we two- 第40部分

To　attempt　even　to　shadow　forth　Erica's　growth　during　the　next　year　would　be　worse　than　presumptuous。　　As　to　her　outward　life　it　was　not　greatly　changed；　only　intensified。　　October　always　began　their　busiest　six　months。　　There　was　the　night　school　at　which　she　was　able　to　work　again　indefatigably。　　There　were　lectures　to　be　attended。　　Above　all　there　was　an　ever…increasing　amount　of　work　to　be　done　for　her　father。　　In　all　the　positive　and　constructive　side　of　secularism；　in　all　the　efforts　made　by　it　to　better　humanity；　she　took　an　enthusiastic　share。　　Naturally　she　did　not　see　so　much　of　Charles　Osmond　now　that　she　was　strong　again。　　In　the　press　of　business；　in　the　hard；　every…day　life　there　was　little　time　for　discussion。　　They　met　frequently；　but　never　for　one　of　their　long　tete…a…tetes。　　Perhaps　Erica　purposely　avoided　them。　　She　was　strangely　different　now　from　the　little　impetuous　girl　who　had　come　to　his　study　years　ago；　trembling　with　anger　at　the　lady　superintendent's　insult。　　Insults　had　since　then；　alas；　become　so　familiar　to　her；　that　she　had　acquired　a　sort　of　patient　dignity　of　endurance；　infinitely　sad　to　watch　in　such　a　young　girl。

One　morning　in　early　June；　just　a　year　after　the　memorable　Hyde　Park　meeting；　Charles　Osmond　happened　to　be　returning　from　the　death　bed　of　one　of　his　parishioners　when；　at　the　corner　of　Guilford　Square；　he　met　Erica。　It　might　have　been　in　part　the　contrast　with　the　sad　and　painful　scene　he　had　just　quitted；　but　he　thought　she　had　never　before　looked　so　beautiful。　　Her　face　seemed　to　have　taken　to　itself　the　freshness　and　the　glow　of　the　summer　morning。

〃You　are　early　abroad；〃　he　said；　feeling　older　and　grayer　and　more　tired　than　ever　as　he　paused　to　speak　to　her。

〃I　am　off　to　the　museum　to　read；〃　she　said；　〃I　like　to　get　there　by　nine；　then　you　don't　have　to　wait　such　an　age　for　your　books；　I　can't　bear　waiting。〃

〃What　are　you　at　work　upon　now？〃

〃Oh；　today　for　the　last　time　I　am　going　to　hunt　up　particulars　about　Livingstone。　　Hazeldine　was　very　anxious　that　a　series　of　papers　on　his　life　should　be　written　for　our　people。　　What　a　grand　fellow　he　was！〃

〃I　heard　a　characteristic　anecdote　of　him　the　other　day；〃　said　Charles　Osmond。　　〃He　was　walking　beside　one　of　the　African　lakes　which　he　had　discovered；　when　suddenly　there　dawned　on　him　a　new　meaning　to　long　familiar　words：　'The　blood　of　Christ；'　he　exclaimed。　　'That　must　be　Charity！　　The　blood　of　Christ　that　must　be　Charity！'　　A　beautiful　thought；　too　seldom　practically　taught。〃

Erica　looked　grave。

〃Characteristic；　certainly；　of　his　broad…heartedness；　but　I　don't　think　that　anecdote　will　do　for　the　readers　of　the　'Idol…Breaker。'〃　　Then；　looking　up　at　Charles　Osmond；　she　added　in　a　rather　lower　tone：　〃Do　you　know；　I　had　no　idea　when　I　began　what　a　difficult　task　I　had　got。　　I　thought　in　such　an　active　life　as　that　there　would　be　little　difficulty　in　keeping　the　religious　part　away　from　the　secular；　but　it　is　wonderful　how　Livingstone　contrives　to　mix　them　up。〃

