ention ironic if I had to kill her the moment she rose。 I could just hear Jean…Claude's dry； And this is an improvement； ma petite？ I said a quick prayer that it wouldn't e to that。 I didn't want to kill her； I wanted to save her。 Wanting to do the last didn't mean I wouldn't do the first； but it did mean I would try to avoid it。
Jason raised the lid； slowly。 Not because it was heavy； but because； I think； he was scared； too。 The idea of being Gretchen's first meal had made him laugh； that anticipatory sound that is half grown…up male； and half little boy。 The sound that men reserve for things that bine sex and usually sports； cars； technology； or danger depends on your man。 I'm sure there are men out there that would give that purring； excited laugh at the thought of gardening； of poetry； but I haven't met them。 Might be an interesting change； though。
The lid went back in that halfway position that coffin lids do。 Nothing moved。 There was just Jason standing there in his cutoff jean shorts； bare back to the room。 Gretchen didn't e bounding out and eat anybody； and I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding。
Jason stayed there； gazing down； unmoving； hands frozen on the lid。 He finally turned towards the rest of us； and there was a look on his face that I'd never seen。 It was a mixture of horror and pity。 His spring blue eyes were wide； and there was a glitter of tears； I thought。 Jason and Gretchen hadn't been close。 The reaction couldn't be personal。 What was in that coffin to put that look on Jason's face？
I was moving forward without realizing it。 〃Ma petite； do not go closer。〃
I looked at him。 〃What's the matter with her？ Why does Jason look so 。。。 stricken？〃
Jason answered； 〃I've never seen anything like this。〃
I had to see now； I had to。 I kept walking towards the coffin。 Jean…Claude met me； blocked my path。 〃Please； ma petite； do not go closer。〃
〃I'm supposed to watch the process； right？ I'm going to have to see what she looks like sooner or later； Jean…Claude。 Might as well be sooner。〃
He studied my face； as if he'd memorize it。 〃I did not anticipate that she would be so 。。。 〃 He shook his head。 〃You will not be happy with me after you see her。〃
〃You don't know what she looks like either；〃 I said。
〃No； but Jason's reaction tells me many things I do not wish to know。〃
〃What's that supposed to mean？〃
He just stepped aside。 〃Gaze upon her； ma petite； and when you have forgiven me； e back to me。〃
Forgiven him？ I did not like the phrasing。 I'd been scared of Gretchen pouncing out and trying to kill me； now I was more frightened of looking at her； of what horror awaited me inside that coffin。 My pulse was trying to climb out my throat； and I couldn't breathe past it。 Jason's face； Jean…Claude's sorrow； and the utter stillness from the coffin had left me so scared my mouth was dry。
Jason moved to one side； turning away from the coffin； leaning his butt against it； arms hugging his sides。 He looked pale and ill。 I wondered if he'd changed his mind about letting Gretchen touch him。
I stood just far enough back that I couldn't see into the coffin。 I didn't want to see something so horrible that it made Jason pale。 I didn't want to see it； but I had to。
I stepped up to the coffin； like stepping up to the plate； knowing that the ball ing at you is going a hundred…plus miles an hour and you have no chance to swing。 My eyes couldn't make sense of what I saw at first。 My mind simply refused to understand。 It's a safety feature that we all have。 If something is too horrendous； sometimes our brain just says； nope； not going to see this； not going to record this； nope； it would break us。 But if you stare long enough； the mind says； well damn； we're not turning away； and finally； finally； you'll see it； and once you see it； you'll never be able to unsee it。
It lay against white satin so that the dry； brown color was very stark； painfully outlined。 It looked like a wizened mummy； one of those bodies they find every once in a while in the desert； where the dryness makes natural mummies。 The brown skin had molded to the bones； there was no muscle under it； just bones and skin。 The mouth was open wide； as if the jaw hinge had broken。 The fangs were dry； but white like a skull。 The entire head had dried down to just the skull covered by a light coating of brown skin。 Patches of bright blond hair clung to that skull； and the bright color made it worse； more obscene somehow。 The eyes opened。 I jumped； but the eyes that stared back at me were filled with something brown and dried； like big raisins。 They blinked once； slowly； and a sound like wind sighing came out of the mouth。
