there is another such return from old books on record。〃
This was said in an undertone； to Clemens only； but was overheard by one
or two of those who sat nearest。 Clemens was not unwilling to repeat it
for the benefit of all； and did so。 Howells said：
〃A statement like that arouses my basest passions。 The books are no
good； it's just the advertising they get。〃
Clemens said： 〃Yes； my contract compels the publisher to advertise。 It
costs them two hundred dollars every time they leave the advertisement
out of the magazines。〃
〃And three hundred every time we put it in；〃 said Harvey。 〃We often
debate whether it is more profitable to put in the advertisement or to
leave it out。〃
The talk switched back to plays and acting。 Thomas recalled an incident
of Beerbohm Tree's performance of 〃Hamlet。〃 W。 S。 Gilbert； of light…
opera celebrity； was present at a performance； and when the play ended
Mrs。 Tree hurried over to him and said：
〃Oh； Mr。 Gilbert； what did you think of Mr。 Tree's rendition of Hamlet？〃
〃Remarkable；〃 said Gilbert。 〃Funny without being vulgar。〃
It was with such idle tales and talk…play that the afternoon passed。 Not
much of it all is left to me； but I remember Howells saying； 〃Did it ever
occur to you that the newspapers abolished hell？ Well； they didit was
never done by the church。 There was a consensus of newspaper opinion
that the old hell with its lake of fire and brimstone was an antiquated
institution； in fact a dead letter。〃 And again； 〃I was coming down
Broadway last night； and I stopped to look at one of the street…venders
selling those little toy fighting roosters。 It was a bleak； desolate
evening； nobody was buying anything； and as he pulled the string and kept
those little roosters dancing and fighting his remarks grew more and more
cheerless and sardonic。
〃'Japanese game chickens；' he said； 'pretty toys； amuse the children with
their antics。 Child of three can operate it。 Take them home for
Christmas。 Chicken…fight at your own fireside。' I tried to catch his eye
to show him that I understood his desolation and sorrow； but it was no
use。 He went on dancing his toy chickens； and saying； over and over；
'Chicken…fight at your own fireside。'〃
The luncheon over； we wandered back into the drawing…room； and presently
all left but Colonel Harvey。 Clemens and the Colonel went up to the
billiard…room and engaged in a game of cushion caroms； at twenty…five
cents a game。 I was umpire and stakeholder； and it was a most
interesting occupation； for the series was close and a very cheerful one。
It ended the day much to Mark Twain's satisfaction； for he was oftenest
winner。 That evening he said：
〃We will repeat that luncheon； we ought to repeat it once a month。
Howells will be gone； but we must have the others。 We cannot have a
thing like that too often。〃
There was； in fact； a second stag…luncheon very soon after； at which
George Riggs was present and that rare Irish musician； Denis O'Sullivan。
It was another choice afternoon； with a mystical quality which came of
the music made by O'Sullivan on some Hindu reeds…pipes of Pan。 But we
shall have more of O'Sullivan presentlyall too little； for his days
were few and fleeting。
Howells could not get away just yet。 Colonel Harvey； who； like James
Osgood； would not fail to find excuse for entertainment； chartered two
drawing…room cars； and with Mrs。 Harvey took a party of fifty…five or
sixty congenial men and women to Lakewood for a good…by luncheon to
Howells。 It was a day borrowed from June； warm and beautiful。
The trip down was a sort of reception。 Most of the guests were
acquainted； but many of them did not often meet。 There was constant
visiting back and forth the full length of the two coaches。 Denis
O'Sullivan was among the guests。 He looked in the bloom of health； and
he had his pipes and played his mystic airs； then he brought out the tin…
whistle of Ireland； and blew such rollicking melodies as capering fairies
invented a long time ago。 This was on the train going down。
There was a brief program following the light…hearted feastingan
informal program fitting to that sunny day。 It opened with some
recitations by Miss Kitty Cheatham； then Colonel Harvey introduced
Howells； with mention of his coming journey。 As a rule； Howells does not
enjoy speaking。 He is willing to read an address on occasion； but he has
owned that the prospect of talking without his notes terrifies him。 This
time； however； there was no reluctance； though he had prepared no speech。
He was among friends。 He looked even happy when he got on his feet； and
