¡¶essays on life, art and science¡·

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I¡¡thought¡¡she¡¡was¡¡going¡¡to¡¡say¡¡¡¨wife£»¡¨¡¡but¡¡it¡¡proved¡¡to¡¡have¡¡been
only¡¡of¡¡a¡¡parrot¡¡that¡¡he¡¡had¡¡once¡¡known¡¡and¡¡loved¡£

One¡¡evening¡¡she¡¡was¡¡in¡¡difficulties¡¡about¡¡the¡¡quarantine£»¡¡which¡¡was
enforced¡¡that¡¡year¡¡on¡¡the¡¡Italian¡¡frontier¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡local¡¡doctor¡¡had
gone¡¡down¡¡that¡¡morning¡¡to¡¡see¡¡the¡¡Italian¡¡doctor¡¡and¡¡arrange¡¡some
details¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨Then£»¡¡perhaps£»¡¡my¡¡dear£»¡¨¡¡she¡¡said¡¡to¡¡her¡¡husband£»¡¡¡¨he¡¡is
the¡¡quarantine¡£¡¨¡¡¡¡¡¨No£»¡¡my¡¡love£»¡¨¡¡replied¡¡her¡¡husband¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨The
quarantine¡¡is¡¡not¡¡a¡¡person£»¡¡it¡¡is¡¡a¡¡place¡¡where¡¡they¡¡put¡¡people¡¨£»
but¡¡she¡¡would¡¡not¡¡be¡¡comforted£»¡¡and¡¡suspected¡¡the¡¡quarantine¡¡as¡¡an
enemy¡¡that¡¡might¡¡at¡¡any¡¡moment¡¡pounce¡¡out¡¡upon¡¡her¡¡and¡¡her¡¡parrots¡£
So¡¡a¡¡lady¡¡told¡¡me¡¡once¡¡that¡¡she¡¡had¡¡been¡¡in¡¡like¡¡trouble¡¡about¡¡the
anthem¡£¡¡¡¡She¡¡read¡¡in¡¡her¡¡prayer¡­book¡¡that¡¡in¡¡choirs¡¡and¡¡places¡¡where
they¡¡sing¡¡¡¨here¡¡followeth¡¡the¡¡anthem£»¡¨¡¡yet¡¡the¡¡person¡¡with¡¡this¡¡most
mysteriously¡¡sounding¡¡name¡¡never¡¡did¡¡follow¡£¡¡¡¡They¡¡had¡¡a¡¡choir£»¡¡and
no¡¡one¡¡could¡¡say¡¡the¡¡church¡¡was¡¡not¡¡a¡¡place¡¡where¡¡they¡¡sang£»¡¡for
they¡¡did¡¡singboth¡¡chants¡¡and¡¡hymns¡£¡¡¡¡Why£»¡¡then£»¡¡this¡¡persistent
slackness¡¡on¡¡the¡¡part¡¡of¡¡the¡¡anthem£»¡¡who¡¡at¡¡this¡¡juncture¡¡should
follow¡¡her¡¡papa£»¡¡the¡¡rector£»¡¡into¡¡the¡¡reading¡­desk£¿¡¡¡¡No¡¡doubt¡¡he
would¡¡come¡¡some¡¡day£»¡¡and¡¡then¡¡what¡¡would¡¡he¡¡be¡¡like£¿¡¡¡¡Fair¡¡or¡¡dark£¿
Tall¡¡or¡¡short£¿¡¡¡¡Would¡¡he¡¡be¡¡bald¡¡and¡¡wear¡¡spectacles¡¡like¡¡papa£»¡¡or
would¡¡he¡¡be¡¡young¡¡and¡¡good¡­looking£¿¡¡¡¡Anyhow£»¡¡there¡¡was¡¡something
wrong£»¡¡for¡¡it¡¡was¡¡announced¡¡that¡¡he¡¡would¡¡follow£»¡¡and¡¡he¡¡never¡¡did
follow£»¡¡therefore¡¡there¡¡was¡¡no¡¡knowing¡¡what¡¡he¡¡might¡¡not¡¡do¡¡next¡£

