《the nature faker》

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The Nature Faker

by Richard Harding Davis





Richard Herrick was a young man with a gentle disposition; much
money; and no sense of humor。 His object in life was to marry Miss
Catherweight。 For three years she had tried to persuade him this
could not be; and finally; in order to convince him; married some
one else。 When the woman he loves marries another man; the rejected
one is popularly supposed to take to drink or to foreign travel。
Statistics show that; instead; he instantly falls in love with the
best friend of the girl who refused him。 But; as Herrick truly
loved Miss Catherweight; he could not worship any other woman; and
so he became a lover of nature。 Nature; he assured his men friends;
does not disappoint you。 The more thought; care; affection you give
to nature; the more she gives you in return; and while; so he
admitted; in wooing nature there are no great moments; there are no
heart…aches。 Jackson; one of the men friends; and of a frivolous
disposition; said that he also could admire a landscape; but he
would rather look at the beautiful eyes of a girl he knew than at
the Lakes of Killarney; with a full moon; a setting sun; and the
aurora borealis for a background。 Herrick suggested that; while the
beautiful eyes might seek those of another man; the Lakes of
Killarney would always remain where you could find them。 Herrick
pursued his new love in Connecticut on an abandoned farm which he
converted into a 〃model〃 one。 On it he established model dairies
and model incubators。 He laid out old…fashioned gardens; sunken
gardens; Italian gardens; landscape gardens; and a game preserve。

The game preserve was his own especial care and pleasure。 It
consisted of two hundred acres of dense forest and hills and
ridges
of rock。 It was filled with mysterious caves; deep chasms; tiny
gurgling streams; nestling springs; and wild laurel。 It was
barricaded with fallen tree…trunks and moss… covered rocks that
had
never felt the foot of man since that foot had worn a moccasin。
Around the preserve was a high fence stout enough to keep
poachers
on the outside and to persuade the wild animals that inhabited it
to linger on the inside。 These wild animals were squirrels;
rabbits; and raccoons。 Every day; in sunshine or in rain;
entering
through a private gate; Herrick would explore this holy of
holies。
For such vermin as would destroy the gentler animals he carried a
gun。 But it was turned only on those that preyed upon his
favorites。 For hours he would climb through this wilderness; or;
seated on a rock; watch a bluebird building her nest or a
squirrel
laying in rations against the coming of the snow。 In time he grew
to think he knew and understood the inhabitants of this wild
place
of which he was the overlord。 He looked upon them not as his
tenants but as his guests。 And when they fled from him in terror
to
caves and hollow tree…trunks; he wished he might call them back
and
explain he was their friend; that it was due to him they lived in
peace。 He was glad they were happy。 He was glad it was through
him
that; undisturbed; they could live the simple life。

His fall came through ambition。 Herrick himself attributed it to
his too great devotion to nature and nature's children。 Jackson;
he
of the frivolous mind; attributed it to the fact that any man is
sure to come to grief who turns from the worship of God's noblest
handiwork; by which Jackson meant woman; to worship chipmunks and
Plymouth Rock hens。 One night Jackson lured Herrick into New York
to a dinner and a music hall。 He invited also one Kelly; a mutual
friend of a cynical and combative disposition。 Jackson liked to
hear him and Herrick abuse each other; and always introduced
subjects he knew would cause each to lose his temper。

But; on this night; Herrick needed no goading。 He was in an
ungrateful mood。 Accustomed to food fresh from the soil and the
farmyard; he sneered at hothouse asparagus; hothouse grapes; and
cold…storage quail。 At the music hall he was even more difficult。
In front of him sat a stout lady who when she shook with laughter
shed patchouli and a man who smoked American cigarettes。 At these
and the steam heat; the nostrils of Herrick; trained to the odor
of
balsam and the smoke of open wood fires; took offense。 He refused
to be amused。 The monologue artist; in whom Jackson found
delight;
caused Herrick only to groan; the knockabout comedians he hoped
would break their collar…bones; the lady who danced Salome; and
who
fascinated Kelly; Herrick prayed would catch pneumonia and die of
it。 And when the drop rose upon the Countess Zichy's bears; his
dissatisfaction reached a climax。

