness　knows！　　Master　Miles〃



〃Do　you　mean　HE　took　it？〃　　I　gasped。



She　hung　fire；　but　she　overcame　her　reluctance。　　〃I　mean　that　I　saw　yesterday；

when　I　came　back　with　Miss　Flora；　that　it　wasn't　where　you　had　put　it。

Later　in　the　evening　I　had　the　chance　to　question　Luke；　and　he　declared

that　he　had　neither　noticed　nor　touched　it。〃　　We　could　only　exchange；　on　this；

one　of　our　deeper　mutual　soundings；　and　it　was　Mrs。　Grose　who　first　brought

up　the　plumb　with　an　almost　elated　〃You　see！〃



〃Yes；　I　see　that　if　Miles　took　it　instead　he　probably　will　have　read　it

and　destroyed　it。〃



〃And　don't　you　see　anything　else？〃



I　faced　her　a　moment　with　a　sad　smile。　　〃It　strikes　me　that　by　this

time　your　eyes　are　open　even　wider　than　mine。〃



They　proved　to　be　so　indeed；　but　she　could　still　blush；　almost；　to　show　it。

〃I　make　out　now　what　he　must　have　done　at　school。〃　　And　she　gave；

in　her　simple　sharpness；　an　almost　droll　disillusioned　nod。　　〃He　stole！〃



I　turned　it　overI　tried　to　be　more　judicial。　　〃Wellperhaps。〃



She　looked　as　if　she　found　me　unexpectedly　calm。

〃He　stole　LETTERS！〃



She　couldn't　know　my　reasons　for　a　calmness　after　all

pretty　shallow；　so　I　showed　them　off　as　I　might。

〃I　hope　then　it　was　to　more　purpose　than　in　this　case！

The　note；　at　any　rate；　that　I　put　on　the　table　yesterday；〃

I　pursued；　〃will　have　given　him　so　scant　an　advantage

for　it　contained　only　the　bare　demand　for　an　interview

that　he　is　already　much　ashamed　of　having　gone　so　far

for　so　little；　and　that　what　he　had　on　his　mind　last　evening

was　precisely　the　need　of　confession。〃　　I　seemed　to　myself；

for　the　instant；　to　have　mastered　it；　to　see　it　all。

〃Leave　us；　leave　us〃I　was　already；　at　the　door；　hurrying　her　off。

〃I'll　get　it　out　of　him。　　He'll　meet　mehe'll　confess。

If　he　confesses；　he's　saved。　　And　if　he's　saved〃



〃Then　YOU　are？〃　　The　dear　woman　kissed　me　on　this；

and　I　took　her　farewell。　　〃I'll　save　you　without　him！〃

she　cried　as　she　went。







　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　XXII





Yet　it　was　when　she　had　got　offand　I　missed　her　on　the　spot

that　the　great　pinch　really　came。　　If　I　had　counted　on

what　it　would　give　me　to　find　myself　alone　with　Miles；

I　speedily　perceived；　at　least；　that　it　would　give　me　a　measure。

No　hour　of　my　stay　in　fact　was　so　assailed　with　apprehensions

as　that　of　my　coming　down　to　learn　that　the　carriage　containing

Mrs。　Grose　and　my　younger　pupil　had　already　rolled　out　of　the　gates。

Now　I　WAS；　I　said　to　myself；　face　to　face　with　the　elements；

and　for　much　of　the　rest　of　the　day；　while　I　fought

my　weakness；　I　could　consider　that　I　had　been　supremely　rash。

It　was　a　tighter　place　still　than　I　had　yet　turned　round　in；

all　the　more　that；　for　the　first　time；　I　could　see　in

the　aspect　of　others　a　confused　reflection　of　the　crisis。

What　had　happened　naturally　caused　them　all　to　stare；

there　was　too　little　of　the　explained；　throw　out　whatever　we　might；

in　the　suddenness　of　my　colleague's　act。　　The　maids　and　the　men

looked　blank；　the　effect　of　which　on　my　nerves　was　an　aggravation

until　I　saw　the　necessity　of　making　it　a　positive　aid。

It　was　precisely；　in　short；　by　just　clutching　the　helm

that　I　avoided　total　wreck；　and　I　dare　say　that；　to　bear　up

at　all；　I　became；　that　morning；　very　grand　and　very　dry。

I　welcomed　the　consciousness　that　I　was　charged　with　much　to　do；

and　I　caused　it　to　be　known　as　well　that；　left　thus　to　myself；

