of ladies in the straw； 〃as well as can be expected。〃 In fact； if I dared to say the real and simple truth； though； to satisfy the theories of medical men； I OUGHT to be ill； I never was better in my life than in the spring of 1812； and I hope sincerely that the quantity of claret； port； or 〃particular Madeira；〃 which in all probability you； good reader； have taken； and design to take for every term of eight years during your natural life； may as little disorder your health as mine was disordered by the opium I had taken for eight years； between 1804 and 1812。 Hence you may see again the danger of taking any medical advice from Anastasius； in divinity； for aught I know； or law； he may be a safe counsellor； but not in medicine。 No； it is far better to consult Dr。 Buchan； as I did； for I never forgot that worthy man's excellent suggestion； and I was 〃particularly careful not to take above five… and…twenty ounces of laudanum。〃 To this moderation and temperate use of the article I may ascribe it； I suppose； that as yet； at least （i。e。 in 1812）； I am ignorant and unsuspicious of the avenging terrors which opium has in store for those who abuse its lenity。 At the same time； it must not be forgotten that hitherto I have been only a dilettante eater of opium； eight years' practice even； with a single precaution of allowing sufficient intervals between every indulgence； has not been sufficient to make opium necessary to me as an article of daily diet。 But now comes a different era。 Move on； if you please； reader； to 1813。 In the summer of the year we have just quitted I have suffered much in bodily health from distress of mind connected with a very melancholy event。 This event being no ways related to the subject now before me； further than through the bodily illness which it produced； I need not more particularly notice。 Whether this illness of 1812 had any share in that of 1813 I know not； but so it was； that in the latter year I was attacked by a most appalling irritation of the stomach； in all respects the same as that which had caused me so much suffering in youth； and accompanied by a revival of all the old dreams。 This is the point of my narrative on which； as respects my own self…justification； the whole of what follows may be said to hinge。 And here I find myself in a perplexing dilemma。 Either； on the one hand； I must exhaust the reader's patience by such a detail of my malady； or of my struggles with it； as might suffice to establish the fact of my inability to wrestle any longer with irritation and constant suffering； or； on the other hand； by passing lightly over this critical part of my story； I must forego the benefit of a stronger impression left on the mind of the reader； and must lay myself open to the misconstruction of having slipped； by the easy and gradual steps of self…indulging persons； from the first to the final stage of opium…eating （a misconstruction to which there will be a lurking predisposition in most readers； from my previous acknowledgements）。 This is the dilemma； the first horn of which would be sufficient to toss and gore any column of patient readers； though drawn up sixteen deep and constantly relieved by fresh men； consequently that is not to be thought of。 It remains； then； that I POSTULALE so much as is necessary for my purpose。 And let me take as full credit for what I postulate as if I had demonstrated it； good reader； at the expense of your patience and my own。 Be not so ungenerous as to let me suffer in your good opinion through my own forbearance and regard for your comfort。 No； believe all that I ask of youviz。； that I could resist no longer； believe it liberally and as an act of grace； or else in mere prudence； for if not； then in the next edition of my Opium Confessions； revised and enlarged； I will make you believe and tremble； and a force d'ennuyer； by mere dint of pandiculation I will terrify all readers of mine from ever again questioning any postulate that I shall think fit to make。
This； then； let me repeat； I postulatethat at the time I began to take opium daily I could not have done otherwise。 Whether； indeed； afterwards I might not have succeeded in breaking off the habit； even when it seemed to me that all efforts would be unavailing； and whether many of the innumerable efforts which I did make might not have been carried much further； and my gradual reconquests of ground lost might not have been followed up much more energeticallythese are questions which I must decline。 Perhaps I might make out a case of palliation； but shall I speak ingenuously？ I confess it； as a besetting infirmity of mine； that I am too much of an Eudaemonist； I hanker too much after a state of happiness； both for myself and others； I cannot face misery； whether my own or not； with an eye of sufficient firmness； and am little capable of encountering present pain for the sake of any reversionary benefit。 On some other matters I can agree with the gentlemen in the cotton trade ｛15｝ at Manchester in affecting the Stoic philosophy； but not in this。 Here I take the liberty of an Eclectic philosopher； and I look out for some courteous and considerate sect that will condescend more to the infirm condition of an opium…eater； that are 〃sweet men；〃 as Chaucer says； 〃to give absolution；〃 and will show some conscience in the penances they inflict； and the efforts of abstinence they exact from poor sinners like myself。 An inhuman moralist I can no more endure in my nervous state than opium that has not been boiled。 At any rate； he who summons me to send out a large freight of self…denial and mortification upon any cruising voyage of moral improvement； must make it clear to my understanding that the concern is a hopeful one。 At my time of life （six…and…thirty years of age） it cannot be supposed that I have much energy to spare； in fact； I find it all little enough for the intellectual labours I have on my hands； and therefore let no man expect to frighten me by a few hard words into embarking any part of it upon desperate adventures of morality。
Whether desperate or not； however； the issue of the struggle in 1813 was what I have mentioned； and from this date the reader is to consider me as a regular and confirmed opium…eater； of whom to ask whether on any particular day he had or had not taken opium； would be to ask whether his lungs had performed respiration； or the heart fulfilled its functions。 You understand now； reader； what I am； and you are by this time aware that no old gentleman 〃with a snow…white beard〃 will have any chance of persuading me to surrender 〃the little golden receptacle of the pernicious drug。〃 No； I give notice to all； whether moralists or surgeons； that whatever be their pretensions and skill in their respective lines of practice； they must not hope for any countenance from me； if they think to begin by any savage proposition for a Lent or a Ramadan of abstinence from opium。 This； then； being all fully understood between us； we shall in future sail before the wind。 Now then； reader； from 1813； where all this time we have been sitting down and loitering； rise up； if you please； and walk forward about three years more。 Now draw up the curtain； and you shall see me in a new character。
If any man； poor or rich； were to say that he would tell us what had been the happiest day in his life； and the why and the wherefore； I suppose that we should all cry outHear him！ Hear him！ As to the happiest DAY； that must be very difficult for any wise man to name； because any event that could occupy so distinguished a place in a man's retrospect of his life； or be entitled to have shed a special felicity on any one day； ought to be of such an enduring character as that （accidents apart） it should have continued to shed the same felicity； or one not distinguishably less； on many years together。 To the happiest LUSTRUM； however； or even to the happiest YEAR； it may be allowed to any man to point without discountenance from wisdom。 This year； in my case； reader； was the one which we have now reached； though it stood； I confess； as a parenthesis between years of a gloomier character。 It was a year of brilliant water （to speak after the manner of jewellers）； set as it were； and insulated； in the gloom and cloudy melancholy of opium。 Strange as it may sound； I had a little before this time descended suddenly； and without any considerable effort； from 320 grains of opium （i。e。 eight ｛16｝ thousand drops of laudanum） per day； to forty grains； or one…eighth part。 Instantaneously； and as if by magic； the cloud of profoundest melancholy which rested upon my brain； like some black vapours that I have seen roll away from the summits of mountains； drew off in one day （＇Greek text＇）； passed off with its murky banners as simultaneously as a ship that has been stranded； and is floated off by a spring tide …
That moveth altogether； if it move at all。
Now； then； I was again happy； I now took only 1000 drops of laudanum per day； and what was that？ A latter spring had come to close up the season of youth； my brain performed its functions as healthily as ever before； I read Kant again； and again I understood him； or fancied that I did。 Again my feelings of pleasure expanded themselves to all