the brothers stood up before the glass； and each took off his own cravat
and collar。 The collars were of the standing kind； and came high up
under the ears； like the sides of a wheelbarrow； as required by the
fashion of the day。 The cravats were as broad as a bank…bill； with
fringed ends which stood far out to right and left like the wings of a
dragon…fly； and this also was strictly in accordance with the fashion of
the time。 Each cravat； as to color； was in perfect taste； so far as its
owner's complexion was concerneda delicate pink； in the case of the
blond brother； a violent scarlet in the case of the brunettebut as a
combination they broke all the laws of taste known to civilization。
Nothing more fiendish and irreconcilable than those shrieking and
blaspheming colors could have been contrived； The wet boots gave no end
of troubleto Luigi。 When they were off at last； Angelo said； with
bitterness：
〃I wish you wouldn't wear such tight boots； they hurt my feet。〃
Luigi answered with indifference：
〃My friend； when I am in command of our body； I choose my apparel
according to my own convenience； as I have remarked more than several
times already。 When you are in command； I beg you will do as you
please。〃
Angelo was hurt； and the tears came into his eyes。 There was gentle
reproach in his voice； but； not anger； when he replied：
〃Luigi； I often consult your wishes； but you never consult mine。 When I
am in command I treat you as a guest； I try to make you feel at home；
when you are in command you treat me as an intruder； you make me feel
unwelcome。 It embarrasses me cruelly in company； for I can； see that
people notice it and comment on it。〃
〃Oh； damn the people；〃 responded the brother languidly； and with the air
of one who is tired of the subject。
A slight shudder shook the frame of Angelo； but he said nothing and the
conversation ceased。 Each buttoned his own share of the nightshirt in
silence； then Luigi； with Paine's Age of Reason in his hand； sat down in
one chair and put his feet in another and lit his pipe； while Angelo took
his Whole Duty of Man； and both began to read。 Angelo presently began to
cough； his coughing increased and became mixed with gaspings for breath；
and he was finally obliged to make an appeal to his brother's humanity：
〃Luigi； if you would only smoke a little milder tobacco； I am sure I
could learn not to mind it in time； but this is so strong； and the pipe
is so rank that〃
〃Angelo； I wouldn't be such a baby！ I have learned to smoke in a week；
and the trouble is already over with me； if you would try； you could
learn too； and then you would stop spoiling my comfort with your
everlasting complaints。〃
〃Ah； brother； that is a strong wordeverlasting and isn't quite fair。
I only complain when I suffocate； you know I don't complain when we are
in the open air。〃
〃Well； anyway； you could learn to smoke yourself。〃
〃But my principles； Luigi； you forget my principles。 You would not have
me do a thing which I regard as a sin？〃
〃Oh； bosh！〃
The conversation ceased again； for Angelo was sick and discouraged and
strangling； but after some time he closed his book and asked Luigi to
sing 〃From Greenland's Icy Mountains〃 with him； but he would not； and
when he tried to sing by himself Luigi did his best to drown his
plaintive tenor with a rude and rollicking song delivered in a thundering
bass。
After the singing there was silence； and neither brother was happy。
Before blowing the light out Luigi swallowed half a tumbler of whisky；
and Angelo； whose sensitive organization could not endure intoxicants of
any kind； took a pill to keep it from giving him the headache。
CHAPTER II
MA COOPER GETS ALL MIXED UP
The family sat in the breakfast…room waiting for the twins to come down。
The widow was quiet； the daughter was alive with happy excitement。 She
said：
〃Ah； they're a boon； ma； just a boon！ don't you think so？〃
〃Laws； I hope so； I don't know。〃
〃Why； ma； yes you do。 They're so fine and handsome； and high…bred and
polite； so every way superior to our gawks here in this village； why；
they'll make life different from what it wasso humdrum and commonplace；
you knowoh； you may be sure they're full of accomplishments； and
knowledge of the world； and all that； that will be an immense advantage
to society here。 Don't you think so； ma？〃
〃Mercy on me； how should I know； and I've hardly set eyes on them yet。〃
After a pause she added； 〃They made considerable noise after they went
up。〃
〃Noise？ Why； ma； they were singing！ And it was beautiful； too。〃
