sensible。。。 but just as you think and I shall be very； very。。。 they
will all be。。。 and God will reward。。。 and the orphans。。。〃
Sonia burst into tears。
〃Very well； then； keep it in mind； and now will you accept for the
benefit of your relation the small sum that I am able to spare； from
me personally。 I am very anxious that my name should not be
mentioned in connection with it。 Here。。。 having so to speak
anxieties of my own； I cannot do more。。。〃
And Pyotr Petrovitch held out to Sonia a ten…rouble note carefully
unfolded。 Sonia took it； flushed crimson； jumped up； muttered
something and began taking leave。 Pyotr Petrovitch accompanied her
ceremoniously to the door。 She got out of the room at last； agitated
and distressed； and returned to Katerina Ivanovna； overwhelmed with
confusion。
All this time Lebeziatnikov had stood at the window or walked
about the room； anxious not to interrupt the conversation； when
Sonia had gone he walked up to Pyotr Petrovitch and solemnly held
out his hand。
〃I heard and saw everything；〃 he said； laying stress on the last
verb。 〃That is honourable； I mean to say； it's humane！ You wanted to
avoid gratitude； I saw！ And although I cannot； I confess； in principle
sympathise with private charity； for it not only fails to eradicate
the evil but even promotes it； yet I must admit that I saw your action
with pleasure… yes； yes； I like it。〃
〃That's all nonsense；〃 muttered Pyotr Petrovitch； somewhat
disconcerted； looking carefully at Lebeziatnikov。
〃No； it's not nonsense！ A man who has suffered distress and
annoyance as you did yesterday and who yet can sympathise with the
misery of others； such a man。。。 even though he is making a social
mistake… is still deserving of respect！ I did not expect it indeed
of you； Pyotr Petrovitch； especially as according to your ideas。。。 oh；
what a drawback your ideas are to you！ How distressed you are for
instance by your ill luck yesterday；〃 cried the simple…hearted
Lebeziatnikov； who felt a return of affection for Pyotr Petrovitch。
〃And； what do you want with marriage； with legal marriage； my dear；
noble Pyotr Petrovitch？ Why do you cling to this legality of marriage？
Well； you may beat me if you like； but I am glad； positively glad it
hasn't come off； that you are free； that you are not quite lost for
humanity。。。。 you see； I've spoken my mind！〃
〃Because I don't want in your free marriage to be made a fool of and
to bring up another man's children； that's why I want legal marriage；〃
Luzhin replied in order to make some answer。
He seemed preoccupied by something。
〃Children？ You referred to children；〃 Lebeziatnikov started off like
a warhorse at the trumpet call。 〃Children are a social question and
a question of first importance； I agree； but the question of
children has another solution。 Some refuse to have children
altogether； because they suggest the institution of the family。
We'll speak of children later； but now as to the question of honour； I
confess that's my weak point。 That horrid； military； Pushkin
expression is unthinkable in the dictionary of the future。 What does
it mean indeed？ It's nonsense； there will be no deception in a free
marriage！ That is only the natural consequence of a legal marriage； so
to say； its corrective； a protest。 So that indeed it's not
humiliating。。。 and if I ever； to suppose an absurdity； were to be
legally married； I should be positively glad of it。 I should say to my
wife： 'My dear； hitherto I have loved you； now I respect you； for
you've shown you can protest！' You laugh！ That's because you are of
incapable of getting away from prejudices。 Confound it all！ I
understand now where the unpleasantness is of being deceived in a
legal marriage； but it's simply a despicable consequence of a
despicable position in which both are humiliated。 When the deception
is open； as in a free marriage； then it does not exist； it's
unthinkable。 Your wife will only prove how she respects you by
considering you incapable of opposing her happiness and avenging
yourself on her for her new husband。 Damn it all！ I sometimes dream if
I were to be married； foo！ I mean if I were to marry； legally or
not； it's just the same； I should present my wife with a lover if
she had not found one for herself。 'My dear；' I should say； 'I love
you； but even more than that I desire you to respect me。 See！' Am I
not right？〃
Pyotr Petrovitch sniggered as he listened； but without much
merriment。 He hardly heard it indeed。 He was preoccupied with
something else and even Lebeziatnikov at last noticed it。 Pyotr
Petrovitch seemed excited and rubbed his hands。 Lebeziatnikov
remembered all this and reflected upon it afterwards。
Chapter Two
IT WOULD be difficult to explain exactly what could have
originated the idea of that senseless dinner in Katerina Ivanovna's
disordered brain。 Nearly ten of the twenty roubles； given by
Raskolnikov for Marmeladov's funeral； were wasted upon it。 Possibly
Katerina Ivanovna felt obliged to honour the memory of the deceased
〃suitably；〃 that all the lodgers； and still more Amalia Ivanovna；
might know 〃that he was in no way their inferior； and perhaps very
much their superior；〃 and that no one had the right 〃to turn up his
nose at him。〃 Perhaps the chief element was that peculiar 〃poor
man's pride；〃 which compels many poor people to spend their last
savings on some traditional social ceremony； simply in order to do
〃like other people；〃 and not to 〃be looked down upon。〃 It is very
probable； too； that Katerina Ivanovna longed on this occasion； at
the moment when she seemed to be abandoned by every one； to show those
〃wretched contemptible lodgers〃 that she knew 〃how to do things； how
to entertain〃 and that she had been brought up 〃in a genteel； she
might almost say aristocratic colonel's family〃 and had not been meant
for sweeping floors and washing the children's rags at night。 Even the
poorest and most broken…spirited people are sometimes liable to
these paroxysms of pride and vanity which take the form of an
irresistible nervous craving。 And Katerina Ivanovna was not
broken…spirited； she might have been killed by circumstance； but her
spirit could not have been broken； that is； she could not have been
intimidated； her will could not be crushed。 Moreover Sonia had said
with good reason that her mind was unhinged。 She could not be said
to be insane； but for a year past she had been so harassed that her
mind might well be overstrained。 The later stages of consumption are
apt； doctors tell us； to affect the intellect。
There was no great variety of wines； nor was there Madeira； but wine
there was。 There was vodka； rum and Lisbon wine； all of the poorest
quality but in sufficient quantity。 Besides the traditional rice and
honey； there were three or four dishes； one of which consisted of
pancakes； all prepared in Amalia Ivanovna's kitchen。 Two samovars were
boiling； that tea and punch might be offered after dinner。 Katerina
Ivanovna had herself seen to purchasing the provisions； with the
help of one of the lodgers； an unfortunate little Pole who had somehow
been stranded at Madame Lippevechsel's。 He promptly put himself at
Katerina Ivanovna's disposal and had been all that morning and all the
day before running about as fast as his legs could carry him； and very
anxious that every one should be aware of it。 For every trifle he
ran to Katerina Ivanovna； even