worldly ways and byways- 第35部分

sure　to　come　bounding　up；　and　without　notice　or　warning　present　you　

to　his　〃friend；〃　…　the　greater　part　of　the　time　a　man　he　has　met　

only　an　hour　before；　but　whom　he　endows　out　of　the　warehouse　of　his　

generous　imagination　with　several　talents　and　all　the　virtues。　　In　

order　to　make　the　situation　just　one　shade　more　uncomfortable；　this　

kindly　bore　proceeds　to　sing　a　hymn　of　praise　concerning　both　of　

you　to　your　faces；　adding；　in　order　that　you　may　both　feel　quite　

friendly　and　pleasant：



〃I　know　you　two　will　fancy　each　other；　you　are　so　alike；〃　…　a　

phrase　neatly　calculated　to　nip　any　conversation　in　the　bud。　　You　

detest　the　unoffending　stranger　on　the　spot　and　would　like　to　kill　

the　bore。　　Not　to　appear　an　absolute　brute　you　struggle　through　

some　commonplace　phrases；　discovering　the　while　that　your　new　

acquaintance　is　no　more　anxious　to　know　you；　than　you　are　to　meet　

him；　that　he　has　not　the　slightest　idea　who　you　are；　neither　does　

he　desire　to　find　out。　　He　classes　you　with　the　bore；　and　his　one　

idea；　like　your　own；　is　to　escape。　　So　that　the　only　result　of　the　

Introducer's　good…natured　interference　has　been　to　make　two　fellow…

creatures　miserable。



A　friend　was　telling　me　the　other　day　of　the　martyrdom　he　had　

suffered　from　this　class。　　He　spoke　with　much　feeling；　as　he　is　the　

soul　of　amiability；　but　somewhat　short…sighted　and　afflicted　with　a　

hopelessly　bad　memory　for　faces。　　For　the　last　few　years；　he　has　

been　in　the　habit　of　spending　one　or　two　of　the　winter　months　in　

Washington；　where　his　friends　put　him　up　at　one　club　or　another。　　

Each　winter　on　his　first　appearance　at　one　of　these　clubs；　some　

kindly　disposed　old　fogy　is　sure　to　present　him　to　a　circle　of　the　

members；　and　he　finds　himself　indiscriminately　shaking　hands　with　

Judges　and　Colonels。　　As　little　or　no　conversation　follows　these　

introductions　to　fix　the　individuality　of　the　members　in　his　mind；　

he　unconsciously　cuts　two…thirds　of　his　newly　acquired　circle　the　

next　afternoon；　and　the　following　winter；　after　a　ten…months'　

