the uncommercial traveller- 第77部分

it　may　be　malicious　…　that　they　hold　the　memory　of　Titbull　in　some

weak　sort　of　veneration；　and　that　they　once　set　off　together　on　a

pilgrimage　to　the　parish　churchyard　to　find　his　tomb。　　To　this；

perhaps；　might　be　traced　a　general　suspicion　that　they　are　spies　of

'the　gentlemen：'　to　which　they　were　supposed　to　have　given　colour

in　my　own　presence　on　the　occasion　of　the　weak　attempt　at

justification　of　the　pump　by　the　gentlemen's　clerk；　when　they

emerged　bare…headed　from　the　doors　of　their　dwellings；　as　if　their

dwellings　and　themselves　constituted　an　old…fashioned　weather…glass

of　double　action　with　two　figures　of　old　ladies　inside；　and

deferentially　bowed　to　him　at　intervals　until　he　took　his

departure。　　They　are　understood　to　be　perfectly　friendless　and

relationless。　　Unquestionably　the　two　poor　fellows　make　the　very

best　of　their　lives　in　Titbull's　Alms…Houses；　and　unquestionably

they　are　（as　before　mentioned）　the　subjects　of　unmitigated　contempt

there。



On　Saturday　nights；　when　there　is　a　greater　stir　than　usual

outside；　and　when　itinerant　vendors　of　miscellaneous　wares　even

take　their　stations　and　light　up　their　smoky　lamps　before　the　iron

railings；　Titbull's　becomes　flurried。　　Mrs。　Saggers　has　her

celebrated　palpitations　of　the　heart；　for　the　most　part；　on

Saturday　nights。　　But　Titbull's　is　unfit　to　strive　with　the　uproar

of　the　streets　in　any　of　its　phases。　　It　is　religiously　believed　at

Titbull's　that　people　push　more　than　they　used；　and　likewise　that

the　foremost　object　of　the　population　of　England　and　Wales　is　to

get　you　down　and　trample　on　you。　　Even　of　railroads　they　know；　at

Titbull's；　little　more　than　the　shriek　（which　Mrs。　Saggers　says

goes　through　her；　and　ought　to　be　taken　up　by　Government）；　and　the

penny　postage　may　even　yet　be　unknown　there；　for　I　have　never　seen

a　letter　delivered　to　any　inhabitant。　　But　there　is　a　tall；

straight；　sallow　lady　resident　in　Number　Seven；　Titbull's；　who

never　speaks　to　anybody；　who　is　surrounded　by　a　superstitious　halo

of　lost　wealth；　who　does　her　household　work　in　housemaid's　gloves；

and　who　is　secretly　much　deferred　to；　though　openly　cavilled　at；

and　it　has　obscurely　leaked　out　that　this　old　lady　has　a　son；

grandson；　nephew；　or　other　relative；　who　is　'a　Contractor；'　and　who

would　think　it　nothing　of　a　job　to　knock　down　Titbull's；　pack　it

off　into　Cornwall；　and　knock　it　together　again。　　An　immense

sensation　was　made　by　a　gipsy…party　calling　in　a　spring…van；　to

take　this　old　lady　up　to　go　for　a　day's　pleasure　into　Epping

Forest；　and　notes　were　compared　as　to　which　of　the　company　was　the

son；　grandson；　nephew；　or　other　relative；　the　Contractor。　　A　thick…

set　personage　with　a　white　hat　and　a　cigar　in　his　mouth；　was　the

favourite：　　though　as　Titbull's　had　no　other　reason　to　believe　that

the　Contractor　was　there　at　all；　than　that　this　man　was　supposed　to

eye　the　chimney　stacks　as　if　he　would　like　to　knock　them　down　and

cart　them　off；　the　general　mind　was　much　unsettled　in　arriving　at　a

conclusion。　　As　a　way　out　of　this　difficulty；　it　concentrated

itself　on　the　acknowledged　Beauty　of　the　party；　every　stitch　in

whose　dress　was　verbally　unripped　by　the　old　ladies　then　and　there；

and　whose　'goings　on'　with　another　and　a　thinner　personage　in　a

white　hat　might　have　suffused　the　pump　（where　they　were　principally

discussed）　with　blushes；　for　months　afterwards。　　Herein　Titbull's

was　to　Titbull's　true；　for　it　has　a　constitutional　dislike　of　all

strangers。　　As　concerning　innovations　and　improvements；　it　is

always　of　opinion　that　what　it　doesn't　want　itself；　nobody　ought　to

want。　　But　I　think　I　have　met　with　this　opinion　outside　Titbull's。



Of　the　humble　treasures　of　furniture　brought　into　Titbull's　by　the

inmates　when　they　establish　themselves　in　that　place　of

contemplation　for　the　rest　of　their　days；　by　far　the　greater　and

more　valuable　part　belongs　to　the　ladies。　　I　may　claim　the　honour

of　having　either　crossed　the　threshold；　or　looked　in　at　the　door；

of　every　one　of　the　nine　ladies；　and　I　have　noticed　that　they　are

all　particular　in　the　article　of　bedsteads；　and　maintain　favourite

and　long…established　bedsteads　and　bedding　as　a　regular　part　of

their　rest。　　Generally　an　antiquated　chest　of　drawers　is　among

their　cherished　possessions；　a　tea…tray　always　is。　　I　know　of　at

least　two　rooms　in　which　a　little　tea…kettle　of　genuine　burnished

copper；　vies　with　the　cat　in　winking　at　the　fire；　and　one　old　lady