I¡¡heard¡¡of¡¡the¡¡parrots¡¡a¡¡year¡¡or¡¡two¡¡later¡¡as¡¡giving¡¡lessons¡¡in
Italian¡¡to¡¡an¡¡English¡¡maid¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡do¡¡not¡¡know¡¡what¡¡their¡¡terms¡¡were¡£
Alas£¡¡¡since¡¡then¡¡both¡¡they¡¡and¡¡their¡¡mistress¡¡have¡¡joined¡¡the
majority¡£¡¡¡¡When¡¡the¡¡poor¡¡lady¡¡felt¡¡her¡¡end¡¡was¡¡near¡¡she¡¡desired¡¡£¨and
the¡¡responsibility¡¡for¡¡this¡¡must¡¡rest¡¡with¡¡her£»¡¡not¡¡me£©¡¡that¡¡the
birds¡¡might¡¡be¡¡destroyed£»¡¡as¡¡fearing¡¡that¡¡they¡¡might¡¡come¡¡to¡¡be
neglected£»¡¡and¡¡knowing¡¡that¡¡they¡¡could¡¡never¡¡be¡¡loved¡¡again¡¡as¡¡she
had¡¡loved¡¡them¡£¡¡¡¡On¡¡being¡¡told¡¡that¡¡all¡¡was¡¡over£»¡¡she¡¡said£»¡¡¡¨Thank
you£»¡¨¡¡and¡¡immediately¡¡expired¡£

Reflecting¡¡in¡¡such¡¡random¡¡fashion£»¡¡and¡¡strolling¡¡with¡¡no¡¡greater
method£»¡¡I¡¡worked¡¡my¡¡way¡¡back¡¡through¡¡Cheapside¡¡and¡¡found¡¡myself¡¡once
more¡¡in¡¡front¡¡of¡¡Sweeting's¡¡window¡£¡¡¡¡Again¡¡the¡¡turtles¡¡attracted¡¡me¡£
They¡¡were¡¡alive£»¡¡and¡¡so¡¡far¡¡at¡¡any¡¡rate¡¡they¡¡agreed¡¡with¡¡me¡£¡¡¡¡Nay£»
they¡¡had¡¡eyes£»¡¡mouths£»¡¡legs£»¡¡if¡¡not¡¡arms£»¡¡and¡¡feet£»¡¡so¡¡there¡¡was
much¡¡in¡¡which¡¡we¡¡were¡¡both¡¡of¡¡a¡¡mind£»¡¡but¡¡surely¡¡they¡¡must¡¡be
mistaken¡¡in¡¡arming¡¡themselves¡¡so¡¡very¡¡heavily¡£¡¡¡¡Any¡¡creature¡¡on
getting¡¡what¡¡the¡¡turtle¡¡aimed¡¡at¡¡would¡¡overreach¡¡itself¡¡and¡¡be
landed¡¡not¡¡in¡¡safety¡¡but¡¡annihilation¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡should¡¡have¡¡no¡¡communion
with¡¡the¡¡outside¡¡world¡¡at¡¡all£»¡¡for¡¡death¡¡could¡¡creep¡¡in¡¡wherever¡¡the
creature¡¡could¡¡creep¡¡out£»¡¡and¡¡it¡¡must¡¡creep¡¡out¡¡somewhere¡¡if¡¡it¡¡was
to¡¡hook¡¡on¡¡to¡¡outside¡¡things¡£¡¡¡¡What¡¡death¡¡can¡¡be¡¡more¡¡absolute¡¡than
such¡¡absolute¡¡isolation£¿¡¡¡¡Perfect¡¡death£»¡¡indeed£»¡¡if¡¡it¡¡were
attainable¡¡£¨which¡¡it¡¡is¡¡not£©£»¡¡is¡¡as¡¡near¡¡perfect¡¡security¡¡as¡¡we¡¡can
reach£»¡¡but¡¡it¡¡is¡¡not¡¡the¡¡kind¡¡of¡¡security¡¡aimed¡¡at¡¡by¡¡any¡¡animal
that¡¡is¡¡at¡¡the¡¡pains¡¡of¡¡defending¡¡itself¡£¡¡¡¡For¡¡such¡¡want¡¡to¡¡have
things¡¡both¡¡ways£»¡¡desiring¡¡the¡¡livingness¡¡of¡¡life¡¡without¡¡its
perils£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡safety¡¡of¡¡death¡¡without¡¡its¡¡deadness£»¡¡and¡¡some¡¡of¡¡us
do¡¡actually¡¡get¡¡this¡¡for¡¡a¡¡considerable¡¡time£»¡¡but¡¡we¡¡do¡¡not¡¡get¡¡it
by¡¡plating¡¡ourselves¡¡with¡¡armour¡¡as¡¡the¡¡turtle¡¡does¡£¡¡¡¡We¡¡tried¡¡this
in¡¡the¡¡Middle¡¡Ages£»¡¡and¡¡no¡¡longer¡¡mock¡¡ourselves¡¡with¡¡the¡¡weight¡¡of
armour¡¡that¡¡our¡¡forefathers¡¡carried¡¡in¡¡battle¡£¡¡¡¡Indeed¡¡the¡¡more
deadly¡¡the¡¡weapons¡¡of¡¡attack¡¡become¡¡the¡¡more¡¡we¡¡go¡¡into¡¡the¡¡fight
slug¡­wise¡£

