say I must go to Beni…Mora I will go。 I have done you a great wrong
andand〃
〃Don't think of me any more；〃 she said。 〃Thinkthink as I doof
of What am I？ I have loved you； I shall always love you； but I am
as you are； here for a little while； elsewhere for all eternity。 You
told himthat man in the monasterythat we are shadows set in a
world of shadows。〃
〃That was a lie；〃 he interrupted； and the weariness had gone out of
his voice。 〃When I said that I had never loved； I had never loved
you。〃
〃Or was it a half…truth？ Aren't we； perhaps； shadow now in comparison
comparison to what we shall be？ Isn't this world； even thisthis
desert； this pool with the light on it； this silence of the night
around usisn't all this a shadow in comparison to the world where we
are going； you and I？ Boris； I think if we are brave now we shall be
together in that world。 But if we are cowards now； I think； I am sure；
that in that worldthe real worldwe shall be separated for ever。
You and I； whatever we may be； whatever we may have done； at least are
one thingwe are believers。 We don't think this is all。 If we did it
would be different。 But we can't change the truth that is in our
souls； and as we can't change it we must live by it； we must act by
it。 We can't do anything else。 I can'tand you？ Don't you feel； don't
you know； that you can't？〃
〃To…night；〃 he said； 〃I feel that I know nothingnothing except that
I am suffering。〃
His voice broke on the last words。 Tears were shining in his eyes。
After a long silence he said：
〃Domini； take me where you will。 If it is to Beni…Mora I will go。 But
butafterwards？〃
〃Afterwards〃 she said。
Then she stopped。
The little note of the frog sounded again and again by the still water
among the reeds。 The moon was higher in the sky。 〃Don't let us think
of afterwards； Boris；〃 she said at length。 〃That song we have heard
together； that song we love'No one but God and I knows what is in my
heart。' I hear it now so often； always almost。 It seems to gather
meaning； it seems toGod knows what is in your heart and mine。 He
will take care of theafterwards。 Perhaps in our hearts already He
has put a secret knowledge of the end。〃
〃Has Hehas He put itthat knowledgeinto yours？〃
〃Hush！〃 she said。
They spoke no more that night。
CHAPTER XXIX
The caravan of Domini and Androvsky was leaving Arba。
Already the tents and the attendants； with the camels and the mules；
were winding slowly along the plain through the scrub in the direction
of the mountains； and the dark shadow which indicated the oasis of
Beni…Mora。 Batouch was with them。 Domini and Androvsky were going to
be alone on this last stage of their desert journey。 They had mounted
their horses before the great door of the bordj； said goodbye to the
Sheikh of Arba； scattered some money among the ragged Arabs gathered
to watch them go； and cast one last look behind them。
In that mutual； instinctive look back they were both bidding a silent
farewell to the desert； that had sheltered their passion； surely taken
part in the joy of their love； watched the sorrow and the terror grow
in it to the climax at Amara； and was now whispering to them a faint
and mysterious farewell。
To Domini the desert had always been as a great and significant
personality； a personality that had called her persistently to come to
it。 Now； as she turned on her horse； she felt as if it were calling
her no longer； as if its mission to her were accomplished； as if its
voice had sunk into a deep and breathless silence。 She wondered if
Androvsky felt this too； but she did not ask him。 His face was pale
and severe。 His eyes stared into the distance。 His hands lay on his
horse's neck like tired things with no more power to grip and hold。
His lips were slightly parted； and she heard the sound of his breath
coming and going like the breath of a man who is struggling。 This
sound warned her not to try his strength or hers。
〃Come； Boris；〃 she said； and her voice held none of the passionate
regret that was in her heart； 〃we mustn't linger； or it will be night
before we reach Beni…Mora。〃
〃Let it be night；〃 he said。 〃Dark night！〃
The horses moved slowly on； descending the hill on which stood the
bordj。
〃Darkdark night！〃 he said again。
She said nothing。 They rode into the plain。 When they were there he
said：
〃Domini； do you understanddo you realise？〃
〃What； Boris？〃 she asked quietly。
〃All that we are leaving to…day？〃
〃Yes； I understand。〃
〃Are weare we leaving it for ever？〃
〃We must not think of that。〃
〃How can we help it？ What else can we think of？ Can one govern the
