hren had done a thorough job of laying waste to the greater part of the known world。 Dan had been saving it for a very special occasion。 It hedge…hopped； or it most certainly would have done； had there been any hedges extant for it to hop over。 Shall we say that it rubble…hopped？ It slunk out of the tradesman's entrance of the Nemesis Bunker； looked both ways to assure itself that it wasn't being observed； ducked into a Metro terminus； soared along a trackway； snook up a ventilation shaft； near the Tomorrowman Tavern； now undergoing extensive renovations。 Created a cloak of invisibility； through the adaptation of Einstein's Unified Field Theory； turned up Park Avenue and finally nuzzled its nuclear nose into the front parlour of the late Aunty Norma。 'Gotcha；' it said。 Loudly。
The switchboard （for why belabour the reader with a lot of sci…fi…hi…tech…hokum； regarding its multi…cellular； bio…embrionic jiggery…pokery） at Earthers Inc。 jammed。 Minor employees scurried up and down the membrane tubes。 Board members paced the lush and tufted carpetings。 One or two of the more highly…strung took the opportunity to fling themselves from upper windows。 Mungo Madoc sought divine guidance from He of the Nose Enormous。 But as is so often the case with deities； old Holy Hooter was being just a little backward in ing forward。 He was keeping out of this one。 At length； Mungo knelt； pinched his nostrils and took himself off to the lift。 For a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do。
Jason Morgawr met him on the boardroom landing。 The intense young Phnaarg had never looked more so。 'No warning；' he shrieked； 'well； not enough at any rate。 My team isn't ready。 This is really too much。 Really too much。'
Mungo brushed him aside。 'Are the other board members within？'
'Those that still remain amongst the living。'
Mungo sighed as only he could sigh and ordered the door aside。
'Gentlemen；' he declared； although the appellation seemed inappropriate to describe the bunch of jibbering ninnies now huddled at the far end of the Goldenwood table。 'Please be seated。 There is no； and I repeat； no need to panic。'
The unmagical mushroom cloud rose above Aunty Norma's bunker。 At 500 feet it flattened against the artificial cloud cover； which had been expressly designed to cope with such eventualities。 The poisonous residues reflected downwards and cutaways。 The long…range cameras atop Nemesis which had been recording the great event； retracted into their blast…proof housings。
'We'll meet again； don't know where； don't know when；' sang the Lamarettes； clad soberly in black armbands； although very little else。
'And remember；' Gloria mopped at a tear and smiled bravely； 'if you are in the latter stages of pregnancy or even giving birth at this very moment； give your EYESPI a little wave。 Because you could be carrying the next incarnation of the Living God King himself。 Here today and here tomorrow； that is the watchword of Buddha…vision。 Tomorrow belongs to you。'
'For I know we'll meet again； some sunny day。。。' Fade out。
L。 Ron Hubbard's glory girls freighted their precious cargo at great speed towards the Chosen One's thinking quarters。 Scores of vacuum…eyed young men； with swish black suits； clutching antique filofaxes to their bosoms； followed at the double。 'Arm 'em up！' trilled the portly Thetan。 'Run every son…of…a…bitch through the E meter and send 'em out。' The pale young men shouted into their radio…phones and did what they could to add to the general confusion。
'And get my chef down here；' L。 Ron continued； 'I want to discuss lunch。'
Pope Joan stayed put。 Popes don't rush about in panic； it simply isn't done。 She merely addressed the assembled clergy。
'Consider the guns blessed。 Aim them directly at Fundamentalist Foods and discharge them。 That is all。'
The lads at the Nemesis motorpool grudgingly paid off the chief mechanic。 One bright spark suggested a whip…round to get up a wreath for Rex。 But no…one was particularly keen； so they got on with the business in hand。 'Who will give me evens on the Jesuits？' asked the chief mechanic； who was feeling lucky。
'News teams are covering both the rival stations；' said Ms Vrillium。 'We are monitoring all their broadcasts； internal as well as external。 We will relay all relevant information to the viewers the moment anything truly significant occurs。'
'You consider that a state of war now exists？'
'Oh yes； dear。 No doubt about it。'
Gloria was all smiles。 'Good。 And technical are going to run all the appropriate archive footage？ Threats； recriminations； cover…ups； scandals； corruption in high places。 All the horny stuff？'
