eeth； cracked off the superior part of the cupola； and then applying his lips to the instrument； began to sound it like a trumpet。 'Twas martial beyond description/tantara！//tara！//ta！/
During the concert I walked in the park with Lady Fragrantia： she was dressed that morning in a /chemise à la reine/。 〃I like；〃 said she； 〃the dew of the morning； 'tis delicate and ethereal； and； by thus bespangling me； I think it will more approximate me to the nature of the rose ＇for her looks were like Aurora＇； and to confirm the vermilion I shall go to Spa。〃 〃And drink the Podhon spring？〃 added I； gazing at her from top to toe。 〃Yes；〃 replied the lovely Fragrantia； 〃with all my heart； 'tis the drink of sweetness and delicacy。 Never were there any creatures like the water…drinkers at spa； they seem like so many thirsty blossoms on a peach…tree； that suck up the shower in the scorching heat。 There is a certain something in the waters that gives vigour to the whole frame； and expands every heart with rapture and benevolence。 They drink！ good gods！ how they do drink！ and then； how they sleep！ Pray； my dear Baron； were you ever at the falls of Niagara？〃 〃Yes； my lady；〃 replied I； surprised at such a strange association of ideas； 〃I have been； many years ago； at the Falls of Niagara； and found no more difficulty in swimming up and down the cataracts than I should to move a minuet。〃 At that moment she dropped her nosegay。 〃Ah；〃 said she； as I presented it to her； 〃there is no great variety in these polyanthuses。 I do assure you； my dear Baron； that there is taste in the selection of flowers as well as everything else； and were I a girl of sixteen I should wear some rosebuds in my bosom； but at five…and…twenty I think it would be more /apropos/ to wear a full…blown rose； quite ripe； and ready to drop off the stalk for want of being pulledheigh…ho！〃 〃But pray； my lady；〃 said I； 〃how do you like the concert？〃 〃Alas！〃 said she； languishingly； while she laid her hand upon my shoulder； 〃what are these bodiless sounds and vibration to me？ and yet what an exquisite sweetness in the songs of the northern part of our island：'/Thou art gone awa' from me； Mary！/' How pathetic and divine the little airs of Scotland and the Hebrides！ But never； never can I think of that same Doctor Johnson that CONSTABLE； as Fergus MacLeod calls himbut I have an idea of a great brown full…bottomed wig and a hogshead of porter！ Oh； 'twas base！ to be treated everywhere with politeness and hospitality； and in return invidiously to smellfungus them all over； to go to the country of Kate of Aberdeen； of Auld Robin Gray； 'midst rural innocence and sweetness； take up their plaids； and dance。 Oh！ Doctor； Doctor！〃
〃And what would you say； Fragrantia； if you were to write a tour to the Hebrides？〃 〃Peace to the heroes；〃 replied she； in a delicate and theatrical tone； 〃peace to the heroes who sleep in the isle of Iona； the sons of the wave； and the chiefs of the dark…brown shield！ The tear of the sympathising stranger is scattered by the wind over the hoary stones as she meditates sorrowfully on the times of old！ Such could I say； sitting upon some druidical heap or tumulus。 The fact is this； there is a right and wrong handle to everything； and there is more pleasure in thinking with pure nobility of heart than with the illiberal enmities and sarcasm of a blackguard。〃
CHAPTER XXXI
/A litigated contention between Don Quixote； Gog； Magog； &c。A grand court assembled upon itThe appearance of the companyThe matrons； judges； &c。The method of writing； and the use of the fashionable amusement quizzesWauwau arrives from the country of Prester John； and leads the whole Assembly a wild…goose chase to the top of Plinlimmon； and thence to VirginiaThe Baron meets a floating island in his voyage to AmericaPursues Wauwau with his whole company through the deserts of North AmericaHis curious contrivance to seize Wauwau in a morass。/
The contention between Gog and Magog； and Sphinx； Hilaro Frosticos； the Lord Whittington； &c。； was productive of infinite litigation。 All the lawyers in the kingdom were employed； to render the affair as complex and gloriously uncertain as possible； and； in fine； the whole nation became interested； and were divided on both sides of the question。 Colossus took the part of Sphinx； and the affair was at length submitted to the decision of a grand council in a great hall； adorned with seats on every side in form of an amphitheatre。 The assembly appeared the most magnificent and splendid in the world。 A court or jury of one hundred matrons occupied the principal and most honourable part of the amphitheatre； they were dressed in flowing robes of sky…blue velvet adorned with festoons of brilliants and diamond stars； grave and sedate…looking matrons； all in uniform； with spectacles upon their noses； and opposite to these were placed one hundred judges； with curly white wigs flowing down on each side of them to their very feet； so that Solomon in all his glory was not so wise in appearance。 At the ardent request of the whole empire I