Slugs¡¡have¡¡ridden¡¡their¡¡contempt¡¡for¡¡defensive¡¡armour¡¡as¡¡much¡¡to
death¡¡as¡¡the¡¡turtles¡¡their¡¡pursuit¡¡of¡¡it¡£¡¡¡¡They¡¡have¡¡hardly¡¡more
than¡¡skin¡¡enough¡¡to¡¡hold¡¡themselves¡¡together£»¡¡they¡¡court¡¡death¡¡every
time¡¡they¡¡cross¡¡the¡¡road¡£¡¡¡¡Yet¡¡death¡¡comes¡¡not¡¡to¡¡them¡¡more¡¡than¡¡to
the¡¡turtle£»¡¡whose¡¡defences¡¡are¡¡so¡¡great¡¡that¡¡there¡¡is¡¡little¡¡left
inside¡¡to¡¡be¡¡defended¡£¡¡¡¡Moreover£»¡¡the¡¡slugs¡¡fare¡¡best¡¡in¡¡the¡¡long
run£»¡¡for¡¡turtles¡¡are¡¡dying¡¡out£»¡¡while¡¡slugs¡¡are¡¡not£»¡¡and¡¡there¡¡must
be¡¡millions¡¡of¡¡slugs¡¡all¡¡the¡¡world¡¡over¡¡for¡¡every¡¡single¡¡turtle¡£¡¡¡¡Of
the¡¡two¡¡vanities£»¡¡therefore£»¡¡that¡¡of¡¡the¡¡slug¡¡seems¡¡most
substantial¡£

In¡¡either¡¡case¡¡the¡¡creature¡¡thinks¡¡itself¡¡safe£»¡¡but¡¡is¡¡sure¡¡to¡¡be
found¡¡out¡¡sooner¡¡or¡¡later£»¡¡nor¡¡is¡¡it¡¡easy¡¡to¡¡explain¡¡this¡¡mockery
save¡¡by¡¡reflecting¡¡that¡¡everything¡¡must¡¡have¡¡its¡¡meat¡¡in¡¡due¡¡season£»
and¡¡that¡¡meat¡¡can¡¡only¡¡be¡¡found¡¡for¡¡such¡¡a¡¡multitude¡¡of¡¡mouths¡¡by
giving¡¡everything¡¡as¡¡meat¡¡in¡¡due¡¡season¡¡to¡¡something¡¡else¡£¡¡¡¡This¡¡is
like¡¡the¡¡Kilkenny¡¡cats£»¡¡or¡¡robbing¡¡Peter¡¡to¡¡pay¡¡Paul£»¡¡but¡¡it¡¡is¡¡the
way¡¡of¡¡the¡¡world£»¡¡and¡¡as¡¡every¡¡animal¡¡must¡¡contribute¡¡in¡¡kind¡¡to¡¡the
picnic¡¡of¡¡the¡¡universe£»¡¡one¡¡does¡¡not¡¡see¡¡what¡¡better¡¡arrangement
could¡¡be¡¡made¡¡than¡¡the¡¡providing¡¡each¡¡race¡¡with¡¡a¡¡hereditary
fallacy£»¡¡which¡¡shall¡¡in¡¡the¡¡end¡¡get¡¡it¡¡into¡¡a¡¡scrape£»¡¡but¡¡which
shall¡¡generally¡¡stand¡¡the¡¡wear¡¡and¡¡tear¡¡of¡¡life¡¡for¡¡some¡¡time¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨Do
ut¡¡des¡¨¡¡is¡¡the¡¡writing¡¡on¡¡all¡¡flesh¡¡to¡¡him¡¡that¡¡eats¡¡it£»¡¡and¡¡no
creature¡¡is¡¡dearer¡¡to¡¡itself¡¡than¡¡it¡¡is¡¡to¡¡some¡¡other¡¡that¡¡would
devour¡¡it¡£

