over in his hand and rub it with his thumb； and where he rubbed over
the mountain ranges he might say； 'There seems to be some slight
roughness here； but I can't detect it with my eye； it seems
perfectly smooth to look at。' The Himalayas to him； the highest
peak； would be one…sixty…thousandth of his height； or about the one…
thousandth part of an inch as compared with the average man。〃
I spoke of having somewhere read of some very tiny satellites； one as
small； perhaps； as six miles in diameter； yet a genuine world。
〃Could a man live on a world so small as that？〃 I asked。
〃Oh yes；〃 he said。 〃The gravitation that holds it together would
hold him on； and he would always seem upright； the same as here。
His horizon would be smaller； but even if he were six feet tall he
would only have one foot for each mile of that world's diameter； so
you see he would be little enough； even for a world that he could
walk around in half a day。〃
He talked astronomy a great dealmarvel astronomy。 He had no real
knowledge of the subject； and I had none of any kind； which made its
ungraspable facts all the more thrilling。 He was always thrown into a
sort of ecstasy by the unthinkable distances of spacethe supreme drama
of the universe。 The fact that Alpha Centauri was twenty…five trillions
of miles awaytwo hundred and fifty thousand times the distance of our
own remote sun； and that our solar system was traveling； as a whole；
toward the bright star Vega； in the constellation of Lyra； at the rate of
forty…four miles a second； yet would be thousands upon thousands of years
reaching its destination； fairly enraptured him。
The astronomical light…yearthat is to say； the distance which light
travels in a yearwas one of the things which he loved to contemplate；
but he declared that no two authorities ever figured it alike； and that
he was going to figure it for himself。 I came in one morning； to find
that he had covered several sheets of paper with almost interminable rows
of ciphers； and with a result； to him at least； entirely satisfactory。
I am quite certain that he was prouder of those figures and their
enormous aggregate than if he had just completed an immortal tale； and
when he added that the nearest fixed starAlpha Centauriwas between
four and five light…years distant from the earth； and that there was no
possible way to think that distance in miles or even any calculable
fraction of it； his glasses shone and his hair was roached up as with the
stimulation of these stupendous facts。
By and by he said：
〃I came in with Halley's comet in 1835。 It is coming again next year；
and I expect to go out with it。 It will be the greatest disappointment
of my life if I don't go out with Halley's comet。 The Almighty has said；
no doubt： 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks； they came in
together； they must go out together。' Oh！ I am looking forward to
that。〃 And a little later he added：
〃I've got some kind of a heart disease； and Quintard won't tell me
whether it is the kind that carries a man off in an instant or keeps him
lingering along and suffering for twenty years or so。 I was in hopes
that Quintard would tell me that I was likely to drop dead any minute；
but he didn't。 He only told me that my blood…pressure was too strong。
He didn't give me any schedule； but I expect to go with Halley's comet。〃
I seem to have omitted making any entries for a few days； but among his
notes I find this entry； which seems to refer to some discussion of a
favorite philosophy； and has a special interest of its own：
July 14； 1909。 Yesterday's dispute resumed； I still maintaining
that； whereas we can think； we generally don't do it。 Don't do it；
& don't have to do it： we are automatic machines which act
unconsciously。 From morning till sleeping…time； all day long。 All
day long our machinery is doing things from habit & instinct； &
without requiring any help or attention from our poor little 7…by…9
thinking apparatus。 This reminded me of something： thirty years
ago； in Hartford； the billiard…room was my study； & I wrote my
letters there the first thing every morning。 My table lay two
points off the starboard bow of the billiard…table； & the door of
exit and entrance bore northeast&…by…east…half…east from that
position； consequently you could see the door across the length of
the billiard…table； but you couldn't see the floor by the said
table。 I found I was always forgetting to ask intruders to carry my
letters down…stairs for the mail； so I concluded to lay them on the
floor by the door； then the intruder would have to walk over them； &
that would indicate to him what they were there for。 Did it？ No；
it didn't。 He was a machine； & had habits。 Habits take precedence
of thought。
Now consider this： a stamped & addressed letter lying on the floor
lying aggressively & conspicuously on the flooris an unusual
spectacle； so unusual a spectacle that you would think an intruder
couldn't see it there without immediately divining that it was not
there by accident； but had been deliberately placed there & for a
definite purpose。 Very wellit may surprise you to learn that that
most simple & most natural & obvious thought would never occur to
any intruder on this planet； whether he be fool； half…fool； or the
most brilliant of thinkers。 For he is always an automatic machine &
has habits； & his habits will act before his thinking apparatus can
get a chance to exert its powers。 My scheme failed because every
human being has the habit of picking up any apparently misplaced
thing & placing it where it won't be stepped on。
My first intruder was George。 He went and came without saying
anything。 Presently I found the letters neatly piled up on the
billiard…table。 I was astonished。 I put them on the floor again。
The next intruder piled them on the billiard…table without a word。
I was profoundly moved； profoundly interested。 So I set the trap
again。 Also again； & again； & yet againall day long。 I caught
every member of the family； & every servant； also I caught the three
finest intellects in the town。 In every instance old； time…worn
automatic habit got in its work so promptly that the thinking
apparatus never got a chance。
I do not remember this particular discussion； but I do distinctly recall
being one of those whose intelligence was not sufficient to prevent my
picking up the letter he had thrown on the floor in front of his bed； and
being properly classified for doing it。
Clemens no longer kept note…books； as in an earlier time； but set down
innumerable memoranda…comments； stray reminders； and the likeon small
pads； and bunches of these tiny sheets accumulated on his table and about
his room。 I gathered up many of them then and afterward； and a few of
these characteristic bits may be offered here。
KNEE
It is at our mother's knee that we acquire our noblest & truest & highest
ideals； but there is seldom any money in them。
JEHOVAH
He is all…good。 He made man for hell or hell for man； one or the other
take your choice。 He made it hard to get into heaven and easy to get
into hell。 He commended man to multiply & replenish…what？ Hell。
MODESTY ANTEDATES CLOTHES
& will be resumed when clothes are no more。
＇The latter part of this aphorism is erased and underneath it he adds：＇
MODESTY DIED
when clothes were born。
MODESTY DIED
when false modesty was born。
HISTORY
A historian who would convey the truth has got to lie。 Often he must
enlarge the truth by diameters； otherwise his reader would not be able to
see it。
MORALS
are not the important thingnor enlightenmentnor civilization。 A man
can do absolutely well without them； but he can't do without something to
eat。 The supremest thing is the needs of the body； not of the mind &
spirit。
SUGGESTION
There is conscious suggestion & there is unconscious suggestionboth
come from outsidewhence all ideas come。
DUELS
I think I could wipe out a dishonor by crippling the other man； but I
don't see how I could do it by letting him cripple me。
I have no feeling of animosity toward people who do not believe as I do；
I merely do not respect 'em。 In some serious matters （relig。） I would
have them burnt。
I am old now and once was a sinner。 I often think of it with a kind of
soft regret。 I trust my days are numbered。 I would not have that detail
overlooked。
She was always a girl； she was always young because her heart was young；
& I was young because she lived in my heart & preserved its youth from
decay。
He often busied himself working out more extensively some of