condescended to be the president of the court； and being arrayed accordingly； I took my seat beneath a canopy erected in the centre。 Before every judge was placed a square inkstand； containing a gallon of ink； and pens of a proportionable size； and also right before him an enormous folio； so large as to serve for table and book at the same time。 But they did not make much use of their pens and ink； except to blot and daub the paper； for； that they should be the more impartial； I had ordered that none but the blind should be honoured with the employment： so that when they attempted to write anything； they uniformly dipped their pens into the machine containing sand； and having scrawled over a page as they thought； desiring them to dry it with sand； would spill half a gallon of ink upon the paper； and thereby daubing their fingers； would transfer the ink to their face whenever thy leaned their cheek upon their hand for greater gravity。 As to the matrons； to prevent an eternal prattle that would drown all manner of intelligibility； I found it absolutely necessary to sew up their mouths； so that between the blind judges and the dumb matrons methought the trial had a chance of being terminated sooner than it otherwise would。 The matrons； instead of their tongues； had other instruments to convey their ideas： each of them had three quizzes； one quiz pendent from the string that sewed up her mouth； and another quiz in either hand。 When she wished to express her negative； she darted and recoiled the quizzes in her right and left hand； and when she desired to express her affirmative； she； nodding； made the quiz pendent from her mouth flow down and recoil again。 The trial proceeded in this manner for a long time； to the admiration of the whole empire； when at length I thought proper to send to my old friend and ally； Prester John； entreating him to forward to me one of the species of wild and curious birds found in his kingdom； called a Wauwau。 This creature was brought over the great bridge before mentioned； from the interior of Africa； by a balloon。 The balloon was placed upon the bridge； extending over the parapets on each side； with great wings or oars to assist its velocity； and under the balloon was placed pendant a kind of boat； in which were the persons to manage the steerage of the machine； and protect Wauwau。 This oracular bird； arriving in England； instantly darted through one of the windows of the great hall； and perched upon the canopy in the centre to the admiration of all present。 Her cackling appeared quite prophetic and oracular； and the first question proposed to her by the unanimous consent of the matrons and judges was； Whether or not the moon was composed of green cheese？ The solution of this question was deemed absolutely necessary before they could proceed farther on the trial。
Wauwau seemed in figure not very much differing from a swan； except that the neck was not near so long； and she stood after an admirable fashion like to Vestris。 She began cackling most sonorously； and the whole assembly agreed that it was absolutely necessary to catch her； and having her in their immediate possession； nothing more would be requisite for the termination of this litigated affair。 For this purpose the whole house rose up to catch her； and approached in tumult； the judges brandishing their pens； and shaking their big wigs； and the matrons quizzing as much as possible in every direction； which very much startled Wauwau； who； clapping her wings； instantly flew out of the hall。 The assembly began to proceed after her in order and style of precedence； together with my whole train of Gog and Magog； Sphinx； Hilaro Frosticos； Queen Mab's chariot； the bulls and crickets； &c。； preceded by bands of music； while Wauwau； descending on the earth； ran on like an ostrich before the troop； cackling all the way。 Thinking suddenly to catch this ferocious animal； the judges and matrons would suddenly quicken their pace； but the creature would as quickly outrun them； or sometimes fly away for many miles together； and then alight to take breath until we came within sight of her again。 Our train journeyed over a most pr