sombre ghost exclaimed； 〃Your plan Has failed you； goblin； plainly： Now
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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
〃These are the men who chase the roe； Whose footsteps never falter；
Who bring with them； where'er they go； A smack of old SIR WALTER。 Of
such as he； the men sublime Who lead their troops victorious； Whose
deeds go down to after…time； Enshrined in annals glorious！
〃Of such as he the bard has said 'Hech thrawfu' raltie rorkie！ Wi' thecht
ta' croonie clapperhead And fash' wi' unco pawkie！' He'll faint away when
I appear； Upon his native heather； Or p'r'aps he'll only scream with fear； Or
p'r'aps the two together。〃
The spectre showed himself； alone； To do his ghostly battling； With
curdling groan and dismal moan； And lots of chains a…rattling！ But no … the
chiel's stout Gaelic stuff Withstood all ghostly harrying； His fingers closed
upon the snuff Which upwards he was carrying。
For days that ghost declined to stir； A foggy shapeless giant … For
weeks that splendid officer Stared back again defiant。 Just as the
Englishman returned The goblin's vulgar staring； Just so the Scotchman
boldly spurned The ghost's unmannered scaring。
For several years the ghostly twain These Britons bold have haunted；
But all their efforts are in vain … Their victims stand undaunted。 This very
day the imp； and ghost； Whose powers the imp derided； Stand each at his
allotted post … The bet is undecided。
32
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
A BISHOP once … I will not name his see … Annoyed his clergy in the
mode conventional； From pulpit shackles never set them free； And found a
sin where sin was unintentional。 All pleasures ended in abuse auricular The
Bishop was so terribly particular。
Though； on the whole； a wise and upright man； He sought to make of
human pleasures clearances； And form his priests on that much…lauded
plan Which pays undue attention to appearances。 He couldn't do good
deeds without a psalm in 'em； Although； in truth； he bore away the palm in
'em。
Enraged to find a deacon at a dance； Or catch a curate at some mild
frivolity； He sought by open censure to enhance Their dread of joining
harmless social jollity。 Yet he enjoyed （a fact of notoriety） The ordinary
pleasures of society。
One evening； sitting at a pantomime （Forbidden treat to those who
stood in fear of him）； Roaring at jokes； SANS metre； sense； or rhyme； He
turned； and saw immediately in rear of him； His peace of mind upsetting；
and annoying it； A curate； also heartily enjoying it。
Again； 't was Christmas Eve； and to enhance His children's pleasure in
their harmless rollicking； He； like a good old fellow； stood to dance； When
something checked the current of his frolicking： That curate； with a maid
he treated lover…ly； Stood up and figured with him in the 〃Coverley！〃
Once； yielding to an universal choice （The company's demand was an
emphatic one； For the old Bishop had a glorious voice）； In a quartet he
joined … an operatic one。 Harmless enough； though ne'er a word of grace in
it； When； lo！ that curate came and took the bass in it！
One day； when passing through a quiet street； He stopped awhile and
joined a Punch's gathering； And chuckled more than solemn folk think
meet； To see that gentleman his Judy lathering； And heard； as Punch was
being treated penalty； That phantom curate laughing all hyaenally。
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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Next； when at quiet sea…side village； freed From cares episcopal and
ties monarchical； He grows his beard； and smokes his fragrant weed； In
manner anything but hierarchical … He sees … and fixes an unearthly stare
on it … That curate's face； with half a yard of hair on it！
At length he gave a charge； and spake this word： 〃Vicars； your curates
to enjoyment urge ye may； To check their harmless pleasuring's absurd；
What laymen do without reproach； my clergy may。〃 He spake； and lo！ at
this concluding word of him； The curate vanished … no one since has heard
of him。
34
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
KING BORRIA BUNGALEE BOO Was a man…eating African swell；
His sigh was a hullaballoo； His whisper a horrible yell … A horrible；
horrible yell！
Four subjects； and all of them male； To BORRIA doubled the knee；