mind？〃
〃Surely； if we can govern the heart。〃
〃Sometimes；〃 he said； 〃sometimes I wonder〃
He looked at her。 Something in her face made it impossible for him to
go on； to say what he had been going to say。 But she understood the
unfinished sentence。
〃If you can wonder； Boris；〃 she said； 〃you don't know me； you don't
know me at all！〃
〃Domini；〃 he said； 〃I don't wonder。 But sometimes I understand your
strength； and sometimes it seems to me scarcely human； scarcely the
strength of a woman。〃
She lifted her whip and pointed to the dark shadow far away。
〃I can just see the tower；〃 she said。 〃Can't you？〃
〃I will not look；〃 he said。 〃I cannot。 If you can； you are stronger
than I。 When I remember that it was on that tower you first spoke to
meoh； Domini； if we could only go back！ It is in our power。 We have
only to draw a rein andand〃
〃I look at the tower；〃 she said； 〃as once I looked at the desert。 It
calls us； the shadow of the palm trees calls us； as once the desert
did。〃
〃But the voicewhat a different voice！ Can you listen to it？〃
〃I have been listening to it ever since we left Amara。 Yes； it is a
different voice； but we must obey it as we obeyed the voice of the
desert。 Don't you feel that？〃
〃If I do it is because you tell me to feel it； you tell me that I must
feel it。〃
His words seemed to hurt her。 An expression of pain came into her
face。
〃Boris；〃 she said； 〃don't make me regret too terribly that I ever came
into your life。 When you speak like that I feel almost as if you were
putting me in the place ofofI feel as if you were depending upon
me for everything that you are doing； as if you were letting your own
will fall asleep。 The desert brings dreams。 I know that。 But we； you
and I； we must not dream any more。〃
〃A dream； you call itthe life we have lived together； our desert
life？〃
〃Boris； I only mean that we must live strongly now； act strongly now；
that we must be brave。 I have always felt that there was strength in
you。〃
〃Strength！〃 he said bitterly。
〃Yes。 Otherwise I could never have loved you。 Don't ever prove to me
that I was utterly wrong。 I can bear a great deal。 But thatI don't
feel as if I could bear that。〃
After a moment he answered：
〃I will try to give you nothing more to bear for me。〃
And he lifted his eyes and fixed them upon the tower with a sort of
stern intentness； as a man looks at something cruel； terrible。
She saw him do this。
〃Let us ride quicker；〃 she said。 〃To…night we must be in Beni…Mora。〃
He said nothing； but he touched his horse with his heel。 His eyes were
always fixed upon the tower； as if they feared to look at the desert
any more。 She understood that when he had said 〃I will try to give you
nothing more to bear for me；〃 he had not spoken idly。 He had waked up
from the egoism of his despair。 He had been able to see more clearly
into her heart； to feel more rightly what she was feeling than he had
before。 As she watched him watching the tower； she had a sensation
that a bond； a new bond between them； was chaining them together in a
new way。 Was it not a bond that would be strong and lasting； that the
future； whatever it held； would not be able to break？ Ties； sacred
ties； that had bound them together might； must； be snapped asunder。
And the end was not yet。 She saw； as she gazed at the darkness of the
palms of Beni…Mora； a greater darkness approaching； deeper than any
darkness of palms； than any darkness of night。 But now she saw also a
ray of light in the gloom； the light of the dawning strength； the
dawning unselfishness in Androvsky。 And she resolved to fix her eyes
upon it as he fixed his eyes upon the tower。
Just after sunset they rode into Beni…Mora in advance of the camp；
which they had passed upon their way。 To the right were the trees of
Count Anteoni's garden。 Domini felt them； but she did not look towards
them。 Nor did Androvsky。 They kept their eyes fixed upon the distance
of the white road。 Only when they reached the great hotel； now closed
and deserted； did she glance away。 She could not pass the tower
without seeing it。 But she saw it through a mist of tears； and her
hands trembled upon the reins they held。 For a moment she felt that
she must break down； that she had no more strength left in her。 But
they came to the statue of the Cardinal holding the double cross
towards the desert like a weapon。 And she looked at it and saw the
Christ。
〃Boris；〃 she whispered； 〃there is the Christ。 Let us think only of
that tonight。〃
She saw him look at it steadily。
〃You remember；〃