to disown the other day。 These newspaper fellows are half asleep
when they make up their reports at two or three o'clock in the
morning； and fill out the speeches to suit themselves。 I do remember
some things that sounded pretty bad；about as bad as nitro…
glycerine； for that matter。 But I don't believe they ever said 'em；
when they spoke their pieces； or if they said 'em I know they did n't
mean 'em。 Something like this； wasn't it？ If the majority didn't do
something the minority wanted 'em to； then the people were to burn up
our cities； and knock us down and jump on our stomachs。 That was
about the kind of talk； as the papers had it； I don't wonder it
scared the old women。
The Member was wide awake by this time。
I don't seem to remember of them partickler phrases； he said。
Dear me； no； only levelling everything smack； and trampling us
under foot； as the reporters made it out。 That means FIRE； I take
it； and knocking you down and stamping on you； whichever side of your
person happens to be uppermost。 Sounded like a threat； meant； of
course； for a warning。 But I don't believe it was in the piece as
they spoke it；could n't have been。 Then； again； Paris wasn't to
blame；as much as to sayso the old women thoughtthat New York or
Boston would n't be to blame if it did the same thing。 I've heard of
political gatherings where they barbecued an ox； but I can't think
there 's a party in this country that wants to barbecue a city。 But
it is n't quite fair to frighten the old women。 I don't doubt there
are a great many people wiser than I am that would n't be hurt by a
hint I am going to give them。 It's no matter what you say when you
talk to yourself； but when you talk to other people； your business is
to use words with reference to the way in which those other people
are like to understand them。 These pretended inflammatory speeches；
so reported as to seem full of combustibles； even if they were as
threatening as they have been represented； would do no harm if read
or declaimed in a man's study to his books； or by the sea…shore to
the waves。 But they are not so wholesome moral entertainment for the
dangerous classes。 Boys must not touch off their squibs and crackers
too near the powder…magazine。 This kind of speech does n't help on
the millennium much。
It ain't jest the thing to grease your ex with ile o' vitrul； said
the Member。
No； the wheel of progress will soon stick fast if you do。 You
can't keep a dead level long； if you burn everything down flat to
make it。 Why； bless your soul； if all the cities of the world were
reduced ashes； you'd have a new set of millionnaires in a couple of
years or so； out of the trade in potash。 In the mean time； what is
the use of setting the man with the silver watch against the man with
the gold watch； and the man without any watch against them both？
You can't go agin human natur'； said the Member
You speak truly。 Here we are travelling through desert together
like the children of Israel。 Some pick up more manna and catch more
quails than others and ought to help their hungry neighbors more than
they do； that will always be so until we come back to primitive
Christianity； the road to which does not seem to be via Paris； just
now； but we don't want the incendiary's pillar of a cloud by day and
a pillar of fire by night to lead us in the march to civilization；
and we don't want a Moses who will smite rock； not to bring out water
for our thirst； but petroleum to burn us all up with。
It is n't quite fair to run an opposition to the other funny
speaker； Rev。 Petroleum V。 What 's…his…name；spoke up an anonymous
boarder。
You may have been thinking； perhaps； that it was I；I； the Poet；
who was the chief talker in the one…sided dialogue to which you have
been listening。 If so； you were mistaken。 It was the old man in the
spectacles with large round glasses and the iron…gray hair。 He does
a good deal of the talking at our table； and； to tell the truth； I
rather like to hear him。 He stirs me up； and finds me occupation in
various ways； and especially； because he has good solid prejudices；
that one can rub against； and so get up and let off a superficial
intellectual irritation； just as the cattle rub their backs against a
rail （you remember Sydney Smith's contrivance in his pasture） or
their sides against an apple…tree （I don't know why they take to
these so particularly； but you will often find the trunk of an apple…
tree as brown and smooth as an old saddle at the height of a cow's
ribs）。 I think they begin rubbing in cold blood； and then； you know；