They were once on a far larger scale； But he'd eaten the balance； you see
（〃Scale〃 and 〃balance〃 is punning； you see）。
There was haughty PISH…TUSH…POOH…BAH； There was lumbering
DOODLE…DUM…DEY； Despairing ALACK…A…DEY…AH； And good little
TOOTLE…TUM…TEH … Exemplary TOOTLE…TUM…TEH。
One day there was grief in the crew； For they hadn't a morsel of meat；
And BORRIA BUNGALEE BOO Was dying for something to eat 〃
Come； provide me with something to eat！
〃ALACK…A…DEY； famished I feel； Oh； good little TOOTLE…TUMTEH；
Where on earth shall I look for a meal？ For I haven't no dinner today！
… Not a morsel of dinner to…day！
〃Dear TOOTLE…TUM； what shall we do？ Come； get us a meal； or； in
truth； If you don't； we shall have to eat you； Oh； adorable friend of our
youth！ Thou beloved little friend of our youth！〃
And he answered； 〃Oh； BUNGALEE BOO； For a moment I hope you
will wait； …TIPPY…WIPPITY TOL…THE…ROL…LOO Is the Queen of a
neighbouring state … A remarkably neighbouring state。
〃TIPPY…WIPPITY TOL…THE…ROL…LOO； She would pickle
deliciously cold … And her four pretty Amazons； too； Are enticing； and not
very old … Twenty…seven is not very old。
〃There is neat little TITTY…FOL…LEH； There is rollicking TRALTHE…
RAL…LAH； There is jocular WAGGETY…WEH； There is musical
DOH…REH…MI…FAH … There's the nightingale DOH…REH…MI…FAH！〃
So the forces of BUNGALEE BOO Marched forth in a terrible row；
And the ladies who fought for QUEEN LOO Prepared to encounter the foe
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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
This dreadful； insatiate foe！
But they sharpened no weapons at all； And they poisoned no arrows not
they！ They made ready to conquer or fall In a totally different way An
entirely different way。
With a crimson and pearly…white dye They endeavoured to make
themselves fair； With black they encircled each eye； And with yellow they
painted their hair （It was wool； but they thought it was hair）。
And the forces they met in the field：… And the men of KING BORRIA
said； 〃Amazonians； immediately yield！〃 And their arrows they drew to the
head … Yes； drew them right up to the head。
But jocular WAGGETY…WEH Ogled DOODLE…DUM…DEY （which
was wrong）； And neat little TITTY…FOL…LEH Said； 〃TOOTLE…TUM； you
go along！ You naughty old dear； go along！〃
And rollicking TRAL…THE…RAL…LAH Tapped ALACK…A…DEY…AH
with her fan； And musical DOH…REH…MI…FAH Said； 〃PISH； go away； you
bad man！ Go away； you delightful young man！〃
And the Amazons simpered and sighed； And they ogled； and giggled；
and flushed； And they opened their pretty eyes wide； And they chuckled；
and flirted； and blushed （At least； if they could； they'd have blushed）。
But haughty PISH…TUSH…POOH…BAH Said； 〃ALACK…A…DEY； what
does this mean？〃 And despairing ALACK…A…DEY…AH Said； 〃They think
us uncommonly green！ Ha！ ha！ most uncommonly green！〃
Even blundering DOODLE…DUM…DEY Was insensible quite to their
leers； And said good little TOOTLE…TUM…TEH； 〃It's your blood we desire；
pretty dears … We have come for our dinners； my dears！〃
And the Queen of the Amazons fell To BORRIA BUNGALEE BOO； In
a mouthful he gulped； with a yell； TIPPY…WIPPITY TOL…THE…ROLLOO
… The pretty QUEEN TOL…THE…ROL…LOO。
And neat little TITTY…FOL…LEH Was eaten by PISH…POOH…BAH；
And light…hearted WAGGETY…WEH By dismal ALACK…A…DEY…AH Despairing
ALACK…A…DEY…AH。
And rollicking TRAL…THE…RAL…LAH Was eaten by DOODLEDUM…
DEY； And musical DOH…REH…MI…FAH By good little TOOTLEDUM…
TEH … Exemplary TOOTLE…TUM…TEH！
36
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
7
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
BOB POLTER was a navvy； and His hands were coarse； and dirty too；
His homely face was rough and tanned； His time of life was thirty…two。
He lived among a working clan （A wife he hadn't got at all）； A decent；
steady； sober man … No saint； however … not at all。
He smoked； but in a modest way； Because he thought he needed it； He
drank a pot of beer a day； And sometimes he exceeded it。
At times he'd pass with other men A loud convivial night or two； With；
very likely； now and then； On Saturdays； a fight or two。
But still he was a sober soul； A labour…never…shirking man； Who paid
his way … upon the whole A decent English working man。
One day； when at the Nelson's Head （For which he may be blamed of
you）； A holy man appeared； and said； 〃Oh；