from consignee all costs of provender； etc。； etc。； required for live stock
while in transit or storage。 You will proceed to collect same from
consignee。〃
Flannery received this letter next morning； and when he read it he
grinned。
〃Proceed to collect；〃 he said softly。 〃How thim clerks do loike to be
talkin'！ Me proceed to col… lect two dollars and twinty…foive cints off
Misther Morehouse！ I wonder do thim clerks know Misther Morehouse？ I'll
git it！ Oh； yes！ 'Misther Morehouse； two an' a quarter； plaze。' 'Cert'nly；
me dear frind Flannery。 Delighted！' Not！〃
Flannery drove the express wagon to Mr。 Morehouse's door。 Mr。 Morehouse
answered the bell。
〃Ah； ha！〃 he cried as soon as he saw it was Flannery。 〃So you've come to
your senses at last； have you？ I thought you would！ Bring the box in。〃
〃I hev no box；〃 said Flannery coldly。 〃I hev a bill agin Misther John C。
Morehouse for two dollars and twinty…foive cints for kebbages aten by his
dago pigs。 Wud you wish to pay ut？〃
〃Pay Cabbages ！〃 gasped Mr。 Morehouse。 〃Do you mean to say that two
little guinea…pigs〃
〃Eight！〃 said Flannery。 〃Papa an' mamma an' the six childer。 Eight！〃
For answer Mr。 Morehouse slammed the door in Flannery's face。 Flannery
looked at the door reproachfully。
〃I take ut the con…sign…y don't want to pay for thim kebbages；〃 he said。
〃If I know signs of refusal； the con…sign…y refuses to pay for wan dang
kebbage leaf an' be hanged to me！〃
Mr。 Morgan； the head of the Tariff Department； consulted the president of
the Interurban Express Company regarding guinea…pigs； as to whether they
were pigs or not pigs。 The president was inclined to treat the matter
lightly。
〃What is the rate on pigs and on pets？〃 he asked。
〃Pigs thirty cents； pets twenty…five；〃 said Morgan。
〃Then of course guinea…pigs are pigs；〃 said the president。
〃Yes；〃 agreed Morgan； 〃I look at it that way； too。 A thing that can come
under two rates is naturally due to be classed as the higher。 But are
guinea…pigs； pigs？ Aren't they rabbits？〃
〃Come to think of it；〃 said the president； 〃I believe they are more like
rabbits。 Sort of half…way station between pig and rabbit。 I think the
question is thisare guinea…pigs of the domestic pig family？ I'll ask
professor Gordon。 He is authority on such things。 Leave the papers with
me。〃
The president put the papers on his desk and wrote a letter to Professor
Gordon。 Unfortunately the Professor was in South America collecting
zoological specimens； and the letter was forwarded to him by his wife。 As
the Professor was in the highest Andes； where no white man had ever
penetrated； the letter was many months in reaching him。 The president
forgot the guinea…pigs； Morgan forgot them； Mr。 Morehouse forgot them； but
Flannery did not。 One… half of his time he gave to the duties of his
agency； the other half was devoted to the guinea…pigs。 Long before
Professor Gordon received the president's letter Morgan received one from
Flannery。
〃About them dago pigs；〃 it said； 〃what shall I do they are great in family
life； no race suicide for them； there are thirty…two now shall I sell them
do you take this express office for a menagerie； answer quick。〃
Morgan reached for a telegraph blank and wrote：
〃Agent； Westcote。 Don't sell pigs。〃
He then wrote Flannery a letter calling his attention to the fact that the
pigs were not the property of the company but were merely being held
during a settlement of a dispute regarding rates。 He advised Flannery to
take the best possible care of them。
Flannery； letter in hand； looked at the pigs and sighed。 The dry…goods box
cage had become too small。 He boarded up twenty feet of the rear of the
express office to make a large and airy home for them； and went about his
business。 He worked with feverish intensity when out on his rounds； for
the pigs required attention and took most of his time。 Some months later；
in desperation； he seized a sheet of paper and wrote 〃160〃 across it and
mailed it to Morgan。 Morgan returned it asking for explanation。 Flannery
replied：
〃There be now one hundred sixty of them dago pigs； for heavens sake let me
sell off some； do you want me to go crazy； what。〃
〃Sell no pigs；〃 Morgan wired。
Not long after this the president of the express company received a letter
from Professor Gordon。 It was a long and scholarly letter； but the point
was that the guinea…pig was the Cava aparoea while the common pig was the
genius Sus of the family Suidae。 He remarked that they were prolific and
multiplied rapidly。
〃They are not pigs；〃 said the president； decidedly； to Morgan。 〃The
