Therefore； I think the soul may sometimes find out an existence as superior
as my mind is to the dead chalk cliff。
With the great sun burning over the foamflaked sea； roofed with
heavenaware of myself； a consciousness forced on me by these
thingsI feel that thought must yet grow larger and correspond
in magnitude of conception to these。 But these cannot content
me； these Titanic things of sea； and sun； and profundity； I feel
that my thought is stronger than they are。 I burn life like a
torch。 The hot light shot back from the sea scorches my cheek
my life is burning in me。 The soul throbs like the sea for a
larger life。 No thought which I have ever had has satisfied my
soul。
CHAPTER VII
MY strength is not enough to fulfil my desire； if I had the strength of the
ocean；and of the earth； the burning vigour of the sun implanted in my limbs；
it would hardly suffice to gratify the measureless desire of life which
possesses me。 I have often walked the day long over the sward； and；
compelled
to pause； at length； in my weariness； I was full of the same eagerness with
which I started。 The sinews would obey no longer；
but the will was the same。 My frame could never take the violent exertion my
heart demanded。 Labour of body was like meat
and drink to me。 Over the open hills； up the steep ascents； mile after mile；
there was deep enjoyment in the long…drawn breath；
the spring of the foot； in the act of rapid movement。 Never have I had
enough of it； I wearied long before I was satisfied；
and weariness did not bring a cessation of desire； the thirst was still
there。 I rowed； I used the axe； I split tree…trunks with wedges； my arms
tired； but my spirit remained fresh and chafed against the physical
weariness。 My arms were not
strong enough to satisfy me with the axe； or wedges； or oars。 There was
delight in the moment； but it was not enough。 I swam；
and what is more delicious than swimming？ It is exercise and luxury at once。
But I could not swim far enough； I was always dissatisfied with myself on
leaving the water。
Nature has not given me a great frame； and had it done so I should still
have longed for more。 I was out of doors all day； and often half the night；
still I wanted more sunshine； more air； the hours were too short。 I feel
this even more now than in the violence of early youth： the hours are too
short； the day should be sixty hours long。 Slumber； too； is abbreviated and
restricted； forty hours of night and sleep would not be too much。 So little
can be accomplished in the longest summer day； so little rest and new force
is accumulated in a short eight hours of sleep。
I live by the sea now； I can see nothing of it in a day； why； I
do but get a breath of it； and the sun sinks before I have well
begun to think。 Life is so little and so mean。 I dream sometimes backwards
of the ancient times。 If I could have the bow of Ninus； and the earth full
of wild bulls and lions； to hunt them down； there would be rest in that。 To
shoot with a gun is nothing； a mere touch discharges it。 Give me a bow； that
I may enjoy the delight of feeling myself draw the string and
the strong wood bending； that I may see the rush of the arrow； and the broad
head bury itself deep in shaggy hide。 Give me an iron mace that I may crush
the savage beast and hammer him down。 A spear to thrust through with； so
that I may feel the long blade enter and the push of the shaft。 The
unwearied strength of Ninus to hunt unceasingly in the fierce sun。 Still I
should desire greater strength and a stouter bow； wilder creatures to
combat。 The intense life of the senses； there is never enough for them。 I
envy Semiramis； I would have been ten times Semiramis。 I envy Nero； because
of the great concourse of beauty he saw。 I should like to be loved by every
beautiful woman on earth； from the swart Nubian to the white and divine
Greek。
Wine is pleasant and meat refreshing； but though I own with
absolute honesty that I like them； these are the least of all。
Of these two only have I ever had enough。 The vehemence of exertion； the
vehemence of the spear； the vehemence of sunlight and life； the insatiate
desire of insatiate Semiramis； the still more insatiate desire of love；
divine and beautiful； the uncontrollable adoration of beauty； thesethese：
give me these in greater abundance than was ever known to man or woman。 The
strength of Hercules； the fulness of the senses； the richness of life； would
not in the least impair my desire of soul…life。 On the reverse； with every
stronger beat of the pulse my desire of soul…life would expand。 So it has
