worldly ways and byways- 第43部分

When　I　have　seen　this　enemy　at　my　feet；　I　shall　start　down　town　

（stopping　on　the　way　to　brain　the　teller　at　my　bank；　who　is　

perennially　paring　his　nails；　and　refuses　to　see　me　until　that　

operation　is　performed）；　to　the　office　of　a　night…boat　line；　where　

the　clerk　has　so　often　forced　me；　with　hundreds　of　other　weary　

victims；　to　stand　in　line　like　convicts；　while　he　chats　with　a　

〃lady　friend；〃　his　back　turned　to　us　and　his　leg　comfortably　thrown　

over　the　arm　of　his　chair。　　Then　I　will　take　my　blood…stained　way　…　

but；　no！　　It　is　better　not　to　put　my　victims　on　their　guard；　but　to　

abide　my　time　in　silence！　　Courage；　fellow…slaves；　our　day　will　

come！









CHAPTER　40　…　Introspection　*





THE　close　of　a　year　must　bring　even　to　the　careless　and　the　least　

inclined　toward　self…inspection；　an　hour　of　thoughtfulness；　a　

desire　to　glance　back　across　the　past；　and　set　one's　mental　house　

in　order；　before　starting　out　on　another　stage　of　the　journey　for　

that　none　too　distant　bourne　toward　which　we　all　are　moving。



*　December　thirty…first；　1888。



Our　minds　are　like　solitary　dwellers　in　a　vast　residence；　whom　

habit　has　accustomed　to　live　in　a　few　only　of　the　countless　

chambers　around　them。　　We　have　collected　from　other　parts　of　our　

lives　mental　furniture　and　bric…a…brac　that　time　and　association　

have　endeared　to　us；　have　installed　these　meagre　belongings　

convenient　to　our　hand；　and　contrived　an　entrance　giving　facile　

access　to　our　living…rooms；　avoiding　the　effort　of　a　long　detour　

through　the　echoing　corridors　and　disused　salons　behind。　　No　

acquaintances；　and　but　few　friends；　penetrate　into　the　private　

chambers　of　our　thoughts。　　We　set　aside　a　common　room　for　the　

reception　of　visitors；　making　it　as　cheerful　as　circumstances　will　

allow　and　take　care　that　the　conversation　therein　rarely　turns　on　

any　subject　more　personal　than　the　view　from　the　windows　or　the　

prophecies　of　the　barometer。



In　the　old…fashioned　brick　palace　at　Kensington；　a　little　suite　of　

rooms　is　carefully　guarded　from　the　public　gaze；　swept；　garnished　

and　tended　as　though　the　occupants　of　long　ago　were　hourly　expected　

to　return。　　The　early　years　of　England's　aged　sovereign　were　passed　

in　these　simple　apartments　and　by　her　orders　they　have　been　kept　

unchanged；　the　furniture　and　decorations　remaining　to…day　as　when　

she　inhabited　them。　　In　one　corner；　is　assembled　a　group　of　dolls；　

dressed　in　the　quaint　finery　of　1825。　　A　set　of　miniature　cooking　

utensils　stands　near　by。　　A　child's　scrap…books　and　color…boxes　lie　

on　the　tables。　　In　one　sunny　chamber　stands　the　little　white…draped　

bed　where　the　heiress　to　the　greatest　crown　on　earth　dreamed　her　

childish　dreams；　and　from　which　she　was　hastily　aroused　one　June　

morning　to　be　saluted　as　Queen。　　So　homelike　and　livable　an　air　

pervades　the　place；　that　one　almost　expects　to　see　the　lonely　

little　girl　of　seventy　years　ago　playing　about　the　unpretending　

chambers。



Affection　for　the　past　and　a　reverence　for　the　memory　of　the　dead　

have　caused　the　royal　wife　and　mother　to　preserve　with　the　same　

care　souvenirs　of　her　passage　in　other　royal　residences。　　The　

apartments　that　sheltered　the　first　happy　months　of　her　wedded　

life；　the　rooms　where　she　knew　the　joys　and　anxieties　of　maternity；　

have　become　for　her　consecrated　sanctuaries；　where　the　widowed；　

broken　old　lady　comes　on　certain　anniversaries　to　evoke　the　

unforgotten　past；　to　meditate　and　to　pray。



Who；　as　the　year　is　drawing　to　its　close；　does　not　open　in　memory　

some　such　sacred　portal；　and　sit　down　in　the　familiar　rooms　to　live　

over　again　the　old　hopes　and　fears；　thrilling　anew　with　the　joys　

and　temptations　of　other　days？　　Yet；　each　year　these　pilgrimages　

into　the　past　must　become　more　and　more　lonely　journeys；　the　

friends　whom　we　can　take　by　the　hand　and　lead　back　to　our　old　homes　

become　fewer　with　each　decade。　　It　would　be　a　useless　sacrilege　to　

force　some　listless　acquaintance　to　accompany　us。　　He　would　not　

hear　the　voices　that　call　to　us；　or　see　the　loved　faces　that　people　

