dazed by the change。 At first I was nervous； timid； awkward； and；
especially； tongue…tied。 The habit of silence had taken such a hold
upon me that I could not throw it off。 I dreaded the coming of
visitors。 I did not know how to receive them； what to say to them。
Fortunately； as I thought； the tourist season was over； the summer was
approaching。 Very few people came； and those only to eat a meal。 I
tried to be polite and pleasant to them； and gradually I began to fall
into the way of talking without the difficulty I had experienced at
first。 In the beginning I could not open my lips without feeling as if
I were almost committing a crime。 But presently I was more natural；
less taciturn。 I even； now and then； took some pleasure in speaking to
a pleasant visitor。 I grew to love the garden with its flowers； its
orange trees； its groves of eucalyptus； its vineyard which sloped
towards the cemetery。 Often I wandered in it alone； or sat under the
arcade that divided it from the large entrance court of the monastery；
meditating； listening to the bees humming； and watching the cats
basking in the sunshine。
〃Sometimes； when I was there； I thought of the woman's face above the
cemetery wall。 Sometimes I seemed to feel the hand tugging at mine。
But I was more at peace than I had been in the cemetery。 For from the
garden I could not see the distant world； and of the chance visitors
none had as yet set a match to the torch that； unknown to me； was
readyat the coming of the smallest sparkto burst into a flame。
〃One day； it was in the morning towards half…past ten； when I was
sitting reading my Greek Testament on a bench just inside the doorway
of the /hotellerie/； I heard the great door of the monastery being
opened； and then the rolling of carriage wheels in the courtyard。 Some
visitor had arrived from Tunis； perhaps some visitorsthree or four。
It was a radiant morning of late May。 The garden was brilliant with
flowers； golden with sunshine； tender with shade； and quietquiet and
peaceful； Domini！ There was a wonderful peace in the garden that day；
a peace that seemed full of safety； of enduring cheerfulness。 The
flowers looked as if they had hearts to understand it； and love it；
the roses along the yellow wall of the house that clambered to the
brown red tiles； the geraniums that grew in masses under the shining
leaves of the orange trees； theI felt as if that day I were in the
Garden of Eden； and I remember that when I heard the carriage wheels I
had a moment of selfish sadness。 I thought： 'Why does anyone come to
disturb my blessed peace； my blessed solitude？' Then I realised the
egoism of my thought and that I was there with my duty。 I got up； went
into the kitchen and said to Francois； the servant； that someone had
come and no doubt would stay to /dejeuner/。 And； as I spoke； already I
was thinking of the moment when I should hear the roll of wheels once
more； the clang of the shutting gate； and know that the intruders upon
the peace of the Trappists had gone back to the world； and that I
could once more be alone in the little Eden I loved。
〃Strangely； Domini； strangely； that day； of all the days of my life； I
was most in loveit was like that； like being in lovewith my monk's
existence。 The terrible feeling that had begun to ravage me had
completely died away。 I adored the peace in which my days were passed。
I looked at the flowers and compared my happiness with theirs。 They
blossomed； bloomed； faded； died in the garden。 So would I wish to
blossom； bloom； fadewhen my time camedie in the gardenalways in
peace； always in safety； always isolated from the terrors of life；
always under the tender watchful eye ofofDomini； that day I was
happy； as perhaps they areperhapsthe saints in Paradise。 I was
happy because I felt no inclination to evil。 I felt as if my joy lay
entirely in being innocent。 Oh； what an ecstasy such a feeling is！ 'My
will accord with Thy designI love to live as Thou intendest me to
live！ Any other way of life would be to me a terror； would bring to me
despair。'
〃And I felt thatintensely I felt it at that moment in heart and
soul。 It was as if I had God's arms round me； caressing me as a father
caresses his child。〃
He moved away a step or two in the sand； came back； and went on with
an effort：
〃Within a few minutes the porter of the monastery came through the
archway of the arcade followed by a young man。 As I looked up at him I
was uncertain of his nationality。 But I scarcely thought about it
except in the first moment。 For something else seized my attention
