hty cu'us； Brer Remus。〃
〃Cum down ter dat； Brer Ab；〃 said Uncle Remus； wiping his spectacles carefully； and readjusting them…〃cum down ter dat； an' dey ain't nuthin' dat ain't cu'us。 I ain't no spishus nigger myse'f； but I 'spizes fer ter year dogs a howlin' an' squinch…owls havin' de ager out in de woods； an' w'en a bull goes a bellerin' by de house den my bones git cole an' my flesh cornmences fer ter creep； but w'en it comes ter deze yer sines in de a'r an' deze yer sperrits in de woods； den I'm out…den I'm done。 I is； fer a fack。 I bin livin' yer more'n Seventy year； an' I year talk er niggers seein' ghos'es all times er night an' all times er day； but I ain't never seed none yit； an' deze yer flags an' Jacob's lathers； I ain't seed dem； nudder。〃
〃Dey er dar； Brer Remus。〃
〃Hit's des like I tell you； Brer Ab。 I ain't 'sputin' 'bout it； but I ain't seed um； an' I don't take no chances deze days on dat w'at I don't see； an' dat w'at I sees I got ter 'zamine mighty close。 Lemme tell you dis； Brer Ab： don't you let deze sines onsettle you。 W'en old man Gabrile toot his ho'n； he ain't gwinter hang no sine out in de winder…panes； an when ole Fadder Jacob lets down dat lather er his'n you'll be mighty ap' fer ter hear de racket。 An' don't you bodder wid jedgment…day。 Jedgment…day is lierbul fer ter take keer un itse'f。〃
〃Dat's so； Brer Remus。〃
〃Hit's bleedzed ter be so； Brer Ab。 Hit don't bodder me。 Hit's done got so now dat w'en I gotter pone er bread； an' a rasher er bacon； an' nuff grease fer ter make gravy； I ain't keerin' much w'edder fokes sees ghos'es er no。
XIV THAT DECEITFUL JUG
UNCLE REMUS was in good humor one evening recently when he dropped casually into the editorial room of 〃The Constitution；〃 as has been his custom for the past year or two。 He had a bag slung across his shoulder； and in the bag was a jug。 The presence of this humble but useful vessel in Uncle Remus's bag was made the occasion for several suggestive jokes at his expense by the members of the staff； but the old man's good humor was proof against all insinuations。
〃Dat ar jug's bin ter wab； mon。 Hit's wunner deze yer ole timers。 I got dat jug down dar in Putmon County w'en Mars 'Lisha Ferryman wuz a young man； an' now he's done growed up； an' got ole an' died； an' his chilluns is growed up an' dey kin count dere gran'chilluns； an' yit dar's dat jug des ez lively an' ez lierbul fer ter kick up devilment ez w'at she wuz w'en she come fum de foundry。〃
〃That's the trouble；〃 said one of the young men。 〃That's the reason we'd like to know what's in it now。
〃Now youer gittin' on ma'shy groun'；〃 replied Uncle Remus。 〃Dat's de p'int。 Dat's w'at make me say w'at I duz。 I bin knowin' dat jug now gwine on sixty…fl' year； an' de jug w'at's more seetful dan dat jug ain't on de topside er de worrul。 Dar she sets；〃 continued the old man； gazing at it reflectively； 〃dar she sets dez ez natchul ez er ambertype； an' yit whar's de man w'at kin tell w'at kinder confab she's a gwineter carry on w'en dat corn…cob is snatched outen 'er mouf？ Dat jug is mighty seefful； mon。〃
〃Well； it don't deceive any of us up here；〃 remarked the agricultural editor； dryly。 〃We've seen jugs before。〃
〃I boun' you is； boss； I boun' you is。 But you ain't seed no seetful jug like dat。 Dar she sets a bellyin' out an' lookin' mighty fat an' full； an' yit she'd set dar a bellyin' out ef dere wuzent nuthin' but win' under dat stopper。 You knows dat she ain't got no aigs in her； ner no bacon； ner no grits； ncr no termartusses； ner no shellotes； an' dat's 'bout all you duz know。 Dog my cats ef de seetfulness er dat jug don't git away wid me； coutmued Uncle Remus； with a chuckle。 〃I wuz comm' 'cross de bridge des now； an' Brer John Henry seed me wid de bag slung onter my back； an' de jug in it； an' he ups an' sez； sezee：
Heyo； Brer Remus； ain't it gittin' late for watermillions？'
〃Hit wuz de seeffulness er dat jug。 If Brer John Henry know'd de color er dat watermillion； I speck he'd snatch me up 'fo' de confunce。 I 'clar' ter grashus ef dat jug ain't a caution！〃
〃I suppose it's full of molasses now；〃 remarked one of the young men； sarcastically。
〃Hear dat！〃 exclaimed Uncle Remus； triumphantly …'hear dat！ W'at I tell you？ I sed dat jug wuz seetful； an' I sticks to it。 I bin knowin' dat…〃
〃What has it got in it？〃 broke in some one； 〃molasses； kerosene； or train…oil？〃
〃Well； I lay she's loaded； boss。 I ain't shuk her up sence I drapt in； but I lay she's loaded。〃
〃Yes；〃 said the agricultural editor； 〃and it's the meanest bug…juice in town…regular sorghum skimmings。〃