ever been with me； in hard exercise； in sensuous pleasure； in the embrace of
the sunlight；
even in the drinking of a glass of wine； my heart has been lifted the higher
towards perfection of soul。 Fulness of physical life causes a deeper desire
of soul…life。
Let me be physically perfect； in shape； vigour； and movement。
My frame； naturally slender； will not respond to labour； and increase in
proportion to effort； nor will exposure harden a
delicate skin。 It disappoints me so far； but my spirit rises with the
effort； and my thought opens。 This is the only profit of frost； the pleasure
of winter； to conquer cold； and to feel braced and strengthened by that
whose province it is to wither and destroy； making of cold； life's enemy；
life's renewer。 The black north wind hardens the resolution as steel is
tempered in ice…water。 It is a sensual joy； as sensuous as the warm
embrace of the sunlight； but fulness of physical life ever brings to me a
more eager desire of soul…life。
Splendid it is to feel the boat rise to the roller； or forced through by the
sail to shear the foam aside like a share； splendid to undulate as the chest
lies on the wave； swimming； the brimming ocean round： then I know and feel
its deep strong tide； its immense fulness； and the sun glowing over；
splendid to climb the steep green hill： in these I feel myself； I drink the
exquisite joy of the senses； and my soul lifts itself with them。 It is
beautiful even to watch a fine horse gallop； the long stride； the rush of
the wind as he passesmy heart beats quicker to the thud of the hoofs； and
I feel his strength。 Gladly would I have the strength of the Tartar stallion
roaming the wild steppe； that very strength； what vehemence of soul…thought
would accompany it。 But I should like it； too； for itself。 For I believe；
with all my heart； in the body and
the flesh； and believe that it should be increased and made more
beautiful by every means。 I believeI do more than thinkI
believe it to be a sacred duty； incumbent upon every one； man
and woman； to add to and encourage their physical life； by
exercise； and in every manner。 A sacred duty each towards himself； and each
towards the whole of the human race。 Each one of us should do some little
part for the physical good of the racehealth； strength； vigour。 here is
no harm therein to the soul： on the contrary； those who stunt their physical
life are most certainly stunting their souls。
I believe all manner of asceticism to be the vilest blasphemy
blasphemy towards the whole of the human race。 I believe in the
flesh and the body； which is worthy of worshipto see a perfect human body
unveiled causes a sense of worship。 The ascetics are the only persons who
are impure。 Increase of physical beauty is attended by increase of soul
beauty。 The soul is the high even by gazing on beauty。 Let me be fleshly
perfect。
It is in myself that I desire increase； profit； and exaltation
of body； mind； and soul。 The surroundings； the clothes； the dwelling； the
social status； the circumstances are to me utterly indifferent。 Let the
floor of the room be bare； let the furniture be a plank table； the bed a
mere pallet。 Let the house be plain and simple； but in the midst of air and
light。 These are enougha cave would be enough； in a warmer climate the
open air would suffice。 Let me be furnished in myself with health； safety；
strength； the perfection of physical existence； let my mind be furnished
with highest thoughts of soul…life。 Let me be in myself myself fully。 The
pageantry of power； the still more
foolish pageantry of wealth； the senseless precedence of place；
words fail me to express my utter contempt for such pleasure or
such ambitions。 Let me be in myself myself fully； and those I
love equally so。
It is enough to lie on the sward in the shadow of green boughs；
to listen to the songs of summer； to drink in the sunlight； the air； the
flowers； the sky； the beauty of all。 Or upon the hill…tops to watch the
white clouds rising over the curved hill…lines； their shadows descending the
slope。 Or on the beach to listen to the sweet sigh as the smooth sea runs up
and recedes。 It is lying beside the immortals； in…drawing the life of the
ocean； the earth； and the sun。
I want to be always in company with these； with earth； and sun；
and sea； and stars by night。 The pettiness of house…lifechairs and
tablesand the pettiness of observances； the petty necessity of useless
labour； useless because productive of nothing； chafe me the year through。 I
want to be always in company with the sun； and sea； and earth。 These； and
the stars by night； a