when he's around and is vexed with his ways； and not sorry to have him go
again。 He has been gone three weeks this timea pleasant thing for both
of them； I reckon。〃
〃Tom's rather harum…scarum； but there ain't anything bad in him； I
guess。〃
〃Oh； no； he's just young； that's all。 Still； twenty…three is old； in one
way。 A young man ought to be earning his living by that time。 If Tom
were doing that； or was even trying to do it； the judge would be a heap
better satisfied with him。 Tom's always going to begin； but somehow he
can't seem to find just the opening he likes。〃
〃Well； now； it's partly the judge's own fault。 Promising the boy his
property wasn't the way to set him to earning a fortune of his own。 But
what do you think is Roweny beginning to lean any toward him； or ain't
she？〃
Aunt Patsy had a secret in her bosom； she wanted to keep it there； but
nature was too strong for her。 She drew Aunt Betsy aside； and said in
her most confidential and mysterious manner：
〃Don't you breathe a syllable to a soulI'm going to tell you something。
In my opinion Tom Driscoll's chances were considerable better yesterday
than they are to…day。〃
〃Patsy Cooper； what do you mean？〃
〃It's so； as sure as you're born。 I wish you could 'a' been at breakfast
and seen for yourself。〃
〃You don't mean it！〃
〃Well； if I'm any judge； there's a leaningthere's a leaning； sure。〃
〃My land！ Which one of 'em is it？〃
〃I can't say for certain； but I think it's the youngest oneAnjy。〃
Then there were hand…shakings； and congratulations； and hopes； and so on；
and the old ladies parted； perfectly happythe one in knowing something
which the rest of the town didn't； and the other in having been the sole
person able to furnish that knowledge。
The visitor who had called to see the twins was the Rev。 Mr。 Hotchkiss；
pastor of the Baptist church。 At the reception Angelo had told him he
had lately experienced a change in his religious views； and was now
desirous of becoming a Baptist； and would immediately join Mr。
Hotchkiss's church。 There was no time to say more； and the brief talk
ended at that point。 The minister was much gratified； and had dropped in
for a moment now； to invite the twins to attend his Bible class at eight
that evening。 Angelo accepted； and was expecting Luigi to decline； but
he did not； because he knew that the Bible class and the Freethinkers met
in the same room； and he wanted to treat his brother to the embarrassment
of being caught in free…thinking company。
CHAPTER V
GUILT AND INNOCENCE FINELY BLENT
＇A long and vigorous quarrel follows； between the twins。 And there is
plenty to quarrel about； for Angelo was always seeking truth； and this
obliged him to change and improve his religion with frequency； which
wearied Luigi； and annoyed him too； for he had to be present at each new
enlistmentwhich placed him in the false position of seeming to indorse
and approve his brother's fickleness； moreover； he had to go to Angelo's
prohibition meetings； and he hated them。 On the other hand； when it was
his week to command the legs he gave Angelo just cause of complaint； for
he took him to circuses and horse…races and fandangoes； exposing him to
all sorts of censure and criticism； and he drank； too； and whatever he
drank went to Angelo's head instead of his own and made him act
disgracefully。 When the evening was come； the two attended the Free…
thinkers' meeting； where Angelo was sad and silent； then came the Bible
class and looked upon him coldly； finding him in such company。 Then they
went to Wilson's house and Chapter XI of Pudd'nhead Wilson follows； which
tells of the girl seen in Tom Driscoll's room； and closes with the
kicking of Tom by Luigi at the anti…temperance mass…meeting of the Sons
of Liberty； with the addition of some account of Roxy's adventures as a
chamber…maid on a Mississippi boat。 Her exchange of the children had
been flippantly and farcically described in an earlier chapter。
Next morning all the town was a…buzz with great news； Pudd'nhead Wilson
had a law case！ The； public astonishment was so great and the public
curiosity so intense； that when the justice of the peace opened his
court； the place was packed with people and even the windows were full。
Everybody was； flushed and perspiring； the summer heat was almost
unendurable。
Tom Driscoll had brought a charge of assault and battery against the
twins。 Robert Allen was retained by Driscoll； David Wilson by the
defense。 Tom； his native cheerfulness unannihilated by his back…breaking
