lonel Blood attempts an abduction。Endeavours to steal the regalia。The king converses with him。
Prominent among the courtiers； and foremost amid the friends of his majesty； were two noblemen distinguished alike for their physical grace； exceeding wit； and notable eccentricity。 These were the Earl of Rochester； and his Grace of Buckingham； gallants both； whose respective careers were so intimately connected with the court as to make further chronicle of them necessary in these pages。
My Lord Rochester； though younger in years than the duke； was superior to him in wit； comeliness； and attraction。 Nor was there a more conspicuous figure observable in the palace of Whitehall than this same earl； who was ever foremost in pursuit of such pleasures as wine begets and love appeases。 His mirth was the most buoyant； his conversation the most agreeable； his manner the most engaging in the world； whence he became 〃the delight and wonder of men； the love and dotage of women。〃 A courtier possessed of so happy a disposition； and endowed with such brilliant talents； could not fail in pleasing the king； who vastly enjoyed his society； but was occasionally obliged to banish his person from court； when his eccentric conduct rendered him intolerable； or his bitter satire aimed at royalty。 For it was given no other man in his age to blend merry wit and caustic ridicule so happily together； therefore those who read his lines were forced to laugh at his fancy； even whilst hurt by his irony。
Now in order to keep this talent in constant practice； he was wont to celebrate in inimitable verse such events； be they private or public； as happened at court； or befell the courtiers； and inasmuch as his subjects were frequently of a licentious nature； his lines were generally of a scandalous character。 He therefore became the public censor of court folly； and so unerringly did his barbed shafts hit the weaknesses at which they aimed； that his productions were equally the terror of those he victimized； and the delight of those he spared。
This liberal use of satire he was wont to excuse on the plea there were some who could not be kept in order； or admonished； by other means。 Therefore； having the virtue of his friends keenly at heart； an ingenious plan occurred to him by which he might secretly discover their vices； and publicly reprove them。 In order that he might fulfil this purpose to his greater satisfaction； he promptly sought and found a footman； who； by virtue of his employment； was well acquainted with the courtiers。 This man the 〃noble and beautiful earl〃 furnished with a red coat and a musket； that he might pass as a sentinel； and then placed him every night throughout one winter at the doors of certain ladies of quality whom he suspected of carrying on intrigues。
In this disguise the footman readily passed as a soldier stationed at his post by command of his officer； and was thus enabled to note what gentlemen called on the suspected ladies at unreasonable but not unfashionable hours。 Accordingly； my lord made many surprising discoveries； and when he had gained sufficient information on such delicate points； he quietly retired into the country； that he might with greater ease devote himself to the composition of those lively verses which he subsequently circulated through the court； to the wonder and dismay of many； and the delight and profit of few。
To these lampoons no name was attached； and my lord took precautions that their authorship should not be satisfactorily proved； no matter how sagely suspected。 Moreover； in his conversation he was judicious enough to keep the weapon of his satire in reserve； sheathing its fatal keenness in a bewitching softness of civility until occasion required its use； when forth it flashed all the brighter for its covering； all the sharper for its rest。 And satire being absent from his speech； humour ever waited on his words； and never was he more extravagantly gay than when assisting at the pleasant suppers given by the merry monarch to his choicest friends。
Here； whilst drinking deep of ruddy wine from goblets of old gold； he narrated his strange experiences； and illustrated them with flashes of his wit。 for it was the habit of this eccentric earl； when refinements of the court began to pall upon him； or his absence from Whitehall became a necessity； to seek fresh adventure and intrigue disguised as a porter； a beggar； or a ballad…monger。 And so carefully did he hide his identity in the character he assumed； that his most intimate friends failed to recognise his personality。
No doubt the follies in which he indulged were in some measure due to the eccentricity ever attendant upon genius； but they were probably likewise occasioned by craving for excitement begotten of drink。 For my lord loved wine exceedingly； and when he drew near unto death in the dawn of his manhood； confessed to Bishop Burnet that for five years he was continually drunk： 〃Not that he was all the while under the visible effects of it； but his blood was so inflamed； that he was not in all that time cool enough to be perfectly master of himself。〃 Charles delighted in the society of this gay courtier； because of his erratic adventures； and his love of wine。 Moreover； the licentious verses which it was the earl's good pleasure to compose； the names of some of which no decent lips would whisper in this age of happy innocence； afforded the monarch extravagant enjoyment。 Withal his majesty's satisfaction in Lord Rochester's wit was not always to be counted upon； as it proved。 For it came to pass one night at the close of a royal supper； during which the earl had drunk deep； that with great goodwill to afford the king diversion； he handed his majesty what he believed was a satire on a courtier； more remarkable for its humour than its decency。 Whereon Charles； with anticipation of much delight； opened the folded page； when he was surprised to see； not a copy of verses； but an unflattering description of himself； which ran as follows：
〃Here lies our mutton…eating king； Whose word no man relies on； Who never said a foolish thing； And never did a wise one。〃
Now the king； though the best tempered of men and most lenient of masters； was naturally wrathful at this verbal character： the more so because recognising its faithfulness at a glance。 He therefore upbraided Rochester with ingratitude； and banished him from the court。
Nothing dismayed； my lord retired into the country； but in a short time； growing weary of pastoral solitude which gave him an appetite for adventure it could not wholly supply； he returned privately to town； and assuming a disguise； took up his residence in the city。 Here exercising his characteristic tact； and great capacity for pleasing； he speedily made friends with wealthy merchants and worthy aldermen； who subsequently invited him to their hospitable tables； and introduced him to their gracious ladies。
And as his conversation had not failed to delight the husbands； neither were his charms unsuccessful in affording satisfaction to their wives。 To the one he railed against the impotence of the king's ministers； to the other he declaimed upon the wickedness of his majesty's mistresses； and to both his denunciations were equally sincere and acceptable。 But his bitterest words were reserved for such courtiers as Rochester； Buckingham； and Killigrew； whose dissipated lives were the scandal of all honest men； the terror of all virtuous women： insolent fellows； moreover； who had the impudence to boast that city ladies were not so faithful to their husbands as was generally supposed； and； moreover； the boldness to assert that they painted。 Indeed； he marvelled much； that since such men were frequenters of Whitehall； sacred fire from heaven had not long since descended and consumed the royal palace to ashes。 Such virtuous sentiments as these； expressed by so gallant a man； made him acceptable in many homes： and the result was he speedily became surfeited by banquets； suppers； and other hospitalities； to which the excellent but credulous citizens bade him heartily welcome。
He therefore disappeared from their midst one day as suddenly and unaccountably as he had come amongst them。 He did not； however； take himself afar； but donning a new disguise； retreated to a more distant part of the city： for an idea had occurred to him which he determined speedily to put in practice。 This was to assume the character and bearing of a sage astrologer and learned physician； at once capable of reading the past； and laying bare the future of all who consulted him； also of healing diseases of and preventing mishaps to such as visited him。 Accordingly； having taken lodgings in Tower Street； at a goldsmith's house； situated next the Black Swan； he prepared himself for practice； adopted the title of doctor； the name of Alexander Bendo； and issued bills headed by the royal arms； containing the most remarkable and impudent manifesto perhaps ever set forth by any impostor。
Copies of this may yet be seen in early editions of his works。 It was addressed to all gentlemen； ladies； and others； whether of the city； town； or country； to whom Alexander Bendo wished health and prosperity。 He had come amongst them be