〃Dat's needer yer ner dar；〃 responded Uncle Remus。 〃Po' fokes better be fixin' up for Chrismus now w'ile rashuns is cheap。 Dat's me。 W'en I year Miss Sally gwine 'bout de house w'isslin' 'W'en I k'n Read my Titles Cier'…an' w'en I see de martins swawmin' atter sundown…an' w'en I year de peckerwoods confabbin' togedder dese moonshiny nights in my een er town…en I knows de hot wedder's a breakin' up； an' I know it's 'bout time fer po' fokes fer ter be rastlin' 'roun' and huntin' up dere rashuns。 Dat's me； up an down。〃
〃Well； we are satisfied。 Better go and hire a hall；〃 remarked the sporting editor； with a yawn。 〃If you are engaged in a talking match you have won the money。 Blanket him somebody； and take him to the stable。〃
〃An' w'at's mo'；〃 continued the old man； scorning to notice the insinuation； 〃dough I year Miss Sally w'isslin'； an' de peckerwoods a chatterin'； I ain't seein' none er deze yer loafin' niggers fixin' up fer ter 'migrate。 Dey kin holler Kansas all 'roun' de naberhood； but ceppin' a man come 'long an' spell it wid greenbacks； he don't ketch none er deze yer town niggers。 You year me； dey ain't gwine。〃
〃Stand him up on the table；〃 said the Sporting editor； 〃give him room。〃
〃Better go down yer ter de calaboose； an' git some news fer ter print；〃 said Uncle Remus； with a touch of irony in his tone。 〃Some new nigger mighter broke inter jail。〃
〃You say the darkeys are not going to emigrate this year？〃 inquired the agricultural editor； who is interested in these things。
〃Shoo！ dat dey ain't！ I done seed an' I knows。〃
〃Well； how do you know？〃
〃How you tell w'en crow gwineter light？ Niggers bin prom'nadin' by my house all dis summer； holdin' dere heads high up an' de w'ites er dere eyeballs shinin' in de sun。 Dey wuz too bigitty fer ter look over de gyardin' palm's。 'Long 'bout den de wedder wuz fetchin' de nat'al sperrits er turkentime outen de pine…trees an' de groun' wuz fa'rly smokin' wid de hotness。 Now that it's gittin' sorter airish in de mornin's； dey don't 'pear like de same niggers。 Dey done got so deyll look over in de yard； an' nex' news you know de'll be tryin' fer ter scrape up 'quaintence wid de dog。 W'en dey passes now dey looks at de chicken…coop an' at der tater…patch。 W'en you see niggers gittin' dat familious； you kin 'pen' on dere campin' wid you de ballunce er de season。 Day 'fo' yistiddy I kotch one un um lookin' over de fence at my shoats； an' I sez； sez I：
'Duz you wanter purchis dem hogs？'
〃'Oh； no；' sezee； 'I wnz des lookin' at dere p'ints。'
〃'Well； dey ain't p'intin' yo' way； sez I； 'an'； fuddermo'； ef you don't bodder longer dem hogs dey ain't gwineter clime outer dat pen an' 'tack you； nudder；'〃 sez I。
〃An' I boun'；〃 continued Uncle Remus； driving the corn…cob stopper a little tighter in his deceitful jug and gathering up his bag…〃an' I boun' dat my ole muskitil go off 'tween me an' dat same nigger yit； an' he'll be at de bad een'； an' dis seetful jugll 'fuse ter go ter de funer'l。〃
XV THE FLORIDA WATERMELON
'LOOK； yer； boy；〃 said Uncle Remus yesterday； Stopping near the railroad crossing on Whitehall Street； and gazing ferociously at a small colored youth； 〃look yer； boy； Ill lay you out flat ef you come flingin' yo' watermillion rimes under my foot…you watch ef I don't。 You k'n play yo' pranks on deze yer w'ite fokes； but w'en you come a cuttin' up yo' capers roun me youil Ian' right in de middle uv er spell er sickness…now you mine w'at I tell you。 An' I ain't gwine fer ter put up wid none er yo' sassness nudder …let 'lone flingin' watermillion rimes whar I kin git niixt up wid um。 I done had nuff watermillions yisfiddy an' de day befo'。〃
〃How was that； Uncle Remus？〃 asked a gentleman standing near。
〃Hit wuz sorter like dis； boss。 Las' Chuseday； Mars John he fotch home two er deze yer Flurridy watermillions； an him an' Miss Sally sot down fer ter eat tim。 Mars John an' Miss Sally ain't got nuthin' dat's too good fer me； an' de fus news I know'd Miss Sally wuz a hollerin' fer Remus。 I done smelt de watermillion on de a'r； an' I ain't got no better sense dan fer ter go w'en I years w'ite fokes a hollerin'…I larnt dat w'en I wa'n't so high。 Leas'ways I galloped up ter de back po'ch； an' dar sot de watermillions dez ez natchul ez ef dey'd er bin raised on de ole Spivey place in Putmon County。 Den Miss Sally； she cut me off er slishe…wunner deze yer ongodly slishes； big ez yo' hat； an' I sot down on de Steps an' wrop myse'f roun' de whole blessid chunk； 'cepin' de rime〃 Uncle Remus paused and laid his hand upon his stomach as if feeling for something。
〃Well； old man； what then？〃
〃Dat's w'at I'm a gittin' at；