absence；　he　innocently　ignores　the　other　third。　　So　hopelessly　has　

he　offended　in　this　way；　that　last　season；　on　being　presented　to　a　

club　member；　the　latter　peevishly　blurted　out：



〃This　is　the　fourth　time　I　have　been　introduced　to　Mr。　Blank；　but　

he　never　remembers　me；〃　and　glared　coldly　at　him；　laying　it　all　

down　to　my　friend's　snobbishness　and　to　the　airs　of　a　New　Yorker　

when　away　from　home。　　If　instead　of　being　sacrificed　to　the　

introducer's　mistaken　zeal　my　poor　friend　had　been　left　quietly　to　

himself；　he　would　in　good　time　have　met　the　people　congenial　to　him　

and　avoided　giving　offence　to　a　number　of　kindly　gentlemen。



This　introducing　mania　takes　an　even　more　aggressive　form　in　the　

hostess；　who　imagines　that　she　is　lacking　in　hospitality　if　any　two　

people　in　her　drawing…room　are　not　made　known　to　each　other。　　No　

matter　how　interested　you　may　be　in　a　chat　with　a　friend；　you　will　

see　her　bearing　down　upon　you；　bringing　in　tow　the　one　human　being　

you　have　carefully　avoided　for　years。　　Escape　seems　impossible；　but　

as　a　forlorn　hope　you　fling　yourself　into　conversation　with　your　

nearest　neighbor；　trying　by　your　absorbed　manner　to　ward　off　the　

calamity。　　In　vain！　　With　a　tap　on　your　elbow　your　smiling　hostess　

introduces　you　and；　having　spoiled　your　afternoon；　flits　off　in　

search　of　other　prey。



The　question　of　introductions　is　one　on　which　it　is　impossible　to　

lay　down　any　fixed　rules。　　There　must　constantly　occur　situations　

where　one's　acts　must　depend　upon　a　kindly　consideration　for　other　

people's　feelings；　which　after　all；　is　only　another　name　for　tact。　　

Nothing　so　plainly　shows　the　breeding　of　a　man　or　woman　as　skill　in　

solving　problems　of　this　kind　without　giving　offence。



Foreigners；　with　their　greater　knowledge　of　the　world；　rarely　fall　

into　the　error　of　indiscriminate　introducing；　appreciating　what　a　

presentation　means　and　what　obligations　it　entails。　　The　English　

fall　into　exactly　the　contrary　error　from　ours；　and　carry　it　to　

absurd　lengths。　　Starting　with　the　assumption　that　everybody　knows　

everybody；　and　being　aware　of　the　general　dread　of　meeting　

〃detrimentals；〃　they　avoid　the　difficulty　by　making　no　

introductions。　　This　may　work　well　among　themselves；　but　it　is　

trying　to　a　stranger　whom　they　have　been　good　enough　to　ask　to　

their　tables；　to　sit　out　the　meal　between　two　people　who　ignore　his　

presence　and　converse　across　him；　for　an　Englishman　will　expire　

sooner　than　speak　to　a　person　to　whom　he　has　not　been　introduced。



The　French；　with　the　marvellous　tact　that　has　for　centuries　made　

them　the　law…givers　on　all　subjects　of　etiquette　and　breeding；　have　

another　way　of　avoiding　useless　introductions。　　They　assume　that　

two　people　meeting　in　a　drawing…room　belong　to　the　same　world　and　

so　chat　pleasantly　with　those　around　them。　　On　leaving　the　SALON　

the　acquaintance　is　supposed　to　end；　and　a　gentleman　who　should　at　

another　time　or　place　bow　or　speak　to　the　lady　who　had　offered　him　

a　cup　of　tea　and　talked　pleasantly　to　him　over　it　at　a　friend's　

reception；　would　commit　a　gross　breach　of　etiquette。



I　was　once　present　at　a　large　dinner　given　in　Cologne　to　the　

American　Geographical　Society。　　No　sooner　was　I　seated　than　my　two　

neighbors　turned　towards　me　mentioning　their　names　and　waiting　for　

me　to　do　the　same。　　After　that　the　conversation　flowed　on　as　among　

friends。　　This　custom　struck　me　as　exceedingly　well…bred　and　

calculated　to　make　a　foreigner　feel　at　his　ease。



Among　other　curious　types；　there　are　people　so　constituted　that　

they　are　unhappy　if　a　single　person　can　be　found　in　the　room　to　

whom　they　have　not　been　introduced。　　It　does　not　matter　who　the　

stranger　may　be　or　what　chance　there　is　of　finding　him　congenial。　　

They　must　be　presented；　nothing　else　will　content　them。　　If　you　are　

chatting　with　a　friend　you　feel　a　pull　at　your　sleeve；　and　in　an　

audible　aside；　they　ask　for　an　introduction。　　The　aspirant　will　

then　bring　up　and　present　the　members　of　his　family　who　happen　to　

be　near。　　After　that　he　seems　to　be　at　ease；　and　having　absolutely　

nothing　to　say　will　soon　drift　off。　　Our　public　men　suffer　terribly　

from　promiscuous　introductions；　it　is　a　part　of　a　political　career；　

a　good　memory　for　names　and　faces　and　a　cordial　manner　under　fire　

have　often　gone　a　long　way　in　floating　a　statesman　on　to　success。



Demand；　we　are　told；　creates　supply。　　During　a　short　stay　in　a　

Florida　hotel　last　winter；　I　noticed　a　curious　little　man　who　

looked　like　a　cross　between　a　waiter　and　a　musician。　　As　he　spoke　

to　me　several　times　and　seemed　very　officious；　I　asked　who　he　was。　　

The　answer　was　so　grotesque　that　I　could　not　believe　my　ears。　　I　

was　told　that　he　held　the　position　of　official　〃introducer；〃　or　

master　of　ceremonies；　and　that　the　guests　under　his　guidance　became　

known　to　each　other；　danced；　rode；　and　married　to　their　own　and　

doubtless　to　his　satisfaction。　　The　further　west　one　goes　the　more　

pronounced　this　mania　becomes。　　Everybody　is　introduced　to　

everybody　on　all　imaginable　occasions。　　If　a　man　asks　you　to　take　a　

drink；　he　presents　you　to　the　bar…tender。　　If　he　takes　you　for　a　

drive；　the　cab…driver　is　introduced。　　〃Boots〃　makes　you　acquainted　

with　the　chambermaid；　and　the　hotel　proprietor　unites　you　in　the　

bonds　of　friendship　with　the　clerk　at　the　desk。　　Intercourse　with　

one's　fellows　becomes　one　long　debauch　of　introduction。　　In　this　

country　where　every　liberty　is　respected；　it　is　a　curious　fact　that　

we　should　be　denied　the　most　important　of　all　rights；　that　of　

choosing　our　acquaintances。









CHAPTER　34　…　A　Question　and　an　Answer





DEAR　IDLER：



I　HAVE　been　reading　your　articles　in　The　Evening　Post。　　They　are　

really　most　amusing！　　You　do　know　such　a　lot　about　people　and　

things；　that　I　am　tempted　to　write　and　ask　you　a　question　on　a　

subject　that　is　puzzling　me。　　What　is　it　that　is　necessary　to　

succeed　…　socially？　　There！　　It　is　out！　　Please　do　not　laugh　at　me。　　

Such　funny　people　get　on　and　such　clever；　agreeable　ones　fail；　that　

I　am　all　at　sea。　　Now　do　be　nice　and　answer　me；　and　you　will　have　a　

very　grateful



ADMIRER。





The　above　note；　in　a　rather　juvenile　feminine　hand；　and　breathing　a　

faint　perfume　of　VIOLETTE　DE　PARME；　was　part　of　the　morning's　mail　

that　I　found　lying　on　my　desk　a　few　days　ago；　in　delightful　

contrast　to　the　bills　and　advertisements　which　formed　the　bulk　of　

my　correspondence。　　It　would　suppose　a　stoicism　greater　than　I　

possess；　not　to　have　felt　a　thrill　of　satisfaction　in　its　perusal。　　

There　was；　then；　some　one　who　read　with　pleasure　what　I　wrote；　and　

who　had　been　moved　to　consult　me　on　a　question　（evidently　to　her）　

of　importance。　　I　instantly　decided　to　do　my　best　for　the　

edification　of　my　fair　correspondent　（for　no　doubt　entered　my　head　

that　she　was　both　yo