and bone…bruising passage across the massed heads of the Sons of Liberty
the previous night； laughed his little customary laugh； and said to
Wilson：
〃I've kept my promise； you see； I'm throwing my business your way。
Sooner than I was expecting； too。〃
〃It's very good of youparticularly if you mean to keep it up。〃
〃Well； I can't tell about that yet。 But we'll see。 If I find you
deserve it I'll take you under my protection and make your fame and
fortune for you。〃
〃I'll try to deserve it； Tom。〃
A jury was sworn in； then Mr。 Allen said：
〃We will detain your honor but a moment with this case。 It is not one
where any doubt of the fact of the assault can enter in。 These
gentlementhe accusedkicked my client at the Market Hall last night；
they kicked him with violence； with extraordinary violence； with even
unprecedented violence； I may say； insomuch that he was lifted entirely
off his feet and discharged into the midst of the audience。 We can prove
this by four hundred witnesseswe shall call but three。 Mr。 Harkness
will take the stand。〃
Mr。 Harkness； being sworn； testified that he was chairman upon the
occasion mentioned； that he was close at hand and saw the defendants in
this action kick the plaintiff into the air and saw him descend among the
audience。
〃Take the witness；〃 said Allen。
〃Mr。 Harkness；〃 said Wilson； 〃you say you saw these gentlemen； my
clients； kick the plaintiff。 Are you sureand please remember that you
are on oathare you perfectly sure that you saw both of them kick him；
or only one？ Now be careful。〃
A bewildered look began to spread itself over the witness's face。 He
hesitated； stammered； but got out nothing。 His eyes wandered to the
twins and fixed themselves there with a vacant gaze。
〃Please answer； Mr。 Harkness； you are keeping the court waiting。 It is
a very simple question。〃
Counsel for the prosecution broke in with impatience：
〃Your honor； the question is an irrelevant triviality。 Necessarily； they
both kicked him； for they have but the one pair of legs； and both are
responsible for them。〃
Wilson said； sarcastically：
〃Will your honor permit this new witness to be sworn？ He seems to
possess knowledge which can be of the utmost value just at this moment
knowledge which would at once dispose of what every one must see is a
very difficult question in this case。 Brother Allen； will you take the
stand？〃
〃Go on with your case！〃 said Allen； petulantly。 The audience laughed；
and got a warning from the court。
〃Now； Mr。 Harkness；〃 said Wilson； insinuatingly； 〃we shall have to insist
upon an answer to that question。〃
〃Ierwell； of course； I do not absolutely know； but in my opinion〃
〃Never mind your opinion； siranswer the question。〃
〃Iwhy； I can't answer it。〃
〃That will do； Mr。 Harkness。 Stand down。〃
The audience tittered； and the discomfited witness retired in a state of
great embarrassment。
Mr。 Wakeman took the stand and swore that he saw the twins kick the
plaintiff off the platform。
The defense took the witness。
〃Mr。 Wakeman； you have sworn that you saw these gentlemen kick the
plaintiff。 Do I understand you to swear that you saw them both do it？〃
〃Yes； sir；〃with derision。
〃How do you know that both did it？〃
〃Because I saw them do it。〃
The audience laughed； and got another warning from the court。
〃But by what means do you know that both； and not one； did it？〃
〃Well； in the first place； the insult was given to both of them equally；
for they were called a pair of scissors。 Of course they would both want
to resent it； and so〃
〃Wait！ You are theorizing now。 Stick to facts counsel will attend to
the arguments。 Go on。〃
〃Well； they both went over therethat I saw。〃
〃Very good。 Go on。〃
〃And they both kicked himI swear to it。〃
〃Mr。 Wakeman； was Count Luigi； here； willing to join the Sons of Liberty
last night？〃
〃Yes； sir； he was。 He did join； too； and drank a glass or two of whisky；
like a man。〃
〃Was his brother willing to join？〃
〃No； sir； he wasn't。 He is a teetotaler； and was elected through a
mistake。〃
〃Was he given a glass of whisky？〃
〃Yes； sir； but of course that was another mistake； and not intentional。
He wouldn't drink it。 He set it down。〃 A slight pause； then he added；
casually and quite simply： 〃The plaintiff reached for it and hogged it。〃
There was a fine outburst of laughter； but as the justice was caught out
himself； his reprimand was not very vigorous。
Mr。 Allen jumped up and exclaimed： 〃I protest against these foolish
irrelevancies。 What have they to do with the case？〃
Wilson said： 〃Calm