regularly attended the meetings of the Ministerial Union of Elmira every
Monday morning； and they received him into their fellowship； and never
objected to the doctrines which he taught in his church。 So； in an
unfortunate moment； he conceived the strange idea that they would connive
at the teaching of the same doctrines in the same way in a larger house。
Therefore he secured the Opera House and proceeded to preach there every
Sunday evening to assemblages comprising from a thousand to fifteen
hundred persons。 He felt warranted in this course by a passage of
Scripture which says； 〃Go ye into all the world and preach the gospel
unto every creature。〃 Opera…houses were not ruled out specifically in
this passage； and so he considered it proper to regard opera…houses as a
part of 〃all the world。〃 He looked upon the people who assembled there
as coming under the head of 〃every creature。〃 These ideas were as absurd
as they were farfetched； but still they were the honest ebullitions of a
diseased mind。 His great mistake was in supposing that when he had the
Saviour's indorsement of his conduct he had all that was necessary。 He
overlooked the fact that there might possibly be a conflict of opinion
between the Saviour and the Ministerial Union of Elmira。 And there was。
Wherefore； blind and foolish Mr。 Beecher went to his destruction。 The
Ministerial Union withdrew their approbation； and left him dangling in
the air； with no other support than the countenance and approval of the
gospel of Christ。
Mr。 Beecher invited his brother ministers to join forces with him and
help him conduct the Opera House meetings。 They declined with great
unanimity。 In this they were wrong。 Since they did not approve of those
meetings； it was a duty they owed to their consciences and their God to
contrive their discontinuance。 They knew this。 They felt it。 Yet they
turned coldly away and refused to help at those meetings； when they well
knew that their help； earnestly and persistently given； was able to kill
any great religious enterprise that ever was conceived of。
The ministers refused； and the calamitous meetings at the Opera House
continued； and not only continued； but grew in interest and importance；
and sapped of their congregations churches where the Gospel was preached
with that sweet monotonous tranquillity and that impenetrable profundity
which stir up such consternation in the strongholds of sin。 It is a pity
to have to record here that one clergyman refused to preach at the Opera
House at Mr。 Beecher's request； even when that incendiary was sick and
disabled； and if that man's conscience justifies him in that refusal I do
not。 Under the plea of charity for a sick brother he could have preached
to that Opera House multitude a sermon that would have done incalculable
damage to the Opera House experiment。 And he need not have been
particular about the sermon he chose； either。 He could have relied on
any he had in his barrel。
The Opera House meetings went on； other congregations were thin； and grew
thinner； but the Opera House assemblages were vast。 Every Sunday night；
in spite of sense and reason； multitudes passed by the churches where
they might have been saved； and marched deliberately to the Opera House
to be damned。 The community talked； talked； talked。 Everybody discussed
the fact that the Ministerial Union disapproved of the Opera House
meetings； also the fact that they disapproved of the teachings put forth
there。 And everybody wondered how the Ministerial Union could tell
whether to approve or disapprove of those teachings； seeing that those
clergymen had never attended an Opera House meeting； and therefore didn't
know what was taught there。 Everybody wondered over that curious
question； and they had to take it out in wondering。
Mr。 Beecher asked the Ministerial Union to state their objections to the
Opera House matter。 They could notat least they did not。 He said to
them that if they would come squarely out and tell him that they desired
the discontinuance of those meetings he would discontinue them。 They
declined to do that。 Why should they have declined？ They had no right
to decline； and no excuse to decline； if they honestly believed that
those meetings interfered in the slightest degree with the best interests
of religion。 （That is a proposition which the profoundest head among
them cannot get around。）
But the Opera House meetings went on。 That was the mischief of it。 And
so； one Monday morning； when Mr。 B。 appeared at the usual Ministers'
meeting； his brother clergymen desired him to come there no more。 He
asked why。 They gave no reason。 They simply declined to have his
company longer。 Mr。 B。 said he could not accept of this execution
without a trial； and since he loved them and had nothing against them he
must insist upon meeting with them in the future just the same as ever。
And so； after that； they met in secret； and thus got rid of this man's
importunate affection。
The Ministerial Union had ruled out Beechera point gained。 He would
get up an excitement about it in public。 But that was a miscalculation。
He never mentioned it。 They waited and waited for the grand crash； but
it never came。 After all their labor…pains； their ministerial mountain
had brought forth only a mouseand a still…born one at that。 Beecher
had not told on them； Beecher malignantly persisted in not telling on
them。 The opportunity was slipping away。 Alas； for the humiliation of
it； they had to come out and tell it themselves！ And after all； their
bombshell did not hurt anybody when they did explode it。 They had ceased
to be responsible to God for Beecher； and yet nobody seemed paralyzed
about it。 Somehow； it was not even of sufficient importance； apparently；
to get into the papers； though even the poor little facts that Smith has
bought a trotting team and Alderman Jones's child has the measles are
chronicled there with avidity。 Something must be done。 As the
Ministerial Union had told about their desolating action； when nobody
else considered it of enough importance to tell； they would also publish
it； now that the reporters failed to see anything in it important enough
to print。 And so they startled the entire religious world no doubt by
solemnly printing in the Evangelist the paragraph which heads this
article。 They have got their excommunication…bull started at last。 It
is going along quite lively now； and making considerable stir； let us
hope。 They even know it in Podunk； wherever that may be。 It excited a
two…line paragraph there。 Happy； happy world； that knows at last that a
little congress of congregationless clergymen of whom it had never heard
before have crushed a famous Beecher； and reduced his audiences from
fifteen hundred down to fourteen hundred and seventy…five at one fell
blow！ Happy； happy world； that knows at last that these obscure
innocents are no longer responsible for the blemishless teachings； the
power； the pathos； the logic； and the other and manifold intellectual
pyrotechnics that seduce； but to damn； the Opera House assemblages every
Sunday night in Elmira！ And miserable； O thrice miserable Beecher！ For
the Ministerial Union of Elmira will never； no； never more be responsible
to God for his shortcomings。 （Excuse these tears。）
（For the protection of a man who is uniformly charged with all the
newspaper deviltry that sees the light in Elmira journals； I take this
opportunity of stating； under oath； duly subscribed before a magistrate；
that Mr。 Beecher did not write this article。 And further still； that he
did not inspire it。 And further still； the Ministerial Union of Elmira
did not write it。 And finally； the Ministerial Union did not ask me to
write it。 No； I have taken up this cudgel in defense of the Ministerial
Union of Elmira solely from a love of justice。 Without solicitation； I
have constituted myself the champion of the Ministerial Union of Elmira；
and it shall be a labor of love with me to conduct their side of a
quarrel in print for them whenever they desire me to do it； or if they
are busy； and have not the time to ask me； I will cheerfully do it
anyhow。 In closing this I must remark that if any question the right of
the clergymen of Elmira to turn Mr。 Beecher out of the Ministerial Union；
to such I answer that Mr。 Beecher recreated that institution after it had
been dead for many years； and invited those gentlemen to come into it；
which they did； and so of course they have a right to turn him out if
they want to。 The difference between Beecher and the man who put an
adder in his bosom is； that Beecher put in more adders than he did； and
consequently had a proportionately livelier time of it when they got
warmed up。）
Cheerfully；
S'CAT。
APPENDIX J
THE INDIGNITY PUT UPON THE REMAINS OF GEORGE HOLLAND BY THE
REV。 MR。 SABINE
（See Chapter lxxvii）
What a ludicrous satire it was upon Christian charity！even upon the
vague； theoretical idea of it which doubtless this small saint mouths
from his own pulpit every Sunday。 Contemplate this freak of