with his fellow criminals。〃
Moon； whose face had gone through every phase of black bewilderment
for five minutes past； suddenly lifted his hand and struck the table
in explosive enlightenment。
〃Oh； I see！〃 he cried； 〃you mean that Smith is a burglar。〃
〃I thought I made it quite ad'quately lucid；〃 said Mr。 Pym；
folding up his eyelids。 It was typical of this topsy…turvy private
trial that all the eloquent extras； all the rhetoric or digression
on either side； was exasperating and unintelligible to the other。
Moon could not make head or tail of the solemnity of a new civilization。
Pym could not make head or tail of the gaiety of an old one。
〃All the cases in which Smith has figured as an expropriator；〃
continued the American doctor； 〃are cases of burglary。
Pursuing the same course as in the previous case； we select
the indubitable instance from the rest； and we take the most
correct cast…iron evidence。 I will now call on my colleague；
Mr。 Gould； to read a letter we have received from the earnest；
unspotted Canon of Durham； Canon Hawkins。〃
Mr。 Moses Gould leapt up with his usual alacrity to read the letter from
the earnest and unspotted Hawkins。 Moses Gould could imitate a farmyard well；
Sir Henry Irving not so well； Marie Lloyd to a point of excellence； and the
new motor horns in a manner that put him upon the platform of great artists。
But his imitation of a Canon of Durham was not convincing； indeed； the sense
of the letter was so much obscured by the extraordinary leaps and gasps of his
pronunciation that it is perhaps better to print it here as Moon read it when；
a little later； it was handed across the table。
〃Dear Sir；I can scarcely feel surprise that the incident
you mention； private as it was； should have filtered through
our omnivorous journals to the mere populace； for the position
I have since attained makes me； I conceive； a public character；
and this was certainly the most extraordinary incident
in a not uneventful and perhaps not an unimportant career。
I am by no means without experience in scenes of civil tumult。
I have faced many a political crisis in the old Primrose League
days at Herne Bay； and； before I broke with the wilder set；
have spent many a night at the Christian Social Union。 But this
other experience was quite inconceivable。 I can only describe
it as the letting loose of a place which it is not for me；
as a clergyman； to mention。
〃It occurred in the days when I was； for a short period；
a curate at Hoxton； and the other curate； then my colleague；
induced me to attend a meeting which he described； I must say
profanely described； as calculated to promote the kingdom
of God。 I found； on the contrary； that it consisted entirely
of men in corduroys and greasy clothes whose manners were coarse
and their opinions extreme。
〃Of my colleague in question I wish to speak with the fullest
respect and friendliness； and I will therefore say little。
No one can be more convinced than I of the evil of politic
in the pulpit； and I never offer my congregation any advice
about voting except in cases in which I feel strongly that they
are likely to make an erroneous selection。 But； while I do
not mean to touch at all upon political or social problems；
I must say that for a clergyman to countenance； even in jest；
such discredited nostrums of dissipated demagogues as Socialism
or Radicalism partakes of the character of the betrayal
of a sacred trust。 Far be it from me to say a word against
the Reverend Raymond Percy； the colleague in question。
He was brilliant； I suppose； and to some apparently fascinating；
but a clergyman who talks like a Socialist； wears his hair
like a pianist； and behaves like an intoxicated person；
will never rise in his profession； or even obtain the admiration
of the good and wise。 Nor is it for me to utter my personal
judgements of the appearance of the people in the hall。
Yet a glance round the room； revealing ranks of debased
and envious faces〃
〃Adopting；〃 said Moon explosively； for he was getting restive〃adopting
the reverend gentleman's favourite figure of logic； may I say that
while tortures would not tear from me a whisper about his intellect；
he is a blasted old jackass。〃
〃Really！〃 said Dr。 Pym； 〃I protest。〃
〃You must keep quiet； Michael；〃 said Inglewood； 〃they have a right
to read their story。〃
〃Chair！ Chair！ Chair！〃 cried Gould； rolling about exuberantly in his own；
and Pym glanced for a moment towards the canopy which covered all
the authority of the Court of Beacon。
〃Oh； don't wake the old lady；〃 said Moon； lowering his voice in a moody
