ur later on West 13th I walk into Johnme's Bar and Grill and he is there also Then he is in Laughing Sam's and then again in the Cool Room So either this guy has a lot of twin brothers or something is going down I don't figure him for a Fed； you get a nose for those guys and when he came across to me I knew he wasn't looking for a handout neither He asks me do I do the horses and I says sure； so then he sticks a racing sheet in my paw and says； be lucky。 And then he just kind of shuffles out Now I've been around some and a little more and I reckon I know all the angles but I check the sheet out He's got doubles ringed and outsiders and a whole accumulator based on a single dollar stake All looks pretty crazy to me and I go to bin the rag But something inside says to me； what's a dollar good for anyway； so I make a call and place the bet Biggest damn mistake I ever made in my life
The Suburban Book of the Dead
'Enjoying the job？' the Dalai Lama asked。 Rex looked up from the floor。 He had but recently been thrown there by the two security men who had called to collect him when he missed the Dalai's appointment。 The one Gloria had failed to mention。 'The job；' said Dan。 'Enjoying it？'
Rex climbed to his feet。 Having endured the previous day an air crash； potential death from the knives and forks of the Devianti； witnessed a cold…blooded murder and all but been tortured to oblivion； Rex wondered whether perhaps he had misunderstood the question。
'It gets you out and about；' he said warily。
'And the pay is very good。 You certainly came up trumps in the bonus department。'
'I don't think I'll bother with the pension plan。'
The inmost fellow waggled a cautionary finger in Rex's direction and exercised his fingers on a terminal keyboard。 They were in Ms Vrillium's office。 It looked no better at a second viewing。 'How did you e by these names？' Dan gestured towards the screen。 'Very enterprising； the entire Devianti gang it would so appear。'
Rex slouched over to the desk and viewed the terminal without enthusiasm。 Bloodaxe and Eric were known to him； but as to the rest。。。
'How did I e by them？'
'Under questioning。 Would you like me to play back the extract？'
'No；' Rex replied； 'I wouldn't。'
'Well； nevertheless you named them all；' Rex shook his head。 He couldn't think of a convincing lie so he thought of the credits。
'I'm on my way to being a wealthy man。'
'You certainly are。 A little tampa perhaps； I understand you missed breakfast。'
'My thanks。' Rex watched the Dalai as he ordered up the meal。 He looked much taller than he did on the TV But powerful men always appear taller than they really are。 Except for the short ones； of course。 But the charisma was undeniable； there was an almost fearful presence about him。 This was a man who wasn't to be messed about with。
'Did you know that you were brain dead for thirteen seconds？'
Rex shivered。 'I knew something had happened。。。 brain dead。。。'
'You saw something during this time？ Felt something？'
She was beautiful。 Her eyes the palest of blue。 The smile soft upon the full red mouth。 Her breath smelled of violets。 A golden glow surrounded her and her hand was upon his forehead。 Rex trembled。
'I can't remember。 I'm cold。'
He looked up。 The Lama was staring deeply into his eyes。 'It doesn't matter； Rex。 Ah； here es the nosebag。'
A dull body in station fatigues knocked and entered bearing a chrome tray。 He placed this on the desk and backed away； head bowed。
'For what we are about to receive；' intoned Dan； 'you can thank me in person。'
Ms Vrillium massaged Gloria's breasts。 'You're very tense； dear。'
Gloria looked up through half closed lids。 'Something is occurring。'
Ms Vrillium lowered herself on to Gloria's nakedness and chewed upon a blood…red nipple。 'What thing？' she asked between delicious bitings。 Gloria rolled back her head and gasped。
'Something big。 Something powerful。 I can feel it。 Ouch。 No； don't stop。' Ms Vrillium slid down Gloria's body。 Her long tongue flickering across the taut perfumed flesh； dwelling upon special places； savouring the exquisite tastes。 She thrust her face down between the outspread legs。 Gloria moaned； arched her back； her hands clawed the pillows。
The bedside console chimed。 'Hope I'm not interrupting anything。' The voice belonged to Dalai Dan。 'e straight up to my office will you？'
Gloria distinctly heard the undisguised chuckle before the line went dead。 'Bastard；' she shrieked。
Ms Vrillium broke surface。 'Sorry； dear。 Were you talking to me？'
