proposed for his hand； And maidens came flocking to sit on the green Especially
ELLEN McJONES ABERDEEN。
One morning the fidgety Sassenach swore He'd stand it no longer … he
drew his claymore； And （this was； I think； in extremely bad taste） Divided
CLONGLOCKETTY close to the waist。
Oh！ loud were the wailings for ANGUS McCLAN； Oh！ deep was the
grief for that excellent man； The maids stood aghast at the horrible scene Especially
ELLEN McJONES ABERDEEN。
It sorrowed poor PATTISON CORBY TORBAY To find them 〃take
on〃 in this serious way； He pitied the poor little fluttering birds； And
solaced their souls with the following words：
〃Oh； maidens；〃 said PATTISON； touching his hat； 〃Don't blubber； my
dears； for a fellow like that； Observe； I'm a very superior man； A much
better fellow than ANGUS McCLAN。〃
They smiled when he winked and addressed them as 〃dears；〃 And they
all of them vowed； as they dried up their tears； A pleasanter gentleman
never was seen … Especially ELLEN McJONES ABERDEEN。
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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
4
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
POLICEMAN PETER FORTH I drag From his obscure retreat： He
was a merry genial wag； Who loved a mad conceit。 If he were asked the
time of day； By country bumpkins green； He not unfrequently would say；
〃A quarter past thirteen。〃
If ever you by word of mouth Inquired of MISTER FORTH The way
to somewhere in the South； He always sent you North。 With little boys his
beat along He loved to stop and play； He loved to send old ladies wrong；
And teach their feet to stray。
He would in frolic moments； when Such mischief bent upon； Take
Bishops up as betting men … Bid Ministers move on。 Then all the worthy
boys he knew He regularly licked； And always collared people who Had
had their pockets picked。
He was not naturally bad； Or viciously inclined； But from his early
youth he had A waggish turn of mind。 The Men of London grimly scowled
With indignation wild； The Men of London gruffly growled； But PETER
calmly smiled。
Against this minion of the Crown The swelling murmurs grew … From
Camberwell to Kentish Town … From Rotherhithe to Kew。 Still humoured
he his wagsome turn； And fed in various ways The coward rage that dared
to burn； But did not dare to blaze。
Still； Retribution has her day； Although her flight is slow： ONE DAY
THAT CRUSHER LOST HIS WAY NEAR POLAND STREET； SOHO。
The haughty boy； too proud to ask； To find his way resolved； And in the
tangle of his task Got more and more involved。
The Men of London； overjoyed； Came there to jeer their foe； And
flocking crowds completely cloyed The mazes of Soho。 The news on
telegraphic wires Sped swiftly o'er the lea； Excursion trains from distant
shires Brought myriads to see。
For weeks he trod his self…made beats Through Newport… Gerrard…
Bear… Greek… Rupert… Frith… Dean… Poland… Streets； And into Golden
Square。 But all； alas！ in vain； for when He tried to learn the way Of little
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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Their eyes would flash … their teeth would grind …Their lips would
tightly curl …They'd say； 〃Thy way thyself must find； Thou misdirecting
churl！〃 And； similarly； also； when He tried a foreign friend； Italians
answered； 〃IL BALEN〃 … The French； 〃No comprehend。〃
The Russ would say with gleaming eye 〃 Sevastopol！〃 and groan。 The
Greek said； ＇GREEK TEXT WHICH CANNOT BE REPRODUCED＇。〃 To
wander thus for many a year That Crusher never ceased … The Men of
London dropped a tear； Their anger was appeased
At length exploring gangs were sent To find poor FORTH'S remains A
handsome grant by Parliament Was voted for their pains。 To seek the
poor policeman out Bold spirits volunteered； And when they swore they'd
solve the doubt； The Men of London cheered。
And in a yard； dark； dank； and drear； They found him； on the floor … It
leads from Richmond Buildings … near The Royalty stage…door。 With
brandy cold and brandy hot They plied him； starved and wet； And made
him sergeant on the spot … The Men of London's pet！
46
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
ROLL on； thou ball； roll on！ Through pathless realms of Space Roll on！
What though I'm in a sorry case？ What though I cannot meet my bills？