the　silent　passages；　and　would　wonder　what　attraction　we　could　find　

in　the　stuffy；　old…fashioned　quarters。



Many　people　have　such　a　dislike　for　any　mental　privacy　that　they　

pass　their　lives　in　public；　or　surrounded　only　by　sporting　trophies　

and　games。　　Some　enjoy　living　in　their　pantries；　composing　for　

themselves　succulent　dishes；　and　interested　in　the　doings　of　the　

servants；　their　companions。　　Others　have　turned　their　salons　into　

nurseries；　or　feel　a　predilection　for　the　stable　and　the　dog…

kennels。　　Such　people　soon　weary　of　their　surroundings；　and　move　

constantly；　destroying；　when　they　leave　old　quarters；　all　the　

objects　they　had　collected。



The　men　and　women　who　have　thus　curtailed　their　belongings　are；　

however；　quite　contented　with　themselves。　　No　doubts　ever　harass　

them　as　to　the　commodity　or　appropriateness　of　their　lodgements　and　

look　with　pity　and　contempt　on　friends　who　remain　faithful　to　old　

habitations。　　The　drawback　to　a　migratory　existence；　however；　is　

the　fact　that；　as　a　French　saying　has　put　it；　CEUX　QUI　SE　REFUSENT　

LES　PENSEES　SERIEUSES　TOMBENT　DANS　LES　IDEES　NOIRES。　　These　people　

are　surprised　to　find　as　the　years　go　by　that　the　futile　amusements　

to　which　they　have　devoted　themselves　do　not　fill　to　their　

satisfaction　all　the　hours　of　a　lifetime。　　Having　provided　no　books　

nor　learned　to　practise　any　art；　the　time　hangs　heavily　on　their　

hands。　　They　dare　not　look　forward　into　the　future；　so　blank　and　

cheerless　does　it　appear。　　The　past　is　even　more　distasteful　to　

them。　　So；　to　fill　the　void　in　their　hearts；　they　hurry　out　into　

the　crowd　as　a　refuge　from　their　own　thoughts。



Happy　those　who　care　to　revisit　old　abodes；　childhood's　remote　

wing；　and　the　moonlit　porches　where　they　knew　the　rapture　of　a　

first…love　whisper。　　Who　can　enter　the　chapel　where　their　dead　lie；　

and　feel　no　blush　of　self…reproach；　nor　burning　consciousness　of　

broken　faith　nor　wasted　opportunities？　　The　new　year　will　bring　to　

them　as　near　an　approach　to　perfect　happiness　as　can　be　attained　in　

life's　journey。　　The　fortunate　mortals　are　rare　who　can；　without　a　

heartache　or　regret；　pass　through　their　disused　and　abandoned　

dwellings；　who　dare　to　open　every　door　and　enter　all　the　silent　

rooms；　who　do　not　hurry　shudderingly　by　some　obscure　corners；　and　

return　with　a　sigh　of　relief　to　the　cheerful　sunlight　and　murmurs　

of　the　present。



Sleepless　midnight　hours　come　inevitably　to　each　of　us；　when　the　

creaking　gates　of　subterranean　passages　far　down　in　our　

consciousness　open　of　themselves；　and　ghostly　inhabitants　steal　out　

of　awful　vaults　and　force　us　to　look　again　into　their　faces　and　

touch　their　unhealed　wounds。



An　old　lady　whose　cheerfulness　under　a　hundred　griefs　and　

tribulations　was　a　marvel　and　an　example；　once　told　a　man　who　had　

come　to　her　for　counsel　in　a　moment　of　bitter　trouble；　that　she　had　

derived　comfort　when　difficulties　loomed　big　around　her　by　writing　

down　all　her　cares　and　worries；　making　a　list　of　the　subjects　that　

harassed　her；　and　had　always　found　that；　when　reduced　to　material　

written　words；　the　dimensions　of　her　troubles　were　astonishingly　

diminished。　　She　recommended　her　procedure　to　the　troubled　youth；　

and　prophesied　that　his　anxieties　would　dwindle　away　in　the　clear　

atmosphere　of　pen　and　paper。



Introspection；　the　deliberate　unlatching　of　closed　wickets；　has　the　

same　effect　of　stealing　away　the　bitterness　from　thoughts　that；　if　

left　in　the　gloom　of　semi…oblivion；　will　grow　until　they　overshadow　

a　whole　life。　　It　is　better　to　follow　the　example　of　England's　pure　

Queen；　visiting　on　certain　anniversaries　our　secret　places　and　

holding　communion　with　the　past；　for　it　is　by　such　scrutiny　only





THAT　MEN　MAY　RISE　ON　STEPPING…STONES

OF　THEIR　DEAD　SELVES　TO　HIGHER　THINGS。





Those　who　have　courage　to　perform　thoroughly　this　task　will　come　

out　from　the　silent　chambers　purified　and　chastened；　more　lenient　

to　the　faults　and　shortcomings　of　others；　and　better　fitted　to　take　

up　cheerfully　the　burdens　of　a　new　year。









End