has　a　tea…urn　set　forth　in　state　on　the　top　of　her　chest　of

drawers；　which　urn　is　used　as　her　library；　and　contains　four

duodecimo　volumes；　and　a　black…bordered　newspaper　giving　an　account

of　the　funeral　of　Her　Royal　Highness　the　Princess　Charlotte。　　Among

the　poor　old　gentlemen　there　are　no　such　niceties。　　Their　furniture

has　the　air　of　being　contributed；　like　some　obsolete　Literary

Miscellany；　'by　several　hands；'　their　few　chairs　never　match；　old

patchwork　coverlets　linger　among　them；　and　they　have　an　untidy

habit　of　keeping　their　wardrobes　in　hat…boxes。　　When　I　recall　one

old　gentleman　who　is　rather　choice　in　his　shoe…brushes　and

blacking…bottle；　I　have　summed　up　the　domestic　elegances　of　that

side　of　the　building。



On　the　occurrence　of　a　death　in　Titbull's；　it　is　invariably　agreed

among　the　survivors　…　and　it　is　the　only　subject　on　which　they　do

agree　…　that　the　departed　did　something　'to　bring　it　on。'　　Judging

by　Titbull's；　I　should　say　the　human　race　need　never　die；　if　they

took　care。　　But　they　don't　take　care；　and　they　do　die；　and　when

they　die　in　Titbull's　they　are　buried　at　the　cost　of　the

Foundation。　　Some　provision　has　been　made　for　the　purpose；　in

virtue　of　which　（I　record　this　on　the　strength　of　having　seen　the

funeral　of　Mrs。　Quinch）　a　lively　neighbouring　undertaker　dresses　up

four　of　the　old　men；　and　four　of　the　old　women；　hustles　them　into　a

procession　of　four　couples；　and　leads　off　with　a　large　black　bow　at

the　back　of　his　hat；　looking　over　his　shoulder　at　them　airily　from

time　to　time　to　see　that　no　member　of　the　party　has　got　lost；　or

has　tumbled　down；　as　if　they　were　a　company　of　dim　old　dolls。



Resignation　of　a　dwelling　is　of　very　rare　occurrence　in　Titbull's。

A　story　does　obtain　there；　how　an　old　lady's　son　once　drew　a　prize

of　Thirty　Thousand　Pounds　in　the　Lottery；　and　presently　drove　to

the　gate　in　his　own　carriage；　with　French　Horns　playing　up　behind；

and　whisked　his　mother　away；　and　left　ten　guineas　for　a　Feast。　　But

I　have　been　unable　to　substantiate　it　by　any　evidence；　and　regard

it　as　an　Alms…House　Fairy　Tale。　　It　is　curious　that　the　only　proved

case　of　resignation　happened　within　my　knowledge。



It　happened　on　this　wise。　　There　is　a　sharp　competition　among　the

ladies　respecting　the　gentility　of　their　visitors；　and　I　have　so

often　observed　visitors　to　be　dressed　as　for　a　holiday　occasion；

that　I　suppose　the　ladies　to　have　besought　them　to　make　all

possible　display　when　they　come。　　In　these　circumstances　much

excitement　was　one　day　occasioned　by　Mrs。　Mitts　receiving　a　visit

from　a　Greenwich　Pensioner。　　He　was　a　Pensioner　of　a　bluff　and

warlike　appearance；　with　an　empty　coat…sleeve；　and　he　was　got　up

with　unusual　care；　his　coat…buttons　were　extremely　bright；　he　wore

his　empty　coat…sleeve　in　a　graceful　festoon；　and　he　had　a　walking…

stick　in　his　hand　that　must　have　cost　money。　　When；　with　the　head

of　his　walking…stick；　he　knocked　at　Mrs。　Mitts's　door　…　there　are

no　knockers　in　Titbull's　…　Mrs。　Mitts　was　overheard　by　a　next…door

neighbour　to　utter　a　cry　of　surprise　expressing　much　agitation；　and

the　same　neighbour　did　afterwards　solemnly　affirm　that　when　he　was

admitted　into　Mrs。　Mitts's　room；　she　heard　a　smack。　　Heard　a　smack

which　was　not　a　blow。



There　was　an　air　about　this　Greenwich　Pensioner　when　he　took　his

departure；　which　imbued　all　Titbull's　with　the　conviction　that　he

was　coming　again。　　He　was　eagerly　looked　for；　and　Mrs。　Mitts　was

closely　watched。　　In　the　meantime；　if　anything　could　have　placed

the　unfortunate　six　old　gentlemen　at　a　greater　disadvantage　than

that　at　which　they　chronically　stood；　it　would　have　been　the

apparition　of　this　Greenwich　Pensioner。　　They　were　well　shrunken

already；　but　they　shrunk　to　nothing　in　comparison　with　the

Pensioner。　　Even　the　poor　old　gentlemen　themselves　seemed　conscious

of　their　inferiority；　and　to　know　submissively　that　they　could

never　hope　to　hold　their　own　against　the　Pensioner　with　his　warlike

and　maritime　experience　in　the　past；　and　his　tobacco　money　in　the

present：　　his　chequered　career　of　blue　water；　black　gunpowder；　and

red　bloodshed　for　England；　home；　and　beauty。



Before　three　weeks　were　out；　the　Pensioner　reappeared。　　Again　he

knocked　at　Mrs。　Mitts's　door　with　the　handle　of　his　stick；　and

again　was　he　admitted。　　But　not　again　did　he　depart　alone；　for　Mrs。

Mitts；　in　a　bonnet　identified　as　having　been　re…embellished；　went

out　walking　with　him；　and　stayed　out　till　the　ten　o'clock　beer；

Greenwich