I　was　quite　remarkably　firm。　　I　wandered　with　that　manner；

for　the　next　hour　or　two；　all　over　the　place　and　looked；

I　have　no　doubt；　as　if　I　were　ready　for　any　onset。

So；　for　the　benefit　of　whom　it　might　concern；　I　paraded

with　a　sick　heart。



The　person　it　appeared　least　to　concern　proved　to　be；

till　dinner；　little　Miles　himself。　　My　perambulations　had

given　me；　meanwhile；　no　glimpse　of　him；　but　they　had　tended

to　make　more　public　the　change　taking　place　in　our　relation

as　a　consequence　of　his　having　at　the　piano；　the　day　before；

kept　me；　in　Flora's　interest；　so　beguiled　and　befooled。

The　stamp　of　publicity　had　of　course　been　fully　given　by　her

confinement　and　departure；　and　the　change　itself　was　now　ushered

in　by　our　nonobservance　of　the　regular　custom　of　the　schoolroom。

He　had　already　disappeared　when；　on　my　way　down；　I　pushed

open　his　door；　and　I　learned　below　that　he　had　breakfasted

in　the　presence　of　a　couple　of　the　maidswith　Mrs。　Grose

and　his　sister。　　He　had　then　gone　out；　as　he　said；　for　a　stroll；

than　which　nothing；　I　reflected；　could　better　have　expressed

his　frank　view　of　the　abrupt　transformation　of　my　office。

What　he　would　not　permit　this　office　to　consist　of　was　yet

to　be　settled：　　there　was　a　queer　relief；　at　all　eventsI　mean

for　myself　in　especialin　the　renouncement　of　one　pretension。

If　so　much　had　sprung　to　the　surface；　I　scarce　put　it　too

strongly　in　saying　that　what　had　perhaps　sprung　highest

was　the　absurdity　of　our　prolonging　the　fiction　that　I　had

anything　more　to　teach　him。　　It　sufficiently　stuck　out　that；

by　tacit　little　tricks　in　which　even　more　than　myself　he　carried

out　the　care　for　my　dignity；　I　had　had　to　appeal　to　him　to　let　me

off　straining　to　meet　him　on　the　ground　of　his　true　capacity。

He　had　at　any　rate　his　freedom　now；　I　was　never　to　touch　it　again；

as　I　had　amply　shown；　moreover；　when；　on　his　joining　me　in

the　schoolroom　the　previous　night；　I　had　uttered；　on　the　subject

of　the　interval　just　concluded；　neither　challenge　nor　hint。

I　had　too　much；　from　this　moment；　my　other　ideas。

Yet　when　he　at　last　arrived；　the　difficulty　of　applying　them；

the　accumulations　of　my　problem；　were　brought　straight　home　to　me

by　the　beautiful　little　presence　on　which　what　had　occurred

had　as　yet；　for　the　eye；　dropped　neither　stain　nor　shadow。



To　mark；　for　the　house；　the　high　state　I　cultivated　I

decreed　that　my　meals　with　the　boy　should　be　served；

as　we　called　it；　downstairs；　so　that　I　had　been　awaiting

him　in　the　ponderous　pomp　of　the　room　outside　of　the　window

of　which　I　had　had　from　Mrs。　Grose；　that　first　scared　Sunday；

my　flash　of　something　it　would　scarce　have　done　to　call　light。

Here　at　present　I　felt　afreshfor　I　had　felt　it　again　and　again

how　my　equilibrium　depended　on　the　success　of　my　rigid　will；

the　will　to　shut　my　eyes　as　tight　as　possible　to　the　truth

that　what　I　had　to　deal　with　was；　revoltingly；　against　nature。

I　could　only　get　on　at　all　by　taking　〃nature〃　into　my

confidence　and　my　account；　by　treating　my　monstrous

ordeal　as　a　push　in　a　direction　unusual；　of　course；

and　unpleasant；　but　demanding；　after　all；　for　a　fair　front；

only　another　turn　of　the　screw　of　ordinary　human　virtue。

No　attempt；　nonetheless；　could　well　require　more　tact　than

just　this　attempt　to　supply；　one's　self；　ALL　the　nature。

How　could　I　put　even　a　little　of　that　article　into　a　suppression

of　reference　to　what　had　occurred？　　How；　on　the　other　hand；　could　I

make　reference　without　a　new