〃You　see；　if　Christianity　be　true；　it　must；　as　you　say；　'mix　up'　with　everything。　　There　should　be　no　rigid　distinction　between　secular　and　religious；〃　said　Charles　Osmond。

〃If　it　is　true；〃　said　Erica；　suddenly；　and　with　seeming　irrelevance；　〃then　sooner　or　later　we　must　learn　it　to　be　so。　　Truth　MUST　win　in　the　end。　　But　it　is　worse　to　wait　for　perfect　certainty　than　for　books　at　the　museum；〃　she　added；　laughing。　　〃It　is　five　minutes　to　nine　I　shall　be　late。〃

Charles　Osmond　walked　home　thoughtfully；　the　meeting　had　somehow　cheered　him。

〃Absolute　conviction　that　truth　must　out　that　truth　must　make　itself　perceptible。　　I've　not　often　come　across　a　more　beautiful　faith　than　that。　　Yes；　little　Undine；　right　you　are。　　'Ye　shall　know　the　truth；　and　the　truth　shall　make　you　free。'　　Here　or　there；　here　or　there　　

〃'All　things　come　round　to　him　who　will　but　wait。'

There's　one　for　yourself；　Charles　Osmond。　　None　of　your　hurrying　and　meddling　now；　old　man；　you've　just　got　to　leave　it　to　your　betters。〃

Soliloquizing　after　this　fashion　he　reached　home；　and　was　not　sorry　to　find　his　breakfast　awaiting　him；　for　he　had　been　up　the　greater　part　of　the　night。

The　great　domed　library　of　the　British　Museum　had　become　very　home…like　to　Erica；　it　was　her　ideal　of　comfort；　she　went　there　whenever　she　wanted　quiet；　for　in　the　small　and　crowded　lodgings　she　could　never　be　secure　from　interruptions；　and　interruptions　resulted　in　bad　work。　　There　was　something；　too；　in　the　atmosphere　of　the　museum　which　seemed　to　help　her。　　She　liked　the　perfect　stillness；　she　liked　the　presence　of　all　the　books。　　Above　all；　too；　she　liked　the　consciousness　of　possession。　　There　was　no　narrow　exclusiveness　about　this　place；　no　one　could　look　askance　at　her　here。　　The　place　belonged　to　the　people；　and　therefore　belonged　to　her；　she　heretic　and　atheist　as　she　was　had　as　much　share　in　the　ownership　as　the　highest　in　the　land。　　She　had　her　own　peculiar　nook　over　by　the　encyclopedias；　and；　being　always　an　early　comer；　seldom　failed　to　secure　her　own　particular　chair　and　desk。

On　this　morning　she　took　her　place；　as　she　had　done　hundreds　of　times　before；　and　was　soon　hard　at　work。　　She　was　finishing　her　last　paper　on　Livingstone　when　a　book　she　had　ordered　was　deposited　on　her　desk　by　one　of　the　noiseless　attendants。　　She　wanted　it　to　verify　one　or　two　dates；　and　she　half　thought　she　would　try　to　hunt　up　Charles　Osmond's　anecdote。　　In　order　to　write　her　series　of　papers；　she　had　been　obliged　to　study　the　character　of　the　great　explorer　pretty　thoroughly。　　She　had　always　been　able　to　see　the　nobility　even　of　those　differing　most　widely　from　herself　in　point　of　creed；　and　the　great　beauty　of　Livingstone's　character　had　impressed　her　very　much。　　Today　she　happened　to　open　on　an　entry　in　his　journal　which　seemed　particularly　characteristic　of　the　man。　　He　was　in　great　danger　from　the　hostile　tribes　at　the　union　of　the　Zambesi　and　Loangwa；　and　there　was　something　about　his　spontaneous　utterance　which　appealed　very　strongly　to　Erica。