〃Oh； it was well enough； but too mixed…up； seemed to me。〃
〃Now； ma； honor bright； did you ever hear 'Greenland's Icy Mountains'
sung sweeternow did you？〃
〃If it had been sung by itself； it would have been uncommon sweet； I
don't deny it； but what they wanted to mix it up with 'Old Bob Ridley'
for； I can't make out。 Why； they don't go together； at all。 They are
not of the same nature。 'Bob Ridley' is a common rackety slam…bang
secular song； one of the rippingest and rantingest and noisiest there is。
I am no judge of music； and I don't claim it； but in my opinion nobody
can make those two songs go together right。〃
〃Why； ma； I thought〃
〃It don't make any difference what you thought； it can't be done。 They
tried it； and to my mind it was a failure。 I never heard such a crazy
uproar； seemed to me； sometimes； the roof would come off； and as for the
catswell； I've lived a many a year； and seen cats aggravated in more
ways than one； but I've never seen cats take on the way they took on last
night。〃
〃Well； I don't think that that goes for anything； ma； because it is the
nature of cats that any sound that is unusual〃
〃Unusual！ You may well call it so。 Now if they are going to sing duets
every night； I do hope they will both sing the same tune at the same
time； for in my opinion a duet that is made up of two different tunes is
a mistake； especially when the tunes ain't any kin to one another； that
way。〃
〃But； ma； I think it must be a foreign custom； and it must be right too；
and the best way； because they have had every opportunity to know what is
right； and it don't stand to reason that with their education they would
do anything but what the highest musical authorities have sanctioned。
You can't help but admit that； ma。〃
The argument was formidably strong； the old lady could not find any way
around it； so； after thinking it over awhile she gave in with a sigh of
discontent； and admitted that the daughter's position was probably
correct。 Being vanquished； she had no mind to continue the topic at that
disadvantage； and was about to seek a change when a change came of
itself。 A footstep was heard on the stairs； and she said：
〃There…he's coming！〃
〃They； mayou ought to say theyit's nearer right。〃
The new lodger； rather shoutingly dressed but looking superbly handsome；
stepped with courtly carnage into the trim little breakfast…room and put
out all his cordial arms at once； like one of those pocket…knives with a
multiplicity of blades； and shook hands with the whole family
simultaneously。 He was so easy and pleasant and hearty that all
embarrassment presently thawed away and disappeared； and a cheery feeling
of friendliness and comradeship took its place。 Heor preferably they
were asked to occupy the seat of honor at the foot of the table。 They
consented with thanks； and carved the beefsteak with one set of their
hands while they distributed it at the same time with the other set。
〃Will you have coffee； gentlemen； or tea？〃
〃Coffee for Luigi； if you please； madam； tea for me。〃
〃Cream and sugar？〃
〃For me； yes； madam； Luigi takes his coffee； black。 Our natures differ a
good deal from each other； and our tastes also。〃
The first time the negro girl Nancy appeared in the door and saw the two
heads turned in opposite directions and both talking at once； then saw
the commingling arms feed potatoes into one mouth and coffee into the
other at the same time； she had to pause and pull herself out of a
faintness that came over her； but after that she held her grip and was
able to wait on the table with fair courage。
Conversation fell naturally into the customary grooves。 It was a little
jerky； at first； because none of the family could get smoothly through a
sentence without a wabble in it here and a break there； caused by some
new surprise in the way of attitude or gesture on the part of the twins。
The weather suffered the most。 The weather was all finished up and
disposed of； as a subject； before the simple Missourians had gotten
sufficiently wonted to the spectacle of one body feeding two heads to
feel composed and reconciled in the presence of so bizarre a miracle。
And even after everybody's mind became tranquilized there was still one
slight distraction left： the hand that picked up a biscuit carried it to
the wrong head； as often as any other way； and the wrong mouth devoured
it。 This was a puzzling thing； and marred the talk a little。 It
bothered the widow to such a degree that she presently dropped out of the
conversation without knowing it； and fell to watching an