mark twain, a biography, 1907-1910- 第44部分

The　prodigious　funnel　is　dead　and　silent　now；　and　even　has　bushes　growing
far　down　in　its　bottom；　where　the　deep…sea　line　could　hardly　have　reached
in　the　old　times；　when　the　place　was　filled　with　liquid　lava。　　These
bushes　look　like　parlor　shrubs　from　the　summit　where　you　stand；　and　the
file　of　visitors　moving　through　them　on　their　mules　is　diminished　to　a
detachment　of　mice　almost；　and　to　them　you；　standing　so　high　up　against
the　sun；　ten　thousand　feet　above　their　heads；　look　no　larger　than　a
grasshopper。

This　in　the　morning；　but　at　three　or　four　in　the　afternoon　a　thousand
little　patches　of　white　clouds；　like　handfuls　of　wool；　come　drifting
noiselessly；　one　after　another；　into　the　crater；　like　a　procession　of
shrouded　phantoms；　and　circle　round　and　round　the　vast　sides；　and　settle
gradually　down　and　mingle　together　until　the　colossal　basin　is　filled　to
the　brim　with　snowy　fog　and　all　its　seared　and　desolate　wonders　are
hidden　from　sight。

And　then　you　may　turn　your　back　to　the　crater　and　look　far　away　upon　the
broad　valley　below；　with　its　sugar…houses　glinting　like　white　specks　in
the　distance；　and　the　great　sugar…fields　diminished　to　green　veils　amid
the　lighter…tinted　verdure　around　them；　and　abroad　upon　the　limitless
ocean。　　But　I　should　not　say　you　look　down；　you　look　up　at　these　things。

You　are　ten　thousand　feet　above　them；　but　yet　you　seem　to　stand　in　a
basin；　with　the　green　islands　here　and　there；　and　the　valleys　and　the
wide　ocean；　and　the　remote　snow…peak　of　Mauna　Loa；　all　raised　up　before
and　above　you；　and　pictured　out　like　a　brightly　tinted　map　hung　at　the
ceiling　of　a　room。

You　look　up　at　everything；　nothing　is　below　you。　　It　has　a　singular　and
startling　effect　to　see　a　miniature　world　thus　seemingly　hung　in　mid…air。

But　soon　the　white　clouds　come　trooping　along　in　ghostly　squadrons　and
mingle　together　in　heavy　masses　a　quarter　of　a　mile　below　you　and　shut
out　everything…completely　hide　the　sea　and　all　the　earth　save　the
pinnacle　you　stand　on。　　As　far　as　the　eye　can　reach；　it　finds　nothing　to
rest　upon　but　a　boundless　plain　of　clouds　tumbled　into　all　manner　of
fantastic　shapes…a　billowy　ocean　of　wool　aflame　with　the　gold　and　purple
and　crimson　splendors　of　the　setting　sun！　　And　so　firm　does　this　grand
cloud　pavement　look　that　you　can　hardly　persuade　yourself　that　you　could
not　walk　upon　it；　that　if　you　stepped　upon　it　you　would　plunge　headlong
and　astonish　your　friends　at　dinner　ten　thousand　feet　below。

Standing　on　that　peak；　with　all　the　world　shut　out　by　that　vast　plain　of
clouds；　a　feeling　of　loneliness　comes　over　a　man　which　suggests　to　his
mind　the　last　man　at　the　flood；　perched　high　upon　the　last　rock；　with
nothing　visible　on　any　side　but　a　mournful　waste　of　waters；　and　the　ark
departing　dimly　through　the　distant　mists　and　leaving　him　to　storm　and
night　and　solitude　and　death！




NOTICE　OF　MARK　TWAIN'S　LECTURE

〃THE　TROUBLE　IS　OVER〃

〃The　inimitable　'Mark　Twain；　delivered　himself　last　night　of　his　first
lecture　on　the　Sandwich　Islands；　or　anything　else。

Some　time　before　the　hour　appointed　to　open　his　head　the　Academy　of　Music
（on　Pine　Street）　was　densely　crowded　with　one　of　the　most　fashionable
audiences　it　was　ever　my　privilege　to　witness　during　my　long　residence　in
this　city。　　The　Elite　of　the　town　were　there；　and　so　was　the　Governor　of
the　State；　occupying　one　of　the　boxes；　whose　rotund　face　was　suffused
with　a　halo　of　mirth　during　the　whole　entertainment。　　The　audience
promptly　notified　Mark　by　the　usual　signstampingthat　the　auspicious
hour　had　arrived；　and　presently　the　lecturer　came　sidling　and　swinging
out　from　the　left　of　the　stage。　　His　very　manner　produced　a　generally
vociferous　laugh　from　the　assemblage。　　He　opened　with　an　apology；　by
saying　that　he　had　partly　succeeded　in　obtaining　a　band；　but　at　the　last
moment　the　party　engaged　backed　out。　　He　explained　that　he　had　hired　a
man　to　play　the　trombone；　but　he；　on　learning　that　he　was　the　only　person
engaged；　came　at　the　last　moment　and　informed　him　that　he　could　not　play。　
This　placed　Mark　in　a　bad　predicament；　and　wishing　to　know　his　reasons
for　deserting　him　at　that　critical　moment；　he　replied；　'That　he　wasn't
going　to　make　a　fool　of　himself　by　sitting　up　there　on　the　stage　and
blowing　his　horn　all　by　himself。'　　After　the　applause　subsided；　he
assumed　a　very　grave　countenance　and　commenced　his　remarks　proper　with
the　following　well…known　sentence：　'When；　in　the　course　of　human　events；'
etc。　　He　lectured　fully　an　hour　and　a　quarter；　and　his　humorous　sayings
were　interspersed　with　geographical；　agricultural；　and　statistical
remarks；　sometimes　branching　off　and　reaching　beyond；　soaring；　in　the
very　choicest　language；　up　to　the　very　pinnacle　of　descriptive　power。〃