the intense； active misery in the stranger's face。 He looked ravaged；
eaten by grief。 I said he was youngperhaps twenty…six or twenty…
seven。 His face was rather dark…complexioned； with small； good
features。 He had thick brown hair； and his eyes shone with
intelligence； with an intelligence that was almost painfulsomehow。
His eyes always looked to me as if they were seeing too much； had
always seen too much。 There was a restlessness in the swiftness of
their observation。 One could not conceive of them closed in sleep。 An
activity that must surely be eternal blazed in them。
〃The porter left the stranger in the archway。 It was now my duty to
attend to him。 I welcomed him in French。 He took off his hat。 When he
did that I felt sure he was an Englishmanby the look of him
bareheadedand I told him that I spoke English as well as French。 He
answered that he was at home in French； but that he was English。 We
talked English。 His entrance into the garden had entirely destroyed my
sense of its peaceeven my own peace was disturbed at once by his
appearance。
〃I felt that I was in the presence of a misery that was like a
devouring element。 Before we had time for more than a very few halting
words the bell was rung by Francois。
〃'What's that for； Father？' the stranger said； with a start； which
showed that his nerves were shattered。
〃'It is time for your meal；' I answered。
〃'One must eat！' he said。 Then； as if conscious that he was behaving
oddly； he added politely：
〃'I know you entertain us too well here； and have sometimes been
rewarded with coarse ingratitude。 Where do I go？'
〃I showed him into the parlour。 There was no one there that day。 He
sat at the long table。
〃'I am to eat alone？' he asked。
〃'Yes； I will serve you。'
〃Francois； always waited on the guests； but that daymindful of the
selfishness of my thoughts in the gardenI resolved to add to my
duties。 I therefore brought the soup； the lentils； the omelette； the
oranges； poured out the wine； and urged the young man cordially to
eat。 When I did so he looked up at me。 His eyes were extraordinarily
expressive。 It was as if I heard them say to me； 'Why； I like you！'
and as if； just for a moment； his grief were lessened。
〃In the empty parlour； long； clean； bare； with a crucifix on the wall
and the name 'Saint Bernard' above the door； it was very quiet； very
shady。 The outer blinds of green wood were drawn over the window…
spaces； shutting out the gold of the garden。 But its murmuring
tranquillity seemed to filter in； as if the flowers； the insects； the
birds were aware of our presence and were trying to say to us； 'Are
you happy as we are？ Be happy as we are。'
〃The stranger looked at the shady room； the open windows。 He sighed。
〃'How quiet it is here！' he said； almost as if to himself。 'How quiet
it is！'
〃'Yes；' I answered。 'Summer is beginning。 For months now scarcely
anyone will come to us here。'
〃'Us？' he said； glancing at me with a sudden smile。
〃'I meant to us who are monks； who live always here。'
〃'May Iis it indiscreet to ask if you have been here long？'
〃I told him。
〃'More than nineteen years！' he said。
〃'Yes。'
〃'And always in this silence？'
〃He sat as if listening； resting his head on his hand。
〃'How extraordinary！' he said at last。 'How wonderful！ Is it
happiness？'
〃I did not answer。 The question seemed to me to be addressed to
himself； not to me。 I could leave him to seek for the answer。 After a
moment he went on eating and drinking in silence。 When he had finished
I asked him whether he would take coffee。 He said he would； and I made
him pass into the St。 Joseph /salle/。 There I brought him coffee and
and that liqueur。 I told him that it was my invention。 He seemed to be
interested。 At any rate； he took a glass and praised it strongly。 I
was pleased。 I think I showed it。 From that moment I felt as if we
were almost friends。 Never before had I experienced such a feeling for
anyone who had come to the monastery； or for any monk or novice in the
monastery。 Although I had been vexed； irritated； at the approach of a
stranger I now felt regret at the idea of his going away。 Presently
the time came to show him round the garden。 We went out of the shadowy
parlour into the sunshine。 No one was in the garden。 Only the bees
were humming； the birds were passing； the cats were basking on the
broad path that stretched from the arcade along the front of the
/hotellerie/。 As we came out a bell chimed； breaking for an instant
the silence； and making it seem the sweeter when it returned。 We
strolled for a little while。 We did not talk much。 The s