〃Felt　much　turmoil　of　spirit　in　view　of　having　all　my　plans　for　the　welfare　of　this　great　region　and　teeming　population　knocked　on　the　head　by　savages　tomorrow。　　But　I　read　that　Jesus　came　and　said：　'All　power　is　given　unto　me　in　Heaven　and　in　earth。　　Go　ye　therefore　and　teach　all　nations；　and　lo！　I　am　with　you　always；　even　unto　the　end　of　the　world。'　　It　is　the　word　of　a　gentleman　of　the　most　sacred　and　strictest　honor；　and　there's　an　end　on't。　　I　will　not　cross　furtively　by　night　as　I　intended　。　。　。　　Nay；　verily；　I　shall　take　observations　for　latitude　and　longitude　tonight；　though　they　may　be　the　last。〃

The　courage；　the　daring；　the　perseverance；　the　intense　faith　of　the　man　shone　out　in　these　sentences。　Was　it　indeed　a　delusion；　such　practical　faith　as　that？

Blackness　of　darkness　seemed　to　hem　her　in。　　She　struggled　through　it　once　more　by　the　one　gleam　of　certainty　which　had　come　to　her　in　the　past　year。　　Truth　must　be　self…revealing。　　Sooner　or　later；　if　she　were　honest；　if　she　did　not　shut　her　mind　deliberately　up　with　the　assurance　〃You　have　thought　out　these　matters　fully　and　fairly；　enough！　　Let　us　now　rest　content〃　and　if　she　were　indeed　a　true　〃Freethinker；〃　she　MUST　know。　　And　even　as　that　conviction　returned　to　her　the　words　half　quaint；　half　pathetic；　came　to　her　mind：　〃It　is　the　word　of　a　gentleman　of　the　most　sacred　and　strictest　honor；　and　there's　an　end　on't。〃

Yes；　there　would　〃be　an　end　on't；〃　if　she　could　feel　sure　that　he；　too；　was　not　deluded。

She　turned　over　the　pages　of　the　book；　and　toward　the　end　found　a　copy　of　the　inscription　on　Livingstone's　tomb。　　Her　eye　fell　on　the　words：　〃And　other　sheep　I　have　which　are　not　of　this　fold；　them　also　I　must　bring；　and　they　shall　hear　My　voice。〃

Somehow　the　mention　of　the　lost　sheep　brought　to　her　mind　the　little　lost　child　on　the　beach　at　Codrington　Dolly；　who　had　〃putted　on〃　her　own　hat；　who　had　wanted　to　be　independent　and　to　dig　by　herself。　　She　had　run　away　from　home；　and　could　not　find　the　way　back。　　What　a　steep　climb　they　had　had　up　the　beach　how　the　little　thing's　tiny　feet　had　slipped　and　stumbled　over　the　stones；　and　just　when　they　were　most　perplexed；　the　father　had　found　them。

Exactly　how　it　all　came　to　her　Erica　never　knew；　nor　could　she　ever　put　into　words　the　story　of　the　next　few　moments。　　When　〃God's　great　sunrise〃　finds　us　out　we　have　need　of　something　higher　than　human　speech　there　ARE　no　words　for　it。　　At　the　utmost　she　could　only　say　that　it　was　like　coming　out　of　the　twilight；　that　it　seemed　as　if　she　were　immersed　in　a　great　wave　of　all　pervading　light。

All　in　a　moment　the　Christ　who　had　been　to　her　merely　a　noble　character　of　ancient　history　seemed　to　become　to　her　the　most　real　and　living　of　all　living　realities。　　Even　her　own　existence　seemed　to　fade　into　a　vague　and　misty　shadow　in　comparison　with　the　intensity　of　this　new　consciousness　this　conviction　of　His　being　which　surrounded　her　which　she　knew；　indeed；　to　be　〃way；　and　truth；　and　life。〃　　They　shall　hear　My　voice。〃　　In　the　silence　of　waiting；　in　the　faithfulness　of　honest　searching；　Erica　for　the　first　time　in　her　life　heard　it。　　Yes；　she　had　been　right　truth　was　self…revealing。　　A　few　minutes　a