There were three bearsa large papa bear; a mamma bear; and the
baby bear。 On the programme they were described as Bruno; Clara;
and Ikey。 They were of a dusty brown; with long; curling noses
tipped with white; and fat; tan…colored bellies。 When father
Bruno;
on his hind legs and bare feet; waddled down the stage; he
resembled a Hebrew gentleman in a brown bathing suit who had lost
his waist…line。 As he tripped doubtfully forward; with mincing
steps; he continually and mournfully wagged his head。 He seemed
to
be saying: 〃This water is much too cold for me。〃 The mamma bear
was
dressed in a poke bonnet and white apron; and resembled the wolf
who frightened Little Red Riding…Hood; and Ikey; the baby bear;
wore rakishly over one eye the pointed cap of a clown。 To those
who
knew their vaudeville; this was indisputable evidence that Ikey
would furnish the comic relief。 Nor did Ikey disappoint them。 He
was a wayward son。 When his parents were laboriously engaged in a
boxing…match; or dancing to the 〃Merry Widow Waltz;〃 or balancing
on step…ladders; Ikey; on all fours; would scamper to the
foot…lights and; leaning over; make a swift grab at the head of
the
first trombone。 And when the Countess Zichy; apprised by the
shouts
of the audience of Ikey's misconduct; waved a toy whip; Ikey
would
gallop back to his pedestal and howl at her。 To every one; except
Herrick and the first trombone; this playfulness on the part of
Ikey furnished great delight。

The performances of the bears ended with Bruno and Clara dancing
heavily to the refrain of the 〃Merry Widow Waltz;〃 while Ikey
pretended to conduct the music of the orchestra。 On the final
call;
Madame Zichy threw to each of the animals a beer bottle filled
with
milk; and the gusto with which the savage…looking beasts uncorked
the bottles and drank from them greatly amused the audience。
Ikey;
standing on his hind legs; his head thrown back; with both paws
clasping the base of the bottle; shoved the neck far down his
throat; and then; hurling it from him; and cocking his clown's
hat
over his eyes; gave a masterful imitation of a very intoxicated
bear。

〃That;〃 exclaimed Herrick hotly; 〃is a degrading spectacle。 It
degrades the bear and degrades me and you。〃

〃No; it bores me;〃 said Kelly。

〃If you understood nature;〃 retorted Herrick; 〃and nature's
children; it would infuriate you。〃

〃I don't go to a music hall to get infuriated;〃 said Kelly。

〃Trained dogs I don't mind;〃 exclaimed Herrick。 〃Dogs are not
wild
animals。 The things they're trained to do are of USE。 They can
guard the house; or herd sheep。 But a bear is a wild beast。
Always
will be a wild beast。 You can't train him to be of use。 It's
degrading to make him ride a bicycle。 I hate it! If I'd known
there
were to be performing bears to…night; I wouldn't have come!〃

〃And if I'd known you were to be here to…night; I wouldn't have
come!〃 said Kelly。 〃Where do we go to next?〃

They went next to a restaurant in a gayly decorated cellar。 Into
this young men like themselves and beautiful ladies were so
anxious
to hurl themselves that to restrain them a rope was swung across
the entrance and page boys stood on guard。 When a young man
became
too anxious to spend his money; the page boys pushed in his shirt
front。 After they had fought their way to a table; Herrick
ungraciously remarked he would prefer to sup in a subway station。
The people; he pointed out; would be more human; the decorations
were much of the same Turkish…bath school of art; and the air was
no worse。

〃Cheer up; Clarence!〃 begged Jackson; 〃you'll soon be dead。
To…morrow you'll be back among your tree…toads and sunsets。 And;
let us hope;〃 he sighed; 〃no one will try to stop you!〃

〃What worries me is this;〃 explained Herrick。 〃I can't help
thinking that; if one night of this artificial life is so hard
upon
me; what must it be to those bears!〃

Kelly exclaimed; with exasperation: 〃Confound the bears!〃 he
cried。
〃If you must spoil my supper weeping over animals; weep over
cart…horses。 They work。 Those bears are loafers。 They're as well
fed as pet canaries。 They're aristocrats。〃

〃But it's not a free life!〃 protested Herrick。 〃It's not the life
they love。〃

〃It's a darned sight better;〃 declared Kelly; than sleeping in a
damp wood; eating raw blackberries〃

〃The more you say;〃 retorted Herrick; 〃the more you show you know
nothing whatsoever of nature's children and their habits。〃

〃And all you know of them;〃 returned Kelly; is that a cat has
ni
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