I fell back from the coffin； fell to my knees。 Jason grabbed my arm； drew me to my feet。 I shook his hand off and went for Jean…Claude。 He stood there； face patient； empty。 I hit him without ever breaking stride。 Maybe he expected me to stop； take a stance； but I hit him in the face； closed fist； like it was a continuation of the movement of my body。 I twisted my fist my whole body into it； and he was suddenly on the floor； looking up at me； with blood on his face。
55
〃YOU BASTARD； YOU fed off her energy while she was in there。〃 I had to stalk away from him to keep from kicking him。 Some things you did not do； some lines you did not cross。
He touched the back of his hand to his mouth。 〃What if I had nothing to do with it？〃
〃What if？〃 I came to stand over him。 〃What if？ Are you really going to try and tell me that you didn't feed off of her？〃 I pointed back towards the coffin and must have glanced back； because the next thing I knew he had my legs； and I was suddenly falling towards the ground。 I slapped the hard stones with my arms like I'd been taught in Judo。 That took some of the impact； kept my head from hitting the stone floor； but it took concentration。 By the time my body hit the ground； Jean…Claude was on top of me； pinning my arms to the floor with his forearms； the rest of his body trapping the rest of mine。
〃Get off of me。〃
〃Non； ma petite； not until you hear me out。〃
I tried to raise my arms； not because I thought I could outmuscle him； but because I had to try。 I've never been able not to struggle even when I know it's a lost cause。
I was able to raise my arms a little not enough to get away； but enough to make him bear down； enough to widen his eyes； enough to make him tense。 Good to know the marks were helping me gain useful things like strength and not just crap。
Blood was a bright surprise against that pale skin。 The blood dripped from an open cut on his mouth。 〃How do you know that this is not what all vampires would be reduced to after years？〃
I glared up at him because I couldn't do much else。 〃Liar。〃
〃How are you so certain？〃 He pressed himself harder against me for emphasis I think because he wasn't happy to be there； his body was all about anger not sex。 〃How do you know； Anita？〃
He'd used my real name。 〃I'm a necromancer； remember？〃
His face clearly said he didn't believe the answer was that simple； and he was right。 I was remembering my visit to New Mexico and what I'd learned there。 A monster rising above the bar in a club in Albuquerque。 It rose above the bar in a thin line of pale flesh； like the rising of a crescent moon； then a face came into view。 It was a woman's face with one eye gone stiff and dry like some kind of mummy。 Face after face rose brown and withered； like a string of monstrous beads strung together with pieces of body； arms； legs； and thick black thread like gigantic stitches holding it all together； holding the magic inside。 It rose up and up until it towered against the ceiling； curving like a giant snake to stare down at me。 I estimated forty heads； more； before I lost count； or lost the heart to count anymore。
There had been another club in that town； and it had been worse in some ways； because the torture was part of the entertainment 。。。 Lines had appeared on the man's skin。 The muscles under his skin began to shrink； as though he had a wasting disease； but what should have taken months was happening in seconds。 No matter how willing the sacrifice； it can still hurt。 The man started screaming as fast as he could draw breath。 His lungs were working better than the first man's； and he drew breath so fast； it was like one continuous shriek。 His skin darkened as it drew in and in； like something was sucking him dry。 It was like watching a balloon shrivel。 Except there was muscle； and when the muscle vanished； there was bone； and finally there was nothing but dried skin over bones。 And still he screamed。
The last insult； or gift； or horror； had been the Master of the City of Albuquerque's power。 Her power had beat against me like frantic wings； birds crying that they've been shut out in the dark and they want inside to the light and the warmth。 How could I leave them crying in the dark； when all I had to do was open and they would be safe？ I'd fought it； but in the end the wings erupted into a torrent of birds。 My body seemed to open； though I knew it didn't。 And the winged things only half…glimpsed spilled into that opening。 The power flowed into me； through me； and out again。 I was part of some great circuit； and I