he spoke like a happy man。 He talked about Mark Twain。 It was all
delicate； delicious chaffing which showed Howells at his very bestall
too short for his listeners。
Clemens； replying； returned the chaff； and rambled amusingly among his
fancies； closing with a few beautiful words of 〃Godspeed and safe return〃
to his old comrade and friend。
Then once more came Denis and his pipes。 No one will ever forget his
part of the program。 The little samples we had heard on the train were
expanded and multiplied and elaborated in a way that fairly swept his
listeners out of themselves into that land where perhaps Denis himself
wanders playing now； for a month later； strong and lusty and beautiful as
he seemed that day； he suddenly vanished from among us and his reeds were
silent。 It never occurred to us then that Denis could die； and as he
finished each melody and song there was a shout for a repetition； and I
think we could have sat there and let the days and years slip away
unheeded； for time is banished by music like that； and one wonders if it
might not even divert death。
It was dark when we crossed the river homeward； the myriad lights from
heaven…climbing windows made an enchanted city in the sky。 The evening；
like the day； was warm； and some of the party。 left the ferry…cabin to
lean over and watch the magic spectacle； the like of which is not to be
found elsewhere on the earth。
CCLXIV
〃CAPTAIN STORMFIELD〃 IN PRINT
During the forty years or so that had elapsed since the publication of
the 〃Gates Ajar〃 and the perpetration of Mark Twain's intended burlesque；
built on Captain Ned Wakeman's dream； the Christian religion in its more
orthodox aspects had undergone some large modifications。 It was no
longer regarded as dangerous to speak lightly of hell； or even to suggest
that the golden streets and jeweled architecture of the sky might be
regarded as symbols of hope rather than exhibits of actual bullion and
lapidary construction。 Clemens re…read his extravaganza； Captain
Stoymfields Visit to Heaven； gave it a modernizing touch here and there；
and handed it to his publishers； who must have agreed that it was no
longer dangerous； for it was promptly accepted and appeared in the
December and January numbers （1907…8） of Harper's Magazine； and was also
issued as a small book。 If there were any readers who still found it
blasphemous； or even irreverent； they did not say so； the letters that
cameand they were a good manyexpressed enjoyment and approval； also
（some of them） a good deal of satisfaction that Mark Twain 〃had returned
to his earlier form。〃
The publication of this story recalled to Clemens's mind another heresy
somewhat similar which he had written during the winter of 1891 and 1892
in Berlin。 This was a dream of his own； in which he had set out on a
train with the evangelist Sam Jones and the Archbishop of Canterbury for
the other world。 He had noticed that his ticket was to a different
destination than the Archbishop's； and so； when the prelate nodded and
finally went to sleep； he changed the tickets in their hats with
disturbing results。 Clemens thought a good deal of this fancy when he
wrote it； and when Mrs。 Clemens had refused to allow it to be printed he
had laboriously translated it into German； with some idea of publishing
it surreptitiously； but his conscience had been too much for him。 He had
confessed； and even the German version had been suppressed。
Clemens often allowed his fancy to play with the idea of the orthodox
heaven； its curiosities of architecture； and its employments of
continuous prayer； psalm…singing； and harpistry。
〃What a childish notion it was；〃 he said； 〃and how curious that only a
little while ago human beings were so willing to accept such fragile
evidences about a place of so much importance。 If we should find
somewhere to…day an ancient book containing an account of a beautiful and
blooming tropical Paradise secreted in the center of eternal icebergsan
account written by men who did not even claim to have seen it themselves
no geographical society on earth would take any stock in that book； yet
that account would be quite as authentic as any we have of heaven。 If
God has such a place prepared for us； and really wanted us to know it； He
could have found some better way than a book so liable to alterations and
misinterpretation。 God has had no trouble to prove to man the laws of
the constellations and the construction of the world； and such things as
that； none of which agree with His so…called book。 A