the way of temptation； and adopting Arvine as the successor to my
beloved and lamented Frost。
Some successor I must find； or I must give up writing altogether；
and this I should be sorry to do。 I have only as yet written about
a third； or from thatcounting works written but not publishedto
a half； of the books which I have set myself to write。 It would not
so much matter if old age was not staring me in the face。 Dr。 Parr
said it was 〃a beastly shame for an old man not to have laid down a
good cellar of port in his youth〃； I； like the greater number； I
suppose； of those who write books at all； write in order that I may
have something to read in my old age when I can write no longer。 I
know what I shall like better than any one can tell me； and write
accordingly； if my career is nipped in the bud； as seems only too
likely； I really do not know where else I can turn for present
agreeable occupation； nor yet how to make suitable provision for my
later years。 Other writers can； of course； make excellent provision
for their own old ages； but they cannot do so for mine； any more
than I should succeed if I were to try to cater for theirs。 It is
one of those cases in which no man can make agreement for his
brother。
I have no heart for continuing this article； and if I had； I have
nothing of interest to say。 No one's literary career can have been
smoother or more unchequered than mine。 I have published all my
books at my own expense； and paid for them in due course。 What can
be conceivably more unromantic？ For some years I had a little
literary grievance against the authorities of the British Museum
because they would insist on saying in their catalogue that I had
published three sermons on Infidelity in the year 1820。 I thought I
had not； and got them out to see。 They were rather funny； but they
were not mine。 Now； however； this grievance has been removed。 I
had another little quarrel with them because they would describe me
as 〃of St。 John's College； Cambridge；〃 an establishment for which I
have the most profound veneration； but with which I have not had the
honour to be connected for some quarter of a century。 At last they
said they would change this description if I would only tell them
what I was； for； though they had done their best to find out； they
had themselves failed。 I replied with modest pride that I was a
Bachelor of Arts。 I keep all my other letters inside my name； not
outside。 They mused and said it was unfortunate that I was not a
Master of Arts。 Could I not get myself made a Master？ I said I
understood that a Mastership was an article the University could not
do under about five pounds； and that I was not disposed to go
sixpence higher than three ten。 They again said it was a pity； for
it would be very inconvenient to them if I did not keep to something
between a bishop and a poet。 I might be anything I liked in reason；
provided I showed proper respect for the alphabet； but they had got
me between 〃Samuel Butler； bishop；〃 and 〃Samuel Butler； poet。〃 It
would be very troublesome to shift me； and bachelor came before
bishop。 This was reasonable； so I replied that； under those
circumstances； if they pleased； I thought I would like to be a
philosophical writer。 They embraced the solution； and； no matter
what I write now； I must remain a philosophical writer as long as I
live； for the alphabet will hardly be altered in my time； and I must
be something between 〃Bis〃 and 〃Poe。〃 If I could get a volume of my
excellent namesake's 〃Hudibras〃 out of the list of my works； I
should be robbed of my last shred of literary grievance； so I say
nothing about this； but keep it secret； lest some worse thing should
happen to me。 Besides； I have a great respect for my namesake； and
always say that if 〃Erewhon〃 had been a racehorse it would have been
got by 〃Hudibras〃 out of 〃Analogy。〃 Some one said this to me many
years ago； and I felt so much flattered that I have been repeating
the remark as my own ever since。
But how small are these grievances as compared with those endured
without a murmur by hundreds of writers far more deserving than
myself。 When I see the scores and hundreds of workers in the
reading…room who have done so much more than I have； but whose work
is absolutely fruitless to themselves； and when I think of the
prompt recognition obtained by my own work； I ask myself what I have
done to be thus rewarded。 On the other hand； the feeling that I
have succeeded far beyond my deserts hitherto； makes it all the
harder for me to acquiesce without complaint in the extinction of a
career which I honestly believe to be a promising one； and once more
I repeat that； unless the Museum authorities give me back my Frost；
or put a locked clasp on Arvine； my career must be extinguished。
Give me back Frost； and； if life and health are spared； I will write
another dozen of volumes yet before I hang up my fiddleif so
serious a confusion of metaphors may be pardoned。 I know from long
experience how kind and considerate both the late and present
superintendents of the reading…room were and are； but I doubt how
far either of them would be disposed to help me on this occasion；
continue； however； to rob me of my Frost； and； whatever else I may
do； I will write no more books。
Note by Dr。 Garnett； British Museum。The frost has broken up。 Mr。
Butler is restored to literature。 Mr。 Mudie may make himself easy。
England will still boast a humourist； and the late Mr。 Darwin （to
whose posthumous machinations the removal of the book was owing）
will continue to be confounded。R。 GANNETT。
RAMBLINGS IN CHEAPSIDE ｛2｝
Walking the other day in Cheapside I saw some turtles in Mr。
Sweeting's window； and was tempted to stay and look at them。 As I
did so I was struck not more by the defences with which they were
hedged about； than by the fatuousness of trying to hedge that in at
all which； if hedged thoroughly； must die of its own defencefulness。
The holes for the head and feet through which the turtle leaks out；
as it were； on to the exterior world； and through which it again
absorbs the exterior world into itself〃catching on〃 through them
to things that are thus both turtle and not turtle at one and the
same timethese holes stultify the armour； and show it to have been
designed by a creature with more of faithfulness to a fixed idea；
and hence one…sidedness； than of that quick sense of relative
importances and their changes； which is the main factor of good
living。
The turtle obviously had no sense of proportion； it differed so
widely from myself that I could not comprehend it； and as this word
occurred to me； it occurred also that until my body comprehended its
body in a physical material sense； neither would my mind be able to
comprehend its mind with any thoroughness。 For unity of mind can
only be consummated by unity of body； everything； therefore； must be
in some respects both knave and fool to all that which has not eaten
it； or by which it has not been eaten。 As long as the turtle was in
the window and I in the street outside； there was no chance of our
comprehending one another。
Nevertheless I knew that I could get it to agree with me if I could
so effectually button…hole and fasten on to it as to eat it。 Most
men have an easy method with turtle soup； and I had no misgiving but
that if I could bring my first premise to bear I should prove the
better reasoner。 My difficulty lay in this initial process； for I
had not with me the argument that would alone compel Mr。 Sweeting
think that I ought to be allowed to convert the turtlesI mean I
had no money in my pocket。 No missionary enterprise can be carried
on without any money at all； but even so small a sum as half…a…crown
would； I suppose； have enabled me to bring the turtle partly round；
and with many half…crowns I could in time no doubt convert the lot；
for the turtle needs must go where the money drives。 If； as is
alleged； the world stands on a turtle； the turtle stands on money。
No money no turtle。 As for money； that stands on opinion； credit；
trust； faiththings that； though highly material in connection with
money； are still of immaterial essence。
The steps are perfectly plain。 The men who caught the turtles
brought a fairly strong and definite opinion to bear upon them； that
passed into action； and later on into money。 They thought the
turtles would come that way； and verified their opinion； on this；
will and action were generated； with the result that the men turned
the turtles on their backs and carried them off。 Mr。 Sweeting
touched these men with money； which is the outward and visible sign
of verified opinion。 The customer touches Mr。 Sweeting with money；
Mr。 Sweeting touches the waiter and the cook with money。 They touch
the turtle with skill and verified opinion。 Finally； the customer
applies the clinching argument that brushes all sophisms aside； and
bids the turtle stand protoplasm to protoplasm with himself； to know
even as it is known。
But it must be all touch； touch； touch； skill； opinion； power； and
money； passing in and out with one another in any order we like； but
still link to link and touc