and play billiards with you； and when you want exercise you can walk up
and play billiards with me。 You must build that study。〃
So it was we planned； and by and by Mr。 Lounsbury had undertaken the
work。
During the walks Clemens rested a good deal。 There were the New England
hills to climb； and then he found that he tired easily； and that
weariness sometimes brought on the pain。 As I remember now； I think how
bravely he bore it。 It must have been a deadly； sickening； numbing pain；
for I have seen it crumple him； and his face become colorless while his
hand dug at his breast； but he never complained； he never bewailed； and
at billiards he would persist in going on and playing in his turn； even
while he was bowed with the anguish of the attack。
We had found that a glass of very hot water relieved it； and we kept
always a thermos bottle or two filled and ready。 At the first hint from
him I would pour out a glass and another； and sometimes the relief came
quickly； but there were times； and alas！ they came oftener； when that
deadly gripping did not soon release him。 Yet there would come a week or
a fortnight when he was apparently perfectly well； and at such times we
dismissed the thought of any heart malady； and attributed the whole
trouble to acute indigestion； from which he had always suffered more or
less。
We were alone together most of the time。 He did not appear to care for
company that summer。 Clara Clemens had a concert tour in prospect； and
her father； eager for her success； encouraged her to devote a large part
of her time to study。 For Jean； who was in love with every form of
outdoor and animal life； he had established headquarters in a vacant
farm…house on one corner of the estate； where she had collected some
stock and poultry； and was over…flowingly happy。 Ossip Gabrilowitsch was
a guest in the house a good portion of the summer； but had been invalided
through severe surgical operations； and for a long time rarely appeared；
even at meal…times。 So it came about that there could hardly have been a
closer daily companionship than was ours during this the last year of
Mark Twain's life。 For me； of course； nothing can ever be like it again
in this world。 One is not likely to associate twice with a being from
another star。
CCLXXXII
PERSONAL MEMORANDA
In the notes I made of this period I caught a little drift of personality
and utterance； and I do not know better how to preserve these things than
to give them here as nearly as may be in the sequence and in the forth in
which they were set down。
One of the first of these entries occurs in June； when Clemens was
rereading with great interest and relish Andrew D。 White's Science and
Theology； which he called a lovely book。＇'A History of the Warfare of
Science with Theology in Christendom'。＇
June 21。 A peaceful afternoon； and we walked farther than usual；
resting at last in the shade of a tree in the lane that leads to
Jean's farm…house。 I picked a dandelion…ball； with some remark
about its being one of the evidences of the intelligent principle in
naturethe seeds winged for a wider distribution。
〃Yes；〃 he said； 〃those are the great evidences； no one who reasons
can doubt them。〃
And presently he added：
〃That is a most amusing book of White's。 When you read it you see
how those old theologians never reasoned at all。 White tells of an
old bishop who figured out that God created the world in an instant
on a certain day in October exactly so many years before Christ； and
proved it。 And I knew a preacher myself once who declared that the
fossils in the rocks proved nothing as to the age of the world。 He
said that God could create the rocks with those fossils in them for
ornaments if He wanted to。 Why； it takes twenty years to build a
little island in the Mississippi River； and that man actually
believed that God created the whole world and all that's in it in
six days。 White tells of another bishop who gave two new reasons
for thunder； one being that God wanted to show the world His power；
and another that He wished to frighten sinners to repent。 Now
consider the proportions of that conception； even in the pettiest
way you can think of it。 Consider the idea of God thinking of all
that。 Consider the President of the United States wanting to
impress the flies and fleas and mosquitoes； getting up on the dome
of the Capitol and beating a bass…drum and setting off red fire。〃
He followed the theme a little further； then we made our way slowly back
up the long hill； he holding to my arm； and resting here and there； but
arriving at the house seemingly fresh and ready for billiards。
June 23。 I came up this morning with a basket of strawberries。 He
was walking up and down； looking like an ancient Roman。 He said：
〃Consider the case of Elsie Sigel ＇Granddaughter of Gen。 Franz
Sigel。 She was mysteriously murdered while engaged in settlement
work among the Chinese。＇what a ghastly ending to any life！〃
Then turning upon me fiercely； he continued：
〃Anybody that knows anything knows that there was not a single life
that was ever lived that was worth living。 Not a single child ever
begotten that the begetting of it was not a crime。 Suppose a
community of people to be living on the slope of a volcano； directly
under the crater and in the path of lava…flow； that volcano has been
breaking out right along for ages and is certain to break out again。
They do not know when it will break out； but they know it will do
itthat much can be counted on。 Suppose those people go to a
community in a far neighborhood and say； 'We'd like to change places
with you。 Come take our homes and let us have yours。' Those people
would say； 'Never mind； we are not interested in your country。 We
know what has happened there； and what will happen again。' We don't
care to live under the blow that is likely to fall at any moment；
and yet every time we bring a child into the world we are bringing
it to a country； to a community gathered under the crater of a
volcano； knowing that sooner or later death will come； and that
before death there will be catastrophes infinitely worse。 Formerly
it was much worse than now； for before the ministers abolished hell
a man knew； when he was begetting a child； that he was begetting a
soul that had only one chance in a hundred of escaping the eternal
fires of damnation。 He knew that in all probability that child
would be brought to damnationone of the ninety…nine black sheep。
But since hell has been abolished death has become more welcome。
I wrote a fairy story once。 It was published somewhere。 I don't
remember just what it was now； but the substance of it was that a
fairy gave a man the customary wishes。 I was interested in seeing
what he would take。 First he chose wealth and went away with it；
but it did not bring him happiness。 Then he came back for the
second selection； and chose fame； and that did not bring happiness
either。 Finally he went to the fairy and chose death； and the fairy
said； in substance； 'If you hadn't been a fool you'd have chosen
that in the first place。'
〃The papers called me a pessimist for writing that story。
Pessimistthe man who isn't a pessimist is a d…d fool。〃
But this was one of his savage humors； stirred by tragic circumstance。
Under date of July 5th I find this happier entry：
We have invented a new game； three…ball carom billiards； each player
continuing until he has made five； counting the number of his shots
as in golf； the one who finishes in the fewer shots wins。 It is a
game we play with almost exactly equal skill； and he is highly
pleased with it。 He said this afternoon：
〃I have never enjoyed billiards as I do now。 I look forward to it
every afternoon as my reward at the end of a good day's work。〃＇His
work at this time was an article on Marjorie Fleming； the 〃wonder
child；〃 whose quaint writings and brief little life had been
published to the world by Dr。 John Brown。 Clemens always adored the
thought of Marjorie； and in this article one can see that she ranked
almost next to Joan of Arc in his affections。＇
We went out in the loggia by and by and Clemens read aloud from a book
which Professor Zubelin left here a few days ago'The Religion of a
Democrat'。 Something in it must have suggested to Clemens his favorite
science； for presently he said：
〃I have been reading an old astronomy； it speaks of the perfect line
of curvature of the earth in spite of mountains and abysses； and I
have imagined a man three hundred thousand miles high picking up a
ball like the earth and looking at it and holding it in his hand。
It would be about like a billiard…ball to him； and he would turn it
over in his hand and rub it with his thumb； and where he