Rex sought invisibility。 His sister looked far from cheerful。
'Gloria；' smiled Dan。 'And to what do I owe this pleasure？'
'You called me？'
'I did？ Oh yes； of course I did。'
Gloria was poised in the doorway。 She wore a jumpsuit wrought from some rubberized material。 A tight cap of likewise confection encased her head。 The boots were French calf； although Rex didn't know that。 The heels were of glass and lit from within。 Today's all…over colour； saving the boots； was crimson。 The effect was dramatic； to say the least。
'I want you to arrange another air car for your brother。 I want him issued with a stun suit and other appropriate items of self…protection。 He has a busy day ahead。 So； get your finger out； would be my specific advice to you at this time。'
'Hold on there；' Rex spoke with his mouth full。 Gloria made a pained expression。 'What do I want a stun suit for？ Where are you proposing to send me？'
'Special mission； Rex。 I want you to go back to the Hotel California。'
'Oh no。' Rex shook his head with some ferocity； spraying breakfast。 'Not this boy。 Not back there。'
'Be at peace there。' Dan raised a palm。 'You will be quite safe。 No danger to life and limb；'
'But they'll eat me。'
'Not this time。 You will e； as it were； under a flag of truce。 Do you know what that is？' Dan ignored Rex's shaking head。 'You will issue to the Devianti word of my personal amnesty。'
'Amnesty？' Gloria couldn't believe her ears。 'These are subversives。 They eat human flesh。'
'Are you questioning me； Gloria？' Rex saw the fire in the holyman's eyes。
'No。' Gloria turned away。 Rex watched her go。 His eyes remained fixed upon the open doorway。 This was no laughing matter。 These lunatics could get him killed。 And he just beginning to value life。 To consider possibilities。 He had seen the sky。 He looked up at the Dalai。
'The Devianti。 How could I convince them？'
Dan patted him upon the shoulder。 'You will find a way； my son。 You are a young man of infinite resource。 And you appear to have a charmed life。 My thoughts will go with you。' Rex had the feeling that they certainly would。
'Bring back Bloodaxe。 I don't care how you do it。' He handed Rex a transparent cube。 'It's all here。 The power…lines have now been programmed into the in…car。 You'll find the bonus to your liking。 Consider the pension plan； you might choose to retire tomorrow。'
Rex turned the cube in his hand。 This way lay madness。 He was putting his life on the line。 For what？ For credits？ But something pelled him。 It seemed like a soft voice whispering in his ear。 It said； 'Do it。'
'OK。' Rex shook the Dalai's outstretched hand。 'I'll do it。'
The oily…fingered engineer at the motorpool led Rex towards the air car。 'You will be bringing this one back？' he asked； eyeing Rex suspiciously。
Rex shrugged。 'Who knows？ The guidance system has definitely been reprogrammed； hasn't it？'
'It has now；' replied the demoted Maurice Webb； nursing certain tender parts which had received the unwele attention of security truncheons。 'Drive carefully； won't you？'
'Have another day。' Rex saluted and climbed into the cockpit。 He closed the canopy； slotted in the cube； eyed the eyespi。
The car lurched up into the overhanging gloom； above which； Rex now knew； was open sky。 His potential winnings filled the screen。 Rex's elementary knowledge of mathematics didn't enable him to 'name that sum'； but it looked very impressive indeed。 He used to have a calculator on his watch。 Rex tapped the moribund thing on his wrist。 Two…thirty it said。 The car droned on； creaking and rattling and performing certain stomach…turning manoeuvres； which Rex assumed correctly to be the product of inpetent reprogramming。 Finally it went into a steep incline and landed with a thud inside the pound of the Hotel California。
Rambo Bloodaxe didn't observe Rex's arrival。 He and his followers were knelt in prayer before the bewildered…looking man in the golden suit。 This fellow was staring vacantly into his cupped hands。 Here rested a green spheroid of vegetable extraction。
'Lord。' Rambo extended a platter of barbequed man meat。 'Will you take sup with us？'
Elvis Presley appeared to awaken from his trance。
'Where the fuck am I？' he asked； which was reasonable enough to his way of thinking。
'The Hotel California； Lord。'
'California？ California never looks like this。' Elvis clutched at his nose。 'This smells like Philadelphia。' Knowing nothing of W。 C。 Fields； that particular remark was lost upon the Devianti； amongst others。
'We are your servants； Lord。'
'Then cut the Lo