What though I suffer toothache's ills？ What though I swallow countless
pills？ Never YOU mind！ Roll on！
Roll on； thou ball； roll on！ Through seas of inky air Roll on！ It's true
I've got no shirts to wear； It's true my butcher's bill is due； It's true my
prospects all look blue … But don't let that unsettle you！ Never YOU mind！
Roll on！
＇IT ROLLS ON。
47
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
IT was a robber's daughter； and her name was ALICE BROWN； Her
father was the terror of a small Italian town； Her mother was a foolish；
weak； but amiable old thing； But it isn't of her parents that I'm going for to
sing。
As ALICE was a…sitting at her window…sill one day； A beautiful young
gentleman he chanced to pass that way； She cast her eyes upon him； and
he looked so good and true； That she thought； 〃I could be happy with a
gentleman like you！〃
And every morning passed her house that cream of gentlemen； She
knew she might expect him at a quarter unto ten； A sorter in the Customhouse；
it was his daily road （The Custom…house was fifteen minutes' walk
from her abode）。
But ALICE was a pious girl； who knew it wasn't wise To look at
strange young sorters with expressive purple eyes； So she sought the
village priest to whom her family confessed； The priest by whom their
little sins were carefully assessed。
〃Oh； holy father；〃 ALICE said； 〃't would grieve you； would it not； To
discover that I was a most disreputable lot？ Of all unhappy sinners I'm the
most unhappy one！〃 The padre said； 〃Whatever have you been and gone
and done？〃
〃I have helped mamma to steal a little kiddy from its dad； I've assisted
dear papa in cutting up a little lad； I've planned a little burglary and forged
a little cheque； And slain a little baby for the coral on its neck！〃
The worthy pastor heaved a sigh； and dropped a silent tear； And said；
〃You mustn't judge yourself too heavily； my dear： It's wrong to murder
babies； little corals for to fleece； But sins like these one expiates at half…acrown
apiece。
〃Girls will be girls … you're very young； and flighty in your mind； Old
heads upon young shoulders we must not expect to find： We mustn't be too
hard upon these little girlish tricks … Let's see … five crimes at half…a…crown
… exactly twelve…and…six。〃
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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
〃A pleasant…looking gentleman； with pretty purple eyes； I've noticed at
my window； as I've sat a…catching flies； He passes by it every day as
certain as can be … I blush to say I've winked at him； and he has winked at
me！〃
〃For shame！〃 said FATHER PAUL； 〃my erring daughter！ On my word
This is the most distressing news that I have ever heard。 Why； naughty girl；
your excellent papa has pledged your hand To a promising young robber；
the lieutenant of his band！
〃This dreadful piece of news will pain your worthy parents so！ They
are the most remunerative customers I know； For many many years
they've kept starvation from my doors： I never knew so criminal a family
as yours！
〃The common country folk in this insipid neighbourhood Have
nothing to confess； they're so ridiculously good； And if you marry any one
respectable at all； Why； you'll reform； and what will then become of
FATHER PAUL？〃
The worthy priest； he up and drew his cowl upon his crown； And
started off in haste to tell the news to ROBBER BROWN …To tell him
how his daughter； who was now for marriage fit； Had winked upon a
sorter； who reciprocated it。
Good ROBBER BROWN he muffled up his anger pretty well： He said；
〃I have a notion； and that notion I will tell； I will nab this gay young sorter；
terrify him into fits； And get my gentle wife to chop him into little bits。
〃I've studied human nature； and I know a thing or two： Though a girl
may fondly love a living gent； as many do … A feeling of disgust upon her
senses there will fall When she looks upon his body chopped particularly
small。〃
He traced that gallant sorter to a still suburban square； He watched his
opportunity； and seized him unaware； He took a life…preserver and he hit
him on the head； And MRS。 BROWN dissected him before she went to
bed。
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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
50
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
OH； listen to the tale of MISTER WILLIAM； if yo