'The stuff we have been manufacturing for years； dear？ All taken care of。 Overkill； is； I believe； the expression。'
'There is； I trust； no chance whatever that Dan might have survived the blast？'
'None。 Intelligence informed us that a bomb had been fitted to Rex's air car。 We took the liberty of exploding that first。 They had nowhere to run to。'
'Shame；' said twenty billion Phnaargs。 But they remained glued to their sets； all the same。
'Good。' Gloria stretched languidly and ran her fingers through her hair。 'I am； of course； very sorry about Rex。 But； as they say； you can't make a really good lubricant without breaking eggs。'
'You certainly can't；' Ms Vrillium willingly agreed。 I wonder what an egg is； and where you can get one at this time of day？ she mused。
'Oh； boo and hoo and boo hoo hoo；' sobbed the Sneaky Reekie。 'I'm a dud。 A great big dud。 The shame； the shame。'
Rex patted the blubbering bomb upon the dented nosecone。 'Never mind；' he said encouragingly。 'It's all for the best； you know。'
'The last of my line；' wailed the missile； 'and how does my world end？'
'Not with a bang but a whimper？'
'Oh cruel； cruel。'
'But let's look on the bright side；' Rex was all for that； 'you could have injured us badly。'
'Injured you badly？ I would have atomised you。 My destructive capabilities are 。。。 were 。。。 should have been 。。。 oh； the shame。。。'
'Hey； hold on there；' Elvis put in。 'If it wasn't this SOB； something made one hell of a bang out there。'
'I think I might be able to explain；' said Fergus Shaman。 'There was a bomb in Rex's air car。 It was detonated by remote control from the Nemesis building。 I fear it must have set off the Dilithium Crystals in my spaceship causing the major explosion。 Luckily for us the rear end of this loquacious missile absorbed the impact upon the bunker； sparing our lives。 There's always a logical explanation if you are prepared to stretch credibility far enough；'
'Hang on there。' The voice belonged to Rex。 'What bomb in my air car？'
'The one he placed in it。' Fergus pointed the finger of guilt toward Dalai Dan。 'To destroy the car as soon as you had picked up Mr Presley。'
'Oh I never did；' lied the Living God King。 'As if I would。'
'What about me？' wailed the Sneaky Reekie。 'My reverse gears are buggered also。'
'Talking bomb；' muttered Elvis。 'Pile of horseshit。'
'Oh； I don't know； chief。 Logical progression； life always imitates art； you know。 Remember that science fiction film； Dark Star； on Concorde； when we were on our way to Hong Kong？'
'Shit； yeah。 That where this guy swiped the idea from？'
'Bound to be； chief。'
'But in the movie； the bomb finally blew up。'
'Yeah chief； just what I was thinking。'
'You put a bomb in my air car？' Rex was now shaking the Dalai by the throat。
'Rex； no； please； ouch。 You can't believe him。。。 gag。。。 gurgle。。。 What about our working relationship； your pension plan？ Ow； gulp。。。' Rex took his hands from the holyman's throat and kicked his chair over。 He turned away in fury to confront a bunker wall of no particular interest。 Gloria's face lit up the TV terminal。
'As a special tribute to the Dalai Lama； who cast away his Earthly form this very morning； we are going to screen a selection of humorous out…takes and bloopers from the last series of Nemesis。 These show the more muddled； human side of our beloved Dan and it was his express wish that we show them； should an eventuality such as this occur。'
'You'll get yours； Gloria；' spat the floor…bound Dan from between seriously gritted teeth。 'You see if you don't。'
'We shall； of course interrupt this ic relief with any up…to…the…minute newsflashes of the war currently waging between the Jesuits and the Fundamentalists。 Om…mani…padme…hum。'
Dan took to screaming and thrashing。 It was most unbeing。
28
。。。 yeah； certainly； I work for the department。 And all I'm saying is； if it came through here； it came through me。 Nothing es in or goes out except if it's through me。 It gets checked in。 It gets evaluated。 It gets authenticated； or not； as the case may be。 It gets indexed。 It gets catalogued and it gets filed。 All through me。 Now； the date you are talking about is a date I'm hardly going to forget； am I？ It being the date that the last object ever came through here。 Although； as you can see； I'm sitting at my desk in case something else might e in。 Which is unlikely as the digs have been closed for twenty years。 But I'm still here。 Boring？ A pointless existence？ Twenty ye