good…humour。 〃I apologize。 I won't interrupt again。〃
Before the little eddy of interruption was ended the reading
of the clergyman's letter was already continuing。
〃The proceedings opened with a speech from my colleague； of which I
will say nothing。 It was deplorable。 Many of the audience
were Irish； and showed the weakness of that impetuous people。
When gathered together into gangs and conspiracies they seem
to lose altogether that lovable good…nature and readiness to accept
anything one tells them which distinguishes them as individuals。〃
With a slight start； Michael rose to his feet； bowed solemnly；
and sat down again。
〃These persons； if not silent； were at least applausive during the speech
of Mr。 Percy。 He descended to their level with witticisms about rent
and a reserve of labour。 Confiscation； expropriation； arbitration； and such
words with which I cannot soil my lips； recurred constantly。 Some hours
afterward the storm broke。 I had been addressing the meeting for some time；
pointing out the lack of thrift in the working classes； their insufficient
attendance at evening service； their neglect of the Harvest Festival； and of
many other things that might materially help them to improve their lot。
It was； I think； about this time that an extraordinary interruption occurred。
An enormous； powerful man； partly concealed with white plaster；
arose in the middle of the hall； and offered （in a loud； roaring voice；
like a bull's） some observations which seemed to be in a foreign language。
Mr。 Raymond Percy； my colleague； descended to his level by entering into
a duel of repartee； in which he appeared to be the victor。 The meeting
began to behave more respectfully for a little； yet before I had said twelve
sentences more the rush was made for the platform。 The enormous plasterer；
in particular； plunged towards us； shaking the earth like an elephant；
and I really do not know what would have happened if a man equally large；
but not quite so ill…dressed； had not jumped up also and held him away。
This other big man shouted a sort of speech to the mob as he was shoving
them back。 I don't know what he said； but； what with shouting and shoving
and such horseplay； he got us out at a back door； while the wretched people
went roaring down another passage。
〃Then follows the truly extraordinary part of my story。 When he had got
us outside； in a mean backyard of blistered grass leading into a lane
with a very lonely…looking lamp…post； this giant addressed me as follows：
‘You are well out of that； sir； now you'd better come along with me。
I want you to help me in an act of social justice； such as we've all
been talking about。 Come along！' And turning his big back abruptly；
he led us down the lean old lane with the one lean old lamp…post；
we scarcely knowing what to do but to follow him。 He had certainly
helped us in a most difficult situation； and； as a gentleman； I could
not treat such a benefactor with suspicion without grave grounds。
Such also was the view of my Socialistic colleague； who （with all
his dreadful talk of arbitration） is a gentleman also。 In fact；
he comes of the Staffordshire Percies； a branch of the old house；
and has the black hair and pale； clear…cut face of the whole family。
I cannot but refer it to vanity that he should heighten his personal
advantages with black velvet or a red cross of considerable ostentation；
and certainlybut I digress。
〃A fog was coming up the street； and that last lost lamp…post
faded behind us in a way that certainly depressed the mind。
The large man in front of us looked larger and larger in the haze。
He did not turn round； but he said with his huge back to us；
‘All that talking's no good； we want a little practical Socialism。'
〃‘I quite agree；' said Percy； ‘but I always like to understand things
in theory before I put them into practice。'
〃‘Oh； you just leave that to me；' said the practical Socialist；
or whatever he was； with the most terrifying vagueness。
‘I have a way with me。 I'm a Permeator。'
〃‘I could not imagine what he meant； but my companion laughed；
so I was sufficiently reassured to continue the unaccountable journey
for the present。 It led us through most singular ways； out of the lane；
where we were already rather cramped； into a paved passage；
at the end of which we passed through a wooden gate left open。
We then found ourselves； in the increasing darkness and vapour；
crossing what appeared to be a beaten path across a kitchen garden。
I called out to the enormous person going on in front； but he answered
obs