l'appetit vient en mangeant； the more they rub the more they want to。
That is the way to use your friend's prejudices。 This is a sturdy…
looking personage of a good deal more than middle age； his face
marked with strong manly furrows； records of hard thinking and square
stand…up fights with life and all its devils。 There is a slight
touch of satire in his discourse now and then； and an odd way of
answering one that makes it hard to guess how much more or less he
means than he seems to say。 But he is honest； and always has a
twinkle in his eye to put you on your guard when he does not mean to
be taken quite literally。 I think old Ben Franklin had just that
look。 I know his great…grandson （in pace！） had it； and I don't doubt
he took it in the straight line of descent； as he did his grand
intellect。
The Member of the Haouse evidently comes from one of the lesser
inland centres of civilization； where the flora is rich in
checkerberries and similar bounties of nature； and the fauna lively
with squirrels； wood…chucks； and the like； where the leading
sportsmen snare patridges； as they are called； and 〃hunt〃 foxes with
guns； where rabbits are entrapped in 〃figgery fours；〃 and trout
captured with the unpretentious earth…worm； instead of the gorgeous
fly； where they bet prizes for butter and cheese； and rag…carpets
executed by ladies more than seventy years of age； where whey wear
dress…coats before dinner； and cock their hats on one side when they
feel conspicuous and distinshed； where they saySir to you in their
common talk and have other Arcadian and bucolic ways which are highly
unobjectionable； but are not so much admired in cities； where the
people are said to be not half so virtuous。
There is with us a boy of modest dimensions； not otherwise especially
entitled to the epithet； who ought be six or seven years old； to
judge by the gap left by his front milk teeth； these having resigned
in favor of their successors； who have not yet presented their
credentials。 He is rather old for an enfant terrible； and quite too
young to have grown into the bashfulness of adolescence； but he has
some of the qualities of both these engaging periods of development；
The member of the Haouse calls him 〃Bub；〃 invariably； such term I
take to be an abbreviation of 〃Beelzeb；〃 as 〃bus〃 is the short form
of 〃omnibus。〃 Many eminently genteel persons； whose manners make
them at home anywhere； being evidently unaware of true derivation of
this word； are in the habit of addressing all unknown children by one
of the two terms； 〃bub 〃 and 〃sis；〃 which they consider endears them
greatly to the young people； and recommends them to the acquaintance
of their honored parents； if these happen to accompany them。 The
other boarders commonly call our diminutive companion That Boy。 He
is a sort of expletive at the table； serving to stop gaps； taking the
same place a washer does that makes a loose screw fit； and contriving
to get driven in like a wedge between any two chairs where there is a
crevice。 I shall not call that boy by the monosyllable referred to；
because； though he has many impish traits at present； he may become
civilized and humanized by being in good company。 Besides； it is a
term which I understand is considered vulgar by the nobility and
gentry of the Mother Country； and it is not to be found in Mr。
Worcester's Dictionary； on which； as is well known； the literary men
of this metropolis are by special statute allowed to be sworn in
place of the Bible。 I know one； certainly； who never takes his oath
on any other dictionary； any advertising fiction to the contrary；
notwithstanding。
I wanted to write out my account of some of the other boarders； but a
domestic occurrencea somewhat prolonged visit from the landlady；
who is rather too anxious that I should be comfortable broke in upon
the continuity of my thoughts； and occasionedin short； I gave up
writing for that day。
I wonder if anything like this ever happened。
Author writing；
jacks？〃
〃To be； or not to be： that is the question
Whether 't is nobl 〃
〃William； shall we have pudding to…day； or flapjacks？〃
〃Flapjacks； an' it please thee； Anne； or a pudding； for that
matter； or what thou wilt； good woman； so thou come not betwixt me
and my thought。〃
Exit Mistress Anne； with strongly accented closing of the door and
murmurs to the effect： 〃Ay； marry； 't is well for thee to talk as if
thou hadst no stomach to fill。 We poor wives must swink for our
masters； while they sit in their arm…chairs growing as great in the
girth through laziness as th