Nor¡¡is¡¡there¡¡any¡¡statement¡¡or¡¡proposition¡¡more¡¡invulnerable¡¡than
living¡¡forms¡¡are¡£¡¡¡¡Propositions¡¡prey¡¡upon¡¡and¡¡are¡¡grounded¡¡upon¡¡one
another¡¡just¡¡like¡¡living¡¡forms¡£¡¡¡¡They¡¡support¡¡one¡¡another¡¡as¡¡plants
and¡¡animals¡¡do£»¡¡they¡¡are¡¡based¡¡ultimately¡¡on¡¡credit£»¡¡or¡¡faith£»
rather¡¡than¡¡the¡¡cash¡¡of¡¡irrefragable¡¡conviction¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡whole¡¡universe
is¡¡carried¡¡on¡¡on¡¡the¡¡credit¡¡system£»¡¡and¡¡if¡¡the¡¡mutual¡¡confidence¡¡on
which¡¡it¡¡is¡¡based¡¡were¡¡to¡¡collapse£»¡¡it¡¡must¡¡itself¡¡collapse
immediately¡£¡¡¡¡Just¡¡or¡¡unjust£»¡¡it¡¡lives¡¡by¡¡faith£»¡¡it¡¡is¡¡based¡¡on
vague¡¡and¡¡impalpable¡¡opinion¡¡that¡¡by¡¡some¡¡inscrutable¡¡process¡¡passes
into¡¡will¡¡and¡¡action£»¡¡and¡¡is¡¡made¡¡manifest¡¡in¡¡matter¡¡and¡¡in¡¡flesh£º
it¡¡is¡¡meteoricsuspended¡¡in¡¡midair£»¡¡it¡¡is¡¡the¡¡baseless¡¡fabric¡¡of¡¡a
vision¡¡so¡¡vast£»¡¡so¡¡vivid£»¡¡and¡¡so¡¡gorgeous¡¡that¡¡no¡¡base¡¡can¡¡seem¡¡more
broad¡¡than¡¡such¡¡stupendous¡¡baselessness£»¡¡and¡¡yet¡¡any¡¡man¡¡can¡¡bring
it¡¡about¡¡his¡¡ears¡¡by¡¡being¡¡over¡­curious£»¡¡when¡¡faith¡¡fails¡¡a¡¡system
based¡¡on¡¡faith¡¡fails¡¡also¡£

Whether¡¡the¡¡universe¡¡is¡¡really¡¡a¡¡paying¡¡concern£»¡¡or¡¡whether¡¡it¡¡is¡¡an
inflated¡¡bubble¡¡that¡¡must¡¡burst¡¡sooner¡¡or¡¡later£»¡¡this¡¡is¡¡another
matter¡£¡¡¡¡If¡¡people¡¡were¡¡to¡¡demand¡¡cash¡¡payment¡¡in¡¡irrefragable
certainty¡¡for¡¡everything¡¡that¡¡they¡¡have¡¡taken¡¡hitherto¡¡as¡¡paper
money¡¡on¡¡the¡¡credit¡¡of¡¡the¡¡bank¡¡of¡¡public¡¡opinion£»¡¡is¡¡there¡¡money
enough¡¡behind¡¡it¡¡all¡¡to¡¡stand¡¡so¡¡great¡¡a¡¡drain¡¡even¡¡on¡¡so¡¡great¡¡a
reserve£¿¡¡¡¡Probably¡¡there¡¡is¡¡not£»¡¡but¡¡happily¡¡there¡¡can¡¡be¡¡no¡¡such
panic£»¡¡for¡¡even¡¡though¡¡the¡¡cultured¡¡classes¡¡may¡¡do¡¡so£»¡¡the
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stupendous¡¡folly¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡takes¡¡a¡¡long¡¡course¡¡of¡¡academic¡¡training¡¡to
educate¡¡a¡¡man¡¡up¡¡to¡¡the¡¡standard¡¡which¡¡he¡¡must¡¡reach¡¡before¡¡he¡¡can
entertain¡¡such¡¡questions¡¡seriously£»¡¡and¡¡by¡¡a¡¡merciful¡¡dispensation
of¡¡Providence£»¡¡university¡¡training¡¡is¡¡almost¡¡as¡¡costly¡¡as¡¡it¡¡is
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and¡¡will¡¡base¡¡their¡¡opinions¡¡on¡¡mother¡¡wit¡¡and¡¡current¡¡opinion
rather¡¡than¡¡on¡¡demonstration¡£

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way¡¡home£»¡¡but¡¡I¡¡was¡¡told¡¡that¡¡I¡¡was¡¡not¡¡to¡¡see¡¡more¡¡this¡¡time¡¡than¡¡I
could¡¡get¡¡into¡¡twelve¡¡pages¡¡of¡¡the¡¡Universal¡¡Review£»¡¡I¡¡must
therefore¡¡reserve¡¡any¡¡remark¡¡which¡¡I¡¡think¡¡might¡¡perhaps¡¡entertain
the¡¡reader¡¡for¡¡another¡¡occasion¡£



THE¡¡AUNT£»¡¡THE¡¡NIECES£»¡¡AND¡¡THE¡¡DOG¡¡£û3£ý



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and¡­by£»¡¡when¡¡the¡¡whirligig¡¡of¡¡time¡¡has¡¡brought¡¡on¡¡another¡¡revenge£»
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they¡¡tell¡¡us£»¡¡not¡¡when¡¡Noah¡¡went¡¡into¡¡the¡¡ark£»¡¡nor¡¡when¡¡the¡¡temple
of¡¡Jerusalem¡¡was¡¡dedicated£»¡¡but¡¡that¡¡Lindley¡¡Murray£»¡¡grammarian£»
died¡¡January¡¡16£»¡¡1826¡£¡¡¡¡This¡¡is¡¡not¡¡because¡¡they¡¡could¡¡no
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