APPENDIX　E

FROM　〃THE　JUMPING　FROG〃　BOOK　（MARK　TWAIN'S　FIRST　PUBLISHED　VOLUME）

（See　Chapters　lviii　and　lix）

I

ADVERTISEMENT

〃Mark　Twain〃　is　too　well　known　to　the　public　to　require　a　formal
introduction　at　my　hands。　　By　his　story　of　the　Frog　he　scaled　the　heights
of　popularity　at　a　single　jump　and　won　for　himself　the　'sobriquet'　of　The
Wild　Humorist　of　the　Pacific　Slope。　　He　is　also　known　to　fame　as　The
Moralist　of　the　Main；　and　it　is　not　unlikely　that　as　such　he　will　go　down
to　posterity。　　It　is　in　his　secondary　character；　as　humorist；　however；
rather　than　in　the　primal　one　of　moralist；　that　I　aim　to　present　him　in
the　present　volume。　　And　here　a　ready　explanation　will　be　found　for　the
somewhat　fragmentary　character　of　many　of　these　sketches；　for　it　was
necessary　to　snatch　threads　of　humor　wherever　they　could　be　foundvery
often　detaching　them　from　serious　articles　and　moral　essays　with　which
they　were　woven　and　entangled。　　Originally　written　for　newspaper
publication；　many　of　the　articles　referred　to　events　of　the　day；　the
interest　of　which　has　now　passed　away；　and　contained　local　allusions；
which　the　general　reader　would　fail　to　understand；　in　such　cases　excision
became　imperative。　　Further　than　this；　remark　or　comment　is　unnecessary。　
Mark　Twain　never　resorts　to　tricks　of　spelling　nor　rhetorical　buffoonery
for　the　purpose　of　provoking　a　laugh；　the　vein　of　his　humor　runs　too　rich
and　deep　to　make　surface　gliding　necessary。　　But　there　are　few　who　can
resist　the　quaint　similes；　keen　satire；　and　hard；　good　sense　which　form
the　staple　of　his　writing。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　J。　P。　



II

FROM　ANSWERS　TO　CORRESPONDENTS

〃MORAL　STATISTICIAN〃I　don't　want　any　of　your　statistics。　　I　took　your
whole　batch　and　lit　my　pipe　with　it。　　I　hate　your　kind　of　people。　　You
are　always　ciphering　out　how　much　a　man's　health　is　injured；　and　how　much
his　intellect　is　impaired；　and　how　many　pitiful　dollars　and　cents　he
wastes　in　the　course　of　ninety…two　years'　indulgence　in　the　fatal　
practice　of　smoking；　and　in　the　equally　fatal　practice　of　drinking
coffee；　and　in　playing　billiards　occasionally；　and　in　taking　a　glass　of
wine　at　dinner；　etc。；　etc。；　etc。　　。　　。　　。

Of　course　you　can　save　money　by　denying　yourself　all　these　vicious　little
enjoyments　for　fifty　years；　but　then　what　can　you　do　with　it？　　What　use
can　you　put　it　to？　　Money　can't　save　your　infinitesimal　soul。　　All　the
use　that　money　can　be　put　to　is　to　purchase　comfort　and　enjoyment　in　this
life；　therefore；　as　you　are　an　enemy　to　comfort　and　enjoyment；　where　is
the　use　in　accumulating　cash？　　It　won't　do　for　you　to　say　that　you　can
use　it　to　better　purpose　in　furnishing　good　table；　and　in　charities；　and
in　supporting　tract　societies；　because　you　know　yourself　that　you　people
who　have　no　petty　vices　are　never　known　to　give　away　a　cent；　and　that　you
stint　yourselves　so　in　the　matter　of　food　that　you　are　always　feeble　and
hungry。　　And　you　never　dare　to　laugh　in　the　daytime　for　fear　some　poor
wretch；　seeing　you　in　a　good…humor；　will　try　to　borrow　a　dollar　of　you；
and　in　church　you　are　always　down　on　your　knees；　with　your　eyes　buried　in
the　cushion；　when　the　contribution…box　comes　around；　and　you　never　give
the　revenue…officers　a　true　statement　of　your　income。　　Now　you　all　know
all　these　things　yourself；　don't　you？　　Very　well；　then；　what　is　the　use
of　your　stringing　out　your　miserable　lives　to　a　clean　and　withered　old
age？　　What　is　the　use　of　your　saving　money　that　is　so　utterly　worthless
to　you？　　In　a　word；　why　don't　you　go　off　somewhere　and　die；　and　not　be
always　trying　to　seduce　people　into　becoming　as　〃ornery〃　and　unlovable　as
you　are　yourselves；　by　your　ceaseless　and　villainous　〃moral　statistics〃？　
Now；　I　don't　approve　of　dissipation；　and　I　don't　indulge　in　it；　either；
but　I　haven't　a　particle　of　confidence　in　a　man　who　has　no　redeeming
petty　vices　whatever；　and　so　I　don't　want　to　hear　from　you　any　more。　　I
think　you　are　the　very　same　man　who　read　me　a　long　lecture　last　week
about　the　degrading　vice　of　smoking　cigars　and　then　came　back；　in　my
absence；　with　your　vile；　reprehensible　fire…proof　gloves　on；　and　carried
off　my　beautiful　parlor…stove。




III

FROM　〃A　STRANGE　DREAM〃

（Example　of　Mark　Twain's　Early　Descriptive　Writing）

。　　。　　。　　In　due　time　I　stood；　with　my　companion；　on　the　wall　of　the　vast
caldron　which　the　natives；　ages　ago；　named　'Hale　mau　mau