ubt about it。 You； Baron； must play the part of peer； I of friend。〃
The Baron gasped。
〃Impossible！〃
〃Quite simple； my dear fellow。〃
〃Youyou don't mean so？〃
〃I do indeed。〃
〃Bot I shall not do it so vell as you。〃
〃A hundred times better。〃
〃Bot vy did you not say so before？〃
〃Tulliwuddle might not have agreed with me。〃
〃Bot vould he like it now？〃
〃It is not what he likes that we should consider； it's what is good for his interests。〃
〃Bot if I should fail？〃
〃He will be no worse off than before。 Left to himself； he certainly won't marry the lady。 You give him his only chance。〃
〃Bot more zan you vould； really and truthfully？〃
〃My dear Baron； you are admitted by all to be an ideal German nobleman。 Therefore you will certainly make an ideal British peer。 You have the true Grand…Seigneur air。 No one would mistake you for anything but a great aristocrat； if they merely saw you in bathing pants； whereas I have something a little different about my manner。 I'm not so impressive not so hall…marked； in fact。〃
His friend's omniscient air and candidly eloquent tone impressed the Baron considerably。 His ingrained conviction of his own importance accorded admirably with these arguments。 His thirst for 〃life〃 craved this lion's share。 His sanguine spirit leaped at the appeal。 Yet his well…regulated conscience could not but state one or two patent objections。
〃Bot I have not read so moch of the Tollyvoddles as you。 I do not know ze strings so vell。〃
〃I have told you nearly everything I know。 You will find the rest here。〃
Essington handed him the note…book containing his succinct digest。 In intelligent anticipation of this contingency it was written in his clearest handwriting。
〃You should have been a German；〃 said the Baron admiringly。
He glanced with sparkling eyes at the note…book； and then with a distinctly greater effort the Teutonic conscience advanced another objection。
〃Bot you have bought ze kilt； ze Highland hat； ze brogue shoes。〃
〃I had them made to your measurements。〃
The Baron impetuously embraced his thoughtful friend。 Then again his smile died away。
〃Bot； Bonker； my voice！ Zey tell me I haf nozing zat you vould call qvite an accent； bot a foreigner one does regognize him； eh？〃
〃I shall explain that in a sentence。 The romantic tincture ofwell； not quite accent； is a pleasant little piece of affectation adopted by the young bloods about the Court in compliment to the German connections of the Royal family。〃
The Baron raised no more objections。
〃Bonker； I agree！ Tollyvoddle I shall be； by Jove and all！〃
He beamed his satisfaction； and then in an eager voice asked
〃You haf not ze kilt in zat hat…box？〃
Unfortunately； however； the kilt was in the van。
Now the journey； propitiously begun； became more exhilarating； more exciting with each mile flung by。 The Baron； egged on by his friend's high spirits and his own imagination to anticipate pleasure upon pleasure； watched with rapture the summer landscape whiz past the windows。 Through the flat midlands of England they sped； field after field； hedgerow after hedgerow； trees by the dozen； by the hundred； by the thousand； spinning by in one continuous green vista。 Red brick towns； sluggish rivers； thatched villages and ancient churches dark with yews； the shining web of junctions； and a whisking glimpse of wayside stations leaped towards them； past them； and leagues away behind。 But swiftly as they sped； it was all too slowly for the fresh…created Lord Tulliwuddle。
〃Are we not nearly to Scotland yet？〃 he inquired some fifty times。
〃 'My heart's in the Highlands a…chasing the dears！' 〃 hummed the abdicated nobleman； whose hilarity had actually increased （if that were possible） since his descent into the herd again。
All the travellers' familiar landmarks were hailed by the gleeful diplomatist with encouraging comments。
〃Ach； look！ Beauteeful view！ How quickly it is gone！ Hurray！ Ve must be nearly to Scotland。〃
A panegyric on the rough sky…line of the north country fells was interrupted by the entrance of the dining…car attendant。 Learning that they would dine； he politely inquired in what names he should engage their seats。 Then； for an instant； a horrible confusion nearly overcame the Baron。 Hea von Blitzenberg to give a false name！ His color rose； he stammered； and only in the nick of time caught his companion's eye。
〃Ze Lord Tollyvoddle；〃 he announced； with an effort as heroic as any of his ancestors' most warlike enterprises。
Too impressed to inquire how this remarkable title should be spelled； the man turned to the other distinguished…looking passenger。