twenty…five cent rate applies。〃
Morgan made the proper notation on the papers that had accumulated in File
A6754； and turned them over to the Audit Department。 The Audit Department
took some time to look the matter up； and after the usual delay wrote
Flannery that as he had on hand one hundred and sixty guinea…pigs； the
property of consignee； he should deliver them and collect charges at the
rate of twenty…five cents each。
Flannery spent a day herding his charges through a narrow opening in their
cage so that he might count them。
〃Audit Dept。〃 he wrote； when he had finished the count； 〃you are way off
there may be was one hundred and sixty dago pigs once； but wake up don't
be a back number。 I've got even eight hundred； now shall I collect for
eight hundred or what； how about sixty…four dollars I paid out for
cabbages。〃
It required a great many letters back and forth before the Audit
Department was able to understand why the error had been made of billing
one hundred and sixty instead of eight hundred； and still more time for it
to get the meaning of the 〃cabbages。〃
Flannery was crowded into a few feet at the extreme front of the office。
The pigs had all the rest of the room and two boys were employed
constantly attending to them。 The day after Flannery had counted the
guinea… pigs there were eight more added to his drove； and by the time the
Audit Department gave him authority to collect for eight hundred Flannery
had given up all attempts to attend to the receipt or the delivery of
goods。 He was hastily building galleries around the express office； tier
above tier。 He had four thousand and sixty…four guinea…pigs to care for！
More were arriving daily。
Immediately following its authorization the Audit Department sent another
letter； but Flannery was too busy to open it。 They wrote another and then
they telegraphed：
〃Error in guinea…pig bill。 Collect for two guinea…pigs； fifty cents。
Deliver all to consignee。〃
Flannery read the telegram and cheered up。 He wrote out a bill as rapidly
as his pencil could travel over paper and ran all the way to the Morehouse
home。 At the gate he stopped suddenly。 The house stared at him with vacant
eyes。 The windows were bare of curtains and he could see into the empty
rooms。 A sign on the porch said； 〃To Let。〃 Mr。 Morehouse had moved！
Flannery ran all the way back to the express office。 Sixty…nine
guinea…pigs had been born during his absence。 He ran out again and made
feverish inquiries in the village。 Mr。 Morehouse had not only moved； but
he had left Westcote。 Flannery returned to the express office and found
that two hundred and six guinea…pigs had entered the world since he left
it。 He wrote a telegram to the Audit Department。
〃Can't collect fifty cents for two dago pigs consignee has left town
address unknown what shall I do？ Flannery。〃
The telegram was handed to one of the clerks in the Audit Department； and
as he read it he laughed。
〃Flannery must be crazy。 He ought to know that the thing to do is to
return the consignment here；〃 said the clerk。 He telegraphed Flannery to
send the pigs to the main office of the company at Franklin。
When Flannery received the telegram he set to work。 The six boys be had
engaged to help him also set to work。 They worked with the haste of
desperate men； making cages out of soap boxes； cracker boxes； and all
kinds of boxes； and as fast as the cages were completed they filled them
with guinea…pigs and expressed them to Franklin。 Day after day the cages
of guineapigs flowed in a steady stream from Westcote to Franklin； and
still Flannery and his six helpers ripped and nailed and
packedrelentlessly and feverishly。 At the end of the week they had
shipped two hundred and eighty cases of guinea…pigs； and there were in the
express office seven hundred and four more pigs than when they began
packing them。
〃Stop sending pigs。 Warehouse full；〃 came a telegram to Flannery。 He
stopped packing only long enough to wire back； 〃Can't stop；〃 and kept on
sending them。 On the next train up from Franklin came one of the company's
inspectors。 He had instructions to stop the stream of guinea…pigs at all
hazards。 As his train drew up at Westcote station he saw a cattle car
standing on the express company's siding。 When he reached the express
office he saw the express wagon backed up to the door。 Six boys were
carrying bushel baskets full of guinea… pigs from the office and dumping
them into the wagon。 Inside the room Flannery； with' his coat and vest
off； was shoveling guinea…pigs into bushel baskets with a coal scoop。 He