and business affairs no longer troubled him； that his personal
surroundings were of the pleasantest sort。 Sometimes he wrote of what he
was reading； and once spoke particularly of Prof。 William Lyon Phelps's
Literary Essays； which he said he had been unable to lay down until he
had finished the book。 ＇To Phelps himself he wrote： 〃I thank you ever
so much for the book； which I find charmingso charming； indeed； that I
read it through in a single night； & did not regret the lost night's
sleep。 I am glad if I deserve what you have said about me； & even if I
don't I am proud & well contented； since you think I deserve it。〃＇
So his days seemed full of comfort。 But in March I noticed that he
generally dictated his letters； and once when he sent some small
photographs I thought he looked thinner and older。 Still he kept up his
merriment。 In one letter he said：
While the matter is in my mind I will remark that if you ever send
me another letter which is not paged at the top I will write you
with my own hand； so that I may use with utter freedom & without
embarrassment the kind of words which alone can describe such a
criminal； to wit；… … … …； you will have to put into words those
dashes because propriety will not allow me to do it myself in my
secretary's hearing。 You are forgiven； but don't let it occur
again。
He had still made no mention of his illness； but on the 25th of March he
wrote something of his plans for coming home。 He had engaged passage on
the Bermudian for April 23d； he said； and he added：
But don't tell anybody。 I don't want it known。 I may have to go
sooner if the pain in my breast does not mend its ways pretty
considerable。 I don't want to die here； for this is an unkind place
for a person in that condition。 I should have to lie in the
undertaker's cellar until the ship would remove me & it is dark down
there & unpleasant。
The Colliers will meet me on the pier； & I may stay with them a week
or two before going home。 It all depends on the breast pain。 I
don't want to die there。 I am growing more and more particular
about the place。
But in the same letter he spoke of plans for the summer； suggesting that
we must look into the magic…lantern possibilities； so that library
entertainments could be given at Stormfield。 I confess that this letter；
in spite of its light tone； made me uneasy； and I was tempted to sail for
Bermuda to bring him home。 Three days later he wrote again：
I have been having a most uncomfortable time for the past four days
with that breast pain； which turns out to be an affection of the
heart； just as I originally suspected。 The news from New York is to
the effect that non…bronchial weather has arrived there at last；
therefore； if I can get my breast trouble in traveling condition I
may sail for home a week or two earlier than has been proposed。
The same mail that brought this brought a letter from Mr。 Allen； who
frankly stated that matters had become very serious indeed。 Mr。 Clemens
had had some dangerous attacks； and the physicians considered his
condition critical。
These letters arrived April 1st。 I went to New York at once and sailed
next morning。 Before sailing I consulted with Dr。 Quintard； who provided
me with some opiates and instructed me in the use of the hypodermic
needle。 He also joined me in a cablegram to the Gabrilowitsches； then in
Italy； advising them to sail without delay。
CCXCII
THE VOYAGE HOME
I sent no word to Bermuda that I was coming； and when on the second
morning I arrived at Hamilton； I stepped quickly ashore from the tender
and hurried to Bay House。 The doors were all open； as they usually are
in that summer island； and no one was visible。 I was familiar with the
place； and； without knocking； I went through to the room occupied by Mark
Twain。 As I entered I saw that he was alone； sitting in a large chair；
clad in the familiar dressing…gown。
Bay House stands upon the water； and the morning light； reflected in at
the window； had an unusual quality。 He was not yet shaven； and he seemed
unnaturally pale and gray； certainly he was much thinner。 I was too
startled； for the moment； to say anything。 When he turned and saw me he
seemed a little dazed。
〃Why；〃 he said； holding out his hand； 〃you didn't tell us you were
coming。〃
〃No；〃 I said； 〃it is rather sudden。 I didn't quite like the sound of
your last letters。〃
〃But those were not serious；〃 he protested。 〃You shouldn't have come on
my account。〃
I said then that I had come on my own account； that I had felt the need
of recreation； and had decided to run down and come home with him。
〃That'sverygood；〃 he said； in his slow； gentle fashion。 〃Now I'm
glad to see you。〃
His breakfast came in and he ate with an appetite。
When he had been shaved and freshly propped tip in his pillows it seemed
to me； after all； that I must have been mistaken in thinking him so
changed。 Certainly he was thinner； but his color was fine； his eyes were
bright； he had no appearance of a man whose life was believed to be in
danger。 He told me then of the fierce attacks he had gone through； how
the pains had torn at him； and how it had been necessary for him to have
hypodermic injections； which he amusingly termed 〃hypnotic injunctions〃
and 〃subcutaneous applications；〃 and he had his humor out of it； as of
course he must have； even though Death should stand there in person。
From Mr。 and Mrs。 Allen and from the physician I learned how slender had
been his chances and how uncertain were the days ahead。 Mr。 Allen had
already engaged passage on the Oceana for the 12th； and the one purpose
now was to get him physically in condition for the trip。
How devoted those kind friends had been to him！ They had devised every
imaginable thing for his comfort。 Mr。 Allen had rigged an electric bell
which connected with his own room； so that he could be aroused instantly
at any hour of the night。 Clemens had refused to have a nurse； for it
was only during the period of his extreme suffering that he needed any
one； and he did not wish to have a nurse always around。 When the pains
were gone he was as bright and cheerful； and； seemingly； as well as ever。
On the afternoon of my arrival we drove out； as formerly； and he
discussed some of the old subjects in quite the old way。 He had been
rereading Macaulay； he said； and spoke at considerable length of the
hypocrisy and intrigue of the English court under James II。 He spoke；
too； of the Redding Library。 I had sold for him that portion of the land
where Jean's farm…house had stood； and it was in his mind to use the
money for some sort of a memorial to Jean。 I had written； suggesting
that perhaps he would like to put up a small library building； as the
Adams lot faced the corner where Jean had passed every day when she rode
to the station for the mail。 He had been thinking this over； he said；
and wished the idea carried out。 He asked me to write at once to his
lawyer； Mr。 Lark； and have a paper prepared appointing trustees for a
memorial library fund。
The pain did not trouble him that afternoon； nor during several
succeeding days。 He was gay and quite himself； and he often went out on
the lawn； but we did not drive out again。 For the most part； he sat
propped up in his bed； reading or smoking； or talking in the old way； and
as I looked at him he seemed so full of vigor and the joy of life that I
could not convince myself that he would not outlive us all。 I found that
he had been really very much alive during those three monthstoo much
for his own good； sometimesfor he had not been careful of his hours or
his diet； and had suffered in consequence。
He had not been writing； though he had scribbled some playful valentines
and he had amused himself one day by preparing a chapter of advicefor
me it appearedwhich； after reading it aloud to the Allens and receiving
their approval； he declared he intended to have printed for my benefit。
As it would seem to have been the last bit of continued writing he ever
did； and because it is characteristic and amusing； a few paragraphs may
be admitted。 The 〃advice〃 is concerning deportment on reaching the Gate
which St。 Peter is supposed to guard
Upon arrival do not speak to St。 Peter until spoken to。 It is not
your place to begin。
Do not begin any remark with 〃Say。〃
When applying for a ticket avoid trying to make conversation。 If
you must talk let the weather alone。 St。 Peter cares not a damn for
the weather。 And don't ask him what time the 4。30 train goes； there
aren't any trains in heaven； except through trains； and the less
information you get about them the better for you。
You can ask him for his autographthere is no harm in thatbut be
careful and don't remark that it is one of the penalties of
greatness。 He has heard that before。
Don't try to kodak him。 Hell is full of people who have made that
mistake。
Leave your dog outside。 Heaven goes by favor。 If it went by merit