〃Bunker；〃 said that gentleman； with smiling assurance。
The man went out。
〃Now are ve named！〃 cried the Baron； his courage rising the higher for the shock it had sustained。 〃And you vunce more vill be Bonker？ Goot！〃
〃That satisfies you？〃
The Baron hesitated。
〃My dear friend； I have a splendid idea！ Do you know I did disgover zere used to be a nobleman in Austria really called Count Bonker？ He vas a famous man； you need not be ashamed to take his name。 Vy should not you be Count Bonker？〃
〃You prefer to travel in titled company？ Well； be hangedwhy not！ When one comes to think of it； it seems a pity that my sins should always be attributed to the middle classes。〃
Accordingly this history has now the honorable task of chronicling the exploits of no fewer than two noblemen。
CHAPTER VII
Late that evening they reached a city which the home…coming chieftain in an outburst of Celtic fervor dubbed 〃mine own bonny Edinburg！〃 and there they repaired for the night to a hotel。 Once more the Baron （we may still style him so since the peerage of Tulliwuddle was of that standing also） showed a certain diffidence when it came to answering to his new title in public； but in the seclusion of their private sitting…room he was careful to assure his friend that this did not arise from any lack of nerve or qualms zof conscience； but merely through a species of headachethe result of railway travelling。
〃Do not fear for me；〃 he declared as he stirred the sugar in his glass； 〃I have ze heart of a lion。〃
The liquid he was sipping being nothing less potent than a brew of whisky punch； which he had ordered （or rather requested Bunker to order） as the most romantically national compound he could think of； produced； indeed； a fervor of foolhardiness。 He insisted upon opening the door wide； and getting Bunker to address him as 〃Tollyvoddle；〃 in a strident voice； 〃so zat zey all may hear；〃 and then answering in a firm 〃Yes； Count Bonker； vat vould you say to me？〃
It is true that he instantly closed the door again； and even bolted it； but his display seemed to make a vast impression upon himself。
〃Many men vould not dare so to go mit anozzer name；〃 he announced； 〃bot I have my nerves onder a good gontrol。〃
〃You astonish me；〃 said the Count。
〃I do even surprise myself；〃 admitted the Baron。
In truth the ordeal of carelessly carrying off an alias is said by those who have undergone it （and the report is confirmed by an experienced class of public officials） to require a species of hardihood which； fortunately for society； is somewhat rare。 The most daring Smith will sometimes stammer when it comes to merely answering 〃Yes〃 to a cry of 〃Brown！〃 and Count Bunker； whose knowledge of human nature was profound and remarkably accurate； was careful to fortify his friend by example and praise； till by the time they went to bed the Baron could scarcely be withheld from seeking out the manager and airing his assurance upon him。 Or； at least； he declared he would have done this had he been sure that the manager was not already in bed himself。
Unfortunately at this juncture the Count committed one of those indiscretions to which a gay spirit is always prone； but which； to do him justice； seldom sullied his own record as a successful adventurer。 At an hour considerably past midnight； hearing an excited summons from the Baron's bedroom； he laid down his toothbrush and hastened across the passage； to find the new peer in a crimson dressing…gown of quilted silk gazing enthusiastically at a lithograph that hung upon the wall。
〃See！〃 he cried gleefully； 〃here is my own ancestor。 Bonker； I feel I am Tollyvoddle indeed。〃
The print which had inspired this enthusiasm depicted a historical but treasonable Lord Tulliwuddle preparing to have his head removed。
Giving it a droll look； the Count observed
〃Well； if it inspires you； my dear Baron； that's all right。 The omen would have struck me differently。〃
〃Ze omen！〃 murmured the Baron with a start。
It required all Bunker's tact to revive his ally's damped enthusiasm； and even at breakfast next morning he referred in a gloomy voice to various premonitions recorded in the history of his family； and the horrible consequences of disregarding them。
But by the time they had started upon their journey north； his spirits rose a trifle； and when at length all lowland landscapes were left far behind them； and they had come into a province of peat streams and granite pinnacles； with the gloom of pines and the freshness of the birch blended like